The Rheese of It All
by KEB94
Summary: What if things were slightly different? When the new trauma fellow arrives at Med, he turns heads. What they don’t know is that he and a certain medical student are breaking all the rules.
1. Derailed

**Derailed**

"Sarah Reese, fourth-year medical student."

She shouldn't feel like a deer in headlights, but at this moment the feeling was undeniable. She knew he would be here, she was all too aware that today was to be his first day as trauma fellow at Gaffney Chicago Medical Centre.

What she wasn't expecting was the train derailment. A mass-casualty incident was something you never saw coming, no matter how prepared the hospital may be to manage it. Needless to say this was not the way his first day was supposed to go. They were supposed to introduce themselves nonchalantly, probably as they passed each other in the hallway. Definitely not as they worked over a man with crush injuries, covered in blood.

She had panicked when they got the page. Maggie was all over it, announcing very loudly and succinctly exactly what was going on. As much as she tried to hie it, Sarah's heart was racing. Not for the injured, not because they were about to be inundated with patients - but because she knew he was taking the train that morning. And he was on his way.

She had let out a long breath she wasn't entirely aware she was holding when she saw him wheeled through the door. He was on top of the gurney, doing chest compressions on his patient. Somewhere along the line he had managed to cut his arm and he was covered in what she rightly assumed was someone else's blood, but he looked otherwise okay.

He was okay enough to be taking control of the situation and arguing with poor Will Halstead. That was a good sign.

Just like he was doing, she was working on autopilot. She was in the room, gloves on her hands and ready to help. She knew he'd tell her what he needed, but she also knew somewhere in the back of her mind that he couldn't just bark out orders using her name. So when he asked, she had awkwardly replied. It felt unusual, particularly giv en they had woken up in bed together only a few hours ago, but it was necessary.

His role at Med was his dream job. They couldn't allow their relationship to jeopardise that. As much as they didn't want it to be a problem, he was a fellow, she was a med student. The hospital had very clear rules about relationships with medical students. Then again, they weren't exactly playing by the rules anymore.

His next question drew her back out of her thoughts and into action. "Can you do a course in the groin?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Get a left femoral in there."

"Yes, sir," she replied under her breath, collecting what she needed and heading back to the patient to sterilise the area.

Connor, who knew her better than just about anyone else in the world, watched her moving slowly as he was working on another of the patient's injuries. Knowing she needed to speed up, he grabbed a bottle and squirted it over the area. "There, you're sterilised. Now stick it."

It was the kick in the pants she had needed. Don't overthink this, she thought to herself. You can do this, and he knows it.

But there was a problem. The nurse to her left didn't even look up from what she was doing. "He's a patient, not a pincushion."

"I can't find the vein," she admitted, trying her hardest not to start panicking.

Connor was there in an instant. He took the needle, had the line in first go and set about shocking the patient back into a normal rhythm, then ordering tests and arranging for ther patient to be sent up to the OR.

As the patient was being readied to be taken up for surgery, Connor left the room. He brushed past her on his way out, very briefly squeezing her wrist as he left.

It was his way of saying I see you. And, she supposed, I'll see you later.

* * *

They had both been so busy caring for their injured patients, pulled in so many different directions that they didn't really get a chance to stop until things finally started to calm down hours later.

When Sarah finally did find herself with a moment to spare, she didn't seek him out like she thought she would. She found herself in one of Med's training bays, her earphones in and music turned up loud, practicing the central line procedure over and over and over again.

This was where Connor found her long after her shift had ended. He stood in the doorway watching her for a long moment before he said anything. She was so in her element, not overwhelmed or overthinking or scared of working on a human being.

"Central line. Can't tell you how many times I missed before I finally got it."

She didn't look up. She was still practicing when she replied. "I know how to do it. I just couldn't do it in there."

"It takes practice, that's all."

She finally stopped and turned to face him. "I'm fine with him. I never miss."

"Yeah, he's the ideal patient. You can't hurt him, and his life's not hanging in the balance."

She took a breath. For the first time in months, she spoke to him with one hundred per cent honesty about where she was really at. "If this rotation weren't a requirement, I wouldn't be here."

"Where would you be?"

"I'm a lab person."

"Pathology?"

"Maybe."

He paused for a moment, considering his next words very carefully. "Every med student, once they start dealing with patients, thinks they'd do better in pathology." He paused, then added, "I did."

That stopped her. She put the practice needle and her phone down, processing what she was hearing. In a very small voice, she asked him, "You did?"

He nodded, looking over his shoulder briefly before he took one step closer and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "I did," he replied softly, his hand still on her cheek. She turned her head ever so slightly, leaning into his touch. "I know you can do this, Sarah. I also know you are the queen of over-analysing, but you are allowed to make mistakes. You don't have anything to prove to me."

"I choked," she replied equally as quietly, now absentmindedly tracing patterns on the back of his other hand. "That man needed real help, and I panicked and I choked, and-"

"- And nothing," he interrupted the beginnings of her rambling. "You are a med student. There's a reason they make med students do placements before they become doctors. You're still learning. Hell, I'm still learning too."

"It's not the same, Connor, and you know it."

"Bullshit." He looked her dead in the eyes. "I know you can put in a central line. You are capable of a great many things, Sarah Reese, whether you see that or not."

She didn't reply, but wrapped her arms around him instead. They had no idea how long they stood there in that hug, but in that moment both needed it more than they would admit.

After a long time, Sarah told him quietly, "I broke a little girl's ribs today. But we got her heart re-started."

Connor smiled, his chin now sitting comfortably on top of her head. "So you saved her life."

"I guess you could say that." She thought about it for a moment, then added, "It felt awful at the time. But now, I guess ... she's alive. That's what matters."

Connor stood back slightly so he could see her face. "Some days, being a doctor really sucks. But those moments - the ones where we know we helped someone, where we actually saved their life - they're the ones we need to hold onto."

Just as she opened her mouth to respond, his pager went off. "Damnit - I need to get upstairs."

Before he made it as far as the door, he turned back for one last look. He noticed the small smile on her face, and couldn't help but return it. In a moment of throwing caution to the wind, he took a quick look over his shoulder and muttered, "Screw it."

He took three steps forward and closed the distance between them. His hand wound through her hair, her arms wrapped around his shoulders, and their lips crashed together.

Just as quickly as it had started, it was over, and he was gone.


	2. iNO

**iNO**

Morning always comes too quickly.

This was the conclusion Sarah had come to as she sat on the end of the bed, trying to find the will to put on a pair of shoes. It had been a long couple of weeks at Med - between her shifts and her studies, she barely had time to eat, let alone sleep.

She was drawn out of her thoughts by Connor, who was walking out of the ensuite bathroom clad only in a towel around his waist, and using another to dry his hair. This, she thought, is a sight I can get used to.

"You're staring," he said, despite his face still being covered by the towel. He seemed to have deemed that his hair was dry enough, because he had thrown the towel at her and laughed when she let land on top of her own head, partially covering her face. Frankly, she just didn't have the energy to stop it.

From under the towel, she deadpanned, "You have a really weird sixth sense, you know that right?"

He chuckled again, making his way over to her and removing the offending towel. "Some see dead people, I know when I'm being ogled."

"So does this power work with all women, or is it just me?"

Their morning routine looked almost like a dance. To the untrained eye, they appeared very domesticated as they moved around the room, dodging one another when necessary. If someone had looked, however, they would have noticed the overnight bag where Sarah kept her belongings, and the fact that the room was devoid of any decorations whatsoever. The not-yet-unpacked boxes haphazardly marked 'clothes' in the corner beside the wardrobe, however, were the give away. This couple weren't nearly as settled as they seemed.

"Oh, it's all women. I can hardly walk down the hallway at work without getting a little tingle in the back of my neck. It's like my spidey sense."

He reached down into her overnight bag and handed her the hairbrush he knew she would be looking for. Somehow, he had managed to keep a straight face, but she just couldn't take him seriously.

"You are an idiot."

"Yes, I am," he replied, raising an eyebrow. "But I'm your idiot."

She chuckled half-heartedly and retreated into the ensuite to attempt to tame her hair. Connor, on the other hand, headed out into the kitchen to provide their morning caffiene. There was a reason the first thing he had purchased for his new home was a decent coffee maker.

He paused while he waited for the machine to brew the liquid gold, looking out into the open plan kitchen/living/dining room around him. Somehow, despite having been back in the city for nearly six months now, he still hadn't finished unpacking. For every piece of furniture in this part of his home, there were at least two boxes with its name labelled on it.

The only areas he had really bothered unpacking were the kitchen and his all-important medical textbooks. He'd found what he needed for his bedroom, but even that was severely lacking. It was almost as though he wasn't sure he would be around for long - if he were honest with himself, that would really be the truth. What had changed between then and now?

There was his job, for one. Med was his dream hospital, the one place he had always wanted to work and practice medicine. Then there was his sister, not that he'd spoken to her for several years now. But the biggest reason was probably the woman currently making her way down the hallway.

It was perfect timing, too - the coffee maker had just gone ding, and by the expression on her face he was sure handing her a mug full of sunshine.

"Oh, I need this today," she sighed as she took her first very large mouthful. "I have zero energy right now, and a twelve hour shift in front of me."

Connor slid an arm around her waist and kissed her on the temple. "You had plenty of energy last night," he whispered, eliciting a thoroughly unimpressed groan from her. "What?"

"No, not - oh, so not what I meant," she rambled, backtracking ever so quickly when his face fell. "Last night was great, fantastic even."

"So what's the problem?"

She sighed, her cheeks now turning bright red. "You just reminded me I need to get my birth control script re-filled."

"Oh," he said, knowing she had expected him to respond in a typically male fashion. Instead, he did what he could to make light of something that was clearly and embarrassing issue for her. "Hey, while you're at the pharmacy, we're also low on condoms, would you mind? Size large. I have no preference on flavour, but if you-"

"- Ha ha ha," she deadpanned, placing her now empty coffee cup on the counter and wrapping an arm around his neck when he leaned down to kiss her. "You're not planning on using the last of the supplies now, are you? Because we need to be at work in," she paused to check her watch, "twenty minutes."

Now he groaned. "Really? Why do you do this to me?"

She laughed, disentangling herself from his embrace and collecting her belongings. "Move it, Connor. Bus will be here in five."

He started to collect his things - his favourite leather jacket, a backpack - but paused when he saw her bringing her overnight bag out from the bedroom.

As nonchalantly as he could, he said, "Why don't you leave that here?"

"Uh, I could. But I'll need my things when I get home tonight. Laundry, that sort of stuff," she replied with a soft smile.

"We could do our laundry together, here."

And there it was. He hadn't meant to say it, but the words had somehow come out of his mouth without his realising it. That was a big conversation for what was honestly still a relatively new relationship. He wasn't game to look at her face. He didn't want to be shot down.

The truth was, Connor was about ten years older than Sarah - it wasn't enough to really make a difference in the grand scheme of things, but it was enough for him to acknowledge that he was really entering a different phase of his life. One that apparently included settling down with his girlfriend, the med student. Who he wasn't supposed to be dating. Because that was risking his brand-new job, and her place as a med student on her mandatory ED rotation.

Sarah cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Uh, we could."

"We could."

"We could."

Very slowly, they allowed their gazes to meet. It was clear that neither was really ready for this conversation.

She took a deep breath, then looked from the overnight bag and back to him again. "How about this: What if I leave the bag here today, and we can put this conversation on hold."

"Can we keep it there indefinitely?" he asked rather sheepishly. His eyes suddenly widened, and he hastily added, "I mean putting the conversation on hold."

"Uh, yeah."

It was clearly going to be a very long and uncomfortable day in the ED.

* * *

Connor found himself milling around the lounge, waiting for a trauma patient to come in. Most of what they were seeing this morning was fairly mundane, at least by his definition of the word. While this would normally be good news, today it was most definitely not. He did not want to be thinking about this morning at all. Needless to say, he did not appreciate having the breathing time on his hands.

Against his better judgement, he found himself sending Sarah a message.

Connor: Hey. Didn't mean to make things weird this morning. How do you feel about my meat-free bolognese for dinner? I happen to know it's your favourite.

He didn't have a chance to reply. Out of nowhere, a trauma case had appeared. He usually had some warning when an ambulance was on its way, but this time a teenager was carried in by a good samaritan, having just delivered a baby. Suddenly he was running as fast as he could to search the area that the man had found her. Mercifully, the found the baby and the backpack just in time. The poor little guy had endured such a traumatising entrance into the world, there was no way he was letting this little fellow out of his sight. In an unusual move for him, he hand delivered the baby to Dr Manning and then the NICU.

Little did he know, Sarah had seen the message. She had been somewhat apprehensive when she saw his name appear on her phone, but the message had made her smile.

Sarah: Sounds good to me

She didn't have a chance to work out how to phrase what she wanted to say next. Another case had come her way.

* * *

Just before the end of his shift that evening, Connor found himself paged down to the ED reception. It was unusual, but not entirely unheard of.

"I got a page."

A man dressed in a black suit stepped forward. "Doctor Rhodes?"

"Yeah?"

"Please, my boss wants to talk to you."

He sighed, knowing exactly what this would be. "Okay."

The dude in the suit walked him out through the side entrance, where a black town car was waiting. The window rolled down, revealing the one man he least wanted to see ever again in his life.

"You wear the scrubs well," the man said.

His arms crossed over his chest defensively, Connor said, "I'm glad you approve."

"Long time." When he didn't say anything, the man continued, "Got a couple of minutes? We can go grab a coffee, maybe catch up?"

"Working."

"Ah," the man nodded. "You know, I took it as a good sign that you'd come home. That maybe you'd worked through your issues."

"My issues?"

The man almost laughed. "C'mon," he said. "Let it go, move on!"

"You're still the same, aren't you? Untouchable."

"Let me tell you something. When you left this town, Connor, I was deeply hurt." Connor frowned, but the let the man keep speaking. "Yeah, you ask Claire. But right now I am willing to put all that behind me. For the two of us to start over."

Connor stared at him, still frowning, then shook his head just once. "It's a good pitch, Dad. Really. You hit all the right notes."

As he left, Connor added, "I'm not buying it."

* * *

"It was incredible," she was telling him. "She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, but it was really Hydrocephalus the whole time. She was a completely different person after the lumbar puncture. The look on her husband's face when she recognised him - it was just magical. And I got to be a part of that."

They were sitting at his small dining room table, enjoying his masterfully cooked meat-free bolognese. He had been unusually quiet all evening, but Sarah had put that down to their awkward conversation earlier this morning. She was shocked enough to actually drop her fork when he finally did speak.

"My dad showed up today."

"What?"

Her shock was enough to make him laugh. They'd known each other nearly six months now, and he had never once mentioned his family. For his dad to have shown up? This was big.

"He rolled up in his fancy town car with his driver-slash-security-dude to do his bidding and actually get me out there, then he said all the right things. And I told him where to go."

She paused for a moment before genuinely asking, "Is that a good thing?"

It made him chuckle. "Oh yeah. Should've done it years ago. But it took me running away to med school for it to make an impact."

"So your dad. What's he like?"

"He's a dirty rotten son of a bitch. But that's not what you meant."

"No, it is not."

And so they talked. He told her all about what it was like growing up with Cornelius Rhodes as your father, and she told him what it was like having no father to speak of. They swapped stories about family, and workaholic parents, and how they both fought every day to escape the stereotype of being a privelaged child of money.

By the time they were getting ready to go to bed, the discussion of the overnight bag was all but forgotten. Until she picked it up to find her pyjamas.

"Sarah, I -"

"- I know," she cut over him. "Neither of us is ready for that conversation. And that's okay. There's no timeline, and absolutely no rush."

It was a very simple answer to a very complicated conversation.

She was halfway through getting changed, wearing only her bra and underwear, when she spoke again. "I do have one request, though."

Now shirtless and sitting on the side of the bed, Connor simply raised an eyebrow.

"I want to sleep in my own bed tomorrow. It's been days since I've even been home, my poor bed is going to start missing me."

"I can do you one better than that," he said, his eyes now dark and his voice very low.

"Why Doctor Rhodes," she giggled, very slowly and purposefully moving so she was straddling him. "Whatever could you possibly mean?"

He lay back and flipped them over, so she was on her back and he was hovering over her. "We could not sleep in your bed tomorrow."

Sarah grinned. "I like where this is going."

"I like it too."

"There is one tiny flaw in your otherwise fantastic sounding plan."

"And what would that be?"

She looked over to her right, where she was flipping a small foil packet in her fingers. "We're running low on condoms - you're going to have to go shopping."

He couldn't help but laugh, but she wasn't done yet.

"We'll need the large size. And I want the strawberry flavour."

He kissed her deeply, and found himself on his back when she flipped them back over again.

"Sarah Reese," he breathed, "you are going to be the death of me."


	3. Fallback

**Fallback**

Connor rolled over in the bed, observing Sarah in her natural habitat. Her bedroom screamed Sarah all over.

The yellow bed sheets clashed magnificently with the orange, purple and blue design of her comforter. The pastel blue walls were tastefully decorated with framed certificates and a couple of photographs. Her wardrobe doors were covered in hundreds of brightly coloured sticky notes, each containing important medical terms and revision information.

She was moving about the room in her normal morning routine, probably not even aware he was awake yet. This was the Sarah he wished he could see more of - the one who was happy, determined, and quietly confident in her own skin. This was Sarah at home in her element. She was multitasking, both getting ready to face the day and going back over her revision sticky notes, all while munching on a piece of toast.

There was a plate for him, too, on the nightstand, he noted. Accompanied by a glass of orange juice.

"What kind of maniac feeds a trauma surgeon OJ in the morning?" he laughed. "We run on coffee and adrenaline!"

"Don't forget your ego," she added, hardly even looking up from her revision work.

He slowly dragged himself out of the bed, determined to see what was so interesting in her textbook. "Intubation?"

"I'm supposed to be writing a paper - hey!" she protested when he removed the textbook from her hands.

"I happen to know that paper isn't due for another month yet."

"Yeah, but between my shifts, and study, and you -"

She stopped herself dead in her tracks. That was not what she had meant to say. As usual, it had all come out wrong.

"Me?"

"Connor, that's not what I -"

"- No, I heard it. That's what you said."

"But it's not -"

"- But that's what you said."

She didn't bother replying. There was no way she could win this argument - it was, after all, exactly what she had said.

He made his way around the room quickly, collecting last night's clothing from where it had been discarded haphazardly across the floor. "I'll, uh ... I'll shower at work. I'm on trauma in the ED today, best be there early."

"Connor," she implored him, trying desperately not to let the tears fall.

He turned his back to her, saying as he left, "I'll see you later, Reese."

* * *

A rough day in the ED was enough to try and handle. A rough day in the ED where you had to appear one hundred per cent fine because absolutely no one could know what was really going on? That was something else entirely.

Sarah almost sighed in relief when a trauma patient was brought in by ambulance. She wasn't necessarily great in emergency life-and-death situations, but it certainly gave her something else to focus on. And then she saw the patient - he had a chandelier in his chest.

They had just transferred him onto the bed when Connor appeared. The patient was trying to tell Will his name, but Sarah could tell by the look on Connor's face that something was up.

"Russell?" he asked the patient, who was now begging him to help. "Alright, hang tight, we're going to help you, bud."

Will was barking out orders, ensuring the patient was getting the treatment they needed. To Connor, he asked, "Do you know him?"

"Since I was a kid," Connor answered. Without missing a beat, he confirmed Russell could still move his fingers and toes, then asked the room at large, "Where did this happen?"

"At the store," a panicked woman in the doorway answered him.

People looked up, now noticing her for the first time. Sarah could recognise those eyes anywhere. She knew exactly who this woman was.

"Claire?" Connor and his sister stared each other down for a short moment, before he turned back to his patient.

Thankfully for Connor, no one else in the room had cottoned on to what this all meant. His relative anonymity in the world of Chicago was about to have been very short lived.

April was escorting Claire out of the room so they could take an x-ray, but this was not over yet.

Finally, Maggie asked, "I'm sorry, are you family?"

"I'm his employer," Claire replied immediately. "Claire Rhodes, from Dolan Rhodes."

"The department store?"

"Yeah."

"Doctor Rhodes, is he ...?"

Claire looked back to Connor and muttered, "He's my brother."

Maggie was beyond shocked, but Connor was otherwise occupied right now. He had the chest tube in, and the trauma attending, Dr Zanetti, had appeared. They were working on removing the chandelier without causing any undue damage.

She knew they were fighting, but she also knew that this was one of the most uncomfortable moments of Connor's entire life. When he next looked over in her direction, she gave him a small, barely detectable smile. She could see the appreciation in his eyes, but it was all very short lived. Dr Zanetti had declared they needed the patient on his back, so it was up to Connor to cut the protruding glass away.

Without even realising she was doing it, Sarah said, "Oh, you're gonna use the -"

"- Yes, he is. Can you hold the patient steady please, thank you," Dr Zanetti cut over her.

Sarah didn't miss the look Maggie gave her. She hadn't yet had the pleasure of working with the trauma attending - from what she'd experienced so far, that wasn't a bad thing.

Russell was flipped gently over to his back, and Dr Zanetti wanted a femoral line. Sarah moved to begin setting herself up, but she clearly wasn't moving fast enough for the attending. "I got this," Dr Zanetti said, snatching the instruments out of Sarah's hands. She stepped back, very unsure of what to do next.

Yet again, it was Connor to her rescue.

"Reese, get over here and help me splint the glass to keep it still."

In an instant, they were back to what was almost normal - working together. It was that almost choreographed dance they did at home and, it turns out, at work too.

"One wrong move and he could have a massive hemmorhage," Connor was telling her. But that wouldn't be a problem - they would make sure he was going to be okay.

* * *

Connor had been speaking to his sister at the end of the hallway, updating her on what was happening with Russell. Sarah could see them, but she was determined she wouldn't be the one to interfere. If he wanted to talk to her, he would.

And, it turned out, he did. He brushed past her and matched her pace, walking with her back down the hallway toward the ED. He was close enough for their hands to brush, but not too close for colleagues.

"You're doing everything you can," she reassured him very quietly. "That's all anyone can ask of you."

"I don't want to lose him," he replied equally as quietly, still managing to hide the emotions on his face. "I've already lost her."

Sarah glanced behind her very quickly, noticing Claire watching them as they walked. "I don't think you've lost her," she said after a long moment. "Not yet."

"And you?"

They stopped just outside the door that would lead them back into the chaos.

When she didn't reply, he asked her very directly, "Have I lost you?"

She turned to face him now, not afraid of his reaction or what his sister might see. "That's not what this morning was about."

"Then what was it about?"

"Me," she replied, shrugging. "It's selfish, but this whole thing is about me. I'm still adjusting to my new life - and if you still want to, I want you to be a part of it."

He nodded once, knowing exactly what she was talking about. "And no one can know."

She smiled sadly. "Not yet, no," she conceded. "But I have a feeling one might."

He followed her gaze, eventually landing on his sister at the other end of the hallway. "That is not a comforting thought," he told Sarah as he marched back into the ED.

* * *

The rest of the day was fairly rough for both of them. Connor was exploring options and working to save Russell's life, then prepping for surgery and dealing with his overbearing father. And - you know - performing the life-saving surgery.

Sarah, on the other hand, was having issues with needles again. Veins were not her friend today. So at the very end of her shift, she found herself in a treatment room with Maggie, tasked with sticking a needle in her arm. Repeatedly.

"I don't want to hurt you, Maggie."

"And you won't," the fearless charge nurse told her. "I've seen you do this. You've just got to get over the yips."

So Sarah jabbed her three times, each time successful.

"See?" Maggie said, sitting up on the bed and watching Sarah as she disposed of the used instruments and packed away the remainder of what was unopened. "You got this. Sometimes we just need someone to remind us of that."

"Who reminds you?"

"Oh, I got my people," Maggie said. Gesturing out to the nurses' station, she added, "But right now, another one of yours is waiting."

Sarah looked out to find Connor leaning against the desk, smiling as he watched them. He nodded once to Maggie, who raised an eyebrow in return.

"Go start the car, hot shot," Maggie said just loud enough for him to hear. "She'll be out in a minute."

Sarah almost dropped the unopened needle packet she was supposed to be putting away.

"How did you - what?" Sarah rambled, now very confused.

Maggie shrugged. "I'm the charge nurse. I know everything."

"But -"

"- I'm also very good at keeping my mouth shut," Maggie cut over her. "It's none of my business. But can I give you one piece of advice?"

Sarah's heart was racing, but she knew she this was one person who was looking out for her. She nodded, waiting to hear what Maggie had to say.

The nurse put a comforting arm on her shoulder. "Don't let it interfere with your work, or his."

Maggie's arm was around her shoulder now, leading her out into the ED and towards the Doctor's Lounge, where Sarah would collect her belongings from her locker.

As she released her into the lounge, Maggie said very quietly, "He's good people. You are too. I think it's adorable."

"Adorable?" Sarah almost cringed.

"Uh-huh."

Maggie walked back into the fray, taking control of the next incident that came her way.

When Sarah walked out of the front door and into the evening air, she was surprised to find herself face to face with Claire Rhodes.

"Hi," Claire said somewhat awkwardly. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to bombard you. I just - you were part of the team working on Russell in emergency earlier, right?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm glad to hear he made it through surgery okay," Sarah replied equally as awkwardly herself. They both knew this was not what Claire wanted to talk about.

Claire sighed. "Look, I couldn't help but notice you with my brother earlier, and -"

"- Oh, we're not ..." At the look Claire was giving her, Sarah's words faded away. "So, maybe you saw what you think you saw."

Claire smiled. "Oh, I know what I saw. I also know that Connor hasn't looked at someone that way in a really long time. I'm glad he's found someone that makes him happy."

Sarah almost laughed. "That was happy?"

"Wasn't it?"

"Oh, no," she replied. Without even realising it, the two women had fallen into step beside one another as they made their way out into the parking lot. "No, that was worried, and upset, and angry. That was not happy."

Claire stopped short, having spotted Connor in his car only a few feet away. "Well, he could've fooled me."

As almost an afterthought, she added, "I'm Claire, by the way. The little sister."

"Sarah," she replied, shaking the outstretched hand with a laugh. "Sarah Reese. The girlfriend."


	4. Mistaken

They were outside the ED, staring at a food truck with the most unlikely combination of cuisines Sarah had ever seen in her life. She had hung back while the others ordered - Connor had insisted it was his treat, an apology for his dad being such an ass to literally everybody he worked with several days before. Sarah was confident it wasn't going down well with everyone - Will Halstead particularly did not seem impressed about it - but nobody was about to turn down a free meal.

She stood beside Connor now, staring absently at the menu. She just couldn't understand how this food could possibly work, or have any sort of decent flavour.

"Pan-Spanish fusion?"

"Oh yeah, the short rib and chorizo burrito is delicious," he assured her, knowing exactly what she was going to say but enjoying riling her up anyway.

She shot him a look. He didn't say anything, but also managed to not laugh or smile or do anything that would give them away.

"What if you're vegetarian?" she asked, trying her hardest to ensure she did not change her tone of voice. The last thing they needed was for anyone to work out that he was already well aware of that.

"Then I would go with the tofu kimchi quesadilla."

She didn't dignify that with a response. She knew what this was - this was him trying to get her to branch out and try new foods. And maybe some meat. And it just wasn't going to happen.

To the gentleman patiently waiting to take her order, she said, "Can I have a garden salad, please?"

Now it was Connor's turn to shoot her a look, this time with a disbelieving smile all over his face. "What?" she said. "You said get anything I want."

He laughed this time, shaking his head. _Some things will never change_ , he thought to himself.

The others retreated over to a seat to eat their food together, but Sarah stayed up near the truck with Connor. They were far enough away that they could have a quiet conversation without being overheard. It didn't happen often at work, but it was always a relief when it did.

"You are so stubborn," he said quietly, still not looking in her direction.

Just because they could have a quiet conversation didn't mean they needed to be obvious about it.

She was absentmindedly scrolling through her phone when she replied. "And yet you're surprised?"

"I should know better," he conceded. "But it's just too much fun."

She looked up from her phone and shot him a side-eye.

"Yeah, I'm going to regret that one later, aren't I?"

"Oh yes," she smiled sweetly, gratefully accepting her salad from the food truck. "Yes, you are."

Their lunch break, however, was short lived. Six pagers went off simultaneously, and Maggie was sprinting toward them from the ED. This could not be good.

"Shooting in a movie theatre, mass casualties, about to get crazy," she yelled, which got them all moving. "EMTs four minutes out."

Just as she said it, the first ambulance arrived with lights and sirens blaring.

"Check that, they're here," Will announced.

They dumped their lunches, and suddenly they were running.

"People really suck," Connor said as he ran beside Sarah.

"Preaching to the converted," she responded as they reached the front doors.

The next thing Sarah registered was chaos. She helped out where she could, but serious emergencies weren't really her area of expertise.

There was a commotion in the ambulance bay as the next patient was wheeled through the door. Connor was already on his way, running through the ED to meet them.

"What do we got?"

"Seventeen year old male, GCS 6, multiple GSWs to the abdomen..."

It was the shooter. She knew it as soon as she saw him. Her blood ran cold, and her thoughts were racing, _He's just a k_ _id. He did something so evil, but he's just a kid._

As he came past with the patient, Connor had her attention. "Reese, stay with us."

The blood in her veins started pumping again. Her brain clicked over into emergency mode. Their patient needed help.

By the time Connor was telling her to check for breath sounds, she was already doing it. Their synchronised dance had started again.

Within seconds, his heart had stopped. She was on his chest straight away, performing CPR while Connor cracked his chest and clamped the aorta off. He and Will were firing shots at each other as usual, and then they were racing the patient up to the OR.

When they'd handed him off to the OR team, Connor pulled her aside.

"You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm good."

He took a deep breath and squeezed her hands tightly. She hadn't even realised he was holding them until then.

"Are you?" she asked him, now really concerned.

He nodded twice, still holding onto her hands for dear life. "I will be."

"Connor -"

"- I've gotta scrub."

He took a quick look around them and kissed her cheek as he headed in. "Tonight."

 _You bet your life we'll be talking about this tonight_ , she thought to herself as she headed back down to the ED.

Was it possible that maybe the trauma surgeon with the steady hands wasn't as unattached as he was supposed to be?

Connor couldn't believe it. The kid wasn't a shooter at all - he was an idiot prankster with a leaf blower. He was sat on a bench at the very end of a quiet hallway beside Sarah, who was rubbing his shoulder comfortingly.

"He's just a kid. A stupid kid, yes, but a kid nonetheless. And now he's going to die," Connor lamented, his head in his hands.

"You don't know that," Sarah said reassuringly. "He could pull through."

Connor looked up at her with tears in his eyes. "He needs a new liver, Sarah. He's at the bottom of the list. That list takes years, not days. He's got two at the most."

Sarah closed her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

There was nothing else to say. Right now, he needed to break down. And she was glad he had sought her out for support.

Suddenly, there was hope. The liver from the patient they had lost earlier was on its way back to the hospital. Ms Goodwin had somehow managed to talk the donor's husband into direct donating to the kid - he might have done it for the wrong reasons, but he had agreed to it.

It was after midnight by the time Connor left the hospital. He met Sarah out on the far side of the parking lot, just like they did every other day. But today was different. He collapsed into her arms, needing the contact more now than he had ever done before.

"It's okay," she murmured comfortingly into his ear as she gently ran her fingers through his hair.

He didn't respond, but stood up blinked away the tears. She gently took the car keys out of his hand and opened the passenger side door.

"You're not driving tonight," she told him softly.

As she drove them through town, he realised they were heading in the wrong direction.

"I thought you were going home tonight," he managed, the first words he had spoken since leaving the hospital.

She shrugged. "You need me, so I'm here."

Very gently, he reached out to hold the hand that was not currently on the steering wheel. "Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me," she told him, finally looking at him when they stopped at a red light. "I'm here for you."

They finally reached his apartment. Something about tonight was different - there was no making dinner, no awkward 'should-we-or-shouldn't-we' moments. He headed straight for the bedroom, ditching his clothes in the laundry basket and climbing into bed. Sarah followed him, grabbed one of his shirts from the drawer and then moved into the ensuite to change.

When she emerged again, he was sitting on the end of the bed watching a news update on the movie theatre shooting. She added her own clothes to his laundry hamper, then kneeled on the bed behind him, her arms wrapped around his shoulders.

"Come on, turn it off," she said quietly. When he didn't respond, she picked up the remote and did it herself.

He turned around slowly and kissed her. For the first time, there was no lust in his actions. It was pure, romantic even. The kiss said more than he thought he could, but he tried to say it anyway.

As they lay together in the bed, his arms wrapped firmly around her, he whispered, "I love you."

The words didn't express what he felt in that moment - he wanted to tell her how much she really meant to him, how much he had appreciated her being there for him in his darkest moments today. As much as he wanted to tell her, he couldn't articulate it. Those three little words summed up his feelings about her on a normal, everyday kind of day. But today was something else.

Sarah smiled, reaching up to run her hand along his cheek.

The day they had first met, six months ago now, it was with a group of friends, in a bar. While everyone else had been talking and catching up, they found themselves in their own little bubble. It was a conversation that you really wouldn't have thought would lead to this. After all, he had told her he was convinced he'd never fall in love. Ever. He was very clear about it.

And yet later that very night, she found herself allowing him to drive her home - he didn't want her taking a bus or a cab in the pouring rain. Neither knew what had possessed them to do it, but when they reached her apartment building they found themselves standing at the doorstep, kissing in the rain.

They'd been inseparable ever since.

He bought her back to reality by kissing her temple. Again, there was no lust to it; it was a sweet, romantic gesture. "What are you thinking about?"

"The night we first met," she said. "When you told me you'd never fall in love."

"Mmm," he nodded. "Looks like you proved me wrong, again."

"Well, I'm stubborn. And I like to be right."

He remembered that night too: She seemed like she felt just as out of place as he did. He'd known these people years ago, before moved over to Guadalajara and then on to Riyadh. Unsurprisingly, they didn't have a lot in common anymore, but he'd let his old friends convince him to come out for a drink anyway. _What would be the harm?_ he had thought. Besides - this place did amazing nacho chilli cheese fries.

He sat back, listening more than he talked. The girl next to him was doing the same, the one with the kind eyes and the curls. She was younger than the others, but he couldn't quite work out where she fit into the equation of this group. So, he'd asked her.

She smiled shyly. "I live across the hall from Tracey," she'd said.

Tracey, who was one of his closest friends back in high school, jumped in then. "She's like a little baby bird. I had to take her under my wing!"

The girl with the curls closed her eyes and cringed, clearly embarrassed. "So I'm Sarah," she told him. "Sadly, I'm not actually a baby bird. I'm a med student."

Connor chuckled, shaking his head at his friends' antics at the other end of the table. He shook her outstretched hand, and introduced himself. "Connor. And I now know why they invited us both here."

"Oh?"

"They want to make sure there's two doctors on hand when they inevitably drink themselves stupid."

"Hey!" one of the guys further down the table chimed in. "It's just good business to protect our own asses, am I right!"

The rest of the friends around the table cheered. Soon enough, Connor and Sarah had been drawn into their own conversation.

"So you're a doctor?"

He nodded, finishing the last of his drink. "I'm a trauma surgeon."

"Wow," her eyes almost popped out of their sockets. "I don't know that I could do that - it's all way too fast paced and messy."

"Messy?"

"The amount of blood you'd get on your scrubs? No thank you. I like a quiet, chilled environment where I can work out exactly what is going on."

He laughed. "And you want to be a doctor?"

"Not everybody has to work in the ED," she countered. She pulled a face and added, "Actually, I'm about to start my ED rotation. It's scaring the shit out of me."

He nodded. "Yeah, it'll do that. But you'll get right into the flow of things, trust me. We've all been there."

"God, I hope so."

They had talked for hours. Somehow, they had got onto the topic of relationships.

"Oh, Connor doesn't date," one of his friends told her.

"Ever?"

"Never," the same guy confirmed.

Connor rolled his eyes. "It's not that I don't date, it's just that I am never going to fall in love."

Sarah didn't say anything, but just looked at him thoughtfully. "You're scared."

What scared him was how accurately she could pinpoint him despite literally having known him only a few hours.

"No," he countered. "I've seen it go really, really wrong. I'm not going through that."

She laughed humourlessly. "Oh, I've been through a messy divorce too - mom and dad, I was five. But that's no reason to think that things are never gonna work out for you."

When they ended their night on her front doorstep in the rain, he couldn't help but kiss her. He couldn't pinpoint it, but there was just something about her. Maybe she was worth taking a chance on.

Back in the present, they were still cuddled up together. No words seemed to be needed, they were just comfortable being in each other's presence. Neither could quite figure out when that had happened, but both were very sure it felt different to yesterday.

As they drifted off to sleep, he heard her whisper the most comforting words he'd heard in a long time:

"I love you, too."


	5. Malignant

Connor was working night shift when the ambulance rolled in, carrying senior firefighter Christopher Hermann. He'd been stabbed, he was bleeding and he was in trouble. So Connor did what he did best - it didn't matter that this patient was his friend, Hermann was his patient. So the team at Med did their thing, working their asses off to save him.

It was rough, to say the least. His injuries were fairly severe, but Connor was confident he would be okay. They just had to get him through this first critical phase of his treatment.

Sarah arrived earlier than strictly necessary for her early morning shift. It was strange, being at home by herself. She had become accustomed to the warm presence of a certain trauma surgeon in the bed. So when she woke too early this morning, she decided she may as well just head on in. You never know - she might even accidentally bump into that particular trauma surgeon in time for breakfast.

She found him in the doctor's lounge, hunched over a patient file - the scans, test results, and his notes were spread all over the table in front of him.

She had all of her belongings stashed in her locker and was presenting him with freshly made coffee - the not so fantastic kind from the questionable coffee brew - by the time he realised she had arrived.

"Hey," he said tiredly, accepting the coffee cup with a smile. "You're in early."

"Couldn't sleep," she replied, sitting on the other side of the table. "You look worried. What's going on?"

He grimaced. "Ah, Hermann. He was stabbed last night."

"Oh my God," she breathed. "What on earth?"

"Some guy, over at Molly's. Problem is, he's not in good shape. The injury - it's not doing what it should. The bleeding's slowed, but it hasn't stopped. He's a little all over the place - he's crashed on me twice. We've got him on bi-pap, but now he's developed TRALI."

"He's reacted to the blood products. God, that's just not fair."

"If he goes again, I'm going to have to intubate. And I really don't want to go there."

He was holding her hand now, rubbing circles absentmindedly on the back of her hand. She squeezed his hand comfortingly.

"At what point do you operate?"

Connor sighed. "I don't want to have to. But it's looking more and more like we'll have to."

"And now it could be dangerous."

She quickly let go of his hand and cradled her coffee cup when April opened the door to the lounge.

"Dr Rhodes, they need you upstairs."

He sighed, already on his feet. As he was leaving, Sarah said, "Let me know how he's doing."

Connor nodded, already halfway out the door.

The moment Sarah had a break, she headed straight for the rooftop. The coffee upstairs was far better than what they had in the doctor's lounge.

More than anything, though, she needed to get away from the ED. Hermann was all anyone could talk about - no one could believe what had happened, and now Connor had taken him in for emergency surgery. By all reports, it didn't look good.

She raced around as quickly as she could, determined to get her coffee and actually have time to drink it before something happened and she was paged back downstairs. It was always the way - the one day she really needed a break, she wouldn't get it.

She grabbed the last Splenda and was halfway through opening it when the person standing beside her caught her attention.

"Whoa, did you just swipe my Splenda?" he asked her.

Today was not the day.

"What? No."

She recognised how rude that sounded, and she really didn't like it.

"I mean, yes, it's the last one. But it's yours?"

"Not technically. Only if you believe in being considerate to other people."

She sighed, then handed him the opened packet. "Well, here, you can have it."

"No, it's okay," he said. His eyes darted down to her white coat. "Sarah Reese. Reese, I'm gonna remember that."

"No, seriously, you can take it. You don't have to ..."

But he had already walked away.

That was the strangest interaction she'd had in a very long time.

By the time she got back, Sarah had been volunteered to show the new resident around the hospital. He seemed nice enough, but right now she was on a mission - she needed to get down to the lab to have them run some additional tests on Dr Choi's suspected suicide patient. She was hopeful the results might help the patient, but she also knew for sure that it would look great in her research paper.

So, it was kind of a selfish motive, but she still wanted to help. Did that make her a bad person?

She didn't have a lot of time to think about it right now. Unfortunately for her, she found herself grovelling with the coffee guy. Mercifully, he agreed. It was almost too easy. What was that about?

Connor was livid. Hermann was out of surgery, he was alive - and now the firefighters were telling a doctor, one of his own, had said he'd gone about treatment the wrong way?

He found himself in the doctor's lounge yet again, trying with all his might not to yell, or scream, or hit someone, or cry. Hermann was his friend too.

"And this is the doctor's lounge - worst cup of coffee you will ever drink, by the way, but at some point caffeine is caffiene, so-"

The words stopped mid sentence, the intruder having clearly realised he was there.

"Dr Rhodes," Sarah said, clearly knowing something was wrong. To the guy behind her, she said, "Uh, Dr Noah Sexton, this is our trauma fellow, Connor Rhodes."

Connor nodded once in way of greeting, but he really didn't want to talk right now.

To Noah, Sarah said, "Can you give us a minute?"

"Yeah, sure," Noah stepped out. "Uh - nice to meet you, Dr Rhodes."

Sarah waited for the door to close before she said anything.

"What's going on?"

He didn't even look up, he just kept staring at the wall.

She sighed, and sat down on the coffee table in front of him. She made sure she wasn't too close for a colleague, but she was close enough that she could gingerly lay a comforting hand on his knee.

"I heard Hermann's out of surgery. Is he stable?"

Connor gave a long sigh. "He's still on the vent, but yeah."

She searched his face, but she was getting nothing. "There is something, isn't there?"

He looked at her darkly. "Did you say something to Fire about me mishandling him?"

"What?" she whispered disbelievingly.

"You heard me."

"Why would I do that? I trust your judgement, Connor." She paused. "And, to be honest, I happen to agree with you. If he were my patient, I would have tried to treat non-invasively first too."

He sighed again. "Well, somebody did."

She took a long moment, then said very quietly. "If you think for a second that I would undermine a colleague like that - it's insulting, Connor."

"That's not what I meant." She opened her mouth to retort, but he'd already taken the words out of her mouth. "But it is what I said."

She waited, but there was nothing more. She walked out, back to her work, just as Connor noticed Will Halstead speaking with his brother, the detective. It took every inch of self-control he had to not walk out there and deck him.

An hour later, Sarah got a text.

 _ **Connor:** Meet me on the rooftop in 5?_

She'd been walking around with a face like thunder, she knew it. She couldn't help herself - he had really pissed her off, and it was infuriating. Maybe he didn't know her nearly as well as she thought he did.

It was too late for locking her phone screen by the time she realised someone was looking over her shoulder.

"Go," Maggie said quietly. "Let him say his piece."

She turned around, now genuinely intrigued. "How could you possibly know what he wants?"

The charge smiled confidently. "I am Maggie. I know everything."

Sarah couldn't help herself, she laughed.

"Go, meet him."

 _Okay_ , she thought. _I'll meet him._

She arrived on the rooftop exactly seven minutes after she'd got the message. She didn't hurry - after all, he'd been the one in the wrong. The least he could do is sweat for another couple of minutes.

"I'm here," she said as she approached where he was standing, looking out at the Chicago skyline. "But I need to get back to the ED, so can you make this quick?"

"Hey."

She raised her eyebrows and waited for him to speak.

"Look, I don't have an excuse but you deserve more context."

"No, I deserve an apology. And if that not what you're going to do, then -" She didn't bother finishing her sentence, she just turned to walk away.

"- Sarah, wait."

His hand was on her arm, between her elbow and her wrist. He wanted more than anything to pull her back toward him, to grab her hands and embrace her and let his actions do the talking, but he couldn't. Because nobody could know. So he let go of her arm, and hoped to God she didn't leave.

"You know about my complicated, screwed up history. You know my father has made it his life's mission to undermine me. And maybe now I half-expect the people closest to me will do the same."

"What are you saying?" she asked him very quietly, being careful to not give her emotions away. "You have trust issues?"

He paused, then conceded, "You could put it that way."

Her blood was boiling, but he needed to hear what she had to say. "Do you think I don't know that? That I didn't work that out for myself the first time we met? Because I did. And I'm still here, Connor. Your issues, my issues, they don't scare me. I can handle that." She took a deep breath, knowing her next words would hurt him more than he hurt her. "Can you?"

She walked away, only to see him sprinting downstairs. She knew without asking that he'd been paged to the ED.

Unluckily for Will Halstead, Connor was taking out all of his anger on him. They were trading barbs, like they always did, as they worked on their seizure patient - but Connor was being particularly vicious. It was almost unnerving. Connor was aware he was starting to lose his cool, but right now he didn't care. Will had overstepped the bounds earlier, and now it had caused issues in his relationship.

And then they lost the patient.

Unbeknownst to Sarah, she was doing exactly the same thing. Poor Noah Sexton had no idea what was coming his way.

"You take credit for the labs _I_ ordered?"

"What?"

The poor guy didn't stand a chance.

"The mass spec was my idea."

"Okay, uh, I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

He was in for it now.

He apology would fall on deaf ears, but he really should have been credit for trying. "Yeah, okay, look, it just came out. I don't know why, I-I was just nervous and I just wanted him to like me."

"What about me?"

"Come on, you know how med school is, it's so competitive."

She didn't dignify that with a response.

"Okay, look. I'll do whatever it takes to make things right."

"You'll tell Dr Choi?"

Noah faltered, but at this point he really couldn't say no. "... Yes. I promise."

She rolled her eyes and marched away. "You better."

"W-w-wait," he called her back. She turned around, looking at him expectantly. "Don't tell my sister. Please."

That was when she made the decision to leave. It was a better option that literally blowing up in his face, which was what would happen had she opened her mouth at that very moment.

She passed Connor in the hall, but they did not acknowledge one another. In fact, they both actively avoided having to make eye contact.

Maggie looked from Sarah, who sat down at one of the workstations, to Connor, who was now exiting the ED.

"That doesn't look good," she said to Sarah, who just rolled her eyes. "So it is bad."

"Worse."

"Well, don't kill him."

Sarah looked up at her, concerned as to where her head had immediately gone.

"What? I don't want to be down a trauma surgeon."

Sarah sighed, chuckling ever so slightly. "Nor do I."

Maggie shrugged. "Whatever you do, don't let him off easy."

"Trust me, it's not going to happen."

Thankfully, the ears listening around them really couldn't make head nor tail of what any of that meant. It would be hell for both of them if they did.


	6. Bound

It had been days since they had spoken, and nearly a week since the fight began.

She had thrown herself into her work - between shifts and studying, there wasn't time left over for her to be miserable. She was hardly sleeping, but coffee could fix that. Nothing could replace the lack of a warm presence beside her in bed at night, no matter how much she tried.

He was avoiding the ED like the plague. It wasn't optimal for a trauma surgeon, but he was making it work. When he was on shift, he would be up in the wards checking on whatever patients he could find, only appearing downstairs if he was paged.

Whenever they both were in the ED, they would do everything possible to avoid crossing paths unnecessarily. When they did find themselves working together, they were consummate professionals, putting it all aside for the sake of their patient. He was still her biggest champion, putting his trust in her even when she wasn't sure of herself. She was still his best support, her signature small looks across to he patient enough to lift his spirits on a bad day.

Other than themselves, no one was really able to tell there was anything wrong. All but one, that is, were still in the dark.

Connor was treating a brother and sister duo who had both suffered severe injuries and illnesses as stowaways on a plane from Mexico. He found himself standing in the nurses' station, observing the hypothermic sister when he noticed Sarah in a treatment room further down the way, working with a paediatric patient. He didn't realise he was staring until Maggie stepped beside him.

"You two still not talking, huh?"

He looked at her with raised eyebrows.

She scoffed. "I keep telling you people I know everything. Nobody seems to believe me."

He thought long and hard for a moment before he spoke again. He dropped his voice, and asked, "Exactly how much do you know?"

Maggie clapped him on the back. "You hurt my girl. For that, you will suffer."

"What could you possibly have planned for me that's worse than this, Maggie?"

She grinned an intentionally evil grin. "Just you wait."

He didn't have a chance to respond. His pager beeped, and off he ran - his patient upstairs was coding.

They'd lost him. Connor was on his way back downstairs to break the awful news to the patient's sister, but he walked into a room of commotion. She had compartment syndrome, and they needed to release the pressure in her leg, _now_. As usual, Will Halstead had a problem with Connor's choice of treatment.

On some level, Connor figured they would be at each other's throats for all eternity. Maybe it was time he accepted that.

At least he had a willing verbal punching bag. It was better than screaming at nothing.

He was starting to think he was turning into a questionable human being.

They finished the procedure, and Connor walked out of the ED in disgust. He just couldn't deal with it right now.

Will, on the other hand, had no choice but to stay. He was about to start bitching about Rhodes (again) when Maggie decided it was time to give him a reality check.

"His father writes a big cheque and he acts like he owns the joint."

The look on Maggie's face screamed that she was about ready to slap him. "How about you cut him some slack today."

"Look, my mother died, too. She's not getting commemorated with a new hospital wing, okay."

"I thought you said you grew up in Chicago?" Maggie asked him.

"South Side. Canaryville."

"And you mean to tell me that you don't know what happened to Connor's mother?"

That piqued Sarah's interest. She was sitting at a workstation behind them, trying _really_ hard not to listen in to a conversation that wasn't hers. But after hearing that, she gave up all pretences. She knew Connor's mom had died years ago, but she didn't know details. She hadn't pressed him to tell her, and she hadn't Googled it either. She simply figured she would find out when the time was right.

Apparently that time was today.

"Well, it was twenty years ago," Maggie said, actually approaching Will now. "You were just a kid. Connor's mom threw herself off the roof of their home. Three storeys. Connor was just ten."

That caught Will completely off-guard. "Are you serious?"

"Mm-hmm. It was all over the news back in the day." Maggie went back to her work, then turned back to Will again. "And with the reception tonight ... Lot of stuff that he probably doesn't want to think about."

Sarah didn't miss the pointed look Maggie shot her as she walked past her chair.

Well, shit. He might've screwed up to start this whole fight, but she'd screwed up too by not being there.

She needed to find him. Now.

She figured he'd probably be doing paperwork up in the ICU, given they'd just lost a patient up there - but no, no luck. She'd checked the OR briefly too, but it was empty.

It wasn't like she could just go around asking for him. That wouldn't be weird at all.

She thought about paging him, but that was a waste of everybody's time. He'd think there was an emergency, there really wasn't anything for him to rush down to...

She was so caught up in her own thoughts that she nearly walked into him at the last place she every thought she'd find him: Standing outside the brand-new Elizabeth Rhodes Memorial Psychiatric Ward.

He was startled at the near miss, and about to rip into whoever it was when he turned to face her. His mouth was open, but there was no sound coming out. He couldn't for the life of him work out why.

"Hi," she said, exhaling a deep breath as she did.

"Hi," he echoed, trying and failing miserably at hiding the emotion in his voice.

"I, uh..."

All of a sudden, she couldn't figure out what to say. It suddenly occurred to her that she had found him, but she had no idea what happened next.

"Don't," he all but spat.

She shook her head. "My turn to talk, your turn to listen."

"But you're not talking," he countered.

"That's because I don't know what to say!" she yelled, finally letting it all out. Thank God this was an empty floor - its one ward hadn't been opened yet.

"Nothing could be a good option. That's what we've gone with for the last week, right?"

"No, you don't get to take this out on me."

"Take what out on you?"

" _This_ , you ass!" she yelled again, gesturing to the door they were standing outside of. " _This_ is not my fault. I did not put this here. _Don't_ blame me for your father's superiority complex!"

"Superiority complex? You think he has a superiority complex?" His voice was beginning to increase in volume now too. He faltered for a moment, then yelled, "Don't think you won just because you're right!"

She stopped. "Won?"

They were both breathing heavily, having finally let out the frustration that the last week had caused them. "I didn't win, Connor. There is nothing to win here. In fact, we both lose."

He was shaking now. "This is why I never wanted to fall in love."

The words hung in the air, as though they were surrounding them, suffocating them.

She grabbed hold of an unwilling hand, and moved from side to side until he finally gave up and looked her in the eyes. "Well too damn bad. Because you did. And whether or not you still are, or you still want to be, I am still in love with you."

His eyes softened.

"The truth is, Connor, you can think of this ward two ways: It can either be that thing that your dad did to one up you and piss you off, or it can be a place truly inspired by your mom." She took his other hand in hers, and he pulled them as close as he could to him. "It's awful what happened - but this could be a place that shows she didn't die in vain. This ward, these doctors ... They're going to help people in memory of her."

He leaned down, resting their foreheads together.

Very quietly, she whispered, "Maybe one day, they'll help another mom so that her kids don't have to go through what you did."

He closed his eyes tightly, and she felt his tears fall.

"I love you," he whispered, no longer even trying to hide his despair. "And she would too."

Sarah smiled. "I really, really hope so. Because she raised an incredible son. And I am so thankful to have in my life."

Connor shrugged. "He's kind of a dick."

"Oh, he can be," she agreed. "But he can also be so kind, and compassionate, and caring. And he's _great_ in bed."

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, is he now?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "He's a _fantastic_ pillow, and a pretty good hot water bottle."

He gave her a look.

"What?" she asked innocently.

"You just kicked my ego down a rung." She just raised her eyebrows. "But you already knew that."

She nodded enthusiastically.

And that was that - whatever had happened, they had both blown it out of proportion. They were also both far too stubborn to be the one to come to the other and fix it. But when the really needed one another, they were always there.

Just as they'd diagnosed their paediatric patient with a terminal condition, Natalie's water broke. So Sarah had turned to Dr Charles to help her to tell the parents, and then to tell the child together. It was awful, having that conversation. But when they were there together, explaining to an eight year old what was going to happen to him - all she could think about was how wonderful this family was. And that kid - he was strong. He was the sweetest little guy - immediately, he decided they'd start making a movie of instructional videos for his little brother.

She'd left the room with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes. It was the very end of her shift, but there was no way in hell she was going anywhere just yet. She had one other person that needed her tonight.

He was standing at the very back of the crowd when she entered the mezzanine level. His father was up on the stage, giving some arrogant speech that she honestly didn't believe a word of. He was in a suit, all dressed up to be there to honour his mom. She was still wearing her work clothes, but she found a seat nonetheless. When he walked out at the end of his father's speech, she quietly followed him.

"He's an ass," he said when she entered the hallway, knowing without looking that it would be her there with him. "An arrogant pig. A son of a -"

"- You've used that one before, you know," she interrupted him. She was leaning against the wall several feet from where he stood.

"I just can't stand the man. And I don't want to be here tonight to play happy families."

She smiled, watching him walk over to her and enjoying the soft kiss he placed on her lips. "So don't."

"But I have to. I am a Rhodes - Doctor Rhodes, of Gaffney Chicago Medical Centre."

"Then stay." She giggled at the look her gave her. "Not for him. Stay for Claire. For you."

"I am my own man."

"And you make your own luck," she quoted her favourite song back at him. "So go back out there and be Doctor Rhodes, trauma surgeon."

"But I can't take you with me," he sighed.

She shook her head. "No, but I promise I will still be here when you're done."

He raised his eyebrows in the strangest way she had ever seen, which made her laugh.

"Natalie just had her baby. The ED staff are going up to see them in about an hour. Maggie made me promise to invite you."

"Speaking of Maggie," he said thoughtfully, "she knows."

Sarah shrugged. "I know."

"You knew?"

They couldn't help but laugh.

"She's Maggie. She knows everything."

An hour later, they joined the rest of the ED staff to welcome little Owen. They couldn't entirely be themselves, but they were there with the gang to see and celebrate the Mannings.

Sarah had never seen Connor smile so wide. He was so genuinely overjoyed that this brand new human had made it into the world okay. She even caught him sweetly telling Natalie how she was going to be a fantastic mom.

They left the hospital together, him offering to give her a ride home so as not to arouse their colleagues' suspicion. Nobody had realised how close the duo really were - they were following one another out of the parking lot, but no one noticed how Connor turned left instead of right, or how Sarah had immediately plugged her phone into the charger cable that didn't fit his phone, but lived permanently in his car. They also didn't notice Connor lean over to her for a quick peck on the lips at the first red light they came to.

At least, they hoped they didn't.


	7. Saints

The moment they walked through the door that night, he wrenched his tie off and dumped it on the coffee table.

He started murmuring something about hating wearing a monkey suit, but he found himself totally and completely distracted. She'd pulled her hair out, which he had noticed was something she would only do when she felt comfortable in her surroundings. She was running her hands through it, her back to him as she stared out the floor-to-ceiling windows, observing the Chicago skyline.

He was standing behind her now, his hands wrapped comfortably around her waist and his chin resting on the top of her head. He'd never noticed it before, but they really were a perfect fit.

Her arms rested comfortably on top of his, and she leaned back into him.

They didn't talk - words weren't necessary right now. Right now, it felt good just to be together.

If there was one thing Sarah hated above all else, it was running late. And traffic. And, only temporarily because he was the one who caused this whole 'late' issue, Connor.

"We're not going to get there on time," she insisted, one finger irritatedly tapping her leg. "This is your fault, you know."

For about the fifth time this morning, he had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "Relax, Sarah," he said comfortingly. "We are not going to be late."

"Yes, we are."

"Then I'll call Maggie."

"We can't, genius. If we're both late, everyone will know we were together," she said sarcastically.

Connor sighed. "It's one time, for one shift. It's definitely not ideal, but it's also not the end of the world, honey."

Her heart fluttered - it was the first time he had called her that - but it didn't stop her from glaring at him. She softened her glance when he stopped at a red light and kissed the back of her hand comfortingly.

"Okay," she conceded.

"Out of interest," he asked, "how exactly is this my fault?"

"Remember when you insisted we had plenty of time?"

"It was five a.m."

"We did not have time, Connor."

"It was five a.m."

"And now we're running late for an eight o'clock shift!"

"Okay, okay," he laughed. "So it turns out we're not good at quickies. Lesson learnt - no sex in the supply room."

That caught her off guard. "You were planning on having sex in a supply room?"

He met her gaze and shrugged. "It could be fun."

"If we were caught, you'd be fired and I'd be thrown out of my compulsory ED rotation, which would mean I'd need to re-do it at another hospital, assuming they would take me, and I'd have to wait another whole year to graduate from medical school."

"So we'd wait until you're a resident. We wouldn't be breaking any rules."

"Uh, I'm pretty sure we still would," she said. "Also, it's unsanitary."

"You really think it doesn't happen?" he deadpanned.

Her face went blank. "I am never going to look at a supply room the same way again."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Get what you need, but don't touch anything."

He could see the wheels turning, but he never would have predicted what she said next. "You can't lock the door, though."

"What?"

"In a supply room. The door doesn't lock."

"And?"

She looked at him scandalously. "Anyone could walk in!"

He actually laughed. "So?"

"There's no way of ensuring privacy! Why would you want to risk someone walking in on something so intimate?"

He couldn't help himself, he had to go there. "Well, you'd do it against the door."

"... The door?"

The wheels were turning again.

"That's so unsanitary!"

He'd missed this.

"Five to eight," he said as he parked the car in a parking spot far closer to the front entrance than he normally would. "I told you we'd be fine."

"Five to eight is not fine. Quarter to, maybe. But half-past seven means we can get decent coffee and maybe some breakfast," she said, as she got out of the car. "But we made it, barely."

"Good morning, Ms Reese, Dr Rhodes."

Sarah's blood ran cold. She hadn't even registered the woman walking directly toward them - Ms Goodwin was the last person they needed to see them together outside the hospital. They were relaxed when they were alone together. It would be too easy for the dots to be connected.

"Good morning, Ms Goodwin," Connor replied, his usual charming persona now back in place after a momentary pause.

"Got caught in that traffic this morning?" she asked them as they made their way in through the ED together.

"Uh, yes," Sarah answered somewhat awkwardly. "My bus was running late - it's lucky Dr Rhodes happened to be in the neighbourhood. He was kind enough to give me a lift."

"How very lucky indeed," Ms Goodwin replied. With a twinkle in her eye she bid them adieu. "Have a good day, then."

They both let out deep breaths as they entered the doctors' lounge, which was mercifully empty.

"I really thought we were done for then," she was barely audible, but he heard her loud and clear.

"Yeah," he agreed, "me too. Quick thinking on the whole 'in the neighbourhood' thing."

She shrugged. "Technically, it's not untrue. You were there."

He chuckled and shook his head, throwing his stethoscope around his neck as he did so. "The bus wasn't late, Sarah. You were."

"So I told a little white lie. You're just lucky you left some scrubs behind, and I was kind enough to wash them for you."

He squeezed her hand as he opened the door to the ED, ready to step into the chaos of the day. "They do smell fantastic. Maybe I should leave things behind more often."

"Be very careful, Dr Rhodes," she said as she headed out into the ED. "I might just find you a bottle of detergent with a big shiny red bow."

He laughed. He knew she would, too.

There wasn't a lot of time to talk, but there was enough time for Sarah and April to gush over a brand-new photo of Owen. Before they knew it, they had ambulances with trauma cases - a multi-vehicle crash, three victims. Connor immediately pulled Sarah onto his team, working together in their perfectly synchronised way to stabilise their patient as much as they could to enable them to get her into surgery.

She felt like a different person in a life-or-death emergency now. In just a couple of months, she had gone from the brand-new, scared, green nobody to someone who is cool, calm and collected in the face of something that used to terrify her beyond belief. She was by no means an old hand or an expert, but she was far more comfortable than she ever used to be. She wasn't scared of the real emergencies like she used to be. She was finally starting to develop confidence in herself and her abilities.

It was a change that Connor loved seeing in her. He knew who she was, and he saw who she could be. He was just glad she was beginning to see it now, too.

Beyond that first patient, they hadn't seen each other at all that day. She was almost disappointed - she genuinely enjoyed working with him - but she also wasn't the type of woman to rely solely on a man. She did, however, find herself lounging on the couch the doctor's lounge waiting for him to finish with his patients upstairs. After all, he was her ride.

She got the shock of her life when Dr Choi walked into the lounge.

"Sarah, hey," he greeted her.

She could tell something was up - we was wringing his hands. Dr Choi was not the type of guy that got awkward or fidgety.

This could not be good.

"Is everything okay?" she asked him kindly.

"Uh, that is the question," he replied awkwardly, "that I wanted to ask you."

"Me? I'm fine. Is there something I should be worried about?"

"No, it's just..."

He stammered some words here and there, but it sounded mostly like gibberish. Finally, he dragged a chair away from the small table and sat opposite her.

"I, uh ... I saw something last night that I don't quite know what to make of," he told her. "I don't want to make something out of nothing, but I also want to make sure that everything is okay."

"... With me?"

He sighed. "Yes."

She was racking her brain, but she couldn't for the life of her figure out what he was talking about.

"Why don't you start by explaining what you saw?"

"That's the awkward part," Dr Choi said. "See, I was in the car behind you and Dr Rhodes when we were all leaving last night."

She was confused. "And..."

He sighed, long and hard. "Doctors and medical students, it's..."

She could have sworn her heart momentarily stopped. There was only one explanation: He knew.

"... I have to ask, Sarah - are you sure he's not taking advantage of you?"

Her heart sank. They were in the car, and it didn't occur to them that someone from work might see them and connect the dots.

"I - what do you..."

She was trying, but she couldn't lie to him. He knew, and he was asking her directly. This was way out of her wheelhouse.

"Sarah," he said kindly, "I don't want to cause anyone any trouble. I just want to know that you're okay."

"I'm okay." It was the first thing she had said confidently to him, probably ever. "Really, I am. I'm happy, Dr Choi. Happier than I've been in a really long time."

He smiled. "Well I'm glad. But you do understand that -"

"- I know," she interrupted him, for once not feeling at all apologetic for it. "We both know the risks. It probably seems stupid, but we're very aware of what it could mean."

"You've thought this through."

If she weren't terrified out of her mind, she probably would have laughed. "We've been together longer than you'd think. As crazy as it sounds, it's worth it."

"Is it?" he asked her honestly. "You could both lose your jobs."

"I know, and he does too," she told him. "It's more complicated than that - he didn't work here at the start. It was before my rotation started. I'd never even stepped foot inside this hospital."

"That was months ago," he marvelled. "Now that's impressive."

"Impressive?" a new voice asked.

Connor had arrived. He wasn't here for the whole conversation, but he'd heard enough to get the gist of it.

Dr Choi shrugged. "Yeah, impressive. You've kept it from the nurses."

Sarah was concerned. She was watching Connor closely, concerned he might do or say something they'd all come to regret. So she jumped in.

"Dr Choi was in the car behind us last night," she explained carefully. "He was checking on me."

"To make sure I'm not using you?"

Now it was the other doctor who jumped in to the conversation. He was on his feet now, speaking directly to Connor. "Look, Connor, I know it's not my place. I'm just trying to be a good teammate - at Med, we take care of our own."

"Yes, we do," Connor replied.

"And you're one of our own, too," Dr Choi said, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Sarah, she's like a little sister to us in the ED. We're a little protective of her."

"I have noticed," Connor replied in an eerily even voice.

"Just - be careful, okay?" Dr Choi said to both of them. "We need good doctors around here. We can't afford to lose either of you."

As the other man made to leave the room, Connor cleared his throat. Still in a very even tone, he said, "Just to be clear, you're not going to..."

To which the man smiled. "No. It's not my place."

"Thank you, Dr Choi," Sarah said, relieved.

"I think you can call me Ethan."

She smiled again. "Thank you, Ethan."

Back at her apartment, they went about their nightly routine. They hadn't said a word since Ethan had left them in the lounge, both of their hearts still slowly moving back out of their throats. They'd eaten, and were climbing into bed by the time either of them finally found words.

"I really thought we were done for," Sarah all but whispered, breaking the ice on the conversation.

"Come here," Connor said, pulling her tightly into his arms. "It's only a couple of months until you graduate."

She groaned. "Don't remind me," she lamented. "Match day is just around the corner. I still have no idea what I want to do about residency."

"You could always go for trauma surgery."

She turned her head and glared at him. "Oh, ha ha. Everyone's a comedian."

"I am hilarious!" he exclaimed, feigning hurt.

She smiled. "No, but you are an idiot."

"Oh, but I'm your idiot. And I'm good in bed."

"As a hot water bottle, maybe."

"Is that a challenge?"

She looked at him disbelievingly. "It's nearly midnight. Did you learn nothing from this morning?"

"Hey, the way I see it, we've got just over eight hours before we need to be at work," he said, raising a hand in mock defence. "We have _plenty_ of time."

She was leaning up on one elbow now. "And what about sleep? You know, that thing we need to function as adequate human beings and, I don't know, _doctors_?"

"Well," he replied, already making an effort to remove his shirt, "if we budget our time correctly, we could still get at least six hours of that, and we could do this too."

"You plan on going for two hours?"

"I am a young, verile man, thank you very much," he said in mock defence. "I also figure if we budget for two hours, there's no way I can be running late for your sleep schedule."

"Really? We're back to this?"

"What can I say," he laughed. "We're not good with a quickie."


	8. Reunion

The next month flew by like it was nothing. They were happy, happier than either of them had been in a long time. The only downside, of course, was that they couldn't tell the people closest to them.

Connor had been spending more of his spare time down in the ED, helping out where he could. It was good for him to develop relationships with his colleagues - at least, that's what Sarah said. And then there was the obvious upside: they got to spend more time together. Even if it was work, they both genuinely enjoyed working side-by-side. They were even at the point now where there was a bit of a routine to the emergencies they worked on together. Not that anyone had really noticed, but there was a rhythm between the duo. It was almost like they could read each others' minds. She knew exactly where she needed to be and what he needed her to be doing even before he barked the order. It really saved time when he got his answers straight away.

Today, he was killing time waiting to be called up to the OR for surgery. So, he did what any good boyfriend would do - he procured decent coffee, and was milling around with a tray of to-go cups in his hands, waiting for her to return from escorting a patient upstairs.

April, who was standing over at one of the workstations, had noticed him lingering around near the door. She didn't hear what he said when Reese walked back in through the doors, but she definitely noticed the med student giggling. She also noticed how Sarah had immediately retrieved the tray of coffee. Then she'd said something to make him grin.

Dr Rhodes didn't grin. Not like that, anyway.

He slinked away out the door when Maggie informed him the OR was ready, but not before Reese had said something else to elicit a big grin.

Reese looked at her quizzically as she made her way over to the nurses' station, depositing a coffee on the desk in front of April.

"What?" she asked innocently.

"Oh my God, that was so cute," April told her, accepting her coffee gratefully.

"We're friends, April," Sarah shrugged. "He owed me coffee."

"So naturally he bought enough for you, me and Maggie."

"He knows who runs the show down here," Sarah retorted immediately, proud of herself for not even missing a beat.

April let it go, but Sarah knew this was not going to be the last of it. As much as she loved the nurse, she was one person they just could not afford to have work out the truth.

So she quickly changed tactics, now ragging on April for having yet _another_ dating app on her phone. Really, you only had to look at the woman to know it would be completely unnecessary - Sarah knew very well what happened when April walked into a bar.

They were laughing and joking, until they stumbled across the most unlikely profile.

"Oh," April paused, looking from the phone screen to Sarah and back. "That's..."

Sarah tried her hardest not to let if effect her, but the moment she saw his photograph on the screen she knew she had failed miserably. "... Connor," she finally managed. Out of habit, she looked over her shoulder, but she knew very well that the man in question would not be walking back into the ED any time soon. He was in OR, removing a pair of scissors that some poor guy's wife had stabbed him with.

Right now, she completely understood how and why the woman could do it.

"R-dog the Surgeon," April read from the screen. "It says his favourite thing is watching the Chicago skyline at night from Promontory Point."

"Please, he's always working. The only time he's even outside at night is to get from here to his car."

Maggie chose that moment to interrupt them, knowing very well that Sarah was about to say a little too much.

"I hate to drag you two ladies away from electronic romance," she started, watching their expressions as they heard the loud laughter coming from the other side of the ED. "But treatment five awaits. Have fun."

The patient was very obviously drunk. At least this would keep her mind off Connor, the rat bastard.

When Connor finally had a break, he ran into Sarah - quite literally - as she was studying a patient's test results outside the elevator.

"Whoa, Reese," he said as she grabbed her elbows to steady her. "You good?"

She looked up at him, then back to the paper again. "Her glucose is 74, so she's not diabetic, her blood alcohol's negative," she was mumbling to herself as the walked away from him. "But that doesn't explain the seizures ..."

"Hey, hey, hey," he said, gently grabbing her elbow and turning her back to face him. "Is everything okay?"

Wordlessly, she opened her phone screen to show him the dating app.

"... You're using a dating app?"

"What?" she spat at him. " _No_. What are _you_ doing on it?"

He shook his head, now _very_ , very confused. "I'm not."

She rolled her eyes. "Your profile begs to differ."

He was still trying to talk to her, but she was having none of it. She had almost made her way back to the door of the ED when she turned and said to him with tears in her eyes, "The Chicago skyline? When's the last time you were actually outside at night?"

 _Damn_ , he thought. She'd marched back into the ED, there was no talking to her about this now. He was going to try, though, until Maggie informed him Dr Downey had just requested his presence upstairs.

It was the worst possible timing, but he couldn't keep the king of cardiothoracic surgery waiting.

Connor was down in the ED again as soon as Downey had released him from his tea-making duties. He knew Sarah was still upset with him, but he also knew now was not the time to discuss that. He stumbled across her standing in the middle of the hallway.

He leaned over her shoulder and said quietly, "You look a little lost."

"I'm not sure what's going on with my patient," she said, gesturing to one of the treatment rooms. "Her labs are inconsistent with how she presents."

"Whenever I get confused, I always go back to the history and the physical," he told her, now all-business. "It's the place to find the answers."

He started to leave, but she called him back.

"Connor."

He turned back to face her, eyebrows raised expectantly.

"After work," she said, surreptitiously squeezing his hand in the same way he usually squeezed hers.

Sarah found Connor, very late that night, as he stood on the rooftop talking to Ethan Choi. He'd had to perform emergency surgery on a close friend of Ethan's, a buddy he'd served alongside in the Navy. Ethan was overjoyed to hear that the Chief had pulled through.

Connor left him observing the skyline and spotted Sarah over in the doorway, partially obscured under the cover of darkness.

He couldn't help himself - disagreement or no, he needed to hold her right now. So he wrapped her tightly in his arms.

"For the record," he whispered into her hair, "this is my favourite thing in the world."

"What is?" she asked, her voice slightly muffled due to her head being buried in his chest.

She smiled. "You, me. On the rooftop, all alone, staring out over the Chicago skyline."

He could feel her rolling her eyes at him. "Almost alone."

"Eh, Ethan doesn't count," he said confidently. "He's a keeper of the secret."

"A secret keeper?" she asked, now leaning back so she could look up at him. "How very Harry Potter of you."

He just grinned.

They stood like that, holding each other, for nearly an hour.

"Listen, that profile," he whispered.

"I don't want to know," she replied.

He kissed her temple and sighed. "My idiot friends from high school put it together when I came back from Riyadh. They decided it was a good way for me to meet someone."

"And did you?"

He laughed. "No. I never even opened the app on my phone."

She looked up at him quizzically.

"I deleted it the night we first met."

Now she was really confused. "Why?"

He smiled. "Because I didn't need it anymore."


	9. Choices

Christmas had come and gone all too quickly. He had particularly enjoyed the box of laundry detergent bottles she had given him, each with their very own shiny red bow. It was exactly what she had promised she'd do.

He had gone a slightly different route. He was very nervous about it, given their previous round-about discussion on the topic, but Christmas Eve marked their nine-month anniversary. He'd decided back in October that it was finally time.

So on Christmas Eve night, he made her favourite meat-free bolognese and he set the scene. Candles and a brand new table cloth on the dining room table, smooth jazz playing in the background - he'd even finally finished unpacking his apartment, just so he could use his best dinner set.

He'd warned her to dress up, and she did not disappoint. She arrived at the door wearing a deep red dress that accentuated all the right places. Her hair was down, her curls bouncing around uncontrollably in the way that he loved. Her smile lit up the room.

He knew he was risking his entire career, but he also recognised that this woman, and what they had together - it was worth it.

So after dinner, he'd given her the full speech. It was no expectations, he didn't want to put any pressure on them, he knows they're not ready for what the permanency of moving in together would really mean.

"But I want you to come and go as you please," he'd told her, handing her a set of keys complete with a giant strawberry keychain.

She couldn't help but laugh.

This was what she was thinking about as she placed her keys into her locker that morning. Right now, med school was kicking her ass. Between her shifts in the ED and her last research projects before graduation, she was barely sleeping. Luckily, Connor was always right there to lend a helping hand. And to carry her to bed when she was so bleary-eyed she could literally not keep her eyes open.

She looked down as she hung her coat in her locker, and smiled when she noticed the travel mug of coffee he had left for her. There was no mistaking who the gift of caffiene was from. As a joke only a few days before, they had bought the matching Chicago branded travel mugs one of those tourist traps down by Millenium Park. It was gaudy and stupid, but it was so them.

So she headed out into the chaos of the ED, her mug cradled tightly in her hands.

"Morning sunshine," Maggie greeted her happily. "I see you got the coffee. He didn't screw up again over the holidays, did he?"

Sarah laughed. "No no, he definitely did not."

Maggie's grin got even wider. "He did it, didn't he?"

"He did what?"

"He gave you the key!"

April headed over then, at the worst possible moment. "Who gave who a key?" she asked disinterestedly.

Sarah paused. "Uh, some guy on this trashy TV show we watch. It was kind of a big deal."

"So, Maggie's grinning like a Cheshire Cat because her favourite TV characters moved in together?"

"Well, they didn't move in as such," Sarah clarified as conversationally as she could. "But they can both come and go as they please."

April and Maggie shared a look. In unison, they said, "They moved in together."

Connor ran past at that point, heading to a trauma bay to meet an incoming patient. As he passed, he said, "No, they didn't."

Sarah wanted to laugh, but there wasn't time. She immediately headed into the trauma bay behind him, gloves on and ready to go. He wanted a groin line, which she calmly did first time, no problems. It was a far cry from the first time they'd worked together.

"Line's in."

"Fast, good job," he said, now gowned up and ready to go. "We gotta tube this kid quick, you think you can do it?"

"Yes," she said confidently, taking the instruments he handed to her and incubating the patient without any problems.

Then, he flatlined. Connor was on to it in seconds, calmly barking orders and doing what he needed to in order to save the kid's life. He was up on his chest, performing CPR while Connor opened the kid's chest to put a temporary repair on the hole in his heart.

He was completely focused on his patient, but he always made sure he'd acknowledge her somehow as they headed up to OR. Today, they couldn't touch - but today it was enough just to catch her eye.

"I have had the strangest day today," Connor said as he walked into the doctor's lounge in the early evening, where he knew she would be taking her break.

By the looks of it, she'd been there for a while. Her food - a salad he'd made for her the day before - sat on the coffee table in front of her, untouched.

"Downey pulled me in to assist on a CT surgery. Zanetti was _not_ happy." He moved around the room, procuring coffee and pulling his own food out of the refrigerator. "The strangest part was, Goodwin okayed it. But I'm a trauma surgeon, my focus needs to be there. It's what I do, it's what I'm comfortable with ..."

He looked up, really seeing her for the first time. Immediately, he was sitting on the couch beside her, his arms wrapped comfortingly around her. "Hey, talk to me."

She took several calming breaths, then she let the tears fall. "A patient came in earlier. Mr Brennan."

He didn't speak. Right now, she needed to talk.

"He came in with a lice infestation. He's homeless. We showered him, cleaned him, covered him in lotion ..."

She didn't say anything for a long time. He waited, but when she didn't say anything, he finally spoke. "And then?"

"And then ..." She sobbed, her tears now falling freely. "Connor, he died. He wanted a few minutes to himself in the nice, clean bed. And when I came back, he was dead. No reason for it, nothing we could treat, he just ..."

Connor sighed. He didn't bother looking around to see who was watching them. He wasn't worried about that right now - right now, she needed him. So he kissed the top of her head sweetly, and he rubbed comforting circles on her back. He was going to sit here with her for as long as she needed him.

And then the trauma alarm sounded.

She pushed him away and nodded, letting him know she would be fine. He was off, meeting the patient at the front door - a car crash victim.

"Anybody else hurt?"

"No, he crashed into a pylon. Looks like he blacked out and lost control, rolled the car."

Connor took one look at the patient and his heart sank.

He spoke to Maggie directly as they rolled past. "It's Dr Downey. Let Ms Goodwin know."

He was unresponsive. Connor was barking orders, making sure everything was done right.

As Ms Goodwin walked into the room, she told a nurse to call oncology.

"Oncology? This is trauma."

"Maybe," Ms Goodwin replied. "But Dr Downey has liver cancer."

They had him stabilised and sedated, mostly to ensure he rested. Connor hadn't left his side through all of it.

It now made sense - this was why Downey was pulling him in. He wanted to train someone to carry on his legacy. For some reason, Downey had picked him.

In the very back of his mind, a very small part of him had started to think that maybe it would be worth considering what Downey was offering him. He clearly saw something that Connor didn't, just like what he had seen for himself in Sarah.

Maybe it would be worth taking a chance.

He slept in the chair beside Dr Downey's bed that night. It was the most uncomfortable plastic contraption known to man, but it did the job.

He was there when Downey woke up, and together they came to an agreement: He was going into cardiothoracic surgery.

Sarah, on the other hand, had left the hospital right after her shift ended. No matter how much she wanted to be there for Connor right now, she just couldn't do it without blowing their secret right out of the water. Besides, the ED was absolutely the last place she wanted to be.

So she took both of their travel mugs, and she headed back to his apartment. In a strange way, the fancy two bed in the high rise building with the panoramic views of the city skyline had started to feel more like home than her own, comfy one bed place ever did.

Besides, it had the best coffee maker in the city.

As she climbed into his bed that night, a very startling thought occurred to her: She hadn't been home - that is, to her own apartment - in weeks. Half of the items on top of the dresser, even down to the laundry she had just put in the machine - it was hers. At some point, she didn't know when, she'd come home to find he'd folded and put away the dry laundry. It took her ten minutes next morning to find what he had done with her underwear. To her great surprise, she'd found it packed away neatly in a drawer.

The key was definitely just a key. But, where do you draw the line to define what it really meant to "move in"?

 **A/N:** Hi everyone! So, you've probably figured out by now that I'm not really one to put in an author's note, but here we are. I just wanted to say thank you for all your kind words - I really love hearing that you're enjoying this concept just as much as I am. I have big plans for where this could go - thanks for sticking with me. Let me know what you think is going to happen next!


	10. Clarity

It would be another two days before Connor would finally concede to leaving the hospital. He'd spent the nights sleeping on the couch in the doctor's lounge, not game enough to leave his new mentor. He knew he would be well taken care of by the other staff rostered on to work, but he just couldn't convince himself that nothing was going to go wrong.

It had been Downey who threw him out of the place, in the end.

"Go home, Rhodes," Downey was insisting. "You got a girl?"

Connor faltered, not quite knowing how to respond.

"Or a guy, that's a thing too."

Connor looked out into the ward, very aware that Sarah had just accompanied a new patient upstairs. Still looking out the door, Connor said, "Yeah, I've got a girl."

Downey followed his gaze, his eyes quickly landing on the resident working out in the nurses' station. He nodded, noticing that Connor's eyes had not left her. "The one with the curls," he said. "I know her. She's checked in on me once or twice."

That got Connor's attention. "She did?"

Downey smiled. "Probably looking for you, though."

Connor let out a long breath. He coudln't quite place why, but he was comfortable that Downey knew - happy, even. It suddenly occurred to him that he really should be panicking, but he wasn't.

Downey had picked up on the change in his demeanour. He knew there was something up, but he couldn't quite place it. "She's a resident down in the ED, yeah?"

"Uh ... no," Connor finally admitted. Quietly, he added, "Fourth-year med student."

Downey's eyebrows shot up. "I wouldn't have picked you as being one to break the rules, Rhodes."

Connor's mouth opened and closed, but he didn't seem to be able to form words.

He was shocked by Downey chuckling. "Don't panic, man," he said. "I'm not gonna dob you in. It's not like she's _your_ med student."

Connor was half way out the door, a small smile on his face, when Downey added, "Just do us all a favour - don't get her pregnant before she graduates. That's a whole headache none of us want to have to deal with."

He'd said it loud enough to gain Sarah's attention. She looked up, confusion and mild panic written all over her face.

With a smile and a nod, Connor walked past her calmly. "Sarah."

He didn't leave time for her to respond, he just kept on walking.

When she arrived back at his apartment barely an hour later, she wasn't quite sure what she would find. To her great surprise, however, it was exactly the opposite of what she was expecting to see.

He was in the kitchen, now wearing his most comfortable pyjama pants and an old UAG t-shirt. He was happily singing along to the musical theatre tunes that were playing in the background. The smell wafting from the pot on the stove was delectable, enough to make Sarah's mouth water.

In all honestly, she'd never seen him this happy.

"That smells delicious," she groaned, dumping her backpack on the floor beside the door. He made his way over to her quickly, helping her out of her jacket and then taking her in his arms to dance all over the apartment.

He was still singing along when he finally released her and returned to preparing their meal. She didn't know what had him in such a good mood, but she welcomed it. It had been a lonely few days for both of them.

She reappeared a few minutes later, delighted to find him serving ratatouille and two large glasses of wine opposite the TV.

She had down beside him on the couch, and placed a brief kiss on his cheek. "What's got you in such a good mood?"

"Downey," he grinned.

"Downey?"

"He sent me home to spend the night with my girl," Connor said, now turning on the TV.

"O-kay," Sarah said very slowly. The end of the conversation she had heard up in the ward earlier was suddenly making sense. "And doesn't have a problem with this?"

Connor shrugged. "He doesn't, no."

"... As long as you don't get me pregnant?"

Connor grinned. "Not before you graduate, anyway."

That stopped her. She tried not to show it, but she knew he could tell there was something up. She stared at the TV long and hard, not hearing or seeing whatever it was they were watching. Her thoughts were racing around in circles - did he mean what she thought he meant?

About an hour later, when the food had long been consumed, she finally spoke.

"You've thought about it, then?"

He knew exactly what she was talking about without having to ask her. He had sat back and enjoyed the hour of that comedy show she liked, waiting patiently while she was engrossed in her own thoughts. He was very aware of what he had said, but he wasn't panicking. They'd been together for nearly a year now; the conversation was bound to come up eventually.

He turned off the TV and sat up a little straighter, draping his arm along the top of the couch behind her, before he answered. "Yes, I have."

"You want children."

"Yes."

She looked over to him now, an expression that he couldn't quite read adorning her face. "With me?"

And there it was. He recognised that emotion now - it was terror. Whether she was terrified of him wanting a future with her or that he wouldn't want one, he didn't know. But he was about to find out.

"One day," he replied quietly, tracing her cheek with his thumb now. "If you wanted to, yes."

"Oh," she breathed.

He surveyed her for a moment, then asked, "Have you -"

"- No," she cut over him, a single tear rolling down her cheek. Quietly, but her voice stronger than it was, she confessed, "I've never really thought of kids as a possibility."

He reached forward and wiped away her tear. "You haven't?"

She shook her head. "No. To be honest, I don't think I'd be a good parent - I've had pretty crappy examples. Besides, I don't have a maternal bone in my body."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

He took a deep breath, thinking long and hard about how to phrase what he wanted to say before he opened his mouth. "Just because you had a sub-par parent ... that doesn't mean you would be one, too. I mean, is it really any different to only ever having seen a relationship end badly? We both did, and we fell in love anyway."

"It's not the same," she said. "We don't have a tiny, defenceless person relying on us. It's just you and me."

He held her close to him now, and kissed the top of her head gently.

Tonight was not the time to make decisions or plans for their future. Conversations like these only served to remind them both of how they really were in different places in their lives. He was older, clearly ready to start planning to settle down. Being younger, she wasn't sure she was really ready for any of this yet.

It didn't dissolve into a fight, and it didn't cause her any panic. But it did start to make her think.

There was no rush, of course ... But it was certainly comforting to know that he wanted a future with her.

Two weeks later, their lives were still plodding along nicely. They were relaxed, and they were happy. Their time together had been cut short on more than one occasion - Connor was near-constantly working, studying cardiothoracic surgery under Dr Downey. Crossing paths on shifts non-withstanding, they hadn't been spending time together at the hospital like they had previously.

Downey was working him hard, but he was making made sure he was getting one night off each week for date night. Which Sarah found funny, especially since it was all Downey-mandated.

Today, she knew Connor was scheduled on a double lung transplant. So when her rather bulky teenage hockey player patient passed out and took her down as he hit the floor, the first thing she told Ethan was not to tell Connor.

She now found herself in a treatment room, an ice pack on her shoulder and Ethan poking and prodding.

"Anything hurt?"

"Not really," she answered him. "I'm going to be stiff tomorrow though, aren't I?"

"Yeah, but pain builds character," he joked.

"According to who exactly?" she laughed.

He didn't have a chance to reply - Connor rounded the corner purposefully and walked straight into the room. She barely had a chance to register his presence when he spoke. "What happened?"

"You called him?" she asked Ethan disbelievingly.

"He would kill me if I didn't," Ethan replied. To Connor, he said, "Patient passed out, took her down when he hit the floor. Doesn't look like he's done any damage, but she's bruised."

"Really, I'm fine," she said, knowing she wasn't going to get a response out of either of them.

Connor was on to it immediately, now looking at her shoulder himself. "Have you ordered an x-ray?"

"Just examining her before I send her up to radiology, just to be safe."

"Hello?" No response. By now, she was very aware neither of the doctors were listening to her.

That was when Dr Charles appeared in the doorway.

"Hi," Sarah greeted him quietly while the other men continued to talk behind her. "I think they've forgotten I'm here."

"Two doctors to look at one shoulder?"

Dr Charles' presence seemed to sober the two men, who suddenly popped out of their own little world and back into reality.

"Really, guys," Sarah said, jumping off the bed and out of their reach. "I'm fine. I promise I will go up to radiology right after I fill out an incident report. The last thing any of us need is the Troll losing it."

She left as quickly as she could, heading straight out to Maggie who had the paperwork ready and waiting for her.

Dr Charles and Ethan had a quiet conversation about their hockey player's father, but Sarah couldn't help but notice the way he watched Connor heading back out toward the elevators. She sighed, and directed her attention back to her paperwork. Nothing got past the head of psychiatry, and they all knew it.

After she returned from radiology with the all-clear, she found herself sitting at a workstation pouring over brochures for residency programs. This was where April and Maggie found her.

"You still at it?" April asked, leaning over the desk to get her attention. "Didn't your Momma ever tell you you'd go blind if you stared at a screen too long?"

Her answer was both very sarcastic and very true. "My mother was a litigation attorney who worked ninety hour weeks. She didn't tell me much."

"Well, guess it's on the nurses then," April answered her.

She and Maggie were immediately all over the brochures. They were good-naturedly ragging on the other hospitals, which only made Sarah chuckle.

"This one's Boston?" April asked, pulling a face. "The winters are terrible."

Sarah and Maggie both just looked at her.

"Alright," she conceded. "You got me on that one. Maybe, I'm wrangling for you to stay."

Sarah smiled. "Chicago Med is definitely in the running. It's my specialty I'm torn over - I always thought I'd choose pathology, but the ED's really grown on me." She looked to Maggie, and added, "I can't believe I just said that."

"Oh, that's okay, sweetie," Maggie gushed. "You're not the first lab geek that we've turned."

As April walked away, Maggie leaned down to her and whispered, "And I know someone else who would be _really_ happy to see you stay."

By the end of her shift, she and Ethan had diagnosed their teenage patient with a genetic condition. It was manageable, but if he took the wrong hit while playing hockey he could be killed instantly. And yet, he'd chosen to still keep playing.

She decided her future right that on the spot.

"Headed out? Made your decision?" Maggie asked her, clearly knowing something was wrong.

"Yep," Sarah replied. "Just now."

April approached them confidently. "Let me guess, ED strikes again."

"No, pathology."

Their faces fell.

"What?"

"It's the patients," Sarah explained. "They come in, and you wanna help them. You care about them, and you try to connect. And just when you think you're getting through, they go back to what they were doing before. It's like you were never even there. Like everything you did was for nothing. I can't take a life of that."

She finally stopped to breathe.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said, then made a beeline for the door.


	11. Intervention

Connor had very wisely chosen not to say anything about Sarah's decision to go into pathology.

It wasn't his place, after all. His job was to be there for her, and to support her. Not to dictate what she should or shouldn't do, in work or in life in general. He was point-blank refusing to turn into the same overbearing, opinionated, controlling type of man that his father was. So he supported - she seemed to be happy with her decision, and at the end of the day that was all that mattered.

In the very quiet moments, when it was just the two of them all alone, he occasionally found himself tempted to voice his opinion. He knew, deep down, that she'd made the wrong decision.

But it wasn't up to him to tell her that.

He'd been having this same, whispered argument with Maggie whenever they crossed paths in the ED for days now.

"You know as well as I do, Connor. She's made the wrong decision," Maggie would mutter as she handed him a tablet.

"She's a big girl," he would mutter back. "It's her decision, we need to let her make it and respect her choice."

Even Dr Downey had thoughts: "Pathology, really?" He'd been shocked at the answer when he'd asked Connor what she'd chosen. "She sure about that? Gets dead boring down in the basement."

"It's what she wants to do."

Downey raised an eyebrow. "So you haven't said anything."

Connor shrugged. "Not my decision. She needs to choose her own path."

He'd been passing through the ED that morning when an ambulance case rolled in. They were slammed, so Maggie asked him to step in.

"I'm on it," he'd said. Knowing exactly where she was without even looking over his shoulder, he called, "Reese, come with me."

Side by side, they began their perfectly synchronised dance. He was going to intubate, but they needed to work out the cause - and now.

"Septic shock?" she asked him as they tried to both stabilise the patient and begin their exam.

"Maybe," he answered. He explained to the patient why they were incubating, then ordered every test he could think of.

They were all looking all over him to find out what was going on, until Sarah stumbled across the large blood blisters on his arm.

"Dr Rhodes?" she got his attention, just as he had intubated the patient. He looked up, then down to see what she was looking at.

Immediately, he cut the patient's t-shirt open. They were everywhere.

Just as April announced he was stable, Connor disagreed. "No. We need to get him up to the OR now. I have a feeling we're already too late."

They were running him upstairs immediately, where they passed him over to the OR team. Connor was leaving to scrub in, but she managed to pull him aside.

"Connor ..."

He smiled, and squeezed her hands tightly. "I'm going to miss this," he told her honestly.

"Yeah," she said quietly. "Me too."

As soon as she could, she headed up to the ICU, checking on the patient with necrotizing fasciitis that Connor had operated on earlier. What his husband had just told her about the regular doctor that he had seen only two days before - made her blood run cold. The GP had misdiagnosed it as an infected pimple, and now the patient was probably going to die.

She had to do something, so she sucked it up and put her big girl pants on. That was how she found herself in Ms Goodwin's office, meeting with both her and Dr Charles, reporting the medical misconduct.

She was genuinely worried. At least five patients had come into Med over the last few months with the wrong diagnosis, and now a sixth was going to die. How many others were out there that they didn't know about?

He found her on the couch when he arrived home that night. She was sitting in the dark, still in her scrubs, her head in her hands.

If he were honest, he felt exactly the same way. He had sat with his cardiac patient for hours after he'd done the surgery to remove the LVAD, which had been pumping his blood for him and keeping him alive. The patient had known what removing the device would mean, his heart just wasn't strong enough to keep him alive on its own. He'd known that by doing the surgery like the patient wanted, he would die.

He sat down gingerly beside her. Tonight, he wasn't after someone to comfort him. He wanted to be that person for her, but he wasn't sure that she wanted it.

After a long time of pure silence, he said, "You know it isn't your fault, right?"

She made a non-committal sounding noise in response.

"By the time Elias knew something was wrong, it was already too late."

She finally looked up at him.

"Not tonight, Connor," she said without emotion. "Not what I need."

"Then what do you need?"

She was still for a long moment, then she was on her feet. She grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him to his feet too, and she kissed him passionately until they couldn't breathe.

They were both breathing heavily when they finally pulled apart, and he found himself with fists full of her shirt. He was so lost in the moment, he'd already started taking it off. Still catching his breath, he asked her, "Are you sure?"

She didn't respond in words - but her hands immediately undoing the string that was holding his scrubs up was all the answer he needed.

It had been hot, it had been passionate - it had been something so far out of their wheelhouse to date that he didn't really know what to do with it.

He fell backward against the pillows, still out of breath and feeling very unfit. She was laying beside him, her head resting comfortably on his chest. The covers were all over the place, the sheet still covering their lower halves but everything else had been kicked off the bed at some unknown point. It was something that would usually annoy her, but apparently it wasn't a problem tonight.

"That was, uh ... Ooh," he finally managed.

She didn't answer him, but he didn't expect her to.

Tonight had been different to any night they'd had together before. The sex was _incredible_ , neither of them could deny it. Tonight she had taken control in a way that she never had before. It was something he was hoping to experience more often.

It was a long time before either spoke again.

"That was a rough day," he said, now gently stroking her head.

"Yeah," she agreed quietly.

She smiled now, a smile that he loved seeing adorn her features.

"You know, I had big plans for tonight," she said conversationally.

"It's date night," he suddenly remembered. "God, and I was hours late coming home - I totally blanked, I'm sorry. I should've called, or -"

"- No, it's fine," she said tiredly. "I wouldn't have answered, anyway. I'd been out there for hours when you got home."

He kissed her temple, long and sweet. "So what were these big plans?"

Her cheeks flushed, and he knew this had to be good.

"Well," she said quietly, "see that bag over there?"

"Uh-huh."

"... I may have gone shopping."

"Oh?" He didn't quite understand the significance of that, but he knew she wasn't really one for retail therapy. "What's in the bag?"

The red of her cheeks deepened. "Actually, I hid it in your nightstand."

That got his attention. He gently reached over and opened the draw, scooping out the silky black material in one smooth and gentle motion. He retrieved his other arm from where it was wrapped around her to unfold the mysterious object.

He looked from her to the lingerie and back several times before he spoke.

"So, uh ..." His voice was thick, so he cleared his throat and looked at her with an amused expression.

She giggled, she couldn't help herself.

"You know the best use of this," he said in that sexy low voice he used on the best occasions, "would definitely be on a cold Chicago night."

"Oh," she said conversationally, "you mean like tonight?"

"Uh-huh," he answered. "And then, we can do this."

He dropped it over the edge of the bed and flipped them over in one simultaneous fluid motion.

It might have been a really rough day, but it was shaping up to be a _very_ good night.


	12. Guilty

It was a busy day in the ED - that was an understatement.

He was working trauma today, a refreshing change from the cardiothoracic department - there was nothing like a trauma case to get your blood pumping.

Three patients were on their way in, all marked trauma cases by the ambulances.

"Eighteen-year-old male, GCS 12, tachy to 130s, suspected DUI. Parked his Beamer in someone's living room. Broke the gas line, started a fire."

Connor was all over it. He was about to call Reese in which him, but Maggie had beaten him to it - she was working with Ethan, treating a police officer injured in the fire. He sucked it up and kept moving - they were going to save this kid. They were on their way up to the OR when the accompanying officer stopped them.

"Oh, hold on - he's not going anywhere until I get a DUI blood draw. We're charging him."

Connor didn't miss a beat. "His belly is shredded. If I don't operate right now, you're not going to have anyone to charge."

The officer actually grabbed hold of the gurney now. "You already have him on IV fluids. I have ten minutes at best to get an accurate blood alcohol level. You take him to the OR, it'll be too late."

Connor bent down, addressing the patient now. "The officer wants to do a draw to test your blood alcohol content. Do I have your consent?"

He lifted the oxygen mask and, just as he figured, the patient said, "No."

"There's your answer," Connor told her.

"State law says I don't need consent."

"Hospital policy says you do."

"You need to stop!"

"Uh-uh," Maggie stepped in, sending the patient and the team on their way.

"My partner could've died back there! You step aside."

"This is a hospital, our priority is to treat patients not to make arrests," Maggie said. "As soon as he's out of surgery and awake, he's all yours."

Ethan and Sarah materialised at this point - their patient was stable, and they knew this commotion was turning into something really serious.

"Get me that blood or you're under arrest."

Ethan stepped in. "On what charge?"

"Obstructing a police investigation."

Maggie was outraged. "You're being ridiculous!"

"Get me that blood."

Maggie and Ethan shared a look. She looked back at the officer and held up her wrists. "Do what you have to do."

"Maggie," Ethan said warningly. But she knew exactly what this meant.

"Take the phone," she told him.

"You don't have to do this."

"Stay back!" the officer warned the staff as she led Maggie out.

No one could believe their eyes.

"Ethan?"

He turned to Sarah, and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "It'll be fine," she said. "Keep an eye on our patient. I need to call Goodwin."

An hour and a half later, Connor returned to the ED having saved the kid's life. He immediately had the overwhelming impression that you could cut the tension in the department with a knife.

"Hey," he said quietly, approaching Sarah at the nurses' station. "What's going on?"

Sarah looked up and shook her head. "Maggie's been arrested."

" _What_?!"

Sarah was about to respond, but April approached them then. "How'd the surgery go with the DUI kid?"

"Uh, there was a pretty large laceration down near the bladder so it took a while to repair," he said quickly. "What have they charged Maggie with?"

"Obstruction," April told him. "I know. Goodwin's working on getting her cut loose."

She was gone as quickly as she had arrived. Connor looked back to Sarah, who could feel the rage coming off him in waves.

"Don't," she told him firmly, placing a hand over his on the top of the bench between them. "This is not your fault."

"Of course it is," he argued. "I was the one who made the call, she was only backing me up."

"She was following hospital policy. It could have just as easily been any one of us."

"Ms Reese," she jumped at Dr Charles' interruption, and very quickly removed her hand from Connor's. They shared a quick look - neither of them had realised they were even touching.

She turned to face the head of the psychiatry department, not entirely sure what he had seen or how much he had surmised.

"Beautiful day, right?" he asked her conversationally.

"Uh, I guess. It's kind of cold," she said quickly, making to move away but finding herself called back to the doctor.

"Hey hey - is that for the gentleman in three?"

She looked down, remembering she was holding a knee brace for her patient that had been hit by a car. He hadn't been injured all that badly, just a small injury to his knee. He needed it checked further, but he wanted to organise that himself through a friend who was a doctor.

But suddenly, Dr Charles was offering to give her a hand with the brace - something about the buckles? It sounded like an excuse to her, but she just went with it. As much as she wanted to make sure her patient was getting the treatment he needed, she was also grateful that his interest in her patient meant the heat would be off what he may or may not have just seen on the other side of the ED.

He hadn't said a word to her about it - she had thought it was a good sign. That was, until after he had placed the patient - a prominent lawyer - on a seventy-two hour psychiatric hold.

She had not seen that coming.

"Ms Reese, can we have a chat?"

Connor was in the ED again at this point. He saw her stepping into the consultation room with the psychiatrist, but he had no way of knowing why or what was being said. So he went into the doctor's lounge and raged at Will about the idiot driver's father, who was just like his own, and he wound up logging into the system for him.

Will had started to explain, but Connor made himself very clear: "Don't tell me, I don't want to know anything about it."

He logged in to the computer and stood back - what Will did with it, he really didn't want to know. Try as he might, he just couldn't stop himself from looking over to the consultation room, where Sarah and Dr Charles appeared to be having a discussion. Well, he didn't know if Sarah was talking or not, her back was to the glass wall. Dr Charles, however, appeared to be speaking so much he could be giving a lecture. Or reading the riot act.

He had no way of knowing, and it was killing him.

Will looked up at Connor while he waited for whatever it was he wanted to load, and followed his gaze over.

"So I'm right," he stated plainly, now turning back to Connor.

"Right?" he asked, tearing his eyes away from the conversation that was killing him.

"You and Sarah."

Connor didn't say anything, but he did have the good sense to try and throw Will a quizzical look.

"Hey," the red-headed man said, throwing his hands up in mock defence. "Look man, I don't mean any trouble for anyone. But if you are - and I'm not saying you are, for the record."

He'd thrown that last part in when he saw the look on Connor's face.

"But if you are," he continued, "you need to be careful. She's still a med student, you're a fellow. It's not worth losing your job over."

Connor was making his way out of the lounge now, having noticed Dr Charles leaving the consultation room and heading for the elevator. As he walked out the door, he turned momentarily back to Will.

"Theoretically," he said slowly, making sure Will was aware he was neither confirming nor denying anything. "She is."

He marched across the ED, and slipped into the glass room just as his phone started buzzing in his pocket.

"I'm here," he said quietly, sitting down beside her. He could see over her shoulder that it was her who was trying to call him.

They were lucky their backs were to the glass wall - it meant she could grab hold of his hand tightly under the desk without anyone seeing.

"It's okay," she said quietly, reassuring herself more than she was him.

"He doesn't know?"

She laughed humourlessly. "Oh, he knows."

"He ..."

Connor's heart sank. It was his worst fear realised.

She looked him in the eye now, letting go of his hand and rubbing his thigh comfortingly. "He didn't say it in so many words, but he knows."

"How could you be sure if he didn't tell you?"

"He wanted to explain what happened with my patient that he just put on a psychiatric hold. And then he was asking about my plans for the weekend."

"What?"

She smiled. "You were staring, weren't you?"

She raised an eyebrow, and he gave a sheepish look. "Little bit, yeah," he admitted.

"He saw you," she said. "He said you needed to be more careful. That you don't want to give anyone the wrong idea."

He opened his mouth, but she lifted a finger to silence him. She added, "He said we wouldn't want the wrong person to accurately do the math."

Yep, he knew.

Sarah found Dr Charles up in the psych ward later that day. First and foremost, she wanted to check in on the patient. He hadn't admitted to a suicide attempt yet, but he remained convinced there was something there. As he went to leave, presumably heading back to his office, Sarah found herself calling him back.

"Um, about earlier ..." she began in her signature awkwardness.

He didn't respond, he just listened.

"I'm not here to ask that you don't say anything," she said very quickly, knowing she would stop herself if she didn't say her piece now. "But I wanted to pay you the respect of being honest."

He gestured for her to walk with him, and they stepped into his office.

"Please," he said, gesturing for her to take a seat.

She did so tentatively, knowing that what she said next could very well be their downfall. "You are right," she said far more confidently than she felt right now. "You saw what you think you saw."

He took a deep breath, and she held hers. This was it - the moment of truth.

"In the interest of full disclosure, I want you to know that I am not going to report it," he said.

She let out the breath she had been holding. Relief washed over her in a way that she had never experienced before.

"This isn't new, is it?" he asked her. "Not that it's any of my business."

She smiled. "That's okay, I don't mind. No, it's not new."

"And it's serious?"

She nodded. "Yeah, it is."

Dr Charles cracked a smile. "Then I'm happy for you both." He paused a moment, then added, "I meant what I said, Sarah. You need to be more careful. I had you two figured out in two seconds flat."

She laughed, rising to her feet when her pager went off. "Really?"

"Oh yeah. It was about Halloween, right?"

She shook her head and pulled an apologetic face. "No," she said. "It's been far longer than that."

"Oh, that much I knew," he said, opening the door for her with a twinkle in his eye. "But Halloween - that's when it got serious."

She thought back as she headed back down to the ED. When had things started to change for them?

She stepped out of the elevator, and it hit her in the face like a truck hitting a brick wall. "Damnit," she muttered - and then she was off.

Because of course, when was the man ever wrong?

Connor found himself to be the one collecting Maggie from the police station when Ms Goodwin was caught up in a DCFS issue.

She wasn't happy to see him, at least in the beginning. And then they talked, about what happened today and other things too. It was the first time he had told anyone about throwing his friend under the bus the summer before college. It was too late for him to fix it now, but he would be damned if he wasn't going to be there for Maggie. Somewhere along the line, they had accidentally become friends.

When he parked the car back at the hospital, neither of them moved to leave it. They sat in silence until Connor finally spoke.

"I'm worried about her," he admitted, gesturing to the curly-haired med student who was now out in the waiting room, helping an elderly gentleman through into the ED. "She's made the wrong choice."

Maggie reached over to pat his arm comfortingly. With a sad smile, she said, "I know. But it's not our place to tell her that."

Connor ran a frustrated hand across his face. "It's killing me, Maggie. I know she needs to come to this realisation herself, but that's not how this works. We always jump in. We always do everything we can to help."

"We can't," Maggie implored him. "Our job is to support. We will champion her now, and we'll be there to pick up the pieces when it all falls apart. Until then, there's really nothing more we can do."

Connor broke. With tears in her eyes, he said, "I just want her to be happy. I don't want her to wake up one day a year from now and regret this choice."

"As much as you might want to, you can't make this decision for her. Your job - not matter what - is to love her, and to be there for her."

They moved inside slowly - Maggie even paid him a compliment on his driving. Apparently, if this whole surgeon thing didn't work out, he had a backup career as an Uber driver.

He'd been inside for all of thirty seconds when the pharmaceutical rep he'd been avoiding for the last six weeks found him. It was Will - he was about to do something so stupid he'd risk losing his medical license.

Connor didn't think, he just bolted. He made it into the elevator just as the doors were closing, but Will wasn't listening. So he did the only thing he could - he hit the emergency button to stop the elevator. And then, they were wrestling - literally, both fighting for control.

"You're a good doctor," Connor said once he had him pinned to the wall. "The world needs good doctors, you ass!"

They hadn't gone home that night - they'd gone to Molly's. It was a risky move, being seen together so publicly in the one place that guaranteed someone from work was going to see them, but they had a friend in need.

Connor and Will sat side-by-side at the corner of the bar. Neither looked at each other, neither was saying anything.

Hermann, who was tending bar, happily placed a drink in front of each of them. "So how was your day? You save some lives?"

Connor just looked at him, while Will downed half his drink in one gulp.

"Okay, got it. Not feeling chatty."

Sarah appeared then, gingerly taking a seat on Connor's other side. "Don't take it personally, Hermann," she said kindly. "You know those days."

"That I do, my gorgeous Sarah, that I do." He poured another drink for her and added, "You know, if I were twenty years younger ..."

"You'd have to fight me for her," Connor said quietly, not looking up from his drink.

"Ah, well," Hermann said, placing the drink in front of her and patting her hand kindly. "Can't win 'em all."

He walked away, but the conversation was not over yet. They now had Will's full and undivided attention.

"So I was right."

Sarah looked from one to the other, asking, "Right?"

Connor sighed, reaching over to take her hand in his and kiss her temple sweetly. To Will, he said, "I told you she's worth it."

A ghost of a smile appeared on Will's face. "Theoretically."

Connor shrugged. "Ah, well ... Maybe I embellished that bit."

They continued downing their drinks until Will looked up again. "This doesn't make us friends, does it? I mean, you don't like me."

It was Sarah who answered, jumping in before Connor had a chance. "You're wrong."

"He doesn't like me," Will repeated plainly.

"But I do respect you," Connor offered helpfully. "And I trust your judgement - the DNR thing notwithstanding."

Sarah shrugged. "You're drinking together at your favourite bar after a hard day at work. Sounds like friendship to me."

"Don't listen to her," Connor said in jest. "She's just determined to see me work through my trust issues."

"He's projecting again," she added, leaning forward to address Will directly now. "He likes to forget that we are allowed to have friends. They're important for our health and happiness."

She didn't know what he was mouthing behind her, but right at this moment it had Will in stitches. So she did the only thing she could - she reached behind her, and slapped him on the back of the head.

"Ow!" he complained, now rubbing the spot she had just hit. "What was that for? I need those brain cells!"

Will was laughing so hard he had actually started crying. This had clearly been just what he needed.

Sarah rolled her eyes, sitting back on her barstool properly, now addressing Connor directly. "Please, you could lose half your IQ and you'd still be running rings around the rest of us."

She caught Will's eye, and they both dissolved into laughter. She lost her balance on her seat for a moment, and Connor's hand was immediately there on her lower back, steadying her.

Will watched them closely, noticing the tender way Connor was making sure she was okay. "You two are good together," he said quietly.

Connor raised his glass and finished off the last of his drink. "I like to think we are."

Sarah didn't get a chance to respond. Another familiar voice was asking if they would mind her joining them.

"Ms Goodwin, of course," Connor said confidently, moving his free hand away from Sarah as surreptitiously as he could.

Will was the first to recover. Without a second thought, he had jumped in to save their asses. "Sarah was just telling us she's decided to go into pathology."

Connor was next, deflecting the conversation away from their previous topic entirely. "Halstead and I, we'd be far too much for the lab."

Sharon Goodwin actually laughed. "I think you'd scare the poor folk downstairs."

"Yeah," Sarah agreed wholeheartedly. "Don't come to visit me. The last thing we'd need is you two tearing the place apart."

An hour and a half later, they both excused themselves very politely. It was getting late, and they wanted to get out of there before one of them said or did something stupid.

They were fairly confident that Ms Goodwin hadn't seen anything she shouldn't have. What they missed, however, was her watching them as they walked out the door and down the street, both getting into his car.

Of course, they couldn't see her smile, either.


	13. Us

The dreaded day had arrived. As much as she really didn't want it to have come, match day was finally here.

Neither of them had slept well last night - she had been tossing and turning all night long, worrying about today. He'd woken her up half a dozen times and gently reminded her that it was going to be okay. She had no control over it, she just had to stick it out long enough to get her envelope. You know, the one that contained the answer to her entire future? No pressure.

They were down at the coffee stand on the corner, far from the prying eyes of the ED. This place didn't do the best coffee by any means, but it was the furthest in terms of distance. Although this meant they had a bit of a walk ahead of them, it also gave them more time together.

"Stop trying to calm me down," Sarah said, clearly panicking. "It's not helping."

Connor intentionally brushed his hand past hers, momentarily interlocking their fingers together as they headed back toward the hospital.

"I'm just saying, there's no reason to be nervous."

Yeah, that was the wrong thing to say.

"Connor, it's match day. They're going to hand me a piece of paper telling me where I'm doing my residency."

He couldn't help but smile - she could be such a stress head sometimes. And she wasn't done panicking yet.

"It's literally the turning point in my life. The world's assessment of my past and the map of my future. It's my whole life!"

Connor had to stop himself from laughing. "That's an awfully dramatic way to put it."

"That is your opinion."

They were close to their destination now, but that didn't stop him. He gently took hold of her shoulder and stood right in front of her path.

"Pathology at Chicago Med is your top choice," he told her calmly. "Everyone here thinks very highly of you. You're at the top of your class."

She took a deep breath to calm herself, and he couldn't resist adding, "Plus, you are _extremely_ attractive."

"Connor ..." she warned him.

"Hey, I'm just saying," he said with a shrug. "You, me and the supply room door. Could be a good time."

He hadn't exactly allayed her fears, but he had definitely distracted her from the issue at hand.

They'd been inside for all of five minutes when he caught a trauma case, and that was the end of his coffee. On the upside, he and Will worked together - civilly - for the very first time. Apparently all it took was one drink at Molly's the better part of a week ago, and now they were friends.

Sarah, on the other hand, was still freaking out. They all knew, but few people were game to say anything to her - she'd just chewed out a frankly very rude patient. They didn't want to be next in line.

"Handled like a true pathologist," Ethan had commented as she walked past. Of all the things he could be scared of, Sarah Reese was definitely not one of them.

She pulled a face and turned back around. "I know, I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "My match day, I threw up six times and passed out, so I say you're doing fine."

"You did not throw up and pass out."

Yeah, he had to give her that one. "I wanted to, though."

"Was emergency medicine your first choice?"

He nodded. "My only choice. All I ever wanted to do."

"Even though it comes with a lifetime supply of angry snot guys?"

"It has its downsides," he answered honestly. "Then again, how many jobs are there where you get to literally save lives?"

He knew he'd made her think, but he also wanted to reassure her. "I'm sure you'll find pathology just as rewarding."

"You are?"

He knew what she wanted to hear, but he knew he had to be honest with her when she asked again. "No. I don't get it at all."

And then, she was left alone with her thoughts.

Had she made the biggest mistake of her life?

She was distracted from her inner turmoil when the snot patient collapsed. He'd just had a head CT - there was a giant pocket of air building in his head due to skull fracture. The doctors around her were all caught up on serious cases - one with a brain dead patient, two code blues, and now Ethan was picking up a gunshot wound that had just rolled through the door.

The guy in front of her needed a burr hole drilled into his head, and it was going to have to be her who did it. That's what Ethan had said, so that's what she did. He had every confidence that she could do it, so she did. And when Ms Goodwin was about to ream her out about it, he stepped in.

As Goodwin was walking away, Sarah turned to Ethan and said, "You did not have to do that."

"It's true, Reese," he said. "And you're family. We rise or fall together."

In her mind, in that moment, she knew she'd made the wrong decision. Pathology was not for her.

She was terrified out of her mind. There was only one person she wanted to talk to, but she'd just missed him. He was rushing a patient up to the OR with Dr Manning when she spotted him. So she did the only thing she could - she headed straight up to the roof, ready to find herself a corner and fall apart. Mercifully, the roof was completely empty. How she had managed that, she would never know. Maybe sometimes the universe just gave you what you needed.

This was where Connor found her an hour later, pacing up and down.

He approached her slowly, trying to work out how best to break the ice. Finally, he settled on, "The door and I would like to know if you've thought any more about our offer."

She rolled her eyes and almost laughed. Sarcastically, she replied, "No."

When she started blinking back tears, he took a quick look around them and pulled her into his arms. They might have still been at work, but there was no one around, and no windows looking out at them. It's not like the guys from security were going to watch the surveillance tapes back and report them.

"Everything is mixed up," she said quietly, her head resting comfortably against his shoulder.

"What do you mean?" he whispered back.

"I saved a life. And that was good, really good." She was rambling, but she didn't care. "And then I got in trouble, and that was bad. And then Ethan stuck up for me, called me family."

"Sounds good too."

"It was."

He looked down at her now, making sure he was looking her in the eye. "So, why are you up here?"

"Because it's match day and everything's mixed up!"

He kissed the top of her head comfortingly, holding her closer and tighter than he ever had before. She clung on to him for dear life, too.

"It'll all be okay," he reassured her. "I promise."

Finally, it was time. She sucked it up, put on her big girl pants, and went downstairs to collect her envelope.

He was waiting for her when she walked back into the ED. She approached him slowly, her expression completely unreadable. He couldn't tell if it was good or bad news. He didn't bother asking her to step away - he had to know.

"Well?"

She didn't speak, but passed him the blue envelope. He took it cautiously, not quite game to open it yet.

Trying to lighten the mood slightly, he asked her, "You aren't moving to New York or something, right?"

"No," she said, so quietly it was barely audible.

It was comforting, but he also knew something was very, very wrong. He opened the envelope slowly, relieved when he saw Gaffney Chicago Medical Center printed in the top right-hand corner. Whatever it was, she was staying right here.

His eyes flicked over the page quickly, and he smiled. "You got it - Chicago Med, pathology."

His joy turned to anguish when he saw the forced smile on her face.

"We are celebrating, right?"

"Yeah," she responded, the fake smile still very much in place.

He was about to say more, but his pager chose that very moment to go off.

"Go," she said, tears in her eyes.

"But -"

"- Later," she said.

He was walking backward, not taking his eyes off her. "I'm holding you to that."

She shot him a half-smile. "You, me and the door."

His eyebrows shot up. "The door?"

She shook her head. "Later."

He was already home when she arrived that night. It figured, considering what had happened today. She'd barely closed the door when he pounced.

"We are going to talk about this, right?"

"Connor ..."

"Last time we needed to talk, we had sex instead. Granted, it was amazing sex - but it's not a healthy coping mechanism."

When she didn't say anything, he opened his mouth again - and she snapped.

"Don't, okay!" she yelled. "Just stop!"

He stopped, and he waited. She dropped her bag on the floor and looked up at him with heartbreaking misery in her eyes.

"Pathology is a mistake, isn't it?"

It was rhetorical, he knew, but he still didn't respond. And then it clicked.

"You knew."

"Yes," he replied very softly, now suddenly unsure.

"How long have you known?"

He didn't respond. He wanted to hold her, and tell her everything was going to be fine. But again, he didn't. She was about to explode.

And explode she did.

"How long have you known, Connor?!"

He took a step forward, but she took one back.

"Tell me."

Calmly, he said, "You needed to make the decision on your own."

"How long?"

"No matter how much I wanted to step in, I couldn't."

"How long have you known?"

They had backed their way down the hallway and into the bedroom - she only stopped when her legs hit the edge of the bed, and she fell back onto it. It seemed to bring her back into reality - she was yelling because she was pissed, but it wasn't at him. She was angrier than she had ever been in her life, and it was at herself.

She took three deep, calming breaths with her eyes closed tight. When they opened again, and brown met blue once more, he knew she was back.

"When you told me you'd picked pathology," he said, tentatively stepping into the room. When she didn't flinch, or move, or yell, he sat down gingerly next to her. "That's when I knew."

She was sitting cross-legged now, facing him. "That long?"

"That long."

He relaxed when she did, leaning into him. Eventually they lay back, and that was where they stayed - comfortably cuddling the night away.

At some point around 3am, they found themselves waking up and crawling under the covers.

"You, me and the door are gonna have to talk tomorrow," she mumbled half-coherently, cuddling back up to him in bed.

He smiled. "I'm gonna hold you to that."


	14. Hearts

He was thanking his lucky stars that Sarah was rostered for a late start the next morning. Quite aside from the fact that she had not slept properly for more than a week, he knew their colleagues already have their teeth sunk into today's cases by the time she arrived. Which meant she stood a chance of being left to her own devices. He, on the other hand, was performing a life-saving heart surgery on an infant this morning to repair a ventricular septal defect - literally repairing a hole on a heart about the size of a strawberry.

He had to hold his tongue when Downey had pointed that bit out. The word strawberry tended to have a different meaning in his mind these days.

When Sarah did start her shift, he knew exactly where he would find her.

"Dr Reese," he said as casually as he could, leaning over her shoulder to grab her attention. It had worked, judging by her reaction.

They were standing in the middle of the ED right now - if they weren't, their conversation would have gone a lot differently.

"Not quite yet, Dr Rhodes," she replied very quietly.

He handed her a small red box, saying, "Congratulations on getting your match. You've worked hard, and you deserve it."

To anyone who wasn't in the loop, it was a friendly gesture from a colleague that she had worked quite closely with. It was common knowledge in the ED these days that the two were friends, so it wasn't entirely unexpected. To those who knew, however, it was another cleverly disguised cute moment.

She looked from the box to him and back again a couple of times before she opened it. "Oh, it's beautiful."

She squinted at the glass slide inside the box for a moment, hardly able to believe what she was seeing.

"Bubonic plague bacillus," he said quietly.

"This is amazing," she breathed.

He leaned down again, dropping his voice so only she could hear. "I wanted to give you this last night - you know, once we'd had our conversation with the door."

"Well, we'll just have to do that tonight, won't we?" she replied just as quietly, a twinkle in her eye.

April stole her away at that very moment, grabbing her to assist Dr Halstead with an exam on a patient. Connor took his leave quickly, heading back out toward the elevator for another surgery.

She'd been in the room for less than a minute. The patient needed a physical exam, nothing too exciting at all. She was testing his reflexes when she started to not feel all that well. Out of nowhere, she was dizzy and her vision went fuzzy. The next thing Will and the patient knew, she had fallen across the patient and face first into the bed.

"Reese!" Will yelled, he and the patient both grabbing hold of her to make sure she didn't fall any further.

It wasn't all that loud, but it was clear enough for Connor to have heard it. He'd been discussing a case with another specialist who had happened to be in the ED as he was trying to leave it. He didn't bother to excuse himself, he just ran.

"What happened?" he asked Will, helping the other doctor to retrieve her from the bed and get her into her own treatment room.

"No idea," Will shrugged. "She was fine, and then she was down."

"Damnit," Connor muttered.

"Dude, breathe," Will told him calmly. "Look, she's already coming around."

Thank God, she was stirring.

Her eyes fluttered open, revealing to her two very worried faces. "I'm fine," she told them grumpily. Before either of them could get a word in, she had sat up and started to get out of the bed.

"Sarah -"

"- I said I'm fine, Connor."

Will looked from one to the other. "Everything okay here?"

"Fine. Just like I am."

Will had already picked up what he needed to give her a quick once-over. "You don't have a choice in this one, I'm afraid I've gotta check you out. Rules are rules." He paused, and added, "Though some are apparently made to be broken."

Connor's pager was going off, and she couldn't help but notice he was trying to ignore it. "Go," she told him earnestly. "I promise, I'm fine."

"Yeah," Will said. "I'll page you if something's up."

He turned back to Sarah, mentally running through his list of what he needed to look for.

"Okay, let's get the awkward question out of the way first - any chance you could be pregnant?"

Connor was halfway out the door, but that one stopped him. He locked eyes with her as Will looked on awkwardly.

"Look, I don't want or need to know the ins and outs of it," he said. "I just need to know if it's possible."

Connor had thought they were going to answer him simultaneously, but he was the only one speaking. "No."

Will looked from one to the other. "Sarah?"

She held up a finger, signalling for him to wait a moment. "Doing math."

'Math?' Will mouthed over at Connor, who was suddenly doing the same.

Brown eyes met blue, both with the same expression on their faces. Will said nothing.

"But we're always safe," Sarah said directly to Connor, who was now still as a statue.

"It's not one hundred per cent effective," he replied in a very even, measured tone.

And that was when Will worked out what they were talking about. "So, we're saying maybe?"

"It's a small possibility, but it's not impossible," Sarah replied begrudgingly, then added, "About a week."

Will nodded. "And that saves me my next awkward question."

To Connor, he said, "I'll have the lab run a test. We're not gonna know anything for a few hours."

"Go," Sarah said one last time. This time, he listened.

It was the one thing Downey had said about their relationship - _don't get her pregnant before she graduates_. But he didn't have time to think about that now. He had work to do, and patients to see.

Back in the treatment room, Sarah was avoiding looking Will in the eye.

"That was more than you ever needed to know about us," she said to the ceiling.

"Yeah, the fluorescent light really didn't need to hear about your sex life," he joked, lightening the mood. "Right now I'm your doctor, Sarah. And as your friend, I promise you it's going in one ear and out the other."

She grimaced, now brave enough to meet his eyes. "And then down to pathology for a pregnancy test."

"True, but we always do a full panel just to be sure. Better safe than sorry, and all that."

He had nearly finished checking her over when she spoke again.

"I'm so embarrassed," she lamented, taking the blood pressure cuff off.

"Don't be," he said. "You fainted."

"Yeah, right on top of that poor gymnastics teacher. Did he say anything?"

"Only that he was very impressed with your dismount."

She gave him a look. Now, he was just trying to make her feel better.

"Your EKG and your BP are normal," he said, "so I think what we're looking at -"

"- A vasovagal syncope, right?"

Will nodded. "Probably. Just gotta figure out what the trigger is."

"Okay," she sat up straighter now.

"Maybe blood sugar," he offered helpfully. "Let's get you some orange juice."

He led her across the ED to the doctor's lounge, where he knew they would find the juice they needed.

"I'm no Dr Charles," he said, passing her the drink, "but is everything okay with you?"

"Everything's great," she said. "The guy who played tuba above our bed every night finally moved out. I just got my pathology match, and Connor just gave me the sweetest gift. Bubonic plague."

"Wow," Will said. "He must really like you."

"I sure hope so," she replied. "Apparently there's a chance we could have accidentally made a human, so there's that."

He gave her a comforting smile. "Don't panic about it, Sarah. You've been safe, the chances are slim."

She grimaced. "You were supposed to forget you heard that."

"I know nothing," Will said.

The minute he was done with his second surgery of the day, he wanted to head back down to the ED. They'd been in the OR for hours, her blood test should be well and truly back by now. He hadn't been paged, his phone wasn't showing any messages - either they were waiting for him to finish up here, or they were about to have a very serious conversation.

Just as he thought he'd got away, Downey was pulling him back to talk to the family. He could tell his mentor knew something was up, but he didn't say anything. He wanted to know himself before he started speculating.

When he finally did get back to the ED, he found her standing at one of the workstations.

"Hey," he said kindly.

"Hi." Her reply was short and sharp, but right now he couldn't blame her. He had a thousand conflicting emotions running through his head right now - Lord only knows what she was feeling.

He logged into the computer beside her, checking files on his patients upstairs. He didn't ask. She would have already told him had she known.

"What if -" She stopped herself, looking around them nervously. Dropping her voice, she finished her thought. "What if it's positive. What then?"

He, too, dropped his voice so no one else could hear. "Then we would need to make some decisions."

"You mean, whether we carry or terminate?"

He closed his eyes and nodded. "That, and others - like whether or not we come clean to the administration."

"Oh my God, I hadn't even thought of that."

"This is not a conversation we need to have right now. We might not need to have it at all."

She looked him dead in the eye and whispered exactly the words he knew she was thinking. "I'm not ready to be somebody's mother. This was a 'one day' thing, something way out in the future."

He couldn't help it, he smiled.

"Why are you smiling?"

"We went from a not-in-my-plan to a one day. That's a maybe."

She rolled her eyes, returning her attention to her own computer screen. She shrugged, and said, "I know how much you want kids."

"You'd do that for me, even when you're not sure?"

Again, she shrugged. "We're planning a future, right? That's what people in relationships do."

He was smiling like an idiot now, and he knew it. "You know I love you, right?"

"And I love you too." As an afterthought, she added, "Your dad doesn't need to know about this, though. Does he?"

"As much as I would love to never see the man again, I'm pretty sure he's going to want to know his theoretical grandchildren."

"Yeah, I was afraid you were gonna say that."

"You don't wanna meet him?"

Immediately, she was shaking her head. "Not with the stories I've heard. I want nothing to do with the guy."

He didn't have a chance to give her a sarcastic response - he'd just caught a trauma case.

They lost her not long after they got her up to the OR. Her internal bleeding was so severe around her heart that the anaesthesia wasn't working. As awful as it was, it also made a lot of sense. When Connor had said he was going to find the family, Downey was the one who wanted to sit with them and explain what had happened. He had said Connor needed to head back down to the ED.

What the man knew, or how he knew, Connor didn't know. Somehow, he always knew. Or was it just that Connor had become so readable?

Down in the ED, Sarah was sitting on the couch in the doctors' lounge with her head in her hands.

When Will walked in, he knew something was up. "Reese, you okay?"

"Uh-uh."

"What, it happen again?" he was squatting down in front of her straight away.

"Vertigo," she replied.

"Maybe something is goin' on," Will said, genuinely concerned. "We should run some more tests."

Sarah took a deep breath. "No. I know what it is."

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she was glad she was finally admitting it.

"Pathology."

He wanted to comfort her, but he didn't know what he could say. And there was nothing he could do.

He was saved having to find a response when Connor entered the room. "What's happened?"

"She's fine," Will told him, watching him sit down next to her and immediately wrap and arm around her. "Just a little vertigo."

"What did the tests show?"

She finally looked up, then immediately regretted it. "I'm right here, you know," she said defiantly.

"I'm sorry," Connor whispered, placing a kiss to her temple. "Reflex."

"Not a trauma patient," she muttered, again holding her head in her hands. "I'm the girlfriend."

Both men smiled. It wasn't often either of them said it, or even that it was acknowledged. It was nice to hear the words spoken aloud.

"Well, your tests came back completely normal," Will offered. "And you are not pregnant."

"Thank God," she muttered.

Connor smiled again, leaning his head down against hers. "This is pathology, isn't it?"

"Vasovagal syncope," she recited. "A sudden drop in heart rate and blood pressure leading to fainting, often in reaction to a stressful trigger."

"Did you swallow the textbook?"

She didn't respond to Will, she didn't even look up. She did, however, raise a hand and give him the finger.

He laughed, starting to head for the door. "Oh, and guys - the walls are made of glass."

They looked up now, both thoroughly confused.

"You need to find a better spot."

They separated slightly, enough to pass themselves off to a casual onlooker as colleagues and friends. On the couch between them, where no one could see, she took his hand and interlocked their fingers.

"What if I don't go into pathology?"

The words hung in the air, heavy and dense.

He watched the expression on her face. This was the Sarah he had fallen in love with - the strong, sarcastic, quietly confident one. And she'd finally come into her own.

"You know I'll support you, no matter what you decide to do."

"I want to be in the ED," she said confidently. "I actually like treating patients."

He smiled. "I know."

The answer was simple and solid.

She sighed. "It's not going to be that easy, is it?"

"Nope," he answered her honestly. "Matches are binding. A legal contract."

"That's exactly what I'd hoped you wouldn't say."


	15. Inheritance

They'd intentionally had a quiet couple of weeks. Nothing had changed in terms of the pathology debacle, but just knowing she had Connor on her side was enough for the time being. She had come to realise there was nothing they couldn't handle together - it was all going to turn out okay.

So life went on. They went to work and treated patients - sometimes they won, and sometimes they lost. More often than not, now, they found themselves dropping into Molly's with their co-workers for a drink after their shifts. The small group of people who were in on their secret had all proved themselves trustworthy. Somehow, even the hospital's trusty rumour mill didn't know. It was truly a miracle.

Outside of work, they were slowly getting back to normal. The scare had derailed their sex life for the time being, but they had found themselves spending more meaningful time together. They were sharing more about themselves than they had ever done before. She found herself telling him things she had never told anyone else before. And he was starting to open up to her, too.

Unbeknownst to Sarah, however, Connor had been avoiding his sister in the background. It was only when she literally ran into him brushing off their lunch date - _again_ \- that she knew something was up.

"I'm not avoiding you," Connor was saying.

"It's because of dad, isn't it?" Claire asked him. "You hate that I don't hate him."

He didn't answer. She purposely hung back, knowing this was a conversation she didn't want to intrude on.

"You're not being fair. Listen, mom's suicide? I know you blame him. But, mom had real problems."

Clearly, Connor disagreed. "That's not exactly how I remember it."

"That's because, believe it or not, dad tried to shield us. He kept us away when mom spiralled into a black hole. You don't remember, but I do."

Sarah, who was grabbing a drink from a nearby vending machine, knew he wouldn't reply.

"Call me, Connor," Claire said, readying herself to leave. "When you're ready."

Connor watched her walk away, then joined Sarah beside the vending machine at the other end of the lobby. He stood beside her, surveying his options, and placed a hand gingerly on her back.

"How much of that did you hear?" he asked her quietly.

"Enough to know it's none of my business," she answered.

He pressed his lips together tightly, and casually bought himself a bottle of passionfruit flavoured soda. Barely audibly, he said, "It is your business. You deserve to know."

"You don't owe me anything," she whispered back.

He took a deep breath and told her, "I want to tell you."

She knew it was a big deal - she knew he'd never told anyone about this part of him before.

"Tonight," he said, heading back into the ED.

They hadn't crossed paths like they normally would during their shifts today. When they did meet down in the doctor's lounge, Sarah found him deep in thought, staring very intently at his locker.

"Everything okay?" she asked carefully. Off the top of her head, she couldn't think of an obvious reason for him to be so out of sorts - he'd had a win today.

"Mmm," he replied absentmindedly.

She was standing at her locker now, just a couple of spaces down from his. They were close enough that their arms were brushing as they removed their lab coats and replaced them with their overcoats.

"That's not an answer," she said.

He gave a very long sigh, then said very slowly, "I'm gonna need to change our plans for tonight."

"Oh."

"No, not because I don't - urgh," he groaned. Apparently he could see the disappointment written all over her face.

"It's okay. You don't have to -"

"- I do," he interrupted her. "You want me to be a part of your life, and I want so badly to be in it. We're planning a future together, Sarah."

"I'm aware," she answered, picking up her bag.

He reached out an arm to stop her from walking away. "What I'm trying to say is ... I want you to know. As much as I hate reliving my past, it's a part of me. And that's a part of me that you need to know."

This was how she found herself standing on the corner of one of the busiest intersections in Chicago, staring at the imposing Dolan Rhodes Department Store building. Connor stood by her side, holding onto her hand for dear life. She could see the internal argument he was having with himself in his eyes. They stood stock still for four solid minutes. She didn't push, she didn't say anything. She just squeezed his hand, knowing they would move forward together when he was ready.

With a resolve she rarely saw outside of a trauma emergency, he led them across the street purposefully, and straight through the front door of the store.

She was in awe at the opulence surrounding them. She'd heard stories about this place from literally everyone they worked with, but she'd never been inside to see it for herself. It wasn't just a department store; it was like something out of a movie.

He strode purposefully through the front half of the store, leading them directly toward one of at least two glass elevators. As the elevator rose toward the third floor, she noticed his dark expression. When she squeezed his hand, he locked eyes with her and they softened.

It was almost a relief to know that the Connor she knew was still in there. Because she really didn't recognise the man that was standing beside her right now.

They exited the lift in the homewares section, and Sarah found herself mesmerised by an entire section of crystal glassware. Could this place even be real?

She was entirely distracted by everything around her until she realised they were approaching a group of women working on a display.

"Claire," Connor said, immediately garnering their attention.

Claire Rhodes couldn't believe her eyes. "Wow," she said.

The siblings were standing opposite each other, their identical postures - crossed arms and awkward shoulders - almost enough to make Sarah laugh. She stood beside him awkwardly, not really knowing if or what to say.

"Um," Connor started. "Any chance you're free for dinner?"

Claire smiled. "Yeah, I think I can make that work."

She spotted Sarah then, and all of a sudden they were hugging. "Hi," Sarah said in her usual awkward manner.

Claire laughed. "Let me just grab my coat."

She was off immediately, making a beeline for what Sarah supposed was probably her office. Connor had an arm around her now, suddenly a whole lot more comfortable than he was before. He placed a kiss on her temple and smiled.

"You don't mind this, right?" It had suddenly occurred to him that they hadn't talked about this at all.

"Never," Sarah told him. "Your sister is important to you, so she's important to me too."

As he wrapped her in his arms, she couldn't help but notice the way his muscles tensed up all around her.

"What's going -"

"- Don't move," he whispered in her ear.

On the other side of the store, he had spotted his father in the elevator. She could feel the tension radiating off him, and she knew that he'd seen them. That was why he was still holding her in this close embrace. He wasn't ready for his father to know who she was, to see her face.

He released her slowly after about a minute, a protective arm still looping its way around her waist.

While they waited for Claire, she took it upon herself to distract him.

"Seriously, is this place real?"

He looked down at her and laughed.

"What?" she asked, laughter in her voice now too. "The amount of crystal right here in front of us - this is nuts!"

"You grew up in this world too."

"Oh no," she disagreed. "I might've grown up with money, but this is something else entirely."

Claire approached them again then, now wearing a very expensive looking coat. "Admit it Sarah, we all like the pretty things."

The trio made their way toward the elevator together, stopping every so often when Claire wanted to point something out to Sarah. It took them far longer than it should to even make it to the vicinity of the elevator.

"Urgh," Connor groaned. "Remind me never to go shopping with either of you again. _Ever_."

The girls just laughed.

As intense as the last couple of weeks had been, Sarah was glad it had all happened. Connor was opening up more and more, and she found herself doing the same.

The road ahead was going to be tough, this much she knew - but nothing worth doing is ever easy, right?


	16. Disorder

She'd woken up early this morning. She found herself sitting on the balcony floor, staring out through the glass railing at the city skyline. She didn't know how long she'd been out there, nor did she care. She'd watched the sun as it rose, and the city as it slowly woke to face the morning. For the first time in weeks, her mind was clear. She didn't think, she just watched.

Connor, on the other hand, panicked momentarily when he woke up in a cold bed. He was out from under the warm covers in a flash, hopping around and pulling on a pair of pants as he headed for the door - he breathed a sigh of relief when he spotted her out in the cool morning air. Within moments, he found himself sitting down beside her.

She leaned her head onto his shoulder and cuddled right into him. They sat like that for a long time, just watching the city around them.

"I want kids."

The words had come out of nowhere. She hadn't planned on this conversation - in fact, she hadn't really thought about it much since their scare a couple of weeks ago - but as soon as she'd said it, she knew it was true.

"I want kids with you," she said, a little louder and a little more confident this time, "It's not a maybe, or a 'nope, never planned on that.' I want that life, Connor. I want the white picket fence fantasy - the house, the dog, the little people who are half me and half you."

He couldn't help the smile that adorned his face. "What changed your mind?"

She shrugged. "I was freaked out when we had the scare. But after, when we got the test results back..." she faded off, lost in temporarily thought. "In my mind's eye, I could see it. We almost had that life. And it was just this incredible feeling."

He kissed her, slow and long, then drew her into his arms. "I want that life too. I'd do it tomorrow, if I could."

"But we can't," she sighed.

He shook his head. "Not yet. But one day - when you're finished your residency."

She groaned. "Please don't mention the 'R' word."

"Have you had any luck finding another program?"

"Nope," she replied, popping the 'P'. "That's not a problem for today."

"It isn't?"

She shook her head, now standing on her feet. He raised his arms and she helped him stand, then pushed him back inside the apartment again.

"Right now, Dr Rhodes, you are in desperate need of a shower."

He stopped in his tracks, turning to face her slowly. "And exactly what does that mean?"

"It means you stink," she replied, not missing a beat.

She found herself laughing hysterically when he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder in one sweeping motion. "If I smell that badly, Ms Reese, than you must too. You endured just as much sweat-inducing physical activity since last night as I did."

She was still giggling hysterically when they arrived in his spacious ensuite bathroom.

"By the way," he asked as he turned the shower on, "when did we decide we're getting a dog?"

Down in the ED later that morning, Sarah was having a relatively slow day. Because _quiet_ was a word you never wanted to utter in here - it always meant things were about to get crazy.

She had just finished up with a patient when she approached Maggie and April, who were staring out into the main reception area with strange looks on their faces.

"Man, we're up again already?" April asked Maggie, who looked almost concerned.

"Looks like it."

"What's going on?" Sarah asked. "Who are they?"

"Big brother," Maggie replied, clearly unhappy. She gestured for them to all most their ID badges up onto their shirts, where they could be clearly seen.

"JCAHO," April all but groaned.

"Yeah. They're doing a surprise site survey," Ms Goodwin told them quietly. Sarah hadn't even noticed she was there.

"Who's JCAHO?" Sarah asked.

"The Joint Commission. They rate the performance standards of hospitals and certify them," Maggie explained.

It was Ms Goodwin's turn now. "So far JCAHO's reports have been positive. Let's keep it that way - stick to protocols, and with big smiles."

The three girls grinned at their administrator sarcastically. As April headed on toward her next patient, Goodwin was asking Ethan to show them some of his Navy discipline. They were joking about him being a tight-ass, and then he was off to spend the day with an ambulance crew.

"And, uh, getting those docs in line - isn't that the Chief Resident's job, anyway?" Maggie asked Goodwin, who Sarah could have sworn nearly rolled her eyes.

"Wonderful," Goodwin said. "The guy enforcing the rules is the one who's always breaking them."

They were, of course, talking about Will. He was out in the reception area shaking hands with the suits.

Sarah sat quietly at one of the desks, working on some paperwork. The code blue team was paged to the ED, and Connor appeared in seconds. He headed straight over and took coontrol of the situation with today's team, which Sarah was not assigned to. Her eyes followed him momentarily as he headed into the room, and then she returned to her paperwork.

Half an hour later, they had stabilised the patient, and Connor emerged from the treatment room. He sat down at the desk beside her, ready to begin working on his own paperwork.

"So, surprise inspection, huh?" he whispered, watching the suits who were looking at something or other at the other end of the hallway.

"Yeah," she nodded. "By the way, watch out for Will - he's being a real ass."

Connor laughed. "Ah, the first taste of power."

"No, not power."

They looked at each other for a brief moment, but found themselves suddenly having to force themselves to not burst out laughing.

"Stress," they said in unison, ducking their heads as the man himself walked past.

Will noticed them sitting together and doubled back. "Hey, lovebirds," he said when he stopped in front of him. "No funny business today, yeah?"

"'Funny business'?" Sarah asked, her eyebrows raised as high as they could go.

"Don't know what you could possibly be referring to," Connor told him. "We are consummate professionals."

Will looked from one to the other, not believing their innocent faces for a second. "Just - today is not the day."

Sarah smiled. "Don't worry, Will," she said sincerely. "We like our jobs too much to let you down."

Her joke clearly didn't sit well. The red headed man walked away, ready to pounce on the next person he saw.

Connor, on the other hand, squeezed her knee under the desk. "See, this is one of the many reasons why I love you," he whispered, smiling.

Connor found himself upstairs a few hours later, volunteering to conduct a very risky cardiothoracic surgery to save his patient. The patient and his wife had lived the last four years thinking he had Lewy Body Dementia, but it turns out he didn't. It was actually a tumour all along.

The wife had initially decided to keep her husband comfortable, knowing he didn't have great quality of life anyway. But now, with this new diagnosis in hand, she was appealing for them to go ahead with the surgery. Dr Downey had already said no when Connor found himself saying yes. The wife was a doctor herself, a neurologist - she understood the risks on a medical level, and she still wanted them to go ahead. So he did.

As they were scrubbing in for the surgery, Connor found himself defending his choice to his mentor, who was oddly quiet.

"I'm doing what I think is right. Nathan's mental impairment is due to a pea-sized tumour that is easily removeable. With a forty-five minute operation, we can cure him."

"But first," Downey said, "he has to survive this monumentally difficult surgery."

With that, Downey walked away, heading inside the OR.

As much as he wanted to, Connor really couldn't argue with him. The truth was, he was seeing his patient not just as someone with medical issues, but as a man. He and his wife were madly in love, you could tell just by looking at them. He would want someone to take the chance if it were him and Sarah in this same situation.

So, making decisions like this was not the best way to practice medicine. But he knew in his heart of hearts that he was absolutely doing the right thing.

Meanwhile, downstairs in the ED a patient's sister had just dumped a dog on Sarah. Inside the hospital. On JCAHO day.

Will would happen to walk past the glass doors right as Sarah was standing there, holding the dog's leash.

"I know," she said before he had a chance to jump in. "It all happened really fast."

She paused for a moment, then asked what she should do. Right now, she had nothing.

"Get him out of here, now," Will said.

"But where do I take him?"

"Reese, I don't care. Just get him out."

Luckily, her favourite security guard came to their rescue. Earl took the dog outside with him, patrolling the front of the hospital together.

When she walked back into the ED, she caught Will looking over her shoulder checking that the dog was gone.

As she walked past him, she smiled. "Could've been worse," she whispered. "It could've been the lovebirds."

Will grimaced. "That's not funny."

Toward the end of their shifts, they found themselves standing side-by-side in the doctor's lounge with the coffee pot that had just given them the liquid gold that would get them through the end of their day.

"We'd want to be married, right?" he asked her out of nowhere. "You know, before we have these theoretical kids."

She hadn't really thought about it. But now that she did, the answer seemed so obvious.

"You're not asking, are you?" she asked, half-joking but also not game to actually look at him just in case he was.

Connor smiled. "Not yet," he answered, seeing the tension in her shoulders release.

 _Not yet_.

The words floated around her, making her smile.

"But one day, down the road..." He bumped her shoulder lightly. "You betcha."

She scrunched up her nose and pulled a face. "Never say that again. Ever."

He laughed, downed the last of his caffeine and headed back out into the ED. When Sarah followed him a few minutes later, she was surprised to find Ms Goodwin marching down the hallway towards her.

"Reese, come with me," Goodwin said. Sarah didn't ask questions, she just blindly followed the administrator.

"Uh-oh," April said, making Maggie look up.

"Oh," Maggie all but whispered. "I've seen that look."

Sarah was still following Goodwin, who now pointed to the one person she had prayed she wouldn't. "Dr Rhodes," she said, still moving through the department.

He and Sarah shared a look, neither game to say or do anything. Their panic, however, was short-lived.

"Everyone," Goodwin said, gathering all of the staff around. She would hardly have everyone there if she were about to discuss their biggest secret with them, right?

"Look, we all know how important JCAHO's site visits are," Goodwin began, more serious than Sarah had ever seen her. "Yet, despite what I said about the rules, my team ordered tests on the sly, brought a dog into the ED, and handled radioactive material."

The staff were all looking at one another guiltily. Dr Charles was the only one game enough to say anything.

"Sharon, you have every right to be upset. Really," he said. "But we can't really be ignoring the second law of thermodynamics here, can we?"

"How's that?"

"Well, systems do tend to degenerate into evermore distorted versions of themselves, right? I mean, look around you - all we're doing here all day long is battling the universe's desire to fall apart."

"Yeah," Ethan added. "You should've seen the house I was in today."

"Just saying, I love rules, we all do," Dr Charles said. "But, in bringing order to disorder every now and then a couple are going to get bent."

Goodwin gave him a look. "Nice try, Daniel. But the good news is JCAHO didn't catch any of you, so we keep our top rating. I'll see you all tomorrow."

As the team started to disperse, and Sharon walked away, she muttered, "Second law of thermodynamics..."

Connor and Sarah shared another look, this time relieved.

That was, until they heard the administrator calling them from further down the hallway.

"Reese, Rhodes," she said, beckoning them forward with a wave of her hand. "With me."

They said nothing, following her blindly. Both were trying not to panic, but neither were succeeding. They walked on opposite sides of the hallways, intentionally leaving several feet of room between them. When the finally did arrive at their destination upstairs, Goodwin motioned for them to sit in the chairs opposite her desk.

She took her time taking her own seat, which gave the incognito couple enough time to share another worried look.

 _Breathe_ , Connor mouthed to her. The only response she could give him was to shake her head.

When Goodwin finally did sit down, she clasped her hands in front of her and surveyed the two lightly.

"First things first," she said after a long moment. "This meeting is entirely off the record."

Still, neither said anything.

Goodwin smiled. "I don't know anything officially. I don't want either of you to confirm or deny anything."

Connor broke their silence. "Then why exactly are we here?"

Sarah could hardly breathe. There was no way around it - Goodwin knew. This was not good.

"Because I have eyes, Dr Rhodes," Goodwin replied. "And others in this hospital do too."

Connor looked to Sarah, who nodded very briefly.

Goodwin looked from one to the other and said, "If an inappropriate relationship is reported to me, I am obligated to bring that to the attention of the Board. And if I were to stumble across something myself, I would also need to inform them."

"But?" Sarah asked very quietly, knowing there was more to it than that.

Goodwin smiled again, and said, "Don't give me proof."

When neither said anything, she spoke again.

"Look, I can suspect that I think I know what I think I know. In the outside world, you are both consenting adults and there is no reason for anyone to care." She looked at them individually now. "But in this hospital, you are a medical student and you are a fellow. We have rules in place for a reason. Do _not_ give me a reason to have to share this with the Board."

Connor stood up, knowing that this was the end of their meeting. "Share what?" he asked rhetorically.

That twinkle was back in Ms Goodwin's eye again. "Exactly."


	17. Withdrawal

Their conversation with Ms Goodwin two days ago had been a real wake up call. Neither Connor nor Sarah had been game to so much as speak to one another during their shifts over the last couple of days, and people had started to notice.

Ethan sat on the edge of the desk beside the workstation Sarah was working at, wringing his hands distractedly. Sarah kept working with as much concentration as she could, but when he was still sitting beside her a couple of minutes later, she couldn't help but look up at him. Still, he didn't say anything.

"Everything okay?" she asked him kindly.

He surveyed her for a moment, then said, "I'm fine. I just wanted to check in with you, make sure you're okay."

"... Yes?"

Ethan sighed. "Look, Sarah. We've all noticed you and Connor haven't been -"

"- Hold up, wait a minute," Sarah interrupted him. "You've _all_ noticed something?"

For the first time since they'd met, she saw Ethan pull a face. "It's the worst-kept secret in the ED," he admitted sheepishly.

She could actually feel the room start to spin. "Oh my God."

"Hey hey, don't panic," he told her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I mean, you're the envy of most of the nursing staff."

"Oh, great," she muttered, actually holding her head in her hands now.

Ethan chuckled. "I just - I've noticed you two haven't been speaking for a couple of days. Just wanted to make sure I don't have to go and kick his butt."

She couldn't help herself, she laughed at that. If she ever found herself in need of a big brother, she knew exactly who to turn to.

She stood up now, grabbing a tablet and smiling. "We're fine," she said simply. "Right now, I have a lovely little old lady in Three. Excuse me."

Ethan watched her walk away, passing by a group of nurses more confidently than she ever had before.

Her day only got stranger from there. She had two elderly patients from the same nursing home, both showing the same symptoms but neither having anything in common, other than their residence at the facility. She'd turned to Dr Charles for help, thinking that their presentations were a result of their surroundings. It wasn't until an elderly gentleman arrived wanting to check in on their patients that they had made the connection - within the hour, they had diagnosed all three with gonorrhea.

It was mind boggling to Sarah. Not only did her sweet, elderly patients have an STD, but the gentleman was sleeping with at least two other women as well.

As they were releasing their patients that evening, Sarah and Dr Charles talked about it.

"He seems like a nice enough guy," she said conversationally. "But no one is worth lying, cheating or disease."

"Where are you getting lying and cheating?"

"You heard what he said."

"I didn't hear that," Dr Charles said. "This looks like more of an open relationship to me."

Sarah knew what he was saying, but it still didn't sit well. "Well, you'd think at their age they'd be past that."

"Past wanting physical intimacy?"

She couldn't help it. She didn't know why, but this was something she felt very strongly about.

"If my boyfriend ever suggested an open relationship," she said firmly, "I'd kill him."

Dr Charles nodded in his usual way. After a long moment, he commented, "See, I happen to know your boyfriend. He's a good man."

Sarah froze. He'd eluded to it once before, that day he put her patient on a psych hold, but no one had ever acknowledged it so matter-of-factly.

"Believe me, he's all in," Dr Charles continued. "Definitely not something you'll ever need to worry about."

She looked up at him with a small smile. Jokingly, she said, "So what you're saying is if he ever shows up dead in a ditch..."

"Oh yeah," Dr Charles assured her. "I'll know exactly what happened."

They laughed.

By the time she was readying herself to leave that evening, she'd concluded the entirety of the ED knew there was something between her and Connor. He'd sent her a message, asking her to meet him upstairs. Downey had just undergone another procedure on his liver, and Connor wanted to stick around to make sure everything went smoothly.

Thankfully, it had. She was relieved to see the two men sitting in Downey's patient room, talking and smiling.

"Gentleman," she greeted them both as she entered. "You don't mind if I intrude, do you?"

"A beautiful woman like you?" Downey responded immediately. "You never need to ask."

She squeezed his hand as she sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the bed to Connor.

They all knew things were not looking good for David Downey. He wasn't responding to treatment anymore. Today's procedure was, in reality, a last-ditch effort. His oncology team weren't holding out hope anymore. But that didn't mean the duo sitting either side of him weren't going to continue to try and keep up his spirits.

And Sarah knew exactly how to do that right now.

"So, I treated three nursing home patients for gonorrhea today," she said as nonchalantly as she could.

It had worked - Connor's jaw had disbelievingly hit the floor, and Downey had burst out laughing.

"Ah, the ED," Downey managed through his laughter. "Never a dull moment."

Sarah laughed now. "Oh, no the best part - there's at least another two more women back at the home who probably have it too."

"Wow," Connor breathed.

Downey reached over and good-naturedly slapped him on the back. "Ah, Rhodes ... If we could be so lucky, hey?"

"Nah," Connor replied, nodding over to Sarah. "I've got this one to keep me company 'till I'm old and grey."

Sarah laughed. "And beyond, apparently."

They sat there for hours, laughing and joking. They knew Downey was approaching the point where his days were numbered. The man himself had decided he wanted to go on with life as normally as possible for as long as he could, and these two were the only ones who didn't treat him any differently. Granted, they wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for the situation at hand, but he had still enjoyed getting to know them as people.

Wherever he ended up in the end - up or down - he looked forward to seeing them build a life together.

What no one could see, however, was that it wasn't going to be that easy.


	18. Timing

A few weeks later, Connor and Sarah strolled into the ED side-by-side, coffee in hand. This had become common practice for them since the revelation that their colleagues knew there was something. At this point, they figured there was really no point in pretending that there wasn't anything going on - but the most they would openly admit to was being close friends.

They would often catch up for coffee in their breaks, and stop to have lunch together whenever they could. Still, when they did find themselves working side-by-side, no one could question that they were all business. The perfectly synchronised dance of the trauma bay was back, and somehow even better than before. He didn't ever have to give instructions now. As soon as his mouth was open to do it, she was giving him the answer he was looking for. And she had come ahead in leaps and bounds as an individual, too. Gone was the timid, unsure medical student - she had become a strong, confident doctor.

And today, it would become official. Today, she graduated from medical school.

"So, is your mom flying in for tonight?" Connor asked conversationally, almost dreading the answer. She'd been quiet when she did finally arrive home last night. He knew she'd stopped off at her own apartment to grab a few things and check her mail.

It felt a little redundant to him sometimes, knowing that she was still paying rent on a place she hardly spent any time in. But the flip side of that was that they really weren't ready to take the big step of actually moving in together. On some level, they both knew that it was what had happened, but right now it would all be too much. So no one pushed, they just rolled through it together.

"No, she's got an early day tomorrow," Sarah replied, no trace of disappointment in her voice. "Didn't want to take the red-eye back. She sent me a cheque."

It was sad, but if he were honest it had been exactly the response Connor had expected. From what he could gather, he wasn't missing a lot by not having met her mom in the year they had been together. That was one thing they had agreed on fairly early: They didn't have to worry about meeting the parents, because they weren't really a part of their lives anyway.

Connor nudged her side lightly, putting a smile on his face. "Well, I know Claire's looking forward to it. To be honest, I think she's living vicariously through you today."

Sarah laughed. "Why? Does your sister have dreams of giving her fancy surgeon brother a run for his money?"

Now that made Connor laugh. "Definitely not. The woman can't stand the sight of blood."

She knew exactly what he meant. He hadn't had his family around to see his med school graduation, either. It was comforting to her to know that his sister cared about her enough to make sure she would be there in the crowd.

"She's booked a table at some fancy restaurant for dinner tonight. She's dead set on celebrating."

Sarah dropped her head and groaned. Of course Claire had planned a celebration.

"You're just lucky she listened when I told her _not_ to throw you a big party."

She shuddered at that, now standing in front of her locker. "Yeah, that would be my nightmare."

"Well, nightmare averted."

They shared a look, and he gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "It's a happy day," he told her, waiting for the frown that adorned her features to disappear. "I'll be the guy up in the stands clapping the loudest."

He'd headed away then, on his way upstairs to start his day in the cardio ward. Minutes later, he was back - when she next saw him, he was wheeling Dr Downey upstairs, heading for the OR. She was inside a treatment room with a paediatric patient when they walked past - she only had to lock eyes with Connor to know that things were not good.

She'd been working with Natalie to diagnose and treat a six month old. In the back of her mind, she couldn't help but think that she should be finding it difficult to concentrate, not knowing what had happened upstairs, but she wasn't. This kid had crashed on them twice now. It was just so heartbreaking.

When her pager went off, she found herself working on autopilot. It wasn't until she arrived in the Cardiac ICU that she realised where she was. She made a beeline for Connor, who was standing outside the door to what she immediately knew was Downey's room.

"Hey," she said quietly.

Right now, he didn't care who was around. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. She could see he had squeezed his eyes closed tightly, willing the tears not to fall. She didn't say anything. There was nothing she could say. She stood there for God knows how long, rubbing comforting circles on his back.

 _This_ was why she had made the rash decision to go into pathology. It was a whole different ball game down in the lab. After all, you couldn't get emotionally attached to a blood sample.

"We've just ordered a CT," Connor told her quietly. "I think he might've stoked on the table."

"God..."

He kissed the top of her head, and added, "Dr Abrams is consulting."

She looked up at him now. "Neurosurgery?"

He shrugged. "You know as well as I do he's not responding to treatment."

"... You think it might have spread."

He didn't have a chance to respond. He pulled away from her quickly, seeing other doctors approaching from the other end of the hallway.

"Hey," she said quietly, ready to head back down to the ED, "stay with him. I'll keep Claire occupied tonight."

He looked sideways and said, "It's your graduation."

"And some things are more important."

That was how Sarah found herself waving off Claire's town car, having just eaten a fantastic meal in a restaurant that she could definitely not afford to be in. She'd filled Claire in on why Connor had not shown for her graduation as they ate their appetisers. To her great surprise, Claire had immediately insisted they took their food in to-go containers and headed back to the hospital. The food wouldn't be allowed inside, so they sat outside the ED on concrete benches chowing down on some of the most expensive food in the city.

"So, what does that mean?" Claire was asking. Sarah had been explaining the finder medical terminology of the diagnosis.

"In a nutshell, it's terminal."

"Terminal?"

Sarah smiled sadly. "The cancer has spread to his brain, in an area where we can't safely operate to take it out. At this point, all we can do is to keep him comfortable."

Claire's shoulders sagged. "That's awful. And you guys deal with this every day?"

"You've got to be a very special person to go into oncology."

"No," Claire disagreed. "You've got to be a very special person to be a doctor."

She'd been on her way not long after that, leaving Sarah to head back inside. She didn't bother dumping her stuff in her locker, instead rushing through the strangely quiet halls until she arrived in the ICU.

She didn't have the heart to wake Connor. He was asleep in a chair in the corner of the room. She could see the tension all over him, but at least his face looked peaceful.

"Hello gorgeous," a very tired voice said from the bed.

She smiled, and pulled up a chair closer to him. "Why Dr Downey," she giggled, "are you coming on to me?"

"Would the head of cardiothoracic surgery make a move on a medical student?"

She held up the rolled up piece of paper in her hands. "Maybe if she wasn't a student anymore."

Downey smiled. "Congratulations," he managed. "You, Dr Reese, are going to be fabulous."

"I'm going to try," she replied quietly.

There was silence for a moment, then he said, "I'm going to ask you a big favour now." When she didn't say anything, he directed her attention over to Connor. "Keep an eye on him for me."

She clasped his hand tightly in hers and made the one promise she knew she would have no problem keeping. "Of course."

"And Sarah?"

He was getting tired now, but that got her attention. She flung her head around to lock eyes with him - he had never used her first name before.

"Piece of advice - you need to do what's right for you."

He'd closed his eyes and fallen asleep by the time she had processed what he'd said, but she knew exactly what he was talking about. She had made the wrong decision in her residency. She did not want to go into pathology. But the reality of that choice was absolutely terrifying.

She stayed up in the ICU all night, keeping an eye on the two doctors from the desk. By the time morning rolled around, she knew exactly what she needed to do. She just had to get through today first.

She got the message mid-morning.

 _ **Connor:** He's gone._

It was exactly the catalyst she needed. She excused herself from the ED and headed downstairs to the lab.

Dr Nina Shore welcomed her into the lab happily - even mid-autopsy, the woman never seemed to not be smiling.

"Dr Reese," she said happily, "we are thrilled to have you. Hey - you wanna see one badass gastric carcinoma?"

She was almost too happy to pull the man's stomach out of his body and show her. That was the thing about Nina: no matter the situation, she always found a way to make you smile. Which made what Sarah was about to do that much harder.

"Dr Shore," Sarah began, "you've been really nice and I appreciate your encouragement. But I have decided not to go into pathology."

Nina's face fell. "Wh-what are you talking about?"

"I think I would do better treating patients," Sarah answered her honestly.

"But we're - we're counting on you."

"I'm really sorry."

"You realise, don't you, that pathology is your match? If you don't take this, you won't have a job."

Sarah nodded. "I know."

She didn't know what she was going to do now. But she did know that Downey was right - she needed to do what was best for her.

Connor met her in the doctor's lounge about an hour later. With one look at her face, he knew what she'd done. He had taken all of two steps toward her when she launched herself at him, meeting him halfway. There was no reason to bother hiding now.

No words were said. They weren't needed.

For now, it was enough just to be together.

 **A/N:** Here we are, at the end of season one! Thank you everybody for continuing to read this story, and for all of your kind words - I really, really appreciate it. As I've said, I've got big plans for our favourite couple. The road isn't necessarily going to be smooth, but it will be worth it in the end. I'll see you next time!


	19. Soul Care

It had been a long, hard summer.

After spectacurlalry refusing her pathology match, Sarah found herself unemployed and not at all sure of what she would do next. It had taken Connor all of two days to convince her to actually move in with him - after all, they had basically made the jump already. As it turned out, it really hadn't been much of an adjustment at all in the end.

She managed to find herself a job as a barista in one of the cafes nearby the hospital. It wasn't ideal, by any means, but it was an income. And it was close enough to Med that Connor could pop over during his very infrequent breaks.

Today was a big day for Connor. She was disappointed that she couldn't be there with him, but that's life.

 _ **Sarah:** You got this! :)_

Today, Connor formally started his cardiothoracic fellowship. He was working with a new doctor - she'd heard his name thrown around before, but neither of them had actually ever met the man. He'd been incredibly nervous when he left for the hospital that morning, but he'd still gone on his way with his head held high. She couln't do anything to calm his nerves, but she could send him a supportive message.

Yeah, this not working in the same building thing was really starting to suck.

Connor had received the message just as the new head of cardiothoracic surgery approached him in the hallway.

"Dr Rhodes," the man said very formally, holding his hand out to shake, "welcome to CT surgery."

"Dr Latham, thank you," Connor replied as confidently as he could. It wasn't normal for him to be this nervous. Then again, he'd decided to jump in and throw himself way out of his comfort zone. Nerves were to be expected.

Apparently, Dr Latham hadn't noticed. He continued on in the same brisk, formal tone, "I'll be supervising your fellowship."

"I look forward to it."

"Dr Downey thought very highly of you," Dr Latham said. "I'm curious, there are rumours - did you kill him?"

Yeah, that rubbed Connor the wrong way. He had to hold his tongue to stop himself from going off at his new boss. "I'm sorry?"

"Did you?"

"Well yes, I killed him and several other patients as well."

Dr Latham apparently finally picked up on his mood. "You're being sarcastic."

"Yes, Dr Latham, I am being sarcastic."

"I can see why you might have found that inappropriate," the senior doctor conceded.

As he went to walk through the doors into the ward, Dr Latham added, "Oh, I should tell you - you weren't my first choice for this fellowship. I preferred a young woman from Groote Schuur but I was outvoted. Such is life."

Connor stared at the other man, frowning. What on earth was he supposed to make of this conversation?

"That being said, I hope we will work well together."

As soon as Dr Latham had left, Connor picked up his phone and sent Sarah a quick reply.

 _ **Connor:** So I just met Latham. This is going to be a very strange day._

Little did anyone know, Sarah was about to have a very strange day of her own. She was making coffee the same way she did all day, every day, when she came face-to-face with an unlikely familiar face.

"Grande, quad, half-caf, non-fat, no whip mocha."

She legitimately despised herself as she read the order off the cup. But this is the world she lived in now.

"Not half-caf. Three shots regular, one shot decaf."

His voice was familiar enough that she knew exactly who she was talking to. She looked up, smiled, and went about making his very specific coffee order.

"What happened to your knee?" she asked him, slightly concerned. He was sitting in a wheelchair with a brace wrapped around one leg.

"I'm embarrassed to say I tripped over a suitcase," he replied without missng a beat. "Missed my conference in Leon. At least I got to practice French with an orthopaedic nurse from Montreal."

Sarah smiled. Now that sounded like a pretty good story.

She was still making his coffee when he spoke again. "So Dr Reese, reason I'm here - uh, aside from the coffee of course - is that Med has a residency opening for you."

That got her attention.

"I'll take it."

"On my service," he continued.

He'd stumped her, and they both knew it.

"Psychiatry?" she asked him, very unsure.

"Enough foam, enough foam," he said, watching her scramble to comply with his coffee order.

"Um," she said, now very sure. "Dr Charles, thank you. But I have never considered psychiatry. I don't think I'm equipped."

He shrugged. "I think you have all the tools. You're a problem solver, you pay attention. Look at how beautifully you're making my coffee despite all my meddling."

"But - I don't know how to talk to people."

"It's actually more about listening than talking."

She was still unsure as she handed him the to-go cup. "Grande, quad, three quarters-caf, no whip mocha."

"I'll tell you what," he said as he accepted the coffee. "How about you come and spend the day with me, and then see what you think?"

In a very unlikely turn of events, she found herself agreeing to it.

Barely half an hour later, she found herself pushing Dr Charles' wheelchair through the ED. It felt strange to her, being back here, but at the same time it was also very comfortable. This is where she wanted to be.

"Good morning, Dr Choi," Dr Charles said conversationally.

"Morning."

"This your fentanyl OD?"

"Yes -" Ethan's train of thought was completely cut off when he spotted her standing behind the psychiatrist's chair. "Sarah - you back?"

"I've invited Dr Reese to become a psych resident," Dr Charles explained.

Ethan had the biggest grin on his face. "That's great."

"You think so?" she asked him, very clearly not sure at all.

"Absolutely," Ethan nodded. "I'm a great believer in psychiatry."

It felt very natural, they way they jumped into it together. They spoke with the teenager's mother, and then with the girl herself. He was very right, it was a lot more about listening - not only to what the patient was saying, but to what they weren't saying as well. It was fascinating, delving into the mind of a teenage girl. On the outside, her life appeared to be absolutely perfect. But appearances could be very deceiving - this, Sarah knew very well.

Connor was having a very long, very difficult morning. He'd been chewed out - and actually yelled at - by Dr Latham in the middle of an OR, in front of literally everybody, all for having a discussion on how they should proceed with the operation. Under any normal circumstances, it would have been a professional discussion between colleagues. Apparently this new doctor did not like it when someone shares an opinion different to his.

This was going to be an adjustment.

He found himself making his way down to the doctors lounge in the ED, where he had stashed his lunch. He did a double take when he saw a familiar head of curls in one of the treatment rooms. All of a sudden, his anger and confusion had disappeared, replaced with a smile that spoke volumes.

He stood in the centre of the nurses' station, arms crossed and smiling, waiting pateintly for her to finish with her patient. When she finally exited the room, she grinned just as wide as him, and headed directly for him.

"Dr Rhodes," she said confidently, stepping around him slightly and heading for a workstation, where she put through orders for tests on her patient.

"Dr Reese," he mimicked her, now standing beside her with an arm on her lower back. "So, did you purposely not tell me that you were coming back, or are you, me and the door going to go play doctor?"

She burst out laughing. "You have _got_ to get off that supply room thing!"

"Never," he whispered, planting a soft kiss on her cheek. "In all seriousness, though, what's going on?"

"I didn't know I'd be here until this morning," she said honestly, now leading them into the lounge. "I should've told you, but it's been a really weird day."

"Eh," he said nonchalantly, waving a hand haphazardly. "So you're back in the ED?"

That stumped her. This was going to come out of nowhere, and she didn't know what he was going to make of it.

"Not exactly," she said. As conversationally as she could, she explained, "Dr Charles wants me to be a psych resident."

"A - oh."

Neither said anything for a long moment. He had very complicated mixed feelings about the new psych ward his father had donated - God only knew what he really thought of the profession as a whole. Truth be told, they had never really spoken about it before.

"Is that such a shock?" she asked him almost defensively.

He still hadn't said anything.

"... Connor?"

Her voice had come out very small, in a way that she really didn't like. She had become a strong, confident woman. She did not need her boyfriend's approval.

Except right now, she really wanted it.

"Uh ... psychiatry," he said distractedly, grabbing his food out of the fridge and doing everything he possibly could to not have to look at her. "I, uh ... I didn't realise you had an interest in it."

She took a deep breath, trying to ignore the fact that his response was upsetting her more than it should. "I didn't," she said. "It's not something I've ever really thought about before."

"So why now?" he rounded on her, fear and anger written all over her face.

"Because it's an incredible opportunity."

His emotions were boiling over so quickly and unexpectedly that he found himself shaking. "Really?"

"Yes," she answered him, standing up and facing him now. "It's not every day that a head of department comes to you offering you a spot in their residency program."

She knew exactly what this was about. And she didn't like that he was taking it out on her - again.

"I know you have issues with your dad and his donation to the psychiatry department," she said in a very forced, measured tone. "I know you've never fully recovered from what happened. But this is not about them, Connor. This is not about your dad or your mom."

"So what is it about?"

She closed her eyes, forcing herself to take a moment before she said something she would regret, or completely blew up in his face.

"This is about me," she said quietly. "This is an incredible opportunity for _me_ , Connor. Sure, it's not something I've ever thought about doing before. But a doctor who I admire and respect has offered me a position as a resident on his staff. Dr Charles said he sees something in me. I've never entertained the thought of going into psychiatry before, but now? This is something I need to consider."

She walked out of there as quickly as she could, leaving him to deal with his own uncontrolled emotions.

She tried to put it out of her mind as best she could. Right now, her priority needed to be on her patient. And that was where she kept her head - in the doctor zone, far away from the part of her that wanted to slap Connor Rhodes across the face as hard as she possibly could.

When Connor finally did make it home that night, he stood in the doorway for several minutes before either of them acknowledged each other. She was in the kitchen, wearing a comfy sweatshirt and yoga pants, her hair twisted up in a high bun. He knew that was not a good sign - her hair was always the giveaway. She only wore those curls down when she was comfortable in her surroundings. Tonight, she clearly was not.

"Dinner's on the counter," she said, not stopping to look at him. She was washing dishes by hand - it was unnecessary, given they had a dishwasher, but it gave her something to do with her hands.

By the time he had set his things down and found one of the chairs at the breakfast bar, she was done. There was no way around it now.

He watched her closely as she stood on the other side of the kitchen, her back to him. She was gripping the counter for support so hard her knuckles had gone white. She was desperately racking her brains, trying to find a way out of the fight they both knew was coming. But alas, no luck.

"Did you take it?"

The words were out of his mouth before he could register he had said anything. It was an odd experience, as though the sound had come from someone else.

Her shoulders tensed. The reaction told him everything he needed to know.

He ran his hands over his face and through his hair, muttering, "I can't believe this."

She slowly straightened herself to her full height, then she rounded on him. "You can't believe _what_?"

"You," he said. "You and psychiatry."

She threw her hands up in exasperation. "What is your problem, Connor?"

"My problem?"

"Yes, your problem," she said defiantly. "You were all too happy to see me until you found out why I was there. What the hell is going on?"

She stared at him for a full minute, but he didn't respond. For the first time, she found herself just not able to be around him right now.

"Unbelievable," she muttered, walking away and slamming the bedroom door behind her.

This never happened. What on earth was going on?

 **A/N:** We're back! So, some of you can probably already guess where this is going ... Please don't hate me. And thank you for sticking with me. I'm looking forward to running through the rest of season two!


	20. Win Loss

The next morning, things between Sarah and Connor were no better. He'd tried knocking on their bedroom door more than once, but she had intentionally chosen to ignore him - it was quite obvious, given the volume on the TV had started increasing every time he started talking.

In the end, he'd spent the night curled up on the couch. At least he managed to sleep.

Sarah, on the other hand, had more trouble trying to fall asleep than she had done in a very long time. She'd tossed and turned fitfully with no luck until easily 3am, when she finally drifted off into a sleep that left her feeling like she hadn't slept at all.

They were both up well before the time their alarm went off. They seemed to have wordlessly called a truce on their argument - or lack thereof - but it was clear that neither was about to back down. She knew she wasn't wrong, this was his problem and he shouldn't be taking it out on her. But he wasn't really wrong either. This whole situation was bringing up a lot of emotions and memories that he had buried as deeply as he possibly could, and as much as he knew he had to, he was doing everything he could to avoid dealing with them.

Except now it was effecting his relationship. With a psychiatry resident.

It wasn't the profession that he had such an issue with, after all. It was his connection to what it could have meant. If only someone who cared enough to actually do something had identified the warning signs earlier, they might have been able to help his mom. He was just a kid. As much as he wanted to, there was nothing he could have done. And no way he could help her now.

Is it any wonder he didn't want to have to deal with it?

At work throughout the day, they did what they always did: They had to put their personal issues out of their minds, and get down to the business of treating their patients to the best of their abilities.

It had been a hell of a day for Connor. His paediatric patient with a congenital heart defect was going downhill, and fast. The poor little guy was just a baby, Connor had been treating him literally since birth and now all of a sudden they were talking hour by hour, not day by day. It was breaking his heart, but at the same time there was nothing he could do about it right now.

He was on the edge of what he could handle. Between this and everything currently happening with Sarah, he felt ready to break down in the middle of the hallway. So he headed up to the rooftop and found himself sliding down the wall until he was sitting on the ground. He was blinking back tears. It was taking literally everything he had to stop himself from falling apart.

The universe only gave him two minutes, but it was enough for him to momentarily pause and put himself back together again. Then his pager beeped, and he was racing back to the PICU.

In a typical twist of the universe, Sarah and Connor found themselves arriving at the doctor's lounge at the same time when their respective shifts finally ended that evening. They locked eyes uneasily as they approached down the hallway. Neither stopped or slowed their pace. He reached the door half a second before she did, so he held the door open for her.

When she first began her residency, they had decided that they would remain entirely professional. Though their colleagues knew they were together, they didn't flaunt their relationship or even really acknowledge it at work. Something as simple as him holding the door open for her was one of the few ways they could show affection without actually showing anything at all.

"Thank you," she said very quietly, moving past him and heading straight for her locker.

Usually, she would surreptitiously brush her hand against his as she passed, maybe even briefly link a finger or two through his. Today, she had her arms crossed, absentmindedly playing with the lanyard around her neck. She hadn't even smiled.

It had thrown him for a moment, but then he remembered what they were going through. How they just couldn't see eye to eye on the psychiatry issue.

Somehow, in the madness of his day, he had managed to forget that he was angry with her, and she with him.

After the day he'd had, it didn't seem to matter to him anymore. All he wanted was to wrap her in his arms and remind himself of what really mattered. And that was exactly what he did.

"What are you -"

"- Don't," he stopped her, finally allowing a couple of those tears he had been holding back all day to fall. "I just ..."

She rubbed his back comfortingly and looked up at him. "You need this."

He nodded, but didn't speak. He couldn't. All he could think about what Tim, that poor baby upstairs, who had deteriorated drastically. It was likely that he wasn't going to survive.

After several long minutes, he started to pull away and dry his eyes.

"For the record," she said as she began collecting her belongings from her locker, "I'm still upset at you."

"I don't doubt that."

"We still need to talk about this."

"We do."

She stopped, raising her eyebrows at him. "And?"

"... And what?"

She shrugged. "No time like the present."

"Not here," he said, shaking his head. "Not now."

"Then when?"

"Just ... not now."

It was going to be a long road out of this one.


	21. Natural History

Two weeks later, Sarah and Connor found themselves sitting side by side on their bed, staring out at the Chicago skyline.

They'd been fighting for weeks now - he was refusing to talk about the issues with psychiatry, and she was not about to let him get away with it. But then it had turned into something new, something more. Every little thing had become an argument. They weren't spending time with friends, or with each other. Their sex life was a disaster. Even working together had become strained.

It just wasn't working out.

"I can't keep doing this," she said very quietly, her eyes not moving from that specific point on the roof of a skyscraper that she'd been staring at for a solid fifteen minutes now.

"Don't do this. Please."

She should have been happy. It was the first time in a long time that he'd tried fighting for her, not fighting with her.

She faced him now, seeing the tears in her eyes mirrored in his own. "No. I can't keep doing this, Connor. It's killing me."

"But we're planning a future. The white picket fence, and the dog, and -"

"- Stop!" she implored him. "We're not happy. And what's the point in any of this if we're not happy together?"

He was quiet for a very long time, before he finally whispered, "It's just not fair."

"No, it's not," she agreed. "It's not fair on either of us."

And that was that. It was all very anticlimatic, really. The only thing they had been able to agree on in weeks was that it was over.

It had taken less than a day for it to spread through the hospital's rumour mill like wildfire. She had moved out, and he was the gorgeous bachelor once again. All was right in the world. Rhodes was fair game, and if he'd dated someone like Reese than anyone had a chance, right?

(On a sidenote, Sarah had officially concluded that people really, genuinely suck.)

The story was different depending on who was telling it - the team up in radiology were convinced they'd had a massive falling out over a patient, while the nurses on the cardiac ward adamantly argued they'd blown up at each other over something his father had said to one of the hospital board members. The residents in the psych ward were all over it, though. They were telling anyone who would listen that it was her inability to commit and his apparent need to sleep around had brought the relationship to a swift and sudden end. Down in the lab, they were telling eight different stories.

To their credit, all of their colleagues down in the ED were refusing to weigh in on the situation. Every time they heard a retelling, the story was getting further and further from the truth. But no one was willing to step in and correct them. It was no one's business, after all.

While Sarah had thrown herself deep into her residency research, Connor found himself volunteering to take extra shifts left, right and centre. It wasn't a sustainable plan long-term, but for right now it would do. It was the only coping mechanism he had.

This was how he found himself at work on a Saturday. Granted, it wasn't uncommon for him to be rostered on trauma shifts on a weekend, but considering he'd worked thirteen and fourteen hour shifts for the last eight days running? Yeah, it was slightly unusual.

"Morning, Ms Goodwin," he greeted the hospital administrator as he stepped out of the elevator.

"Good morning."

"What brings you in on a Saturday?"

They were heading toward the ED now, having fallen into step side by side.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"Filling in as trauma attending," he explained. "We haven't had an elective heart surgery in weeks."

"Yes, I know we've had some cancellations since Dr Downey died," Ms Goodwin conceded. "But we can't expect to rebuild a destination program overnight."

Though she was being realistic, the thought still wasn't all that comforting. He was going crazy without the constant hustle and bustle of surgery. He was starting to go stir crazy working in the cardiac unit. The moments he caught trauma cases in the ED were the ones he was living for at the moment. He became a doctor so he could jump in and help. It felt really good to be doing that again.

While Connor was treating a stroke patient, Sarah found herself working alongside Dr Charles on a consult down in the ED. She'd been avoiding the Emergency Department as much as she could, she wasn't above admitting it. Right now, however, Ethan had pulled them in to treat a woman experiencing a hysterical pregnancy.

It was not going well. The patient and her husband were not at all receptive, as one would imagine.

On the upside, at least no one had approached the subject of the doomed relationship yet.

By the time her shift was over, she was done. She was tired, and cranky, and feeling like she had screwed up that case about as badly as she possibly could have. And to top it all off, Sarah had just missed her bus.

She was really starting to miss carpooling with Connor.

She was really missing Connor in general.

 _ **A/N:** Hi. So, please please please don't hate me. I just feel like there is a lot of opportunity for character growth, and the drama in breaking them apart. There's a lot of unexplored drama there. That's what I'm here for! Until next time :)_


	22. Brother’s Keeper

It had been a little more than a month since the break-up. Both Sarah and Connor had thrown themselves into their work, with only so much success.

Today, for example, Connor found himself upstairs in a meeting room with his colleagues and members of the hospital's legal team, watching an elderly patient's son and _extremely_ young girlfriend argue over whether or not to treat him.

Sarah, on the other hand, was shadowing Dr Charles down in the ED. She'd been feeling a little off all morning, a sharp pain in the stomach here and there. She was doing fine, until suddenly she wasn't. She found herself sitting on the couch in the doctor's lounge, doubled over in pain. It had been happening all morning. She knew it wouldn't last long, but it was long enough for at least one of her colleagues to notice.

"Sarah, everything okay?" Will asked, suddenly crouching down in front of her with concern written all over his face.

She tried to laugh it off, but they both knew he wasn't going to believe her. "I'm fine. Just a little discomfort."

"Looks like more than a little to me. Can I -"

"- Really, Will, it's fine. I'm good."

The pain had gone away just as quickly as it had started. She was keen to get out of there before he started insisting on poking and/or prodding, and generally making a big deal out of it. After everything that had happened recently, she was completely over being the centre of attention.

"I have to head out and check on a patient."

He stood in that same spot, watching her as she practically ran out of the lounge and back into the ED. He didn't know what had just happened, but he was sure as hell there was something going on.

Back out in the ED, Sarah found herself talking to a nineteen-year-old with a bowel obstruction. There was somethign about this patient that wasn't quite sitting right with anyone, so they'd sent her in. It was, of course, easier for patients to speak to someone more their own age - they see you more as a peer, rather than as a doctor.

They'd been talking for a while, just about this and that, and absolutely nothing at all. She didn't mean to say it - it had just slipped out.

"Cute shoes," she told him. "I could see my boyfriend in those."

Her heart dropped down into her stomach as soon as the words came out of her mouth. Then, all of a sudden, the pain was back. It was crippling, she wanted to double over and she felt like she needed to throw up - but she was still developing a rapport with this patient. There was something going on with this guy, she was sure of it. She needed him to open up to her, she couldn't afford for him to see such a drastic change in her demeanour.

So she sucked it up and kept going as best she could.

He'd said something about his shoes being too tight, which she'd completely missed, but she still ran with the concept.

"These are pretty comfortable," she said, referring to her own shoes now, "but not the cutest. I had to order, like, fifty pairs to find the right ones."

Now her patient was doubled over in pain. And demanding that he leaves. And then throwing up over the side of the bed.

They jumped into action immediately, trying to help, but she needed him to tell her what was going on.

"Danny, I am here to help. I am on your side. You need to tell me what is going on."

"Heroin."

Oh boy. They acted, treating him as best they could. Once he was stablised, Sarah excused herself and made her way back to Dr Charles.

By the time they headed back into the treatment room - only a matter of minutes - the patient's mother had arrived. There was something off about the whole situation, they both knew it. But neither could quite put their finger on it.

They'd tried to buy themselves some time, but the mother was keen to get him out of there. She'd gone in to talk to them about rehab centres, but all the mother wanted to do was leave. And then he'd started coughing - as soon as his mother looked away, Danny was shaking his head.

There was something really, really wrong here.

He started coughing, giving them a reason to do a chest x-ray. That was how they discovered the tracking device, and how they worked out what was going on. Danny was a victim of sex trafficking.

In the end, there wasn't a lot they could do. No matter what the circumstances, their hands were tied until he actually came out and told them he wanted their help.

But he wasn't ready. There was nothing they could do until he decided he was ready.

This was a part of her job that really, really sucked.

At the very end of her shift, Sarah found herself alone back on the couch in the doctor's lounge. She was doubled over in pain again, now having to try and suppress a groan. The pain was getting worse, the episodes were lasting longer - and Will had noticed.

He'd been keeping an eye on her all day, but she'd made it very clear earlier she didn't want his help. So he waited, and watched - until he spotted her walking into the lounge white as a sheet and clutching her stomach.

He followed her in, took one look at her and said, "Okay, you don't get a choice this time. I'm finding you a bed."

"No," she insisted, gritting her teeth through the pain.

"Sarah -"

He had been about to insist, to try and pull rank - but then she cried out in pain.

"Okay," he said, lifting one of her arms up over his shoulders, "I win. You're coming with me."

Mercifully, the ED was fairly empty. It was change of shift, so any of her colleagues that were around were elsewhere, doing handover.

"Maggie, can I have a hand in here?"

At least the two people in here with her were two that she could trust.

"What's going on - wait, Reese?"

Will and Maggie were both bustling around, organising themselves and having a very quick whispered discussion when Sarah finally spoke.

"Maggie."

The nurse turned, taking one look at Sarah's face.

Maggie knew without her having to say anything that Sarah had an idea of what was happening. She was on it in an instant. "Will, ultrasound."

They all knew. But they had to get the scan to be sure.

"Maggie, page OB."

He pushed the ultrasound machine away, then sat down on a stool beside Sarah. Gently, he clasped her hand in his and said, "I'm sorry."

There was nothing he or anyone could do, and they both knew it.

She didn't know what to feel, but she still found herself blinking back tears.

"It just wasn't meant to be, right?" she asked Maggie, who had just arrived back in the room.

She finally broke down into tears when she found herself engulfed in the warmest hug from the big, bad charge nurse. "No," Maggie whispered in her ear. "Not this time."

"Just - do me one favour."

Will and Maggie both looked over at her, waiting to hear what she had to say.

"Don't tell Connor. He doesn't need to know."

She hadn't known she was pregnant until today. He didn't need to know either, not now that it wasn't meant to be.

It would only break his heart.


	23. Extreme Measures

In only a matter of days, Sarah was back at work. Will and Maggie had both tried insisting she take a couple more personal days, but between the Chicago Marathon and the massive heatwave, Med needed all hands on deck.

She and Connor had been avoiding each other as much as they could for weeks now, and today was no different. Now, given everything that had happened, she found herself actively avoiding him more than ever before. On more than one occasion, she found herself turning around and taking the long way around the hospital when he even so much as entered a hallway she happened to be walking down.

Though he hadn't come out and said it, he had noticed.

Right now, he was headed for a consult on a cold leg that needed an aortal femoral bypass. This, after conducting seven surgeries last night when he'd been filling in for trauma down in the ED. As much as he wanted to go home and sleep, the hour long cat nap he'd just had in the lunch room up in the cardiac ward would have to be enough.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, it occurred to him that Sarah's mom was supposed to be coming into town today. They were supposed to be meeting her for dinner. He had been planning on organising some roses, but Sarah had warned him that roses only wilt in her mother's presence. He'd been fully expecting for the woman to cancel her trip - it wouldn't be the first time, after all - which would break her daughter's heart, not that she would show it or admit it to anyone, including herself. But none of this mattered now that they were broken up.

Just when Connor thought he'd caught a break - you know, after performing his eighth surgery of his double shift - Ms Goodwin was telling him Halstead had a patient out in the field that he'd put on portable bypass. As usual, they were going to disagree on this course of treatment, but that was just a given these days. So now, he found himself heading down to the ED to wait.

Now was as good a time as any to grab another cat nap. God help the poor soul that would wake him up from this one.

They got the call to let him know the patient was on his way into the ED all too quickly. Connor was up and running, just in time to down a cup of coffee and meet the team and the paramedics at the door.

"Portable bypass, that your call?"

In typical fashion, Connor and Will were exchanging words. Though they'd come to a sort-of truce whilst he was with Sarah, something was different now that it was all over. They were still more civil than they ever were, but it wasn't the same. They were going to have to work out their almost-friendship between themselves all over again. It had been easier with Sarah acting almost as a bridge, a buffer between the two.

They'd rushed the poor guy upstairs and straight into the OR. The unwelcome guest had appeared behind Connor as he was scrubbing. He'd tried ignoring him, but it was a moot point. Will Halstead was not going to let this go.

"What do you think?"

"I think an ED doc opened him up in the field."

"Can you repair it?"

"Well, it's not everyday you see a rib in the aorta. But I'm gonna try to repair it by graft," Connor answered him, now washing his hands. "Whether there is impaired brain activity or paralysis - that remains to be seen."

Just as he was about to head in, Connor said to him, "You must be one hell of a poker player."

"Why's that?"

"It's a hell of a gamble."

The next words out of Will's mouth caught his attention. They seemed to just tumble out one after another, as though he hadn't meant to say them at all.

"Have you spoken to Sarah lately?"

Connor closed his eyes and leaned his head back. The expression written all over his face said it all: This was a conversation he definitely did not want to have.

"No."

He'd said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, because he knew very well that Will knew what the answer was.

"Just -" Will seemed to be having some sort of internal wrestling match, but at the look of annoyance on Connor's face he seemed to come to a very quick decision. "You need to talk to her."

"Yeah," Connor said as he stepped backward into the OR. "No."

That was the moment that Will Halstead realised how much Connor Rhodes was hurting. Until now, he'd had no idea.

And when he found out what had happened only a few days ago ... Well, that was going to hurt him even more.

Against all the odds, Connor and the team had saved the patient. When he went up into the ICU to check on him, he found Will in the room doing exactly the same thing. They'd tried their normal checks, but the guy was still pumped full on anasthetic and paralytics - it would be a while before they really knew whether he'd have any long term defecits.

So Connor found himself reassuring his friend-slash-foe, and trying his best to focus on their patient. But as he was leaving the room, he couldn't help himself. He had to ask.

"Why do I need to talk to her?"

Will shook his head. "I can't, man. It's not my place."

"So why did you tell me to talk to her?"

"Because she won't come to you first."

"Why not?"

"You know just as well as I do how stubborn she is."

Then it clicked. "Something happened."

Will didn't say anything. He didn't even look him in the eye.

"What happened, Will?"

Still nothing.

"Halstead? What the hell happened to Sarah?"

Will faltered. "I can't, man. I ... I can't."

Then and there, Connor knew: doctor-patient confidentiality. HIPAA laws were preventing him from telling him what he clearly needed to know.

But by the time he got downstairs, Sarah was long gone.


	24. Alternative Medicine

For the next two days, she had successfully avoided him. He had called, repeatedly - but he was yet to leave her a voicemail. She knew he was looking for her; he'd asked Maggie to send her in his direction. When that hadn't worked, he'd left messages with the team up on the desk in the psych ward.

It was the one place in the hospital she knew she was completely safe from having to avoid him. He wouldn't dare step foot in the Elizabeth Rhodes Memorial Psychiatric Ward. It was the one part of the hospital he avoided like the plague.

As she walked into work that morning, she was trying her absolute hardest to ignore the phone that kept buzzing in her hand. This was the third unanswered call in the last five minutes. If the name Connor Rhodes appeared on her phone screen once more today, she wasn't going to promise not to throw the damned thing into the middle of the street and watch an ambulance drive straight over the top of it.

So maybe she was a little stressed.

Right now, she was blaming the stress for giving her the sensation of someone following her ever since she got off the bus. It was odd - she just couldn't shake the feeling she was being followed.

She'd been trying her hardest to dodge everyone all morning, but Dr Charles had her based down in the ED today. She'd dumped her belongings into her locker and headed straight out for a consult - and all day, she did everything she could to just keep running.

That was, until Ethan slipped past her and casually mentioned, "Oh, Sarah - Connor was looking for you earlier."

She had to stop herself from pulling a face. "Thanks," she'd all but whispered as she walked as quickly as she could in the other direction.

That was absolutely the last thing she wanted to do.

As soon as she made it out to the food truck to grab a bite for lunch, she got that feeling again. She was definitely being followed, she ws sure of it now. It had turned out to be her patient, Danny, who they'd discovered was being sex-trafficked.

He was suicidal, and she understood how serious his situation really was. Dr Charles agreed with her concerns, but he was steadfastly refusing to allow her to help Danny outside of the bounds of a clinical setting. He was right, and she knew it, but she still argued for it anyway.

Anything to help the patient - that was something she had learnt from Connor.

"No. A crucial part of my job is protecting my staff. You are headed down a dangerous path. Step away. We clear?"

She nodded.

"Good."

Just as she had made to leave his office, Dr Charles was calling her back. "How are you doing from your personal days a couple weeks ago?"

She was confused, but she knew this was coming from a place of concern. "Uh, yeah. I'm fine."

"Do you mind if I ask what happened?"

She didn't respond, but she did find herself sitting down in the chair again.

Dr Charles smiled at her. "I don't mean to pry, Sarah. It's just, some of your friends down in the ED are a little concerned about you."

"Maggie?"

He had already known she was going to ask this. Both of his informants were aware he was going to dob them in if she asked him directly. "And Will."

"Figures," she sighed, running her hands across her face. "I ..."

She knew what had happened. It wasn't pleasant, but it was a fact of life for many, many people. It wasn't uncommon, by any means. So why was she so afraid to say it out loud?

Because if she said it, it made it real.

"Um ..."

Dr Charles was being remarkably patient with her. He didn't know exactly what had happened, and he hadn't looked up the records. That would be wrong, after all, but he also wasn't going to pressure her to tell him. She would speak when she was ready.

"... I miscarried."

The words had come out in such a whisper that she barely heard them herself. But he'd heard her, loud and clear.

In seconds, he'd left his seat behind his desk and set himself in the chair beside her. He'd seen the look on her face and tears in her eyes. This was not something easy to go through, but allowing her to talk it out might just help her to process what had happeend.

"I'm so sorry," he said just as quietly.

"I don't know why I'm getting upset," she told him honeslty. "I didn't even know I was pregnant. It just kind of happened, all out of nowhere."

"In my experience, not knowing can make it harder."

She looked straight at him now, clearly confused.

With a sad smile, he elaborated: "I went through it with my first wife, a couple of years before we had Robin. It was devastating."

He paused for a moment, then added quietly, "For both of us."

As much as she wanted to look away, she couldn't break his eye contact. "He asked you about me."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. She knew how hard he had been trying to get to her, and she knew it was wrong of her to be completely ignoring him. For his part, Dr Charles just shrugged.

"I haven't told him," she said, now looking down. "And I know that's wrong. I know he deserves to know. I would want to know if I were in his shoes."

"But?"

She laughed humourlessly. "But saying it out loud makes it real. And I'm not ready to face that ... I don't want to put him through that."

Dr Charles thought for a moment, then said in the kindest tone she had ever heard, "But doesn't he still deserve to know?"

"Yes," she said immediately. "But I'm selfish. I would rather protect him from having to deal with it than dangle over his head the thought of what could have been."

Connor, on the other hand, was really starting to get sick of this whole Sarah-avoiding-him thing. He found himself standing outside the elevator on the psych ward floor, but he couldn't force himself to simply walk through the doors. Instead, he found himself glaring through the glass doors, probably scaring the residents that were trying to work in there.

By the time the elevator arrived, he found himself bitching at Natalie about Dr Latham. He swore to God the man had some sort of superhuman hearing - he could hear the faintest sounds in a heart and Connor just couldn't. He knew the man had years of experience behind him, but it was still infuriating.

And right now, he found himself down in radiology arguing with Will yet again. The man wanted him to operate on a bowel without supporting imaging.

"No, look. I am looking at the scan myself and I am telling you I am not taking him up for surgery."

"Connor, he's got an ischemic bowel."

"So show me on the scan."

"It's inconclusive."

"Exactly! So you're asking me to take him up for a laparoscopy, possibly an open laparotomy, on what? Your hunch?"

"He was in a-fib when he came in."

"Uh-huh."

"It made me think right off, a clot had immobilised to the gut. Now, his bowel sounds are gone and he's distended."

"The differential for what you're describing is a mile long. Gastroenteritis to inflammatory bowel disease."

"This man's bowel is dying! I felt it with my hands."

Connor's eyebrows rose up to his hairline. "Your hands?"

"Yes."

"If it wasn't for what I just went through with Latham today, I would say no," Connor conceded. "Fine. But for both our sakes', I hope you're right."

As he walked irritatedly through the door, Connor added, "And tell Sarah I need to talk to her. Today."

Sarah, on the other hand, found herself down at PD. Dr Charles had taken her to meet Detective Erin Lindsay, who could help Danny to get out of his situation the right way. But still, she had to wait until he was ready.

As they were leaving, her phone was buzzing again. Dr Charles had noticed her hang up more than once as they walked out of the building and back to his car.

"Connor?" he asked her nonchalantly.

"Yeah," she sighed.

"I take it you haven't spoken to him yet."

Sarah sighed again, looking back over at Dr Charles again now. "If you were him, what would you want me to do?"

Dr Charles stopped walking, and placed a comforting hand gently on her arm. "Honestly? I'd want to know. It's his loss just as much as it is yours."

So finally, after weeks of radio silence, Sarah sent him a text message:

 _ **Sarah:** I'm okay. But I'm not ready to talk. Not yet._

Back at the hospital, Connor didn't know what that message meant. The message had done very little to allay his concerns, but at least he knew she was still out there somewhere.

As long as she was okay, that's all that really mattered.


	25. Inherant Bias

"And you're avoiding him because ... ?"

Ethan was in full big-brother mode again. He'd made the mistake of mentioning to Sarah yet _again_ this morning that Connor was still looking for her, before she'd managed to down her first cup of coffee. She'd nearly bit his head clean off his shoulders before he managed to get her stop biting and start rambling an explanation.

"Because I'm a big wimp and I'm not ready to face him yet."

"After your break up."

"That, and -" she cut herself off, suddenly realising what finishing that thought would mean. "Nevermind."

"Never ..." He studied her very intently for a short moment, before asking her, "Everything is okay, right?"

"Yeah," she said, smiling and nodding but knowing she was not convincing him of anything.

She was saved when he caught an incoming ambulance patient, and she saw her first patient of the day - Danny, a return visitor.

Connor, meanwhile, found himself waiting for his order in the coffee shop next door.

"Double iced latte with one pump of sugar-free vanilla."

Connor was just about to pick up the order from the counter when the barista added, "For Robin."

"Excuse me," a new doctor said, snatching the coffee away just in time.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You just ordered the exact same drink as me."

"Vanilla?" she asked him almost disbelievingly, checking the name and department on his lab coat. "A little dainty for a surgeon."

"What are the odds?"

It was meant to be rhetoric, but he found himself amused at the way she started to answer him.

"Well, if you limit the data set to just lattes, you've got ice or no ice, caf or decaf."

"Don't forget the vanilla."

She smiled, then slipped back into her all-business demeanour. "I'd say the odds of any two random people ordering the same drink are about one in thirty-six."

"You're good with numbers." He surveryed her lab coat, and it clicked. "Ah, of course. Epidemiology."

And then, he found himself asking, "Wait, are you - are you that Charles?"

"I'll see you later," she cut his thought off completely, walking away without a second thought.

He couldn't help himself. He was smiling.

He hadn't had an interaction like that in a very long time.

"Hey, Dr vanilla latte," Robin Charles greeted Connor as they ran into each other in a hallway upstairs in the cardiac ward.

They were working on a case together - a young woman with endocarditis. As unfortunate as it was for the patient, Connor was quite enjoying working alongside the epidemiologist. She was good company.

"I need to collect another blood sample from Pamela, I can't grow a decent culture."

"I can do you one better. I can get you the infected valve itself."

"Great, I'm scrubbing in."

"Once again we're in the same place at the same time, wanting the same thing. You care to run that through your calculator?"

Ooh, he was flirting. He didn't entirely mean to, but he wasn't hating it either. He'd started to miss the banter.

And then the surgery was cancelled. By Dr Charles - senior - who was working on the case as the consulting psychiatrist. And now they were arguing.

This all lead to Connor finding himself going up against Dr Charles to Ms Goodwin. His attending and the chief of department had both signed off on the surgery, and Connor was off to do the surgery.

It was the right decision, in the end. Pamela pulled through just fine, and her mental state was completely back to normal. But Dr Charles still wasn't happy with the decision - and he wasn't kind in letting Connor know.

"We're gonna have to agree to disagree on this one, aren't we?"

"Yeah, we could just disagree too. That'd be alright."

It was then that Robin entered the ward.

"Hi Connor," she said conversationally. "The lab identified the bacteria from our infected valve."

"Q Fever?"

"Mhmm," Robin confirmed. "She works on a dairy farm downstate on the weekends."

They shared a look. It was short, and it had been a while since he'd had to recognise one, but it was definitely there.

"I'm heading down to the cafeteria to write up my report for the health department. If you're free, I was hoping you might help me fill in a few details."

That was definitely an invitation. No doubt about it. And for some reason, it threw him.

"Uh, yeah," he said. "I just have to sign over a few patients. I'll, uh, meet you down there in ten?"

"Great."

He didn't know what Robin had said to her father after he'd left, but the look on his face was enough to tell him that he was not happy.

Part of him was asking himself what he had just gotten himself into. And the other part?

The other part wanted desperately to just let go and move on. No matter how much he might have loved Sarah, it was over now.

This was new. This could be just as good.

(At least, that's what he was telling himself.)

Sarah had had a real shit of a day.

First, she wasn't able to do anything to help protect Danny if he wouldn't talk to the police. And he didn't want to talk. Then, she couldn't find him a safe place to stay herself. And then, when he asked to stay with her, she hesitated. She knew the risks of inviting a patient into her home. She knew it was something she really shouldn't do, and yet she was considering it anyway.

And now, Danny was gone. He'd fled the hospital, telling April he was going 'back where he belongs.' She was dreading to think what that could mean, and so desperate to find him that she and Ethan walked the streets.

Not to mention, she'd had to walk past the cafeteria on her way out. Her heart dropped when she saw them - Connor and Robin, Dr Charles' daughter. They were working on paperwork, but they were sitting just a little too close. And that look on his face. She knew that look.

It was the way he used to look at her.


	26. Free Will

Ethan and Sarah had stayed out three nights in a row looking for Danny. She'd been getting more and more desperate as time wore on, but right now they had to get back to the hospital for the start of their shifts.

"You don't have to keep doing this, you know," she told him as they made their way back over to the hospital.

Ethan smiled, and squeezed her shoulder. "I want to."

She smiled, knowing she sounded like she was being completely ungrateful. "I really appreciate it, Ethan. Thank you."

"Hey, this matters to you so it matters to me. We're family down in the ED."

Connor was thoroughly enjoying the spark and electricity of something new. Every time he crossed paths with Robyn Charles in the corridor, those damn butterflies started running marathons all over his stomach. It was different to the way things had felt at the beginning with Sarah - this was exciting in a whole new way.

"Miss Charles," he greeted her warmly as she stepped out of the elevator. "What brings you down to the ED today? Yellow fever, plague?"

"No, just a plain old cough. Things have not been the same since the swine flu died down."

"Oh, don't worry. There'll be another epidemic one day."

"Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself," she joked along with him. "You know, gotta stay positive."

"I never figured you for an optimist."

"Oh, are you kidding me? I still root for the White Sox."

"Wow! How do you do it?"

"I'd love to tell you," she replied with a smile. "Maybe over drinks tonight?"

"That sounds great. Really, uh..." he paused. "Just not sure your father would approve."

That got her attention. "Did he say something to you?"

"No, not really. He just, uh, mentioned something in passing."

"Huh," she said. "I see."

Well, that did not go as planned.

Sarah's day had just gone from bad to worse. The moment she saw Detective Lindsay walking toward her up in the psych ward, she knew. Her heart still dropped down into her stomach. This was the last thing she had wanted. Danny was her patient, she wanted to help him.

And now he was dead.

Despite it all, there was one selfish little voice in the very back of her mind reminding her that she was all on her own now. That the only person who she wanted to tell, the one who would hold her and reassure her she did everything she could ... Well, he would no longer give her the time of day.

It broke her heart all over again, for a whole different reason.

This had all led to her finding herself sitting alone in the hospital chapel, willing herself not to cry. It was the last place she wanted to be, but it was all she had right now. Unsurprisingly, Dr Charles was the one to find her. He sat down gingerly beside her and waited for her to talk.

"It's my fault."

"No. It's not."

"Of course it is. I told him we could remove the chip. I encouraged him to run away."

"No. You empowered him to make the decisions. It's what doctors do."

"But they were the wrong decisions."

"It's the wrong outcome."

"And now he's dead."

The words hung in the air for a moment, then she continued, "I mean, who knows. If I'd told him to wait for a bit, maybe the police would have come and broken up the ring and then he would've been free. I was careless with his life."

"Dr Reese," Dr Charles said sincerely, "you are anything but careless. Sometimes the best advice is just not enough. The dangerous thing about psychiatry is it can sometimes give those of us who practice it the illusion of control. But the human brain? It's ... It is the most complex, mysterious object in the universe. So what we do, it just doesn't come with any guarantees."

"I don't think that makes me feel any better."

"I know. It never does."

Down in the doctor's lounge that evening, she walked in without looking. As soon as the door swung closed behind her, she found herself wishing she'd looked.

Right there in front of her were Connor and Robyn, chatting away and laughing hysterically. If it weren't for the current state of everything, Sarah would have thought they looked like a cute new couple. But of course, she didn't.

She froze momentarily, then headed straight for her locker. She wanted out of there as quickly as possible, for more than just the obvious reason.

"Reese?"

His voice brought her back into reality, and she found herself holding in an annoyed groan. They were so engrossed in their own little world, she was genuinely thought they'd be too busy with their conversation to even notice her presence.

"Are you okay?"

He always did read her too well.

She took a deep breath and readied herself for what was about to happen. This was it, he was moving on. And she was going to have to face that head on.

"I'm fine," she said, a small very force smile on her face. "Uh ... Have a good night."

She was out of there as quickly as her legs would carry her. Robyn didn't miss the way Connor's eyes followed her every move, right up until she exited through the ED doors.

Unbeknownst to his new girlfriend, Connor had been staring at Sarah's keys. The giant strawberry keyring was gone.


	27. Unchartered Territory

The past few months had, honestly, not been all that much better for Sarah in her personal life. Or at work.

She and Dr Charles seemed to have a habit of running into Connor and Robyn in the halls. Like right now, when the hospital's newest happy couple walked out of the elevator right in front of them talking about dinner plans. That wasn't a slap in the face at all.

She'd tried to hide her feelings as best she could, but the expression on Dr Charles' face was enough to confirm to Sarah he was not happy about this new relationship either.

As soon as the elevator doors closed, Dr Charles was checking on her. Again.

"You doing okay with all that?"

Sarah laughed, not entirely sure herself whether or not there was actually humour there. "Probably about as okay as you are."

The look they shared spoke volumes.

"So, maybe I'm a little overprotective of her."

"A little?"

Dr Charles rolled his eyes, but he knew what she meant. They were both silent for a moment before she found herself speaking very, very quietly.

"You were okay with him dating me."

His eyes flicked over at her, then back up to the ceiling again.

"Maybe I think he's a better match for you."

She couldn't help the small smile that suddenly spread over her features. It felt a little smug, but she couldn't deny it felt good.

Dr Charles agreed with her. Then again, they were both definitely more than a little biased.

Down in the ED later that day, Connor found himself butting heads with Dr Charles yet again. When the senior doctor walked away, Connor found himself watching him walk away. He could not believe what he had just been told.

Sarah, who was sitting down at a desk behind him, found herself speaking up just like she used to. "He means well."

"That doesn't help my patient. If she doesn't get a heart, she dies."

"It's not that simple, Connor, and you know it."

Sarah was on her feet and walking away when he spoke again and stopped her in her tracks.

"I'm dating her."

She knew exactly what he was talking about. And it definitely wasn't news.

"I had worked that out for myself."

He sighed, then said, "We broke up, Sarah. If we aren't going to be together, we have to be able to move on."

She looked him dead in the eyes. "That doesn't mean you need to rub it in my face."

And there it was. He felt like he'd been slapped, but of course he hadn't. By the time he'd recovered enough to try and speak again, she was gone.

 _ **A/N:** So, hi everybody. I know these chapters have been a little short, but I'm hoping you'll forgive me for that! I know I'm breaking a lot of hearts just at the moment, but in my experience things tend to get worse before they get better. A new dawn is coming, I promise. We've just got to get through the Robyn situation first... :)_


	28. Heart Matters

Sarah had been actively avoiding Connor as best she could. She knew he was wanting to talk to her about their little incident, but she had no interest in speaking to him. She had successfully avoided him for the last week and she saw no reason to stop avoiding him now.

Her neurology rotation was helping her out with that. While the double shifts Dr Abrahms had her pulling were tiring her out and slowly killing her will to continue, it meant she was generally conveniently far away from Dr Rhodes. Until, of course, she wasn't.

"Reese?"

Connor was clearly confused. It was more than unusual to see her up in the cardiac ward. Particularly when he was still on shift.

"Hi." It was lame, but it was a response.

"Everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah." She paused, then it occurred to her to elaborate. "Dr Abrahms sent me up to check on one of his neuro patients."

"Ah," Connor smiled, walking with her down the hallway. "You're on your neurology rotation."

"And Abrahms is killing me," she sighed.

Connor laughed. "Yep, he'll do that. He's worse than Downey ever was. You remember back in the beginning?"

"Your cat naps on literally any spare bed you could find?" Sarah was laughing now. "Oh yeah, I remember."

It was a conversation reminiscent of the was they used to be. While it was awkward at first, it was the first time they had really talked in months.

"Hey, at least he gave us date night."

And that was how Connor ruined it.

"Yeah, well," she said, deviating from their path to enter the patient's room. "Um, I have to go."

It took Connor a solid minute to realise the impact his words had had.

"Hey! Sarah!"

That night, as she was leaving, he caught her again. She didn't speak, but she did stop walking. It would be rude to completely ignore him after all.

"I wanted to apologise."

Now that surprised her. "For what?"

"For being an insensitive dick."

She couldn't help it, she smiled. "And which occasion would this apology be for specifically?"

"Ah, that would be for today. And for the rest of it too."

She sighed. "It's fine. Really. I mean, I should probably apologise to you too."

"For?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"For going out of my way to avoid you. And for resenting you. And for not telling you."

She hadn't meant to say that. But now that it was out there, she realised she was at peace with it. And after all, he deserved to know.

But her words had thoroughly confused him. The look on his face said it all. "What have you not told me?"

"Connor, I -"

She was cut off by his pager.

"I'm sorry, Sarah. We've got a transplant ready. I've gotta go."

He started walking backwards, saying, "We'll talk tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah," she whispered to herself, watching him run back inside through the sliding glass doors. "Tomorrow."


	29. Graveyard Shift

Sarah had passed through the ED very quickly that night to find it was in chaos. Will had three teenage overdose patients, and very little information to go on. She was genuinely glad she wasn't directly involved in that one. Instead, she was paged to a consult in the ICU with Dr Charles. The patient was okay, they were confident of that much - it turns out two out of three patients up here develop this sort of delirium. You really couldn't blame them, considering where they were and what it meant.

They made

"So I spoke to my mom today. Told I was a psych resident."

"What, just now you're telling her?"

"Well, yeah. I knew how she'd react. And I was right - she laughed. Said I was the last person she could ever imagine becoming a psychiatrist."

"Wow. Whole load of confidence there."

Sarah made a non-commital noise of agreement. She was used to her mom, after all. This was just a fact of life.

"Do I ever get to meet your mom, by the way?"

He'd asked her very conversationally, but she still shot him a look. He knew what her mother was like. It had come up in conversation on more than one occasion.

"Well, she never bothered to meet Connor and I dated him for more than a year. I highly doubt she'd be interested in coming to meet my work family."

"Ah, well," Dr Charles shrugged. "Can't help bad taste."

Sarah laughed. This is why she had such a great relationship with her mentor. They had very similar senses of humour.

Dr Charles was very surprised to hear her tell him that she'd volunteered for an overnight shift. She was projecting a false sense of confidence, after all. It was her very first overnight as on-call resident on her own. She was hoping for the best, but her hopes were very quickly dashed. She'd just been paged to declare a patient dead. And she'd never done that before.

Thankfully, the nurse in charge was able to walk her through it. But that didn't make it any easier.

And then it happened again. And again.

Three. She'd had to pronounce three patients dead, one after the other. It was the worst part of practicing medicine over, and over, and over again.

By the time the morning rolled around, all she wanted to do was go home and cry. Sleep was an afterthought, but that was on her list of priorities too.

Of course, this was not what the universe had planned. She was standing at her locker and trying not to cry. And that was when Connor entered the doctor's lounge.

"... Sarah?"

She looked up with tears in her eyes and stubbornly found herself wiping them away. "Hey. I heard you operated on a panda."

Connor knew she was deflecting, but he went with it. "Yeah. Definitely not what I thought I'd be doing tonight."

"I don't think anyone plans on that. Anyone who's not a veternarian, anyway."

They laughed, but she was suddenly blinking back tears again.

"Are you ever going to tell me what's been going on?" he asked her gently, approaching her slowly now.

She looked him in the eye and finally cracked. "Please don't hate me."

"Hate you? Why would I hate you?"

"Because I should've told you, long before now, and I didn't." Classic Reese - she was rambling. "Even though I knew you deserved to know, and I would want to know if I were in your shoes. But I still didn't tell you because I didn't want to deal with it. Frankly, I'd rather I didn't know but I don't have that luxury because it happened in my body, not yours."

"Whoa, Sarah," he said, grabbing her hands and forcing her to look at him again. "What are you talking about?"

She tried to stop herself, to pause and find a way to delicately tell him, but the words just tumbled out of her mouth.

"I had a miscarriage."

He dropped her hands and froze.

After a long moment, he managed to say very, very quietly, "You what?"

"I -"

"- When?"

She should've known. She should've been able to anticipate that that would be his very first question, because he was a very practical person and-

"When, Sarah?!"

Okay. He was mad. And this was not going to help things.

"About a month after we broke up."

His hands were rubbing his face now, so she figured she may as well tell him all of it. It's not like it would soften the blow if she left it for later.

"About six weeks along."

"Six ..."

She could see him mentally doing the math, so she filled in that blank for him. "Yes. The last time we had sex." When she felt an unexplainable rage starting to boil up in her blood, she found herself adding with venom, "That was almost a very permanent ending to us. So at least you got out of that one."

They were both on their feet now, their voices starting to get louder and louder.

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You've made it very clear that you wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. I'd think you'd be counting yourself lucky that you didn't have an accidental permanent attatchment."

The door cracked open, and Noah briefly appeared, but just as quickly the door was closed and he made himself scarce. At least he had the sense not to walk into the middle of their inevitable argument.

"Accidental permanent ... Sarah, we lost a _baby_!"

"No Connor, _I_ lost a baby. You were nowhere to be found!"

"Because you didn't call me! I would've been there in a second!"

It was all she could do to hold back tears, but she was yelling now anyway. "Oh yeah? And how was I supposed to know you would've come if I'd asked someone to call you? Would that be the complete and total silence, or the fact that you stopped responding to 'hello' in the mornings?!"

"You had made it very clear that you wanted nothing to do with me!"

"BECAUSE THAT WAS THE MESSAGE I HAD GOT FROM YOU!"

Her sudden outburst seemed to pull them both back into reality. They were in the hospital. At work. And suddenly very aware that their colleagues out on the other side of the glass doors could both hear and see absolutely everything that was going on in here.

"Look," she said in as even a speaking tone as she could manage, "I know I'm not completely blameless in this either. We were supposed to be cordial and professional, and instead we avoided each other like the plague any time we unnecessarily crossed paths. We both screwed this up, Connor."

"But?" He knew there was more to it.

She squared her shoulders and stood her ground. She wasn't entirely blameless, but she wasn't entirely wrong either. "You could've come to me. If you wanted to talk as badly as you seemed to, you could've forced my hand."

He shook his head. "No. No, I couldn't have."

"Yes you damn well could've. Your messengers all let me know how badly you wanted to speak. But all you had to do was man up walk into the psych ward to see me in person. You didn't."

"I -"

"- No," she stopped him dead in his tracks. "We were planning a life together, and you wouldn't cross the threshold of those doors."

She walked toward the door now, opening it and not caring that their colleagues could hear what she was about to say.

"What does that say about our relationship, Connor?"

It was like a slap in the face. She wasn't wrong, and he knew it.

He watched her walk out of the ED entirely before he even dared move a single step. There was no point going after her. There was nothing he could say.

When he did finally emerge from the lounge, Maggie was ushering the staff back to their regularly scheduled jobs. It appeared the entire department had stopped to see the show.

"Thanks, Maggie," he said quielty. He'd meant to breeze past her and be literally anywhere but here, but her hand gripping his arm stopped him.

"Oh, that wasn't for you. It was for Sarah."

"Maggie -"

"- No, you listen here Connor Rhodes."

He'd never seen her so fired-up and protective. It was honestly quite intimidating.

"She's right. You weren't here the day it happened, and you wouldn't have come even if she had called."

"I would've come if I'd been paged."

"That's out of obligation. You wouldn't have come because you wanted to be here."

He closed his eyes and sighed - it was a silent admission of defeat. Because she wasn't wrong. Even if they had paged him and he'd come down, it would've been for all the wrong reasons.

"The point is, Connor, you weren't there. I was the one holding her hand, watching it happen and knowing there was nothing anyone could do to stop it."

Hearing that broke his heart in two.

 _ **A/N:** So, he knows. The entire ED now knows. He's going to have to deal with this, and it's not going to be easy. But they'll make their peace eventually ... Right?_


	30. Mirror Mirror

They were the talk of the hospital, and they both knew it.

Sarah found herself in her therapy session, steadfastly refusing to actually talk about her problems. Instead, she found herself talking about the methods her therapist was trying to implement on her. Apparently, it was more like she was auditing a class.

She didn't want to talk about her life. Or her break-up. Or her miscarriage. Or the blow up down in the ED.

Clearly, she had a lot to talk about. And no desire whatsoever to participate in it.

Connor, on the other hand, was choosing to completely ignore what had happened, and to block out whatever he may be feeling about it. He wasn't ready to face the concept of having lost a child and having no clue it had even happened. But the worst part, of course, was that he wasn't there for Sarah when she had needed him. They might not be together anymore, but that didn't mean he didn't still care.

In fact, some days, he felt like he cared a little too much.

Like the morning it had all happened, when he and Robyn had arrived back at her apartment.

 _"What happened in the doctor's lounge, Connor?"_

 _She knew. He knew she knew. But she wanted him to be the one to tell her._

 _He sat down, now holding his head in his hands. "Uhm ... Where do I even start?"_

 _"Well, you could start by telling me you used to date Dr Reese," Robyn said, moving about her living room and reshuffling things here and there. "While she was still a medical student."_

 _"You knew that?"_

 _Robyn laughed. "Everyone knows, Connor. It's the worst-kept secret in the entire hospital."_

 _"Well, yeah. We dated," Connor admitted. "Long-term. It started before I worked there, before she began her student rotation."_

 _"And when it ended?"_

 _He shrugged. "She'd started her residency, in psychiatry ... We just fell apart."_

 _She finally faced him. "Why were you arguing tonight? This all happened months ago."_

 _"And that's the problem," he said, sighing. "She miscarried."_

 _"What?"_

 _Connor nodded. "Yeah."_

 _"And she didn't tell you?"_

 _"Nope."_

 _"Who does that?!"_

 _His immediate response was to jump to Sarah's defence. Because Robyn was wrong. Sarah wasn't perfect, by any means. He understood why she hadn't told him, no matter how much it had hurt. Because she still loved him, just as much as he still loved her._

 _And where on earth had that thought come from?_

He'd been grappling with that same thought for days now. He still couldn't quite place where it had come from. There was a reason they had broken up. There was a reason they were not together. So why did he still have feelings for her?

Because, he supposed, you can't control how you feel or who you love.

This thing he had with Robyn, it was exciting and new. He liked her, that was undeniable. But he didn't feel the same way about her that he did with Sarah. Maybe with time, that would change. But could it really be possible to be in love with two people at once?

That was the real question he needed to answer. Because he knew in his heart of hearts that he was never going to not love Sarah Reese. It wasn't because of the journey they had shared together, or the child that they'd lost.

He loved Sarah because she was herself, completely and unashamadely. They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. But they weren't together.

He and Robyn were together now. And he knew they could have something really, really special. He just had to give it a chance.

Ah, life was never going to be simple.


	31. Theseus’ Ship

Nearly a month later, things had died down a bit.

Connor was happy in his relationship with Robyn. They were very domesticated - almost too domesticated, given the short amount of time they'd been together. It felt almost liberating to have a normal relationship. They didn't have to sneak around and hide. They could just be themselves, and be together, without worrying about it affecting their careers or their futures.

Sarah was - surprisingly - doing okay. She had thrown herself into her work and she was doing very well at it. She'd even developed a genuine social life - drinks at the end of a shift with the team at Molly's, even the occasional movie night with the girls. She'd even become Natalie's go-to babysitter for Owen - even though she wasn't convinced she had any maternal instincts whatsoever, she'd developed a soft spot for the kid. They seemed to get along in a way that she didn't quite understand.

As long as she was no longer the focus of the hospital rumour mill, Sarah was happy.

Today, Sarah and Dr Charles found themselves treating a patient who claimed to have a second personality she called a Tulpa. A second being she had created that lived inside herself. Who took over control of her body and drove her car into oncoming traffic.

As much as Sarah really didn't know what to do with this - it sounded so far-fetched, after all - she couldn't help but completely understand one thing the patient had said:

"I don't always connect with other people. So, when there's one person you can talk to and be yourself with who isn't gonna judge you and hurt your feelings ... It should make my husband happy, but it doesn't. And I don't know why."

She knew exactly what the woman had been talking about. She completely understood. She had that one person in her life - and she was cut off from him now, just like her patient. Except in her own case, Sarah was the one who wasn't happy that person was in her life. Because she didn't have Connor in her life in that same way anymore.

Just like the woman in that bed, she was all on her own. Even though she had a community of people around her.

It turns out, a trip to a neighbouring city with Dr Latham had been exactly what Connor needed. Despite having found himself basically babysitting Latham, he still found himself with a lot of time to think.

He loved Sarah, that was undeniable. On some level, he would probably always love her, whether they were together or not. But he also had feelings for Robyn - feelings which were getting stronger and stronger every day. He wasn't at the point that he could see himself building a life with her, but he was sure now that would come with time.

And then, there was the elephant in the back of his mind. He and Sarah had lost a baby. An opportunity for that life they had planned together - the kids, the dog, the whole white picket fence fantasy.

So very, very late that night - after he had rectified the Latham-being-robbed situation - he found himself sending her a message.

 _ **Connor:** I'm sorry I wasn't there. But for the record, I would have come if you had called._

He received his reply not two minutes later.

 _ **Sarah:** I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But I'm not sorry I didn't call._

It wasn't the best conversation, but at least they were communicating again.


	32. Cold Front

Being paged at home was never a good sign. Especially when it's two o'clock in the morning.

Sarah was out of bed in a matter of seconds, pulling on yesterday's scrubs and looking for her car keys. The page had given some information, but Maggie's text had filled in the rest:

 _ **Maggie:** Multi car pile-up on the motorway. Clarke and Choi on scene. All hands on deck in the ED._

She'd made it into the hospital in absolute record time. They were who knows how many hands down with staff snowed in all over the city, and there was no way they'd be able to get any extra supplies through this weather. It was chaos. Barely organised chaos.

She jumped in wherever she was needed, doing whatever had to be done. So did he. They were doctors, and today they were so focused on saving lives that they didn't have enough time to try to avoid each other.

When it was all over, Sarah found herself gravitating toward the doctor's lounge. When she got that far, she finally realised why: Connor was sitting alone on the couch, his head in his hands.

"Hey," she said quietly, gently walking in and closing the door behind her. "Are you okay?"

He laughed without a single trace of humour. "That's my line."

"And I might not show it, but I appreciate it every time you ask."

She was sitting on the coffee table opposite him now. It was reminiscent of a previous conversation, a time that felt like it was a million years ago.

"I performed an emergency c-section today," he said finally with a huge sigh. "And all I could think of was you."

"... Me?"

"Yeah, you."

He'd clasped one of her hands gently in his now.

"We almost had that life, Sarah. The one we'd dreamed of."

Sarah smiled sadly and slowly took her hand back. "It just wasn't meant to be, Connor. And that's okay."

As much as it pained her to say it, she found herself adding, "Maybe you'll have that future with Robyn someday."

Despite everything, including the way he felt about Robyn, he knew that wasn't what he wanted. Even if it couldn't actually admit that to himself.


	33. Lose Yourself

Connor found himself heading back to Robyn's apartment that night as a certifiable celebrity in Chicago. He had literally put a man back together today. The guy had fallen off his window washing equipment on the tenth storey of a building. He shouldn't have survived. But somehow, he did.

"Why hello there, doctor rockstar," Robyn greeted him warmly when he knocked on her door.

He chuckled. "You heard."

"Heard? It's all over the news!" She practically pulled him inside. "And it's all anyone was able to talk about today. Oh, and the TV vans outside? It was all a dead giveaway."

He shrugged, his typical Connor-ness taking over. "It was a team effort."

"Uh-huh. You're still a total rockstar."

"Where are we going, by the way?"

After she'd pulled him through the door, she'd continued pulling him down the hallway.

"Bedroom."

He grinned wider than he had in a very long time.

 _ **A/N:** So, this one was filler. We all know that. But the good stuff is on its way, I promise. Hang in there with me! :) (Also, I know this patient didn't actually make it on the show, but I felt like Connor needed a win, so I changed the ending. That's what fanfiction is all about, right?)_


	34. Prisoner’s Dilemma

April Sexton was back at work far earlier than she should have been, and she knew it. It had barely been two weeks since she lost her baby. Noah, bless his soul, was trying everything he could to get her to smile. Her kid brother had even bought her a box of her favourite snacks from when she was a kid, but she'd grumped at him too.

"He's trying, April," Maggie reminded her quietly. "No one knows what to say."

No one except one.

"Hey, Sarah?" April cornered her inside the the doctor's lounge down in the ED.

"April. Hey."

Sarah knew exactly why her friend had sought her out. She knew exactly what she wanted to talk about, and why she specifically wanted to talk to her.

The two women stared at each other for a moment, neither quite knowing where or how to start.

"I know you're sick of hearing it, but I really am sorry."

"Thanks."

Again, silence.

Finally, April asked, "How did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"How did you get through this all on your own?"

Sarah smiled sadly. "I didn't. I had Maggie and Will in my corner, and Dr Charles to talk to."

"But didn't it make you mad?"

They sat opposite each other at the little round table now, neither really sure how to continue.

"To be honest," she said slowly, "I didn't feel anything at first. It was such a shock. I didn't even know I was pregnant."

"And then? When you did feel?"

Again, Sarah's sad smile returned. "Angry. Hurt. Pissed off. Robbed of the chance to build a family."

By the look on April's face, she knew her friend knew exactly what she was talking about.

"But at the end of the day, I have to believe there was a reason it wasn't meant to be. And I know that doesn't help you right now. But trust me, further down to road - this pain will fade. It's always going to be a part of you. But you're going to be okay."

That was when Sarah found herself engulfed in a hug.

"Thank you," April whispered in her ear.

"Anytime," Sarah replied. "Anytime you need me."

Before she left the lounge, April looked back over her shoulder. "You and Rhodes."

The confused her. "There is no me and Rhodes. That is well and truly over."

April managed a small smile. "It's the way he looks at you."

"He doesn't look at me. We don't talk anymore."

"Oh, trust me, he looks."

This wasn't helping her confusion at all. "Okay?"

"He still looks at you the same way he always did."

"And?"

The smile got wider. "Don't give up on him. Not yet."

She watched her friend leave and sighed to herself. As much as she wanted to hold out hope, deep down she knew she needed to accept it all and move on. It wouldn't be healthy for her to continue harbouring a flame for a man who had clearly moved on, who was with someone else.

It was time to let Connor Rhodes go.


	35. Monday Mourning

It was just a normal day - in fact, it was as normal a day as it could possibly be. Sarah had arrived at work early, collected a cup of coffee from her favourite coffee cart and she was just about to start rounds with the other residents in the psych ward when both she and Dr Charles got an urgent page.

They raced down to the ED together to find the whole place in chaos.

"Sarah!"

"Hey, Will," she greeted him distractedly. "Do you know what's going -"

"- It's Wheeler."

The look on his face was one she'd never seen before. He was trying to speak, but he was completely unable to keep talking.

Her whole body ran cold. He hadn't told her outright, but she knew.

"This is obviously a tremendous shock. Dr Wheeler was one of us. And the burden of processing all that has happened will be a long and difficult one," Ms Goodwin was addressing the staff. "So, there'll be no judgement on anyone who would prefer not to be here today."

Now Dr Charles was speaking up. "At times like this, talking about anything - even the weather - never hurt anyone. So my colleague, Dr Richardson, has made herself available all day. She'll be up in her office if anybody wants to stop by."

It was back to business as usual down in the ED. They'd pulled Sarah in to fill in, and they were off.

This was the first time Sarah had to pull Connor down for a consult since everything had happened. They were the epitome of professionalism, working together for the sake of her patient.

He knew she was struggling. And that was why he'd pulled her out of that room as soon as they'd got him stabilised.

As they walked away, Connor asked her quietly, "Reese, are you okay?"

"What?" she answered him. "Yeah, everything's fine. I'm gonna check on the room. The sooner we get him upstairs, right?"

Connor watched her walking away, knowing she was lying to him and to herself. Sarah was not fine. Dr Wheeler's suicide had thrown her more than anyone else he'd come across so far.

He was surprising himself in how well he was handling this. You would think his only thoughts right now would be to the similarities with his mom, but it wasn't. He was concerned for his colleagues, his friends - and Sarah.

So when he saw her sitting down at one of the workstations half an hour later, he took the opportunity. She needed to talk, but she wasn't going to seek anyone out to help her. Maybe, just maybe she'd open up to him.

"Hey," he said casually as he approached her. "Thanks for getting that bed so fast."

She didn't respond. Staring off into space was never a good sign, especially when it came to Sarah Reese. So, he tried again.

"Tough day, huh?"

He would keep trying, keep giving her openings, because he knew she needed to speak.

Finally, she nodded.

"You and Dr Wheeler were friends?"

In truth, he didn't really know. He really had no idea what was going on with her these days, now that they were no longer a part of each others' lives.

"No, I hardly knew him," she said in a monotone.

He didn't say anything, just waiting for her to speak. Now that she had started, she would keep going. This much he was sure of.

"He came to me. Twice." She didn't look at him, still staring straight ahead. "Asking about pills, about therapy."

She finally met his eyes. "That wasn't really what he was asking for. He was asking for help."

Still, he didn't speak.

"I don't know why he came to me, but he did. And now he's dead."

She was beating herself up, just like he had for the last twenty years.

"What kind of terrible psychiatrist am I gonna be?"

He frowned, and told her honestly, "You can't jump in and save everyone, Reese. It's just not possible."

"It's not that I didn't jump in to save him. I didn't even see that he was drowning."

He'd wanted to keep talking, to reassure her it was going to be okay, but there was no time. Their patient had crashed, and they needed to perform an emergency procedure on him right now - there was no time to get him up to the cath lab.

Unsurprisingly, they fell back into their normal working rhythm. It was their old emergency treatment dance, working together as a seamless team to save their patient's life.

It felt good, almost like they were back to normal.

And that trend continued throughout the day as they kept tabs on the patient upstairs and continued their treatment. In a brief pause later that day, Connor had a chance to tell her what he'd wanted to tell her earlier that morning.

"Wheeler came to me too, Reese," Connor admitted. "When we had that pile up in the blizzard and that pregnant woman almost bled out. He took it hard. I had the chance to reassure him, but I didn't."

"I appreciate you're trying to make me feel better," she said. "But it doesn't."

And that was like a kick in the guts. He used to be the person who could calm her down and reassure her with a single glance, or a smile, or the touch of a hand. But not anymore. And that really hurt.

Then again, maybe they were both finally moving on.

Sarah really didn't know what to think when she was urgently paged up to the OR. Her thorough confusion didn't stop her from heading straight there the second Connor had her paged, just like she always did. He was operating on their patient, after all.

"Dr Rhodes," she said quietly and very, very confused. "Why did you bring me here? I can't assist on a bypass graft."

"We're not doing a bypass graft," Connor said very calmly, still operating on the man's heart.

"What? But, I -"

"- Look," he said, lifting up the heart and showing her.

"A ventricular septal defect?" She couldn't believe her eyes.

"Necrosis," he confirmed. "Lack of blood flow from his heart attack at the river caused a small patch of muscle to die."

"That's impossible to find. How did you even know to look?"

"See this discolouration?"

"Uh-huh."

"I missed this once. Guy died before we even got him off the table."

Sarah was silent. Now she understood why he had brought her up here.

"I know that you feel like you let Wheeler down, like you missed the signs of him needing help." He looked over to her, seeing her looking straight back at him. "As doctors, all we can do is learn from that and try not to miss them again."

He always could read her well. And right now, he could see how grateful she was just by the look in her eyes.

"You're a good doctor, Reese," he told her, not caring what any of his OR staff would think of their exchange. "Don't you ever forget that."

So maybe things between the two would eventually go back to normal. This was definitely a good step in the right direction.


	36. Lesson Learned

Things seemed to be going well between Connor and Robyn these days. So well, in fact, that he had told Claire about her.

She had been surprised, to say the least, that Sarah was not in the picture anymore. But she was still happy for him. And she wanted to meet Robyn.

"I went to Joe's last night. My sister loves stone crab," he was telling Robyn as they exited the elevator. "It was nice. I mean, there were a lot of years when Claire wasn't speaking to me."

"I'm sure she had a very good reason."

Connor smiled. "She can tell you all about it herself."

"What do you mean?" Robyn asked him, now very confused.

"She wants to meet you. She wants to have you over for dinner."

"By meet, do you mean grill? Make sure I'm worthy of a Rhodes?"

She was kidding, but she also had no idea she'd touched a nerve. In the very back of his mind was that one little voice reminding him how much Claire genuinely liked Sarah.

"No, that's more my father. Claire's not like that." His mouth kind of kept going, almost as though his subconscious was trying to reassure him: "She's happy if I'm happy. And I'm happy."

He desperately hoped he was right about his sister. The last thing he needed was her comparing Robyn to Sarah. Because he knew right now which one she'd think was better.

"I'm not sure if I'm ready to, uh, meet the family."

They shared a look, but he was saved responding by the appearance of one of his residents. You know, the one who tended to give off the air of being completely in love with him? The one who worshipped at his feet? Yep. That one.

Little did Sarah know, this situation was how she wound up grabbing lunch with Claire Rhodes at that little coffee shop next door to the hospital.

"I feel so bad," Claire was telling her. "I had no idea you guys had, well ..."

Sarah smiled. "It's okay, Claire. Really."

"But you broke up. And I had no idea."

Sarah shrugged. "It's fine, Claire. It was months ago."

"And that's why I feel so bad!"

It took Sarah a minute, but she very quickly worked out what that expression was. The Rhodes' siblings were far more similar than either of them cared to admit.

"We're friends, and I had no idea what you were going through."

That caught Sarah off guard. "... We're friends?"

Claire actually laughed. "Of course we are!"

"But I'm not with Connor anymore."

"Just because you're not dating my brother now, doesn't mean we can't still be friends."

They shared a smile. Maybe Sarah would make it through this in one piece - maybe even with an extra friend or two on her team. But she still felt kind of guilty. She didn't know how much Connor had told her, but it was just as much hers to share as it was his.

"Claire, how much did he tell you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did he tell you?"

She knew he hadn't. Claire had no idea what she was talking about. Without even really meaning to, she found the words falling out of her mouth, telling Claire the whole story beginning to end.

"Oh my God, Sarah. I'm so, so sorry."

That right there - that was the moment Claire and Sarah truly became friends.

By the end of the day, Connor had performed a notoriously difficult surgery on a teenage kid. They weren't sure how it was going to go, but they saved his life in the end. And he just might have dealt with a couple of his own issues along the way.

"I heard the surgery went well," Robyn said as she approached him in the hallway. He was outside the recoveryh ward, watching the patient interact with his father.

"Yeah, thankfully."

"Yeah, don't worry. I won't tell anyone."

"Tell them what?"

"Oh, that you were scared."

And there was that banter again.

"Oh, that's what you think, huh?"

She'd just smiled at him.

"Oh, man," he sighed, "you're definitely a Charles. Very perceptive."

She waited for him to talk.

"I was. After that first time, I was afraid I was gonna lose him."

"I have fears of my own, you know."

"Cholera? Typhus?"

"Yeah," she chuckled. "And relationships. There are a lot of pitfalls in dating a surgeon. There are the crazy hours, stress of the job -"

And then that resident appeared again. "Tough case, Dr Rhodes," she said. "Very impressive. And thanks for the vote of confidence."

She was gone as quickly as she had appeared, but it hadn't gone unnoticed. Robyn just continued as though she hadn't been interrupted: "Fawning women falling at your feet."

He'd wanted to jump in and make a joke about his sixth sense for that sort of thing, but this wasn't the time.

"Yeah, I don't know if I can compete with all of that."

"You don't have to compete," Connor reassured her. "I'm all in."

"Are you sure?"

He took a moment and really considered what she was asking him.

"Yes," he said finally. "My past is my past. You are my present."

Well, look at that. He'd finally moved on.


	37. Ctrl Alt

The whole hospital's system was down. Hackers had locked the system, and now the whole place was in chaos.

"Our server has been corrupted and shut down. And until we can restore the system, we'll be operating under downtime procedure. That means paper charts."

"Oh, and no tablets people," Maggie jumped in over Ms Goodwin. "Hand them over."

This was a nightmare.

"So, we have no access to anyone's medical records?" Sarah found herself asking. "How - how do we do stuff?"

"Well, there was a time not too long ago when we actually treated patients without the aid of computers. Imagine that." Goodwin hadn't meant to come across quite so sarcastic, but she had. "Tell them, Dr Charles."

Maggie was trying to take his tablet from him. "Can I keep it if I promise not to use it?"

"Sorry Dr Charles, IT need to check them all out."

Natalie had bigger concerns. "It's not just the electronic medical records that are disabled, right? I hear imaging's down as well?"

"Yeah, so that means what? No x-rays?"

"And no CT scans, no MRIs ..."

For once, Connor and Will were on the same page.

"We'll have to cancel all elective surgeries for the time being," Ms Goodwin confirmed. "But the IT department is confident they can disable the malware and get us back online soon. And in the meantime, we'll make do. We'll use the transport monitors to read the vitals -"

"- I'm sorry," Connor interrupted her. "But the note says that if we pay them thirty coins they'll give us the decryption key."

He had a valid point. Why not just pay up and get back online again? It would mean they could all get back to actually doing their jobs.

"It's hospital policy not to engage with extortionists."

"So we're going to fly blind with one arm tied behind our back?" Yeah, Connor was not happy. "It seems a little short-sighted. I mean, it's what? Thirty, forty thousand dollars? Seems like nothing."

"We're not paying the ransom, Dr Rhodes." Goodwin meant business. "We don't need to. We're not so fragile that we can be knocked off our game that easy."

Oh my God. They were seriously going to do it.

As soon as they dispersed, Sarah was mildly panicking.

"Sarah, hey!"

She was trying to get away, but she should've known better. To be honest, she'd been expecting it.

"Dr Rhodes," she greeted him very professionally.

"Uh, look ..."

He was scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Claire mentioned you guys had talked."

"So?" she asked him, picking up a paper file and throwing it a slightly disgusted look. "We're friends. Friends talk."

He nodded. "Right."

She rounded on him now, genuinely not entirely sure why they were having this conversation. "Is my friendship wiht your sister going to be a problem?"

"Uh ... no."

"Good."

"Good?"

She smiled sarcastically. "Because if it is a problem, it's one you're just going to need to get over."

That was when she took her leave.

Dr Charles and Sarah were grabbing a coffee not long after that, working out what needed to be done up in psych and how theyw ere going to make this whole thing work. And then, he threw a spanner in the works.

"Oh, I heard they are having a hard time filling the vacancy left by Dr Wheeler's death."

She did not know what to make of that comment. "The ED residency?"

"Yeah." He wasn't meeting her eye when he said, "Well, you just graduated from med school. I thought you might know somebody who's interested."

And then Ms Goodwin stole him away.

What did he mean by that? Was he trying to get rid of her from his service?

The bigger question was did she even want to go back to the ED?

All of a sudden, the monitors around them came back to life. No one knew who had paid the ransom, but everyone was thankful life was going back to normal.

Connor was particularly thankful, given he was in the OR with an open chest. And a bullet inside the right ventricle.

Saving lives is just what they do, right?

Downstairs, Sarah ran into Dr Charles. She figured it was now or never.

"Dr Charles, if you want to fire me why don't you just do it already?"

That threw him. "Fire you? Why would I want to fire you?"

"Okay, I might not be the greatest psych intern of all time, but I know a little bit about subext and the cognitive unconscious. So when you told me that there's an opening in the ED, I'm left to wonder does that mean you want me to quite psych and take that job?"

Ah, the classis Reese ramble.

"No. No it does not mean that at all."

"Because I am not quitting," she said defiantly. "I am sticking with this all the way. And so if you want to get rid of me, you're gonna have to do more than just try and get in my head."

Of course, this wasn't really about psychiatry. There was more to it, they both knew it. But she still found herself storming away.

She was confident, she was determined, and she was going to be a damned good doctor. She was never going to forget that.

It was late - as in, very, very late - when Connor woke up in an empty bed. A cold, empty bed.

He found Robyn out in the kitchen, manic. She was hearing rats in the walls. But there were no rats, and definitely no noise.

Something was very wrong.


	38. Generation Gap

"I'm not saying that you made it up," Connor said calmly to Robyn, who was about to yell. "I believe you heard something."

"Do you? Because it really doesn't sound like it!"

And then her father was on the other side of the elevator doors, and things got awkward. Dr Charles was going to take the next elevator, but she was insisting it wasn't a problem.

"We have rats," she told him as he stepped in with them.

"No, we don't. We've had two surveyors go through everything."

Dr Charles really wasn't sure what to make of this. "'We'?"

"Yes, 'we' dad. We are cohabitating." He could her Robyn rolling her eyes as she said it. "And we _do_ have rats."

It was an ongoing argument. There were no rats - he knew it, and the poor exterminators she had mercilessly yelled at both knew it. But she just wasn't hearing it. Or rather, she was.

Connor was worried. He believed she was hearing something, but he also knew there was nothing there to hear.

Sarah had drawn the short straw. She was stuck on baby duty - teaching teenagers the difficulty of parenting by tasking them with caring for a robotic baby, all in the hopes of encouraging them to exercise some caution.

It was the one decent piece of advice her mother had ever given her: _Don't have babies while you're still a baby yourself._

It did not go well, at least by Sarah's own perfectionist standards. She had no maternal instincts whatsoever, and she was awkward as hell in front of the room full of teenagers. She never was one for public speaking.

When he finally did get a break, Connor found himself in Dr Charles' office.

"I'm worried about Robyn," he said very plainly. "She's not acting like herself."

"Oh."

"She's convinced there's rats in my condo. But I haven't seen them, or heard them, and no exterminator can find them."

"Rats can be pretty clever."

"Not that clever," Connor said with a frown. This was really starting to frustrate him. "And aside from that, recently there are times when I find Robyn just staring off into space."

"Well, I mean that's not that odd," Dr Charles replied. "I do that all the time. Must be a family trait."

"I think it's more than that."

"How so?"

"Like I said, she's not acting like herself. I just feel like there's something off with her."

"Well, I mean, there is that new living situation." Dr Charles finally stopped shuffling paperwork around and looked up at him. "Cohabitation can be awful stressful."

Connor pulled a face. "Dr Charles, I hope you realise I wouldn't have come here if I didn't think this was important."

"Well, I appreciate that but I was supposed to be on a conference call two minutes ago. Can we pick this up later?"

And the man had just blown him off.

But by the end of day, Dr Charles had seen for himself that Connor was right. And Robyn had agreed - there was something wrong, and she needed help.


	39. Deliver Us

Sarah was more than surprised when Dr Charles had asked her to be the one to do Robyn's full psychiatric evaluation. She had tried to argue that it was a total conflict of interest, but it turned out Robyn had been the one to request her.

"If it can't be my dad," Robyn had said, "then I wanted it to be you."

"But why me? There are a dozen other doctors around here that haven't -"

"- That's got nothing to do with this."

They both knew what they were talking about, but neither wanted to outwardly acknowledge it. The words didn't really need to be spoken. The situation really didn't need to be made real.

"They both trust you," Robyn said.

"They?"

"My dad ... and Connor."

And there it was.

"He says you're a damn good doctor," Robyn continued. "And that makes you who I want to work with."

"Okay," Sarah shrugged. "Let's get started, then."

They'd been going through the process for hours now.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Sarah looked up from her notes with interest.

"Why didn't you tell him."

Sarah took a deep breath, suddenly very aware again of who she was talking to.

"That's not really pertinent to your current situation, so ..."

"But it is a valid question."

"Not in our current setting."

"Humour me."

She thought about it for a moment, then figured she may as well. At the very least, it might help her to build rapport.

"If you were me, in that situation," she said very slowly, "what would you have done?"

Robin looked her dead in the eyes. "I would've called him. He deserved to be there."

It was a valid point.

"Then flip that on its head," Sarah replied. "If you were him, and I had called but I didn't know what was going on - would you have come?"

To Sarah, Robyn's silence spoke volumes.

Robyn, on the other hand, finally understood.

Because after all, if an ex called and told you they were in the hospital but at that point it didn't have anything to do with you ... Why would you go?

Ah, Noah Sexton was at it again. While she waited for Robyn's test results, Sarah was down in the ED treating her day-to-day patients.

Noah seemed to have a 'thing' for Sarah. And he didn't seem to understand that her total lack of interest really meant she just wasn't interested. he was a nice guy, but he was a friend. A part of her ED family. She just didn't see their friendship turning into anyting. Something told her this was a message he just wasn't going to get.

But she'd been successful with Robyn. They'd come to an agreement - Robyn would take the evening to think over her choices. All going well, she would voluntarily commit herself tomorrow morning for psychiatric therapy.

And then Dr Charles stepped in.

Sarah definitely gave him a piece of mind on that one. Because he trusted her, and he'd trained her well. She was trying to get Robyn to take ownership, to put her in the best possible place for her treatment. And he had undermined that.

As of today, Robyn wasn't her ex's new girlfriend. She wasn't the woman she was somewhat jealous of.

Robyn was Sarah's patient. She wanted what was best for her, and she was going to do everything in her power to make sure she came out of this in the best possible place.

And then she ran into Connor. They were together for so long, and he completely refused to step foot inside the Elizabeth Rhodes Memorial Psychiatric Ward. But here he was. Looking for Robyn.

"Reese," he said, catching her as she stepped out of the elevator. "Hey. Robyn hasn't been answering my texts. Have you seen her?"

"I was about to call you."

He knew that tone. He did not want to be hearing that tone right now.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news."

"No."

"Connor -"

"- Sarah, she's fine. She does not need to be here."

Sarah sighed. "Yes she does, Connor."

He threw his head back and ran his hands through his hair in that way he did when he was stressed. "Who's treating her."

"That's the thing."

His eyes locked back on her again.

"I am."

"Good," he said. "Then she's got the best on her side."


	40. White Butterflies

Robyn had been an inpatient in the psych ward for more than a week. She wanted out. She wanted out more than anything, but it was doing her good. She was taking medication, she was receiving treatment, and she wasn't hearing rats anymore. It wasn't the way anyone had wanted it, but it was definitely doing her good.

But that was not the way Connor saw it. The way he saw it, she was locked up. And that was not what she needed.

To top it all off, Sarah was ignoring his calls again. He knew it could be seen as a conflict if he tried to use his connection to Sarah to interfere in Robyn's treatment, but he just wanted to help. He wanted Robyn out of there.

He finally tracked her down in the staff cafeteria.

"Reese, you got a sec?"

She was willing to talk, but they both knew she did not want to be having this conversation with him.

"So, I just saw Robyn and it seems like her therapy's going well."

"It is. She is lucid and responding to her medication," Sarah said. "Most importantly, she is letting us help her. I wasn't sure she'd be so trusting considering how this went down."

"She said you guys are diagnosing this as schizophreniform."

"Yes, it's looking that way."

"From what I've read, to be able to make that call the symptoms have to last for more than a month. Is that how long you guys are planning on keeping her?"

She'd known this was what the conversation was going to be about from the first phone call this morning.

"Um, well, right now it's all about making sure her psychosis is under control and her meds are dosed appropriately. Anything about release dates - you really should speak with her attending."

"Right. Dr Kwan." He was following her now, even though she'd tried to shut down the conversation. "Actually, I did. He reminded me that patience is a virtue. I'm pretty sure Dr Charles put those words in his mouth."

They were sitting down now, as though they were two friends grabbing a bite to eat. Just like they did when they were a couple, grabbing a quick lunch on fly. But neither of them wanted to think about that right now.

"Reese, this is all messed up."

"I'm sorry, Connor," she said. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"If Robyn had been committed in Indiana, she'd have been released already. Same with Michigan, same with Wisoconsin. All of those states have shorter holds."

"But this is Illinois and I don't make the laws."

"Tell me this couldn't be treated on an outpatient basis."

She sighed. "That's not up to me."

Right now, he just wanted answers. "Is she, or is she not a danger to herself."

"At this exact moment, no. But it's not that simple."

"Yes it is."

And he was gone. This was not going to be the last she heard of this, she knew it.

She really wasn't surprised when they were called up into the meeting rooms upstairs. The entire team involved in Robyn's treatment, and Dr Charles, meeting with Goodwin, Connor and a couple of the Rhodes' lawyers.

"Please don't do this," she whispered to Connor as they walked into the room.

"She shouldn't be locked up," he had insisted. "This is the only way."

He was doing what he thought was right. But it wasn't what Robyn needed.

That was the argument that Dr Kwan as attending physician, Dr Charles as the father, and the lawyers had for the next forty-five minutes.

In the end, Connor got his way.

He'd caught up with her out in the hallway. They had a brief moment to talk before Dr Charles blew up at him.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I have to do what's best for her."

"This is not what's best for her."

"Yes, it is."

"No, Connor," she said, squeezing one of his hands gently. "It's really not."

Only a few hours later, the universe had proved her right. She'd got his text before they'd got the page.

 _ **Connor:** You were right. We're coming in by ambulance. She's had another episode._


	41. Love Hurts

It was just luck that Sarah was working on overnight shift that night. Connor was relieved to see her face when they ambulance doors opened. He trusted her, and he knew Robyn trusted her too. She had her best interests at heart.

The moment they had her stabilised, they had a discussion with Dr Kwan, the attending, and Ms Goodwin. Robyn would be admitted back into the psych ward. It was safest for her. It was what she needed right now.

He didn't miss the look she gave him when Dr Latham called him upstairs. As much as he wanted to take five minutes to talk what had just happeend through, he couldn't. He needed to get up to the cardiac ward.

It was hours before he could get downstairs again. The moment he walked into the ED, she was there. She'd been waiting for him.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"You're limping."

"I -" He looked down, suddenly realising just how much pain his foot was giving him. "There was broken glass, I must have stepped on it."

She sighed and took hold of his arm. "Come with me. I'll have a look at it."

"Uh, no. No you won't. Not here."

She rolled her eyes at him. "In the doctor's lounge, then. If there's any glass in there, it needs to come out."

"I'm fine, really," he insisted, though still allowing her to steer him into the lounge.

"You're a surgeon who spends ninety per cent of his days on his feet." She pushed him down onto the lounge and retrieveda. first air kit from the cupboard on the opposite wall. "Present the foot."

He almost laughed. "You know, a doctor is normally required to give the patient a choice."

"Yeah, well," she shrugged. "You're not actually a patient right now, right?"

There was silence for a moment as she took a good look at what was going on.

"So she's back up in the psych ward now."

"Yep."

"You knew this was going to happen."

Another sigh. "Yes, I did."

"When did I stop listening to you?"

She gave him a quizzical look. "What do you mean?"

"I mean ..." he sighed. "I knew you were right. I knew, and I still went on the warpath anyway."

She smiled. "That's what you do for the woman you love."

"I didn't do it for you."

"You didn't need to."

"But I should have."

They shared a long look.

"I should have fought for you, Sarah. For us."

She looked down, focusing all of her attention on putting a small dressing on his foot.

"It doesn't matter now," she said finally. "What matters is that you're happy with Robyn. And right now, you need to be there for her."

She'd almost made it out the door when he spoke again.

"I should've been there for you, too."

The next time they saw each other, Robyn was in surgery. Connor and Dr Charles were sitting together in the waiting room, a very empty chair sealing the space between them.

Robyn didn't have a psychiatric disorder. It was an autoimmune response gone array - she had a very tiny tumor causing all of her symptoms. At the very least, their time together in those awfully uncomfortable chairs had given the two men time to talk.

She'd smiled when she saw them finally having a civil conversation. Maybe in some very weird way, this whole episode had been just what they needed.

"Any word?" she'd asked when she finally did approach them.

"No," Connor said. "Not yet."

She looked between the two and asked Dr Charles, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," he'd reassured her.

And that was when Dr Latham appeared. Surgery went well - she still had a long road ahead of her, but it looked like she was going to be okay.

Noah Sexton just wouldn't let it go. It had been an incredibly long, hard day. And yet the guy had harrassed her about his damn graduation party no less than four times today. He just wouldn't let it go.

"Maybe it would do you good," Will said quietly the last time he'd been on at her about it. "You know, just to kick back and celebrate. Hang out with the people who care about you."

"I don't know."

"Oh, come on. It'll get you away from all that drama upstairs."

Maybe he was right. Maybe a party was just what she needed.

What they didn't know, of course, was that while they were all out celebrating, Dr Charles had been shot.


	42. Speak Your Truth

It was a hell of a shock for them all, to say the very lest. But a few months later, life at Gaffney Chicago Medical Centre was more or less back to normal.

More or less.

While everyone else seemed to have jumped back into the day-to-day, Sarah seemed to be struggling with everything. More than just her boss having been shot literally only a few feet from the front door.

Today, however, she was discharging Robyn.

"You'll still experience some symptoms of the encephylitis, but to a lesser and lesser degree."

Connor was all over this. "What kind of symptoms?"

"Memory loss, phonemic paraphasia - substituting ken for pen, that kind of thing. You might also experience sleep issues, hypersomnia. Impulsivity, disinhibition, irritability."

"Sounds great, huh?"

To be fair, it would be daunting for anyone. Robyn was handling this surprisingly well.

Connor was being an optimist today. "Look, nothing a vintage bottle of Cliquot can't fix, right?"

"Champagne? No." They both looked back to Sarah for an explanation. "Alcohol is definitely contraindicated. You'll still be on multiple medications and a bi-weekly at home intravenous cocktail."

Again, Connor was in a really good mood. "Nice. Can I get some of that?"

At least it made Robyn laugh.

"Thank you, Sarah," she said. "I get the picture."

"Okay. I'll check in with you."

Honeslty, she couldn't get out of there fast enough. They were a fully-fledged couple now. And she had been forced to interact with their bubbble of happiness every day for the last three months.

Was it any wonder she hadn't quite moved on from everything that had happened?

She hadn't moved on from the shooting because it wasn't over. It wouldn't be over until Jack Kellogg was behind bars, where he belonged.

And then Dr Charles testified the man who shot him was legally insane at the time of the shooting. That in and of itself would be enough, everyone knew it. And it made her so angry she could actually feel her blood boiling. She wanted to yell, and to scream, and to hit something. But she didn't. She couldn't.

She was Dr Sarah Reese, and she had her shit together.

(At least, that's what she was telling herself.)

"Hey, Reese, I need to ask you something."

He'd caught her just as he was getting out of his car, and she into hers. It had been perfect timing.

"You mentioned something about, uh, disinhibition, impulsivity as things that Robyn might experience. Can you get a little more specific for me."

"Uh," this one had thrown her. "Impulse buying, gambling. Maybe hypersexuality, hyperphagia -"

"- Hypersexuality?"

She knew where this was going. She really didn't want to go there.

"Are you concerned about Robyn?"

"Yeah, of course I'm concerned. You're sure she was ready to be discharged?"

"Yes."

"You're confident about that?"

She opened her car door and lost it at him then.

"Look, Connor, I appreciate this is coming from a place of concern for your girlfriend, but I really don't want to hear about your sex life. If you have an issue with her recovery, I suggest you take it up with her attending."

She hadn't meant to say it, the words had just come tumbling out. But it had done some good - he finally realised what it had been like for her over the last few months.

Before he could say anything, or show any signs at all of his sudden revelation, she had walked away.

And now he felt absolutely awful. They hadn't meant to be that couple, but they were. And now he was _that guy_ to Sarah. He respected her and her feelings more than that.

 _ **A/N:** So, we have made it to season three! I have a lot of people telling me they really, really, really want Connor and Sarah back together - believe me, I do to. That's why these chapters are so short, I really don't like writing for Robyn. Never fear, we all know how their story goes from here. I promise you, it won't be long and we can get back to the storyline we're all really here for! :)_


	43. Nothing to Fear

Connor had never been late for work in his life. Latham being Latham, it hadn't gone unnoticed.

While it was great to have Robyn at home again, her symptoms had a knack of reappearing at the most inopportune times. Like the anxiety attack she'd had at four o'clock this morning.

He wasn't complaining, of course, his priority was caring for his girlfriend. But balancing his personal life with his crazy work schedule was far more difficult than he had initially thought it would be. Just like Dr Charles had warned him it would be.

Why was that man _always_ right?

Sarah was having her own problems. She'd thrown herself into her work, just like she always did, and it was working for her. But there was one small problem she just couldn't shake.

Or rather, one fully-grown doofus who wouldn't let it go.

"So you know how I've been hounding you about getting a drink with me after work?"

"I am familiar with it, yes."

"Well, it's all gonna stop." It was too good to be true. "Right after you get a drink with me tonight."

And there it was.

"Come on, Noah. Couldn't we just stick to being colleagues?"

She'd tried being nice. She'd tried letting him down easy. He wasn't getting the message. Or rather, he was and he was declining to listen.

"Sure," he said, not convincing her at all. "A drink as colleagues."

She had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. She just couldn't deal with him right now. She had a patient to see.

It was sad that Sarah was now calling Noah Sexton's unwanted advance number four hundred and twenty-three the highlight of her day. From there, it was all going downhill fast.

The incident with the patient and the prescription pad was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. Even Dr Charles and his words of wisdom weren't helping her today. She was lashing out at the one person who was always in her corner, the one that always had her back.

And then she had the great displeasure of running into Connor at the coffee cart.

"You look like hell," he said in way of greeting.

He was standing next to her, but she still didn't bother looking his way. "I can't do this today, Connor. If you need to talk to someone about Robyn's care, find another member of her team. And if you want a consult, page me like everyone else. But if you just want to talk? Don't."

He wordlessly handed her the sugar and stirring stick she had been looking for. She took them, right as she threw him the filthiest look she could manage.

He shrugged. As he walked away, he said over his shoulder, "I didn't talk."

In another time, it would've been a sweet gesture. Back then, he would be the one seeking her out to personally hand deliver the coffee.

But that was then, and this is now.

"You paged about a consult?"

Sarah was in Dr Charles' office now. At this point, she was just going through the motions to get through her day.

"Yeah. Fifty-something guy, post-op after getting shot by a patient."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Is this a joke?"

"No. I'm serious, give me your clinical evaluation of my recovery."

She paused for a moment, then did as she was told.

"No residual anger or fear. Normal intellectual and emotional functioning. You seem like you have moved on."

"Yeah," he said. "And you should too."

She should have known he would notice. He always noticed. Everything. It was the very definition of his character.

"Excuse me?"

Not that she was going to admit anything to him.

"I'm wondering if today was less about your patient and more about lingering fears for our safety."

She didn't say anything, just continued to listen.

"It is certainly true that a very few of our patients can be dangerous, but the overwhelming majority are harmless and in fact very grateful for our help. And they can't get that help if you come to work scared."

"I'm not scared."

"This is not an accusation, doctor," he said kindly. "I just want you to know that every psychiatrist goes through this at some point or another. And then it passes. And it'll pass for you too."

Though the words were reassuring, she wasn't ready to admit to herself that he was right.


	44. Trust Your Gut

Maggie was really worried about Sarah. She wasn't herself lately. The more she thought about it, the more she realised the resident hadn't been herself since Dr Charles was shot.

And that was months ago. So why was Maggie only just realising this now?

She was worried. Really worried. There was only one person she could think of who would be able to get her to open up - but Connor just wasn't interested. Every time she tried to talk to him, he'd brush her off. In one instance, she watched him actually run away before she could corner him in one of the upstairs hallways.

Of course, Maggie knew Connor was with Robyn now. She knew that he'd moved on.

But she also knew how much he still loved Sarah Reese. It was the look in his eye - no matter what he said, he couldn't lie to her. Maggie could read Connor Rhodes like an open book.

Dr Charles had noticed it too, though even he couldn't quite put his finger on what was really going on.

"I'm worried about her," Maggie whispered to him down in the ED. They were standing together in the football, watching Sarah inside a treatment room as she worked with a patient. "There's something going on."

Dr Charles sighed. "I know."

"And?"

He looked from Sarah to Maggie and back again. "And until she decides she wants to talk about it, there's nothing you or I can do to help her."

"Have you tried?"

"Of course," Dr Charles confirmed. "More than once. She doesn't want to talk to me."

"We both know who she would talk to."

They shared a look.

"He won't talk to me, what about you?"

The psychiatrist shook his head. "The man's dating my daughter," he said very quietly. "I think it's best that I don't get involved in this one."

Maggie put a hand on his shoulder. "You know as well as I do he loves Robyn. But the way he looks at Sarah?"

Dr Charles met Maggie's eyes and smiled softly. "It hasn't changed. I really don't think it ever will."

"That doesn't mean he doesn't love your girl," Maggie said reassuringly.

"No," he agreed. "It means he loves both of them."

 _ **A/N:** Hi everyone. So, a little filler again (or still, let's be honest). We are so close right now I can taste it ... It won't be long, I promise! :)_


	45. Naughty or Nice

Today was the day. Robyn Charles' first day back at work.

"Don't worry," Connor said reassuringly. "You'll see, it'll be like you never left."

"Connor, last time people from work saw me, I was strapped to a gurney screaming about rats."

"Look, they understand. You were sick and now you're not. Everything's going to be fine." He put an arm around her shoulder as they made their way toward the hospital doors. "And if you need me - which you won't - I'm on trauma service today so I will be in the ED, okay?"

Sarah was inside the ED when she saw them approaching the doors from the corner of her eye. She promptly turned on her heel and marched herself off in the opposite direction. This was not something she wanted to see or to deal with today.

Maggie had been trying all morning to corner the trauma surgeon down in the ED.

"You can't ignore me forever, Connor Rhodes," she told him firmly.

He tried to pass off his groan as anything but, though he was wildly unsuccessful. "I am not ignoring you, Maggie."

"Really? Because you've been avoiding me for a solid two weeks."

"I have not been avoiding," he said, trying very hard to get out of this conversation. "I have had surgeries. And rounds. And -"

"- A total disinclination to discuss the topic at hand?"

He had to stop himself from pulling a face.

"We are going to talk about this."

"No," he said, shaking his head. "We're not."

They would have continued their conversation, but Connor had just caught a case. Saved by the ambo.

Much to Connor's displeasure, he found himself seeking out Sarah only a few hours later.

"Hey," he said, catching her arm as she stepped out of an elevator up on the psych floor. "Can I borrow you?"

She was very careful about the expression written on her face. This was her specific place of work, after all. Her domain.

"What can I do for you, Dr Rhodes?" she asked him very professionally as they walked together down the hallway. He didn't say anything until she finally stopped walking and looked at him.

"It's about Robyn."

Sarah had to resist the urge to turn and run. Instead, she sighed. "I've told you before, Connor. You need to speak to someone else on her team."

"Not for this. She only wants you."

This was how Sarah found herself down in radiology with what the hospital's trusty rumour mill had recently termed the 'world's cutest couple'. She tended to think of them more as vomit-inducing, but then again she was biased.

"Why do I have to do an MRI? We all know what's going on."

"The MRI will allow us to see the extent of any lingering inflammation," Sarah said confidently. She knew Robyn wasn't 'crazy', no matter how much the woman herself didn't believe it.

"This episode could end up being a blessing. It could help us to adjust your meds," Connor added. "And there's nothign to worry about. This is all part of your recuperation process."

"Which is endless."

Robyn was being snarky, and she knew it. The truth was, this was the very first time she had seen Connor and Sarah interacting together as doctors. They'd both been present in her care, but it was different seeing them as doctors working together to treat a patient. It was seamless, almost as though they each knew exactly what the other was going to say next.

Suddenly, she could see why they worked as a couple.

She also didn't miss the way his eyes followed her as she left the scanning room and headed back out to the technician. She'd seen that look on his face before, of course ... but it was different watching him look at someone else like that. Especially when it was her, and they had such a long and complicated history.

He made a weak joke in response to her not needing to be restrained this time around - "Maybe later tonight" - as he left to head back up to the OR. All of a sudden, for Robyn at least, it just didn't feel the same.

The second her scan was over, Robyn was back on her feet.

"Your scan was clean," Sarah told her kindly. "No residual edema or damage to your brain tissue."

"Great. So I'm just losing my mind?"

Sarah gave her another of her sad smiles. "Robyn, this is good news."

"It is?"

"If it would make you feel better, there are more tests we can run. An EEG, an autoimmune antibody assay, a lumbar puncture -"

"- Ooh, a spinal tap. Wow, that'll cheer me up."

She was being snarky again, and she didn't care. It didn't seem to phase Sarah at all though.

"Robyn, we are going to figure this out."

"No, it's pretty clear," she concluded. "It's all in my head. And there's nothing you, or Connor, or anyone else an do."

She was about to storm out of the room when she found herself turning around and spitting at Sarah, "You know he still loves you."

There. That had thrown her.

"I - what?"

She grimaced in an effort to hold back the tears that had suddenly flooded her eyes. "He is in love with you. Even after all this time, you've still got a hold over him."

"No. No, don't -"

"- I mean, why wouldn't he be hung up on you? You're gorgeous, you've got a brain and you've clearly got your shit together. Best of all, you're not crazy."

"Robyn, you are not crazy."

It didn't matter to Robyn right now what Sarah had to say. She stormed out of that room leaving a very fragile, very confused curly-haired psychiatry resident in her wake.

Well after the end of their shift that night, Sarah found herself catching her mentor at the elevator as he was making his way home for the day. She hadn't been able to stop thinking about what Robyn had said earlier, but there was one thought in her mind that could trump that.

"Dr Charles, are you okay?"

"Yes," he answered her succinctly, if a little tiredly. "I'm okay."

"I mean, with everything that's happened ... I'm worried about you."

He had been on the receiving end of an electrical shock when their patient had put the paddles to his own chest that afternoon. Dr Charles had jumped in and grabbed hold of the paddles without a second thought - the whole situation had really scared her.

"You know that's funny because," he paused for a moment, assessed her quickly, then finished his thought, "I've actually been worried about you."

"What? Why?"

"You know, this morning when they brought Mr Kramer in, I thought you seemed anxious about treating him."

"No, no," she insisted. "I told you, I had patients to see."

"Okay," he said, nodding. "I, um ... I guess I just hope that that's really the case."

She hesitantly bid him adieu as he stepped into his elevator.

What was it with the Charles' throwing curve balls at her today?


	46. Mountains and Molehills

Robyn's recent moment of realisation had started to affect her relationship with Connor.

Take this morning, for example. She was happily getting ready for work when Connor noticed her new dress and her new earrings.

"What's the occasion?" he'd asked her, wrapping his arms around her waist and looking at them together in the mirror.

"No occasion," she'd answered him honestly. "Just an impulse buy. Needed a fresh start."

And then he'd gone all flirty - the sexy kind of flirty.

"You know, it might look a little better on the floor ..."

She found herself stopping him. In the same way she'd stopped him for nearly a week now. He had started to notice, but he was yet to say anything. She was starting to wonder how long it was going to take him.

"Doesn't your shift start at nine?" she'd asked him once she'd escaped his grasp.

"Yeah, but I'm on trauma call today so they can wait."

"Ah, is that how trauma works?"

"Come on," he said, reaching out to grab her hand and pull her close again. "Whatever happened to channeling your impulsivity into other activities?"

"Wait - wait. My impulsivity?"

He didn't say anything. He knew he'd just poked a sleeping bear.

"So, what? When I initiate sex it's just a symptom of my illness?"

He'd backed himself into a corner. They'd been avoiding this conversation since they'd got her diagnosis, but there was no avoiding it now.

"Okay, yes," he finally admitted. "Sometimes I still wonder if I'm getting Robyn or if I'm getting ..."

"I get it," she said, brushing him off and making it very clear she did not want to have this conversation right now. "I get it. But just so you know, I'm starting to feel more and more like myself every day."

He immediately flipped them back into their flirty banter. They both needed to get to the hospital - they didn't have time for the inevitable long-winded (and long overdue) discussion right now.

"Well, then how about dinner and a movie?"

She didn't miss a beat with her counter offer. "How about dinner and no movie?"

It was shaping up to be a pretty good day.

Sarah had managed to avoid seeing patients for the two weeks Dr Charles was on leave. She'd pulled away from everything and focused herself on her resident research projects. No one had minded - and frankly, it seemed like no one had noticed.

Just when she thought she had successfully avoided all of the complications in her life, there was Noah Sexton.

"Hey, Sarah!"

She had to stop herself from groaning.

"Don't know if you've heard, Doris is having this thing tonight -"

That was the very moment Maggie rolled in, yelling at Noah to get his but in gear. They had two trauma patients incoming.

"Thanks," Sarah all but whispered to the charge nurse when she passed her on her way back up to the psych ward.

"All in a day's work," Maggie replied with a smile.

Sarah's day was not getting any better. Someone had broken into her car, stolen her gym bag - why, she honestly really didn't want to know. There was nothing of value in a gym bag. Then again, she purposely didn't leave any valuables in her car.

Dr Charles had tried to pull her in to do rounds with him, but she was insisting on heading back into the lounge to continue working on her research projects. She was there when the brother of a patient they'd just lost tackled Noah and pushed him through a window. He was okay, but it had freaked her out. And she wasn't hiding it well.

Once they'd determined Noah was fine, she found herself getting very upset, very quickly. And when he decided not to press charges, she lost it completely. She'd walked out of the treatment room and made a beeline for their charge nurse.

"Maggie," she called, heading back out into the football, "Maggie. Why wasn't security in the room in the first place?"

"That's not the established protocol."

"Well, it should be! Reactions to the death of a loved one can be unpredictable. There should always be a guard nearby when a family member's being informed! How are we supposed to do our jobs if we don't feel safe and protected?!"

She was taking it out on the wrong person, and she knew it. She also knew her colleagues were staring, and she honest to God did not care.

"Damnit," she heard Connor's voice say from Noah's treatment room.

When she stormed off out of the ED, she knew he was following her, without needing to hear him repeatedly calling her name. She could hear his running footsteps behind her as he tried to catch up with her. So she darted from corridor to corridor, doing everything she could to try and lose him. She just wanted to be alone.

When she finally did make it up to the rooftop, he was sitting there waiting for her.

"I should've known better," she all but laughed humourlessly. "Of course you'd know where I was heading."

Connor didn't say anything at all. He looked over and observed her for a long moment.

"Stop. Just stop it, okay. Stop looking at me like that."

He frowned. "Like what?"

"Like that!" she insisted. "Stop looking at me like you used to."

He looked away now, back over the Chicago skyline. "I never changed the way I looked at you, Sarah," he finally admitted. "You've just started to notice."

"So has your girlfriend," she spat. "So you might want to stop. For your own sake."

"This is not about me," he said finally, rising to his feet. "You are not okay."

"I am fine."

"No, you are not."

He couldn't help himself - he hadn't meant to, but he found himself running his fingers down the curve of her cheek.

She didn't stop him. She knew she should step away, but she couldn't make herself move.

"I'm worried about you, Sarah," he said very quietly. "I want to fix it, but I just don't know what I can do."

"I'm fine," she insisted again, matching his quiet tone as she took hold of his hand with both of hers and pulled it away from her face.

"No, you're not."

She moved away now, readying herself to head back inside. "I'm not your problem to worry about anymore, Connor. So stop."

"You were never my problem," he answered her, holding her attention and knowing she was about to leave. "You are nobody's problem. But when you're in love? Your problems become mine. That's what it's all about."

She looked at him again, this time with tears in her eyes. "You can't say that."

"Say what?"

There were a million thoughts running through her head, but none of them were the right thing to say. "You can't say that like you still mean it. You're with Robyn now. You've moved on."

He shrugged. "Doesn't mean I'm not still in love with you, too."

"You can't say that."

"I can't help what I feel, Sarah! I love her, and I'm still in love with you. I have no control over that."

"You need to let me go!" she rounded on him, finally letting all of her emotions out.

"I can't!"

"Then how am I supposed to move on?!"

She was yelling, and so was he. They were both breathing heavily now, as though they'd just run up the six flights of stairs it took to get up here.

"... I don't want you to."

It was the first time he'd admitted it out loud.

"That's not fair," she countered. "You're with Robyn. You've moved on, and you made it look so easy. Like I never even mattered at all."

"You want to talk about fair?"

"Oh, here we go."

"Four months. It took you four months to tell me we'd lost a baby."

"It was more complicated than that, and you know it."

"I wanted that life, Sarah! I wanted that life with you! You knew that, and you still didn't tell me!"

"What good would it have done?" she yelled back. "I didn't want to watch you go through that. Not when I couldn't be right there beside you going through it with you!"

"So you did it on your own?"

She'd meant to leave several minutes ago, but she hadn't gone anywhere. Now, she was watching Connor walk away. And what he said only served to make her blood-boilingly angry all over again:

"How's that working out for you?"


	47. Ties That Bind

It had been more than a week. Connor and Sarah had intentionally not spoken. No one knew what exactly their conversation had entailed, but the whole hospital seemed to know there had been yelling. Apparently there was a board meeting happening in one of the rooms adjacent to the balcony space at the time. As it turns out, even board members aren't above being a part of the hospital's rumour mill.

This morning, Connor found himself unexpectedly called down to the store. Dolan Rhodes was the one place in all of Chicago he wanted to avoid more than anything else in the world. And yet, here he found himself, thanking his father for not calling the cops when Robyn was caught shoplifting. It was a symptom of her illness, after all. But it still meant he had to thank the pompous ass.

"Connor, this friend of yours? She's a kleptomaniac."

"No, she isn't. She's recovering from an illness that makes her do things she wouldn't otherwise do."

"Still, you have to admit she's ... unstable."

"You don't know her," Connor insisted. "You don't know anything about her."

"So, what she did was sane? Reasonable?"

And now it was time for the low blow.

"After what happened to mom, I would say you're the last person who should be discussing anybody's mental health."

"You're making this about your mother?"

"Yes I am!"

"She's been gone for twenty years. Time to move on, don't you think?"

"Yeah, took you what? A week?"

That had stopped him. "Look, if she's not unstable, she's a criminal. Either way - fatherly advice - get rid of her."

Connor thought it was over. And then his father opened his mouth again.

"I thought you were with that other one. The one with the curly hair."

Robyn was within earshot, walking back toward them. And Cornelius Rhodes knew it.

"I like her. Claire does, too."

Connor couldn't help himself, he took the bait.

"You never met her."

"Oh, Sarah?" Cornelius said conversationally. "I've met her many times, she's absolutely lovely. She was here grabbing lunch with your sister just last week. They're good friends."

Connor didn't miss the look on Robyn's face. He knew he was wearing the same look on his own.

They hadn't spoken at all the entire way home. They were both thinking along the same lines, but neither wanted to talk about it. When they finally did get there and she'd settled herself on the balcony, he broke the silence by awkwardly suggesting lunch options.

"I'm not hungry," she said, cutting him off mid-sentence.

"Robyn, you should eat. You'll feel better."

"You take good care of me," she said, stepping back inside. "I guess you do that for all your patients."

"Whoa, hey," he said, turning her back around to face him and stepping close. "You are not my patient. I love you."

"Do you?" she asked him. "Because I wouldn't love me. I'd get rid of me."

"Listen, my dad is a son of a bitch. He likes to destroy things."

"And you like to fix things," she said. "People with blocked arteries, leaky valves. Unhinged girlfriends who like to shoplift."

"Meaning?"

She shrugged. "I'm not Sarah Reese."

"That is not what is this about," he said fiercely.

"Isn't it?" she asked him sarcastically. "She's not unhinged like me. She's not sick like me. She doesn't shoplift light me."

"Don't make this about Sarah."

"When is it not about Sarah? You're in _love_ with Sarah."

"I am in love with you," he said slowly, stepping forward again and holding her face gently in his hands.

"And you are in love with Sarah," she said, looking him dead in the eyes. "Admit it."

"I love you," he said quietly. "Whatever residual feelings I might have -"

"- They're not residual. You are still in love with her. I'm not the only one who's noticed."

"What do you mean?" he whispered.

She laughed, though it clearly wasn't funny. "I'm not immune to the Gaffney rumour mill, Connor. You know as well as I do the things they're saying."

"I'm not sleeping with her, if that's what you're referring to."

She was still smiling. Why, she didn't know. "You'll deny that, but you won't deny your feelings."

He didn't say anything. He stepped back, and waited for her to speak again.

"Wanting to save someone? Needing to save someone?" she shook her head. "It's not the same as loving them."

She stepped forward now, allowing him to pull her into a hug.

"I shouldn't be late tonight," he whispered as he left.

Clear as though it may be, he didn't want this to be the beginning of the end. So when he got to work, he did the unthinkiable: He went looking for Sarah. It didn't take long to find her. The first place he'd looked was by the decent coffee cart.

"Reese," he said forcefully as he approached her. "When was the last time Robyn had a full work up?"

"Just before she was released from rehab," she replied quickly.

They both wanted this conversation over as quickly as possible. But on the other hand, he had a bone to pick.

"That was almost two months ago. How about a little follow up with your patient?"

Sarah rolled her eyes. Of course he would be attacking her on this. Why did he never take this stuff up with the attending?

"She is not asymptomatic, but that is to be expected. Recovery does not happen overnight. It's a process."

"So you reviewed her medication?"

"Yes."

"With her neurologist?"

"And her internist, and her pharmacist. I've been monitoring Robyn very carefully."

"Maybe somebody else should," he suggested in a tone that was clearly meant to be anything but helpful. "Someone with more experience, maybe a little more familiarity with the condition."

"You mean someone who you don't have feelings for. So you don't have to deal with me." He didn't contradict her, so she continued on. "I've tried to remove myself from Robyn's case, twice. And both times it's been Robyn who insisted I stay involved in her care."

"I'm bringing her in tomorrow," he said, completely ignoring the fact that she was right. "She's going to get a full neuro work up. Plus labs, plus scans. Understand?"

Their interaction wasn't going to help the rumour mill situation, but at least neither of them had yelled this time.

That had been the very beginning of Sarah's shift. Six hours later, she found herself called in for a psych consult for Ethan down in the ED. His patient was insisting there was something wrong, but he could find no physical reason for the symptoms he was describing. He did no react well to the concept of a psychiatric assessment.

He'd got right up in her face, and she was terrified. He was bigger and stronger than she was. She shouldn't have done it, she knew that immediately, but she was acting on self-preservation. The tiny can of pepper spray was in her hand before she knew what was happening.

And then she sprayed him, right in the face, at point blank range.

Frankly, she was lucky not to be fired right that on the spot. Once Ms Goodwin had formally suspended her, she expected to be told to leave. But Goodwin surprised her, just like she always did.

"I'm going to fight for you, Dr Reese," Sharon Goodwin said quietly. "You are a good doctor. Sometimes, we find ourselves in over our heads. I don't want to lose a good doctor."

Sarah was crying. She was trying to hold it together, but she'd lost it. All she could manage was a strangled, "Thank you."

Goodwin sat down again now, surveying the young resident over her clasped hands. "I want to warn you, Sarah," she said very quietly, "the board is going to go through your history here. They will speak with your colleagues, and your superiors."

Somehow, her nightmare had just become even worse.

"You need to be prepared for them to find out that you and Dr Rhodes broke the rules."

As it turns out, their impending doom was the least of Connor's worries this evening. He'd returned home to find the apartment empty. And a note on the coffee table. There was one line in particular that he found himself reading over, and over, and over again:

 _You are in love with Sarah. And that's okay. Be with her. Be happy together._

Sarah felt numb. Numb enough to not even care the only reason Noah Sexton had insisted on taking her home was that he was sweet on her. On some level, she knew letting him feel like her knight in shining armour was completely unfair, because she was never going to feel the same way for him. But she still appreciated him sitting with her in her living room until Dr Charles arrived.

"What have I done?"

They were the only words she'd spoken since she'd left Ms Goodwin's office.

Dr Charles said nothing at all. He simply put an arm around her shoulders and let her cry.

When she was ready, they would talk. They would talk for hours, and she would finally tell him everything. She would finally admit that, yes, there had been something going on. She was afraid of working with patients. She was afraid of going to work. She was afraid of getting hurt, just like him and just like Noah.

She was afraid.


	48. Over Troubled Water

In the week since everything that had happened, Connor and Dr Charles had not spoken once. It wasn't for lack of trying, of course - the cardiothoracic fellow had become very good at avoiding people lately.

You could imagine Dr Charles' surprise when, down in the ED one busy morning as they worked side-by-side at two of the workstations, Connor said:

"I bought a ticket for Minneapolis. I'm heading out tonight."

"Really?"

"We'll see what she has to say face to face."

Dr Charles knew this was not a good idea. He just needed Connor to see that.

"Connor, are you sure that you don't wanna ... I dunno ... think about letting it go?"

"I'm sorry, Dr Charles," Connor answered him. "I love your daughter. I'm not going to lose her."

"And Sarah?"

There it was, the elephant in his every thought.

"I'm not talking about this," he said, hurriedly picking up his paperwork.

"I don't mean to pressure you, Connor, or to pry into your business. But ... have you spoken to her?"

Connor sighed. "No. And before you start, I won't be. My priority is Robyn."

"Be that as it may," Dr Charles said slowly, knowing very well that wasn't entirely the case, "Sarah could really use her friends right now. An extra person in her corner."

Connor pulled a face. "This person is waiting to be called in to face the board. I don't think my interacting with the other half of that particular equation will help the situation."

"What are they gonna do? Pull your phone records?"

Somehow, he actually managed to make Connor laugh.

"I'm going to Minneapolis. I'm going to see Robyn."

And that right there was the end of that particular conversation.

Sarah was still on suspension, but she would be back at work again soon. She was excited, until she was informed she'd be working under ZDr Chapman and her flowcharts. She wasn't happy, though she also wasn't exactly in a place where she could say anything. Then again, it wasn't like her situation could get much worse. She'd just have to pick her moment. And the person she spoke to.

Seriously, flowcharts? This is not the kind of doctor she wanted to be.

That was how she found herself up in Dr Charles' office. Pleasantries aside, she knew what she wanted to say. She just wasn't one hundred pre cent sure how.

"Is there an issue?"

Apparently Dr Charles had picked up on her feelings.

"I'd prefer to come back to your service."

That was a good place to start.

"I understand," Dr Charles replied. "Really, I do. But I think it's very important that you explore a different clinical approach."

"Yeah, well, Dr Charles, I'm not an idiot." It was slightly more forward than she had intended to be, but it got the point across. "I know you think my anxiety, my PTSD, if you will, extends directly from your being shot. That our working together is negatively affecting my mental health."

She took a long pause.

"But, first of all, these are my issues. And I'm working on them," she said. "And second of all, you chose to bring me into psychiatry. So I'm now about to let you pawn me off onto that Dr Chapman ... when you're the psychiatrist I want to be."

He was staring at her, clearly not quite knowing what to say.

"I almost lost you once. I don't want to lose you again."

He was touched, but he also felt that he'd failed her. And he wasn't about to do that again. Dr Chapman was going to be a better direction for her to take, he was sure of it.

"Um, I very much appreciate what you're saying. But as a clinician and as a teacher, I just think this is the best course of action. That we stick with Dr Chapman."

She'd said her piece, so she left. He had outright said no, but if she knew Dr Charles - and she did, quite well in fact - she knew he'd think about what she'd said.

She just hoped he'd come to see it her way.

Sarah hadn't left the hospital after her orientation visit. She'd found herself down in the staff cafeteria, studying those damned flowcharts. This was not a good way to conduct patient care, she was convinced of it.

Dr Charles knew she wouldn't have left. He had also known exactly where to find her.

"Ah, the old Chapman flowcharts," he said, approaching the table covered in paper. "Oh yeah, number seven, that there's a doozy. Step seven."

She didn't bite. He'd come here to say something, and she wanted to know what that was.

"Dr Reese, the truth is I feel responsible for letting your situation get out of hand the way it did. It was my job to guide you, and teach you, and make you a better doctor and I let you down."

"Dr Charles -"

He continued speaking, so she stopped. "Ultimately, some relationships are just better ... kept intact. Which is why, if you'd still like to, on your return I would very much welcome you back on my service.

"Really?"

She could hardly believe it. The whole situation - it seemed almost too easy.

"Really."

It was the first time she'd smiled in weeks.

"Good," she said. "Because I really can't stand the flowcharts."

He laughed. "There is one condition, though."

"Yes?"

She wasn't his daughter, they both knew that. But he couldn't help it: even back when she was still a medical student doing her ED rotation, he'd had a soft spot for her. He'd looked out for her more than he had any others. He wasn't trying to be a father or a father figure, but he knew she didn't have one in her life. At the very least, he wanted to be someone who was there for her. Someone who was always in her corner.

"If there is something wrong, or something going on that is affecting your ability to do the best by your patients." He paused, watching her watch him very closely. "Then I need you to tell me. I'm a doctor. Helping people is what I do."

"Deal."

It had taken all of one day for Connor to realise going to Minneapolis was a bad idea. He needed to let her go and move on with his life.

He needed to take Robyn's advice, and be happy.

He hadn't planned on coming here. He'd just bought a blue Porsche, for God's sake. It was like he was going through mid-life crisis, but he wasn't. He didn't know a lot of things. But right now there was one thing he definitely knew for sure: He wanted to see her.

She wasn't expecting visitors that night, so she hadn't dressed for it. Wearing her favourite, most comfortable pyjamas - a pair of Connor's red flannel pants and a light grey t-shirt, complete with fluffy yellow slippers - she opened her front door to reveal the last person she wanted to see: Connor Rhodes.

"Hey."

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she'd heard him speak. But her shock at seeing him standing in her doorway meant she really hadn't registered the one-word greeting.

"Sarah?"

"Uh - hi."

He'd just left work, she could tell. The jeans, the leather jacket, the bag haphazardly flung over his shoulder - they were the telltale signs.

"I, uh ..." he paused, and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly like he did every time he was nervous. "I ..."

She smiled softly. She opened the door slightly further, and took a step sideways. "Do you want to come in?"

He walked in past her and dumped his bag by the front door, just the way he used to.

"Nice place," he said, following her in the direction of the couch.

It was smaller than her previous apartment had been, a little studio apartment that was perfect for one. The walls and the furnishings were fairly plain, especially compared to the bright yellow walls of her former bedroom. But it was a nice place. And she'd made it her home.

"Thanks," she said somewhat awkwardly, sitting on the opposite side of the couch to Connor.

They were silent for a long time, until she finally broke the silence.

"I'm sorry about Robyn."

He didn't quite know what to make of that. "Thanks," he said finally.

Awkward silence. Again.

"Look, I, uh ..." he managed. With a big sigh, he decided what he had to do. So, he began rambling. "I want you to know, for the record, that I didn't come here to jump into bed with you."

She laughed. "Good. I mean, I know it's right there, but that's not happening."

"I do, however," he said with a smile, "I want to let you know that I meant what I said on the rooftop."

She froze. That sentence could mean an awful lot of things.

"Which part, specifically?"

He smiled and leaned back on the couch. "The part about being in love with you. And the bit about not wanting you to move on."

Sarah smiled sadly. "Connor, you literally broke up with her a week ago."

"I know," he nodded. "But I'm just putting it out there."

"Neither of us are in a place to -"

"- I know that too. But when we are ..."

She smiled, a gesture he returned. It was as though they had made their peace, finally. They were friends again.

From there, it was like everything had just fallen back into place. They were friends, catching up on six months of each others lives. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Maybe they really would be alright.

 _ **A/N:** Okay. So we finally made it to the other side. And I feel inspired to write about my favourite TV couple again! Let's do this!_

 _Also, there is one thing I want to say - while I'm not happy about a lack of Sarah in season 4 either, I have faith in the writers and the producers over at Chicago Med. I know they're still going to give us a great show and a great story, I think we just need to give it a chance. They've said they've left the door open, so it's not necessarily the end. It's just going to be different, at least for a while._

 _But it also gives all of us an excuse to dive in and write our own stories. So get out there - I love reading them, and there's not enough of them so it inspired me to start writing again too. Let's all get out there and throw it out into the world. You never know, the right person might see what's happening online and make it canon! (I live in hope)._


	49. Lemons and Lemonade

They had spent almost all of their off time together for the next week and a half. If they weren't there in person, they were talking on the phone or interacting over FaceTime. He'd even taking to texting her whenever he had a moment to himself between patients.

The day before she was due to return from her suspension, he had an inkling there was something wrong. So, instead of texting her, he found himself a quiet corner in a deserted hallway outside the ICU and calling. She didn't answer. It was unusual, but he didn't think much of it at first. He'd left her a voicemail, and been on his merry way.

By the time his shift was over, he'd left her six voicemails and heard nothing at all back. As soon as he could, he and his brand-new sports car headed straight for Sarah's modest apartment complex. He hadn't intended on staying overnight, but he couldn't leave her in the state he'd found her. She'd been panicking more than he'd ever seen before.

"I can't do this," she kept saying, pacing from one stack of textbooks to another. From what he could gather, she'd been obsessively studying for hours. "I can't go back there. I'm not cut out to treat patients."

If she was this far crazy, he would be her voice of reason. "It's going to be fine, Sarah. You're a damn good doctor."

"Yeah, the psychiatrist who pepper sprayed a patient."

"He was fine."

The glare she shot him told him his feeble attempt at humour had not gone over well.

"Look, you have to calm down," he said, walking toward her and placing his hands on her shoulders to make sure he had her full attention. "When was the last time you ate?"

Her giant yawn and bleary eyes tipped him off to a much larger problem.

"Or slept?"

He didn't need to hear her speak to know she was lying. He always could read her remarkably well.

"I don't need sleep," she insisted stubbornly. "I need to study. I need to know more. I need to show them I'm better."

In the end, they'd compromised. He agreed to quiz her on the condition she agreed to lie down. When she'd headed for the couch, he diverted her toward to bed.

"I'm not getting in that," she insisted. "It's cold and lonely in there."

He looked from her to the bed and back, and then flopped down on top of the covers of what had once been 'his side'. When she didn't immediately join him, he shrugged and waved her famous colourful flash cards at her. "Well, come on then!"

They'd gone through a couple of her most common disorders and the relevant treatments before she'd finally dropped off to sleep. The studying had apparently had more or less the same effect as a bed time story.

Of course, he hadn't realised he'd fallen asleep until he was woken by the sound of her obnoxious alarm the next morning. Apparently, they had subconsciously fallen back into their old habits during the night. Their arms and legs were so intertwined, it was hard to tell where he ended and she began.

"I thought you'd declared you weren't trying to get me into bed?"

"Mmm," he groaned, opening his eyes to see hers right there in front of him. "Technically, I didn't. Not in the metaphorical sense the declaration had implied."

She laughed, sounding truly happy and carefree for the first time in a long time. "And yet here we are."

"Fully clothed. What a shame."

He was on his feet now, wondering idly how he was going to pass off his wearing the same clothes as no big deal to his colleagues whilst he waited for her to join him in the land of the non-sleeping human beings.

"There's a set of your old scrubs in the nightstand," she said, slipping out of the bed and heading for the bathroom.

He found himself smiling, but he would never admit that to her. "Why?"

"Found 'em after we split," she replied from the bathroom. "Coffee pot's in the kitchen. I've gotta shower - would you mind?"

It was odd how quickly they seemed to have fallen back into their old routine, but they were the picture of domesticity once more.

By the time they pulled up at the hospital, both were slightly panicky. Not because it was her first day back from her suspension, or because he just _knew_ Ava Bekker would figure out he didn't go home last night, but because this was all too familiar. And that just wasn't their life anymore.

He was the first to step out of the car, keen to get inside before anyone saw them together. The last thing either of them needed was to re-start the famous Gaffney rumour mill.

"Wow," a familiar voice commented from a closer distance than he would have liked. Ava-freaking-Bekker. "So, new wheels? Not cheap. What are we talking, one twenty-five?"

He knew Sarah had just stepped out of the car. He'd walked around the car to run interference, but he knew there was no way it was going t work. So he'd attempted a distraction technique instead.

"Somewhere in the neighbourhood," he said, waiting for Sarah to be clear of the car before he closed her door behind her.

He was proud of the way neither he nor Sarah reacted when Ava's eyebrows rose to somewhere in the vicinity of her hairline.

"Ava Bekker, this is Dr Sarah Reese, psychiatry resident," he said, clearly trying to normalise the situation as best he could. "Sarah, this is Ava."

"Nice to meet you," Sarah managed, matching Connor's pace exactly.

In typical fashion, Ava got to the point fast. "Since when are you two back together?"

Connor didn't dignify that with a response. Instead, he held open the door and watched her walk through it. "I'll catch up with you later,"

Once he and Sarah were alone, he found himself letting out a breath he wasn't entirely aware he had been holding.

"Thank you, Connor," Sarah said quietly, though not entirely meeting his eye. "You didn't have to be there last night. And you definitely didn't have to stay. Or drive me to work. And you don't have to walk me inside. Or talk to me at all."

That had confused him. "Why would I not talk to you?"

She shot him a look that clearly told him to stop asking stupid questions.

"Okay, point taken," he conceded.

"I'll, uh, see you around then."

"Oh, no you don't," he said, pushing against the door she was trying to open to stop her from heading inside. "I'm here for you, Sarah. Like it or not."

As much as she wanted to smile, she couldn't. She was serious when she said:

"Are you sure you want to be?"

She'd found herself down in the ED, diving back in head first. She'd been freaking out about this for days now, but apparently something Connor had said - or maybe just his unwavering support - had led to her feeling calm, confident and in control. All that therapy had probably helped, too, but to be honest she was convinced that this morning, it had just been enough to know that he was in her corner. He was behind her 110%, even though it would hurt his own reputation. She was a pariah, there was no way around that.

She would have to earn back their trust, she knew. And she would start by being the best doctor she could be. She was going to help her patient, and they were both going to come out of this okay.

Maggie was keeping a close eye on her, she knew, but she also didn't mind. It was comforting to know that there was another set of eyes - and another person in her corner.

Connor and Ava were in the middle of surgery when she finally mentioned what she had seen this morning.

"I'm curious," she said casually. "You have a hot date last night?"

It wasn't worth fighting her, so he let her have this one. "Something like that."

"And tonight?"

He briefly met her eyes, then went back to working on removing the tumour in his patient's abdomen. "You would have to ask her that."

Though they were wearing masks, he knew Ava was grinning at him. She loved winning.

As soon as they had deemed the operation successful, he knew she'd have something more to say.

"Impressive. Bet your mojo's gonna last all night long." She met his eyes to finish her inappropriate comment. "Lucky girl."

Sarah was fine until she had to get close enough to her patient to examine her eyes. She just couldn't make herself do it. As calm and confident as she might be feeling on the outside, it just wasn't true. She was still scared.

What kind of a doctor could she be if she was too scared to even go near her patients?

She'd run away. She'd run up to the rooftop, where she always went when she was upset, or scared, or down, or worried. Dr Charles had found her there, and counselled her like he always did. They would get through this, she knew it. They'd work through it together. He was the kind of doctor she wanted to be - the mentor who went above and beyond, who always went out of his way to make sure she'd be the best doctor she could possibly be.

Right then and there, she knew why she'd fallen for Connor Rhodes in the first place. He was that kind of doctor, too. That same kind of man.

He'd sought her out that night, wanting to check in and find out what kind of a first day back she'd had. For the first time ever, he hadn't had a problem exiting the elevator to the psych floor. Even when he was here to visit Robyn, this was still the last place he wanted to be. But for the very first time ever, tonight he found himself easily walking out into the corridor.

She was standing inside in the reception area, looking at something on one of the desks. It was as though she'd known he was there - she'd turned, noticed him in his favourite leather jacket, and they'd locked eyes. Then, without even thinking about where he was or what he was doing, he found himself walking inside.

"Hey."

The greeting was a little lame, considering they both knew this was a momentous moment, but at least he'd spoken.

She, on the other hand, didn't reply. She was still trying to work out exactly why he was here.

"So, I was wondering if you'd like to grab a drink."

"... A drink?"

"Yes." They shared a look, and he found himself adding, "Happy hour at Molly's starts in ten. I thought we could celebrate your return, and you could tell me all about your day."

He knew what she was thinking, he always did. She was still beating herself up over everything that had happened. She wasn't entirely convinced she should be back at work yet, though everyone had cleared her to be here. And he'd heard the gossip over the last couple of weeks, just as much as he knew she would have heard it today - their colleagues out in the wider hospital community weren't convinced either. They'd been avoiding her if it wasn't absolutely necessary to interact with her, he'd heard some of the other psych residents discussing it down in the cafeteria earlier today.

He wasn't meaning to, of course, but he found himself running to the rescue. He wasn't about to be another person who treated her like that.

"Molly's?" She was hesitant, that much was obvious. "That might be a little ... much."

He found himself speaking before he'd had a chance to process just what it was he was suggesting.

"How about something quieter, then? That burger place around the corner from ..."

He'd stopped himself just in time, right before he said 'home'. Because his apartment wasn't her home anymore. It hadn't been in a very long time.

"Well, you know," he said, trying to pass of the implication of his faux pas as nothing. "The one that does that veggie burger thing you like."

Her sigh had him convinced that she was going to say no. Instead, she found herself reiterating her statement from this morning:

"You don't have to do this, Connor."

"Do what?" he asked her, following her around the reception area. "I've gotta eat, you've gotta eat - it's a win-win."

She looked at him long and hard, then said very determinedly, "It's not a date."

"Oh no," he agreed wholeheartedly. "It is definitely not a date."

"I am paying for my own food."

"And I'll pay for mine."

"And there will be no candles."

"It's a burger joint, I really don't think they -"

"- And no romantic music."

"Not even in the car."

He was grinning now, waiting for her definitive answer.

"Fine," she said, a small smile appearing on her face. "But you're driving."

He raised an eyebrow. "I thought this wasn't a date?"

"It's definitely not," she said, swiping her access pass to open the door back into the ward itself, "but if you don't drive I'm kinda gonna be stranded here."

"I'll meet you outside in ten."


	50. On Shaky Ground

It was definitely not a date.

Even though they were in the same secluded corner booth where they had been on many dates before. Even when it started raining just as they'd started their walk back to the car, and they found themselves running along laughing as Connor held his favourite leather jacket above their heads. Even when he'd driven them back to her apartment building and they found themselves standing on the doorstep in the rain, just as they had a year and a half before.

But when they found themselves leaning toward one another, just as they had when they stood on her doorstep the very first night they'd met, the mood had changed.

Her hand was on his chest, not pushing him away but definitely holding him in place. It was the moment that had brought both of them back to their senses.

"This is not a date," she whispered, just barely loud enough for him to hear her.

"No," he agreed. "Definitely not."

She'd gone inside then, leaving him out there in the pouring rain all alone. Despite himself, there was only one thought running through his head: _Was that really not a date?_

The next morning, Sarah found herself accompanying Dr Charles on rounds at Cook County Jail. As intimidating as it was, it was part of their plan to get her back on her feet again - exposure therapy. Her mentor kept reminding her that she didn't have to jump in quite like this, not in this environment, but she was determined.

Even when their very first patient exploded and barked at her, she didn't lose her determination. Sure, he had scared her out of her mind but she wasn't about to give up. Some patients - particularly those in prisons - would present just like that. It was her job to find a way to help them. That was what Dr Charles had reminded her of when she sat outside in the rain.

So she found herself going back in and trying again. And somehow, even though it was only a little bit, she found herself being able to help him. The large, tattooed man finally stopped barking long enough to allow her to help. It was very much barely scratching the surface, but it was something.

She managed to walk out of there that day with her head held high, and a solid sense of having helped someone. Even if the help she gave was only very, very small.

When Connor finally made his way downstairs that evening, he spotted Sarah coming back inside through the ED.

"Hey," he said, making a beeline for her and falling into step as she headed back toward the elevators. "I thought you were on day shift today?"

She shrugged. "I was. Spent the day with Dr Charles over at Cook County."

"Seriously?"

They'd reached the elevator now. Without even thinking about what he was doing, he'd pushed the button. He'd literally just come down from this elevator, but he wanted nothing more than to continue on with their conversation.

"That takes balls," he said, a warm feeling moving through his chest when she laughed along with him. "I could never do that."

"It was equal parts terrifying and fascinating," she told him honestly, stepping into the elevator beside him and watching him push the button for the psych floor. "Honestly, I'm surprised I went through with it. Even Dr Charles wasn't convinced I was going to do it."

"Ah, now that's something I learnt an awfully long time ago: Never underestimate Sarah Reese."

Without either of them entirely realising, he'd reached out instinctively to take hold of her hand. It wasn't until he started running his thumb across the back of her hand that either of them realised what was actually happening. Suddenly, they were both looking down at their intertwined hands, but neither had tried to move away.

"Connor ..."

He looked up, watching her as she still stared down at their hands. He found himself reaching out with his other hand, gently cupping her cheek and pulling her focus back up to his face.

"Don't," he said quietly. "As soon as you do, it's over."

"We're over," she sighed, leaning into his touch and bringing her own hand up to rest over his. "We can't pretend we're not."

He frowned. "I'm not pretending."

"Then what are you doing?" she asked him, still not pulling away. "Because this ... this is starting to get confusing. And I don't know what to make of it."

It was right then that the elevator doors opened. They found themselves pulling away from each other, suddenly very aware of where they were and just how many people could be watching them.

They emerged into the corridor slowly, very careful not to touch as they dodged the crowd of staff heading into the elevator to go home. They found themselves side-by-side, walking through the doors into the psych ward, through the reception area, the locked authorised personnel door and down the hallway to the doctor's lounge.

As he watched her open her locker and begin to stuff her belongings into her bag, he started to really think about it. He was confused, too. She wasn't the only one who didn't know what to make of the recent shift in their relationship.

"I'm confused, too," he finally admitted when she put away her stethoscope and closed her locker. "We broke up, I know that. And there were a lot of reasons for that."

"Like psychiatry?" she offered unhelpfully, watching him pull a face at her in return.

"And my unresolved trust issues. And your crippling fear of abandonment. And my -"

"- Okay, okay. I remember all of that pretty well, given I was there and everything. Is there a point to this?"

He stepped closer to her now. "The point is, I know what I feel. And I'm not going to apologise for it."

"I'm not asking you to apologise. I know exactly where you're coming from. But I still don't understand what it all means."

"Nor do I."

They were silent for a moment.

"So we're exactly where we were before this conversation?" she asked him honestly.

He shrugged. "Pretty much, yeah."

"Good to know."

They headed back down the hallway, into the reception area and over to the elevator again.

As they waited for the elevator to arrive, she casually said, "You know it's not gong to be that easy, right?"

"What won't be easy?"

"Proving yourself," she said with a grin.

"Proving myself?"

"Oh, yeah," she said as they stepped into the elevator. "If you want to try us again, you're going to have to work for it."

He lowered his voice, given a couple of other doctors were in the elevator with them. "You're not going to make this easy on me, are you?"

"Never."


	51. Down by Law

"... Wait. So you're not dating him, but you're not _not_ dating him?"

Somehow - God only knows how - Sarah had found herself standing in the middle of the football down in the ED, talking to Will Halstead about the remnants of her love life. Exactly how this had happened, she still couldn't quite figure out. But here they were.

She sighed and rolled her eyes at him. "Will. I am not dating him."

"And you're definitely not getting back together?"

"I'm not even dignifying that with a response."

She'd made to make her exit and get the hell away from this conversation, but he stepped in front of her and said, "It's just - I happen to know he's been on, like, three dates this week."

As much as she didn't want to talk about this, Sarah knew this line of questioning was going to start happening sooner or later. It had been weeks since she'd told Connor she wasn't ready to go there with him again. They were still friends, they grabbed coffee and lunch from the food truck when they could, but the flirting had all but stopped.

He knew he was going to have to work for it, and so far he seemed to have elected not to do anything at all. It was disappointing, but that was life. Maybe they were better off as friends after all.

On the other hand, he didn't need to go around sleeping with half of Chicago, either. It's not that he was flaunting it, but this was Med. Word got around, and it got around quickly.

"He's a grown man, Will," she said with a sad smile. "He's quite entitled to go out on dates with as many women as he wants to."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

Will shrugged. "You don't seem to have been out on too many dates of your own since everything went down."

Some days, she really hated that he was so perceptive.

"I ..." She paused, taking the first moment in a very long time to actually think about it. "Right now, I don't think I really want to be dating. Besides, I've been too busy fending off Noah."

"Speaking of which." He nodded his head to the side, gesturing to the man in question and surreptitiously took a small step to his right to completely block her from Noah Sexton's view.

"Thanks," she muttered, gathering the last of her things and taking off in the direction of the elevators.

Just as she heard the inevitable, "Hey, Sarah!" being called her way, she also heard Will calling Noah's name, spurting something about sub-par charting.

Just this once, the Troll's obsessive stance on the 'art of charting' seemed to have worked in her favour.

Connor found himself in a very strange situation this morning. He exited the elevator to the cardio ward, accompanied by a beautiful red-haired woman. She was older than he was, but that wasn't the strange part. The strange part was how he suddenly felt awkward being here.

"Is this really necessary?" she was asking him. "Like I said, it probably indigestion."

"The first thing they teach you in med school: Always take chest pain seriously."

"That's what I get for hooking up with a heart surgeon."

He found himself pulling a face when she said that. It was, after all, fairly obvious where they had been. He'd haphazardly jumped back into his suit when he noticed something was wrong - his shirt wasn't entirely tucked in, his bow tie was laying undone around his neck, and he'd even managed to mis-align one of his shirt buttons.

He directed her into a patient room before he had to face the nurse in charge of the ward.

"Who'd you just plant in my room?"

He had to choose his words carefully. He knew whatever he said here would be repeated over and over again through the hospital's infamous gossip mill.

"She's a friend," he said dismissively. "Ah, she woke up this morning with tightness in her chest. I'd like to get an EKG and troponins."

"What's your friend's name?"

"Margo."

He suddenly realised the nurse was expecting more. Like a surname. Which most people had.

He knew the nurse - and everyone in the surrounding area, for that matter - now knew exactly what was going on. He wasn't surprised at all when he was asked if his friend had a surname. So, he did the only thing he could. He conceded.

"Can you help me out here, Bea?"

Bea, the cardiac charge nurse, shot him a look and headed into the patient room. And then, there was Ava Bekker.

Somehow, he just knew today was not going to be his day.

"It must be hard, remembering all their names," she commented slyly. When he didn't reply, she tried to goad him again. "I read that Derek Jeter used to send his conquests home with a gift basket. But a full cardio work up is much classier."

"Jeter, huh? You're a baseball fan?"

"No, it's too boring. But I love gossip."

He knew exactly where this was going. That comment had made it very clear that his attempt at changing the subject had not worked. He'd tried to walk away, but she followed him just like she always did.

"Have you stopped to think how your actions might be making that resident you're so fond of feel?"

He scoffed. "Since when do you care about what may or may not be happening in my love life? Or, for that matter, anything to do with other people's feelings?"

"I am human, you know," Ava countered. "And I've been there. Where she is right now. What you're doing really sucks, Rhodes."

He didn't dignify that with a response. Instead, he headed into the patient room, where Margot was telling Nurse Bea she was from Missouri, in town on business.

"Well, we will get you in and out of here as quickly as possible," Connor said, donning his stethoscope and putting his doctor mask back on.

"That's what Dr Rhodes is renowned for around here."

Of course Ava had followed him in. Of course she had to be here right now.

"Quick in-and-outs."

She took great delight in watching him turn his head and glare daggers at her. It was even better when she casually introduced herself to the patient. He wanted nothing more than to push her out the door and close it in her face, but that would be all kinds of professional.

Even though what could be deemed professional had been thrown more or less out the window right now.

"Your insurance card has you listed as a dependant of Theodore J. DiMillio."

Margot didn't miss a beat in answering Bea's observation. "That would be my husband."

Connor paused momentarily, but resumed his normal procedure as quickly as he possibly could. He'd called it - today was really not going to be his day. And there was no way Ava was going to let this one go.

Speaking of which, she was speaking again. He knew it was the right question to be asking, but he was also very aware she was asking it for all the wrong reasons. "Would you like us to contact him?"

"No thank you," Margot answered her politely. "Not just yet."

It was then that Bea and Ava took their leave. Connor felt it wasn't a moment too soon, but then it occurred to him that he would now have to have the single most awkward conversation he'd ever had in his life.

"So you're married," he said as casually as he could. "Didn't wanna tell me?"

"If I had, would you have come back to my hotel room?"

"No," he said immediately, then reconsidered. "Maybe. I don't know."

"That's why I didn't tell you."

And now Connor's day had just gone from bad to worse. Margot had had a heart attack - it was only mild, but it was enough to be concerning. They needed to get her over to the cath lab for further investigation. He was in the process of arranging that when Dr Latham called him over to his workstation.

"I received a call from IR, said you requested a priority reschedule for your patient, Margot DiMillio."

He knew what was about to happen. He knew what he was about to have to tell his boss. And no matter how badly he really did not want to go there, he knew he wasn't going to have a choice.

"Yes. Her EKG showed some PBC runs and possible SD changes."

"Ah. I'm not sure you heard, but her lab work came back. They found traces of cocaine in her urine."

Of all the things Connor was expecting to hear, it was definitely not that.

"I don't believe that's what caused the distress."

"Why not?"

It was times like this that Connor really, really wished Dr Latham was able to read between the lines. Or that he both listened to and/or actually believed at least some of the gossip thrown about by the nurses in this place. Because he knew what was on top of their radar today, at least up in cardiac country.

Ava had noticed. She could hear their entire conversation quite clearly, he knew it. And now she was looking over her shoulder at him half-grinning, just waiting to see what he would say.

He'd had enough. Enough of this damn rumour mill, enough of the gossip, and most of all, enough of the speculation. If his reputation was going to be shot in this place, at least it could be undone by the truth.

"Alright. You want all the details? Sure" he addressed the room at large. They were all listening, after all. "We met at a fundraiser at the Field Museum. We were at the roulette table, we both like the number nineteen. She ends up inviting me back to her hotel room where we ... exerted ourselves a couple of times."

The look on Ava's face was priceless. Latham's expression, however, had not changed.

"I only offer that up because I believe it was the exertion that exacerbated the pain she was already experiencing, which is why I brought her in and why I believe we need to take a closer look at her vessels."

To his credit, Latham didn't miss a beat. "Did you partake in the cocaine?"

"No," he answered immediately. "And I didn't know that she was either. I can take a drug test if you would like."

"That won't be necessary," Latham said.

Latham suddenly directed his attention to the hallway behind Connor. "Can I help you?"

"Um ..."

Connor would know that voice anywhere. He dropped his head down to his chest and rubbed his temples with a sigh.

"Uh, I was paged for a pre-transplant psych consult."

"Yeah, that's for my patient," Ava said, standing up and grabbing a tablet with an open patient file. "He's down the hall."

"Great," Sarah Reese replied, following Ava as quickly as she could.

Connor actually groaned out loud. "Sarah, wait."

He tried to follow her down the hallway, but she stepped into the patient's room as quickly as she could. This was the last thing Sarah wanted to deal with right now.

Barely a couple of hours later, Connor had been taken off his cardiac case and sequestered down into the ED. They were short a trauma surgeon, and Latham had volunteered him. So he headed downstairs, doing exactly as he was told.

"Connor," Will greeted him coldly. "Didn't know you were working trauma today."

"Nor did I," Connor sighed, heading straight for a workstation.

Over the next ten minutes, he noticed the way Will kept throwing looks in his direction. They had a very precarious friendship, but it had been a very long time since Connor had been on the receiving end of one of his cold stares.

Finally, he cracked. "Is there something you want to say to me?"

"Actually, yes."

They were both standing now, right up in each other's faces.

"You're a real dick, you know that?" Will said quietly, suddenly very aware of the fact that one of their colleagues might hear them.

"And what exactly would you be referring to?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about."

Connor shook his head. "This is none of your business."

"Maybe," Will said quietly. "But I'm not going to sit back and watch you hurt her."

The words slipped out before he really thought about what he was saying.

"It's hurting me too."

He'd caught a case not long after that. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sarah in a treatment room with Dr Charles, speaking with a patient. Now was not the time to be thinking about her, or worrying what she might be thinking of him. He had surgery to do, and a life to save.

Sarah had crossed the line. She was convinced what she was doing would help her patient, but she couldn't see how dangerous this situation really was. She was locked in with a patient who wanted himself committed - he was convinced he was going to kill his wife. So she'd gone into the room, and brought a knife in with her. Despite the fact she'd proved her theory right, she still directly defied Dr Charles instructions and put both herself and the patient in danger.

"I appreciate that exposure therapy has given you a newfound sense of confidence," Dr Charles said after having chewed her out. "NBut it does not make you all-knowing and invincible. What you just did in there was unbelievably stupid."

There was more to it. This was not as simple as Sarah being out of line. She was reacting to something in a very unhealthy, dangerous way. And they both knew exactly what she was reacting to.

Dr Charles stormed into the ED, where he knew he would find Connor. He grabbed the other doctor's elbow roughly, saying, "We need to talk. Right now."

"What the hell -"

"- No, no. You don't talk. You listen."

Connor had never seen the psychiatrist like this. He'd worked alongside him for three years now, dated the man's daughter, been there through the ups and downs of that health journey, and eventually somehow found his footing with him as a colleague again. But through all of that, he had never seen the look that adorned Daniel Charles' face right now.

"Whatever you're doing - you and Sarah - it needs to stop."

"What are you -"

"- I'm still talking."

Connor very quickly closed his mouth as the elder, more experienced man surveyed him closely.

"This whole are-they-or-aren't-they thing is affecting her more than you know. She just risked her life to prove a point."

Those words hit home.

"That is not Sarah. This is not who she is. This is not what she does."

When Dr Charles was quiet for a moment, Connor spoke. "And what has this got to do with me?"

"It has everything to do with you, man!" He was heading for the door now, having come here and said what he needed to say. "If you love her, show her. Reunite and live out your lives together in your own happily ever after. But if you don't? Then you need to let her go. For real, this time. Whatever you decide to do - don't hurt her."

Later that evening, Connor found himself back up in the cardiac ward. He'd managed to avoid Ava for most of the day, but he knew she'd find him. When she did, he was standing outside Margot's room, watching the woman interact with a man who he could only assume was her husband.

She approached from behind him, then said, "Surgery went without a hitch."

He turned to face her, very determinedly not saying anything.

"Seems your personal life keeps working in my favour."

It was then that the husband came out into the hallway and hugged them, thanking them both for saving his wife's life.

He felt awful. It wasn't just that he was a party to a woman stepping outside her marriage, and a poor husband that was absolutely none the wiser. He had hurt Sarah. Badly.

And that was not okay.


	52. Folie a Deux

Again, it had been weeks since Sarah and Connor had spoken. All of a sudden, she was avoiding him in the hallways again. It was harder this time around, now that he wasn't afraid of stepping into the psych ward anymore. It wasn't uncommon for him to drop in and try to grab her for lunch. She'd head in the other direction the moment she saw him out in the reception area, claiming she had a patient to see or a resident research project to hurriedly finish off. He knew her better than that, of course, but he just went with it. She would come to him when she was ready to talk.

Imagine Sarah's surprise when she got a note from her father. The man had sent her two birthday cards in twenty years, then he relocates to Chicago and wants to catch up? And his idea of contacting her was to leave a note. A note!

The nerve of the man.

Connor had just finished assisting Ava on a complicated surgery. He actually froze in shock when he exited the OR and came face-to-face with Sarah in the hallway.

"Hi," she said somewhat lamely.

"Sarah. Hey."

Ava looked from one to the other several times before she said anything. "So, I'm gonna go and be anywhere but here."

Both turned their heads and watched her walk away before they turned their attention back to each other.

"This is stupid," Sarah said, shaking her head and beginning to walk away. "I shouldn't be here. You don't ..."

He leaned out and lightly grabbed her shoulder. Suddenly very concerned, he asked, "I don't what, Sarah?"

"Care," she said, exhaling resignedly. "You don't care. At least, you shouldn't. There is literally no reason for you to, so."

He found himself running to keep up with her pace as she headed back down the hallway.

"Sarah, I care," he said when he finally caught up with her. "I care a lot. You need me, I'm here. That's the way it's always been."

"Is it?" she asked him with tears in his eyes. "Because that's not what it's felt like recently. You seem to be interested in literally every woman in Chicago but me. And yet for some unknown reason, I find myself needing to talk to someone about something that I know you'd understand, and I come running back to you."

He lightly grabbed hold of her elbow and turned her to face him. "I know you don't believe me, but you're not going to stop me from proving it. You need me, I'm here. That's just what we do."

Wordlessly, they made their way up to the rooftop side by side. The coffee cart was up here today so it was less than quiet, but they managed to find themselves a secluded spot over by the far corner. They sat there together for a solid five minutes before either said a word. He'd been hoping she'd open the conversation, being the one who needed to talk and all, but he found himself the one breaking the silence.

"What's going on?"

The wind blew through her hair as she took deep breaths and looked anywhere but at him. "My dad is trying to get in touch with me."

Her voice was emotionless. It was odd, considering her normal reaction was to feel everything. He could tell just but her voice now conflicted she really was.

"Wow."

She laughed humourlessly at his automatic stunned response. "Really? That's all you've got?"

"Well, I'm not exactly the best example of what to do when a father suddenly wants to come back into your life," he conceded. "Remember the day by dad tried that? The man rolled up in a limousine and I told him exactly where he could go and what he could do with it."

"But you get it."

"Oh, I get it."

The conflicting emotions? The constant 'what ifs' running through your head? The thought of giving him a chance being alluring, but the crippling trust issues / fear of abandonment immediately squashing any concept of any of it?

Connor understood exactly where she was sitting right now. She had one foot on either side of the fence.

"What did your mom have to say about it?" he asked, knowing she would've already asked the elusive woman for her opinion.

In response, Sarah pulled out her phone and passed it to him, already open on her mother's email:

 _Stay away from him. He'll only hurt you._

"My mom is a mess," she told him quietly. "She hates my dad. I never should've written her."

He looked at her again, then spoke quietly and comfortingly. "Maybe there's more to it than that. Maybe she's just trying to protect you."

She looked to him, then asked, "What would you do? If you were me."

"I really don't know," he answered her honestly. "As much as I hate to say it, I think you owe it to yourself to meet him. Even if it's only once."

"I knew you were going to say that."

"That's because I know you so well," he said, wrapping one arm around her shoulders. "You made your mind up the second you saw his note. You just needed someone else to remind you of what you already know."

She leaned her head on his shoulder now. It was comforting for both of them, something they hadn't felt in such a long time.

Despite herself, Sarah found herself wishing this moment never had to end.

Their conversation was what led her to walking into the very back of one of her father's lectures. He'd spotted her, she knew it, but he carried on just long enough to end the class. While each of his students headed up toward the exit, she found herself descending down the stairs, deeper into the lecture hall.

"Sarah."

She wasn't sure what she was feeling. It was strange, seeing a man she hadn't seen since she was such a young child. And yet he still seemed to know her.

"How do you know what I look like?"

"You have every right to be angry with me," he said, stepping closer.

She wasn't about to get into this. "What do you want?"

"Just another chance."

An hour later, she was back at Med telling Dr Charles all about her visit with her father.

"What made you change your mind?" he asked her interestedly.

"It was something Connor said," she answered him honestly. "All these years I've wondered who he is, why he left. You always tell me there are two sides to every story. I wanted to hear my dad's."

"Makes sense."

"You know," she added conversationally, "my dad said he did write me."

"Really?"

"Yeah. My mom must've thrown the letters away," she continued on, not noticing the slight change in her mentor's demeanour. "He's not really the monster she made him out to be. He's a professor of astrophysics. He's brilliant, his students love him. He's taking me out for dinner on Friday at the faculty club."

It was ringing big, glaring alarm bells in Dr Charles' head, but he could not tell Sarah about that. HIPAA privacy laws would prevent him from saying anything at all or giving her any type of warning. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was just something off about this guy. He made a mental note to keep a very close eye on this situation.

At the end of his shift, Connor found himself up in the doctor's lounge in the cardiac ward drinking coffee with Ava Bekker.

"You were throwing some beautiful stitches back there," he said conversationally. "Fast."

"Well, you moved right with me," she replied. "Spot on with the graft."

He took another sip of his coffee, not sure what either of them would say next.

"So, which of your myriad of girlfriends gets Dr Rhodes tonight?"

He should've known it would be something vaguely inappropriate. Laughing, he answered, "Yeah, no. Tonight it is just me and Jimmy Fallon. I've gotta pace myself, you know?"

He knew how egotistical it sounded, but they both knew it was a joke.

"You're a real mystery," she commented. "You used to be such a one woman guy."

"Yeah, that didn't work out particularly well, did it?"

A ghost of a smile appeared on Ava's face. "That's not the woman I was talking about."

He scoffed. "That didn't end well either."

"I think the problem is more that it didn't end," she said thoughtfully. "You're still in love with her."

One thing Ava Bekker was definitely not was subtle.

"Yeah," he said, sighing long and hard. "I am."

"And have you told her this?"

He looked over to her quizzically, partially wondering why they were having this conversation but also genuinely interested in what she had to say next. "I screwed up badly with her, Ava. We both did. And I keep on screwing up, over and over again. Just because you love someone doesn't mean it's right."

"It doesn't mean it's wrong either." She paused, then added, "She's still in love with you too, you know."

"And how could you possibly know that?"

That ghost of a smile was back. "Because I've been there, Connor. I know what it looks like."

They were interrupted then by Dr Latham bringing them a case - or rather, dangling a carrot. A multi-disciplinary team of doctors was preparing to seperate conjoined twins in the fairly near future, but Latham would only be assigning one of his cardiothoracic fellows to work alongside him on their case. Suddenly, Connor and Ava were in competition again.

When Latham left, Connor found himself turning back to Ava.

"Before," he said quietly, "what was the end of that?"

"The end of what?"

"There was more to it. What did you want to say?"

She paused, then looked him dead in the eyes. "You love her. So do something about it."

Sarah had spent the last half an hour sitting alone on the rooftop, staring out over the city. Instinctively, Connor had known exactly where to find her.

She'd felt his eyes watching her before she turned around and actually saw him. In seconds, she was on her feet and he was pulling her close, kissing her longer and deeper than he ever had before.

When they finally did pull up for air, she found herself asking, "What are we doing here, Connor?"

"I'm taking a friend's advice," he said, placing a tender kiss to the top of her head. "I'm not doing the are-we-or-aren't-we dance anymore. I'm all in."


	53. Born This Way

The very next morning, Connor found himself standing in his kitchen staring at his brand new coffee maker and the beans. His previous machine had been a casualty of Robyn's breakdown. It was unfortunate, since it made the best cup of coffee he had ever tasted in his life, but there was no use crying over spilt milk.

He'd spent as little time as possible at home, alone, in his new apartment since his most recent break up. Which was why he was currently staring from the bag of beans to the offending machine and back, genuinely perplexed as to how the damned thing worked.

This was where Sarah found him. She rounded the corner down the hallway, still pulling her shirt on over the sexy bra he'd given her for her birthday when they were still together last summer. The lingerie had been intended as a bit of a gag gift, but they'd got a lot of use out of it. It was just coincidence she'd been wearing it when she'd found herself here last night. Connor's eyes had lit up like a Christmas tree when he'd realised what it was. It was, after all, one of his favourite sets.

You could really draw your own conclusions as to what had happened from there. One plus one is two, after all. No matter what language you're speaking.

The sound of her footsteps on the polished timber floorboards alerted him to her presence.

"Morning," he said, glancing quickly over to her and then back to the coffee machine.

"Morning," she echoed, still working on buttoning her shirt.

There was a number of ways this situation could pan out. Despite everything - and particularly given their history - neither wanted to fall back into that sense of total domesticity. It wasn't who or what they were anymore. They both knew this morning was going to be awkward. It had to be - they had basically just had a one night stand.

"Uh ... You want me to make you some coffee?"

He'd internally cringed as he'd said it. They had never had a morning like this. Ever.

"I, uh, tend to grab one from the cart at work," she said automatically, then added, "Unless you're making some for yourself?"

"Uh, no." He all but threw the bag of beans down on the counter, adding, "Actually, the cart sounds good. Because I have no idea how to use this thing."

Cue the awkward laughter.

"Um ... so ..."

She looked up at him expectantly, watching him flounder as he tried to find the right words.

"Last night was ... great. Amazing, even. Best night I've had in a long time."

"Connor ..."

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I know what you're going to say. But that - _us_ \- we're great together, Sarah."

He wasn't wrong, and she knew it. But that didn't mean she still didn't have some serious reservations.

"Sure," she said, "we're great in bed. We always have been. But we didn't work as a couple."

"We didn't work as a couple because we didn't communicate," he countered.

"What makes you think that would change this time around?"

Connor threw his hands up in exasperation. "Because we're different people now! We've both been through so much, and we've still found ourselves drawn back together. Surely that has to mean something?"

She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, but she couldn't find the words. In fact, she really didn't know what to say. In the end, she settled on possibly the worst option of everything that was running through her head.

Very quietly, she asked him, "Can we table this? I just - I need to think."

"Sure," he conceded. "But for the record?"

She looked back up, brown eyes meeting blue.

"I want this. You and me, and the white picket fence fantasy life we had planned for ourselves. I want that life. I want that future. And I want it with you."

She couldn't help but smile. Deep down, she knew that was the life she wanted for them, too.

"We both need to get to work," she said, completely changing the subject. "What if we meet up later tonight? We could grab a drink. Talk."

He was about to immediately jump in and say yes, and then he remembered why he was feeling to uneasy about today. "I actually have ... plans."

It felt like a cop out, and it sounded like one too, but it really wasn't.

"Plans?" He could hear the disappointment written all over her voice.

"My dad is forcing us into this - you know what, I can cancel." He was thinking out loud now. "You mean more to me than he ever will."

"No," Sarah jumped in immediately. "Keep your plans. It's fine. Time is ... time is a good thing."

She turned and headed back down the hallway, leaving Connor all alone all over again.

"Smooth," he groaned to himself.

That always seemed to be there way these days - one step forward, two steps back.

Up in the cardiac ward later that morning, Dr Charles approached Connor again. Connor purposely didn't move or react, wanting to know exactly what the head of psychiatry wanted with him before he did or said the wrong thing.

"So, um, Robert Haywood is here for a thoracic PET scan."

"Uh, yeah. We're doing a full cardiac work up."

"You think you could add a head study there for me? I just want to make sure I'm not missing anything on my end."

"Sure, no problem."

"Thank you."

The interaction was quiet, almost whispered, and definitely very strained. Just when Connor thought he was home free, Dr Charles was at it again.

"... You do know who he is, right?"

Connor's eyes shot up. "To who?"

He could see the internal argument running through Dr Charles' eyes. When he focused back on Connor again, he simply said, "Check his next of kin."

"His - what?"

"Look into his patient file."

Connor looked at him quizzically, completely confused.

"And be careful what you say," Dr Charles added. "She doesn't know."

As soon as he walked away, Connor made a beeline for one of the workstations in the nurses station. His eyebrows shot up as far as they could go when he saw her name written on the screen in front of him:

 _Dr Sarah Reese, daughter._

For the second time this morning, Connor found himself groaning and throwing his head down into his hands.

One step forward, two steps back. That's four steps back already today. And it was barely 10 am.

It was well after the end of his shift by the time Connor Rhodes finally had two seconds alone to think. And that happened to be thirty seconds before he ran into Sarah Reese in an upstairs hallway.

"Rough day?" she asked him conversationally, knowing it was almost never a good thing to find him alone and deep in tnhought.

"Actually, no," he answered. "Twelve-year-old kid I've been treating for months got new lungs today."

"You got him to the finish line," she smiled. "He's gonna be okay?"

"He's got the hardware now to live a long and happy life."

They shared a smile, and then he was speaking again.

"Say, uh ..." He watched her raise an eyebrow, then blurted out, "I cancelled my plans."

She was completely silent. He was never sure anymore if that was a good thing or not.

"Um, what do you say we go get that drink?"

The smile that had only moments ago been happy and triumphant suddenly turned into sadness.

"No," she said succinctly, watching his face fall at the prospect of that single syllable. "Last night was a mistake."

He watched her walk away and found himself following her. "That's not the way I see it."

"Connor," she sighed. "We don't work. No matter how much we might want to. Why put ourselves through that?"

"Because I love you. I never stopped."

"Yeah? Well, I don't need you leaving me too!" she whirled around to face him, tears in her eyes.

"Hey, hey," he reached out, holding her arms comfortingly and resisting the overbearing urge to pull her close to him. "What's really going on?"

She wiped away the tears she was refusing to let fall as though she were annoyed with them. Finally, she said, "I just had a long talk with my dad and it turns out he has class three heart failure from cardiomyopathy."

"... I know," he admitted slowly, watching her expression go from worry to confusion to anger and back again. "I'm treating him. And before you say anything, I didn't know he was your dad. I only found out today."

"And you couldn't tell me," she sighed.

He surveyed her closely, then asked, "How are you doing? It's a lot to take in."

"He said he wasn't going to tell me. Said he was afraid. He just came back into my life and now if he dies he doesn't know what it'll do to me. Said he worries he's giving me issues with abandonment and trust."

He was half expecting her to resist, but when she didn't he found himself pulling her in for a tight hug.

"To be fair," he whispered to the top of her head, "you already have issues with abandonment and trust."

Despite herself, she giggled.

"Maybe knowing this, and going through this journey with him ... Maybe it might help with some of that."

He meant well, and he meant what he was saying. Of course, Connor didn't know what Dr Charles knew.

After several minutes, she found herself slowly disentangling herself from his warm embrace.

"As much as I might want to do this," she said quietly. "I just can't. You're here for me, and I love you for it. But last night was still a mistake."

And that made a total of one step forward, six steps back. All in one damn day.


	54. Best Laid Plans

Connor was having a rough day. First, the heart transplant he'd been assisting Ava on had not gone to plan. In fact, the patient's body rejected the heart while he was still on the table. Then, he had a return patient with acute heart failure present back to the ED way too early.

He'd sat outside his patient, Dan's, room in the ICU for an hour as they monitored his vitals. He call feel himself falling down into that deep, dark place faster than he ever had before - there was nothing he could do right now but wait for a call that was probably never going to come. Dan was too far down the transplant list, and Connor knew it. He could feel what was happening, so he fell back on old habits.

Even though they weren't together anymore, they were still there for one another. So he picked up his phone, and sent her a message.

 _ **Connor:** You free?_

 _ **Sarah:** Down in the ED. Everything okay?_

 _ **Connor:** Honestly? No._

 _ **Sarah:** Where are you?_

 _ **Connor:** ICU_

She'd known immediately that it was not good. As soon as she'd finished assessing Ethan's unconscious patient down in the ED, she'd headed straight up to the ICU.

"Hey," she said, finding him uncharacteristically sitting in an uncomfortable looking plastic chair outside what she rightly presumed was his patient's room. "What's going on?"

Now that she was here, he felt kind of stupid. "Uh, Dan's back," he said.

She knew exactly who and what he was talking about. He'd told her all about this patient - the guy had a young daughter, and Connor was doing everything he possibly could to ensure this little girl would grow up with both of her parents.

She squatted down beside him, surreptitiously looking into the room and observing the young family. "I'm sorry."

It was all she could say. There was, after all, nothing anyone could say or do. They were playing a waiting game, and hoping beyond hope that the medication regimen would make a difference. Unfortunately for Dan, the chances were very slim.

"I shouldn't be pulling you away from your patients," he said, trying his hardest to project a facade of being totally okay. "Go. You've got more important things to do than sit here with me."

As she spoke again, she realised she'd subconsciously linked a couple of her fingers with his. Even as she realised it, she didn't remove them.

"I'm not going anywhere," she replied quietly. "Call it a consult."

He scoffed. "I do not need a psych consult."

"Maybe not," she conceded. "But sometimes we all need a shoulder to lean on."

That was when Dr Stohl brought a new patient up into the ICU. A motorcycle victim, who wasn't wearing a helmet and never had a chance. The patient's parents were sitting with their son when Ava jumped on the nurse at the desk. She wanted the immunotyping results as soon as they came in.

"... There's another patient, isn't there?" Sarah asked Connor as they watched the blonde doctor walk away.

"Yes."

It was an impossible situation. She wanted to talk it out with him, to try and help him in any way he possibly could, but she was paged.

"Go," he told her, helping her to her feet. "I'll be fine."

"If you need to talk, you page me."

He waved her off then, nodding. Their five minute conversation had been enough to take the edge off his mood. The effect she had on him never ceased to amaze him.

Sarah was livid. It had been two hours since she'd been calmly speaking with Connor, and then she'd run into her dad. Right now, she was marching toward Dr Charles, who was out by the food trucks.

"First you're treating my father, and now you're blackmailing him?!"

The man himself was horribly confused. "What?"

"You heard me!"

She was blood-boilingly angrier than she had ever been in her life.

"Look, I don't know what he told you -"

"- He said you're jealous of our relationship. That you have some twisted paternal feelings for me. That you threatened him, and said if he didn't stay away from me you'd sabotage his chances of getting on the transplant list."

She was mad. So mad that she could cry. This was Dr Charles, her mentor. One of the few people in her life that she trusted implicitly. How could he do this?!

"Threatened him? Sabotage?" he asked her disbelievingly. "I'm a shrink in a sweater vest, not a secret agent."

"Is it true?" she demanded.

"I can't disclose details of our conversation, but I assure you all I did was lay out the facts as they pertain to his condition."

"What are you treating him for?" she demanded.

"I can't tell you that, Sarah, he's my patient," he said calmly.

"But he is my father!"

"Who suddenly reappears after two decades of avoiding parental responsibility and alienating everyone in his life," he pointed out, still as calm as he always was. "Who now presents himself as a victim in order to create an alliance with you?"

She bit back tears. She didn't want to hear this. This was not something she could deal with right now.

"Think about what you know, Sarah," Dr Charles implored her. "If he was your patient, what would be on your differential?"

She just couldn't deal with it. She knew what he was referring to, and she refused to believe it.

There was just no way.

Right now, there was only one person she wanted to talk to. And she knew exactly where she'd find him.

The look on her face when she entered the ICU was enough to show Connor that he problems were bigger than his right now. The heart had just been given to Ava's patient, even though he had other options. He'd just told Dan's wife, who was beside herself.

But right now Sarah needed him too. As soon as he could, he was right there by her side.

"What's going on?"

"It's not possible," she was muttering to herself, pacing up and down the corridor as Connor watched her. "He just - he just can't be. He can't."

He stepped in her path and grabbed hold of her arms to get her attention.

"Sarah."

His saying her name seemed to pull her out of her trance.

"My, uh - Robert."

Connor took a deep breath. He was walking a very fine line by discussing her father.

"Sarah, I -"

"- He's up for transplant consideration. And Dr Charles, he - he ..."

She'd all but burst into tears.

"It can't be. He can't be."

"He can't be what?"

She shook her head, and simply said, "I can't. As soon as I say it ..."

"It's gonna be okay," he said, pulling her in for a hug. "It's all going to be fine."

When he finally let her go, Connor jumped into action. He had a plan for a last-ditch effort to get his patient that heart. Ava's patient had options, whereas Dan was completely out of them. He wasn't about to go down without a fight.

Despite herself and everything Dr Charles had eluded to that day, Sarah found herself at her father's apartment that evening still looking over the loan application he wanted her to co-sign.

"It's all just legal mumbo jumbo," Robert was telling her as he poured them cups of tea. "It's pretty boiler plate."

The more she thought about it, the more she knew what she had to do. When he passed her the pen, she knew what she was going to have to say.

"Uh, dad I'm sorry but I - I can't sign this."

The look on his face wasn't quite right. It wasn't disappointment - even veiled disappointment - like it should have been. It was almost as though he was fully expecting her response.

That was the moment that she knew for sure something just wasn't right.


	55. Lock It Down

The very next morning, Sarah arrived at the hospital early with one single intention. She'd barely slept the night before, it was all she could think about. Because she knew exactly what was on her differential. And the mere thought of it absolutely terrified her.

So she'd gone in and looked at Robert Haywood's file herself. And then she marched herself right into Dr Charles' office. She didn't even knock, she just swung that door wide open. She was calmer this time around, not the scared little girl ready to scream at him. She just wanted to know the truth.

"Dr Charles, why didn't you tell me the truth about my father?"

He faltered for a few seconds, but he knew this was coming. "And - and what is that?"

"That he is a _psychopath_." When he didn't respond, she found herself adding, "I looked at his chart."

"You did, did you?"

"Yes."

Well, she knew. And there was one question in particular he wanted to know the answer to.

"Before you looked at your father's chart, did you agree to co-sign his loan?"

"No." It was a simple statement, but he tone of voice suggested she was holding back from rolling her eyes.

"You didn't. Could that maybe be because somewhere you already knew what he was?"

He was right, and at this very moment she did not appreciate hearing that.

"You could have told me," she said defiantly.

"Sarah, I couldn't tell you," he responded honestly. "You know I couldn't."

"Yeah, because he locked you up with doctor-patient confidentiality." She already knew what had happened. It was still almost a relief to her to know that he couldn't tell her, not that he just didn't say anything. "He made it so you couldn't interfere. Went to you with a bogus complaint. The premeditation, the manipulation, it's ... He is disgusting!"

"Or, he's just somebody who is incapable of empathetic feelings."

She was pissed off, not at Dr Charles but at the world at large. Mostly at her father. This was, after all, something huge that she needed to come to terms with.

"Sarah, look," he said. "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult this must be. But I would just hope that, that there might be something positive in you knowing."

"Positive?"

"Well, just the clarity," he said. "The clarity of the revelation that your father was who he was and he was born that way. And that his leaving had absolutely nothing to do with you."

"That's my consolation?"

There was nothing he could say to that. So he didn't. He just listened.

"Dr Charles," she said, "after all these years. All these years, my father finally walks back into my life and it turns out he never loved me. He can _never_ love me."

The very sarcastic voice in the back of her mind was thinking only one thing: Was it any wonder she had trust and abandonment issues. Was it any wonder things hadn't worked out with Connor?

Connor, on the other hand, was being forced to spend the morning at a hospital-sponsored fundraising event for the cardiothoracic department off-campus.

He'd arrived a little later than he'd intended, though it turned out that was not entirely a bad thing. When he finally did get there, he greeted the nominal hospital administrators and was instructed to schmooze. Unfortunately for Connor, he was immediately spotted by his father.

"Dad," Connor said in way of greeting.

"Were your ears bleeding?" Cornelius Rhodes asked him in his usual pompous way. "We were just talking about you."

Connor was less than impressed that the 'we' in that situation were his father and Ava Bekker.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. I told Dr Bekker how your mother and I knew, even when you were just a little boy, how you'd be a surgeon."

It was total bullshit. He intentionally didn't respond, but his father was none the wiser:

"Do you remember when that dog got ahold of your teddy ruxpin? He sewed that little thing together."

"You had a teddy ruxpin?" Ava asked him, almost disbelievingly.

His counter-response was ready immediately. "I wouldn't believe everything my father tells you."

"Oh, Connor's always been uncomfortable with anything that smells of praise," Cornelius observed. Connor actually had to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"Oh really? I never noticed that."

Yeah, this was not a conversation he wanted to be a part of.

"I'm gonna go get breakfast," he said, removing himself entirely from the conversation.

"Try the avocado toast," Ava said to his retreating back.

Behind him, he could hear his father carry on as though there was no tension at all in that conversation.

"So, maybe you can tell me," Cornelius was saying to Ava. "What's going on with Connor and Sarah? Do you know her? She's a lovely woman. Good friend of my daughter's. God knows Connor won't tell me anything about what's going on."

Even with his back turned, Connor could hear the smile on Ava's face. "Ah, you, me and the hospital rumour mill all want to know."

Just as he was about to grab a plate of food, his phone buzzed. It was the reason he'd been late for this function this morning: He was worried about Sarah, and he couldn't get hold of her no matter how hard he'd tried. There was something wrong, but she wasn't talking. And that scared him. It wasn't, however, what she had addressed in his text message.

He turned back immediately, completely ignoring the fact that his father was even there.

"Ava," he said, grabbing her attention. "Hospital's on lockdown."

"How do you -?"

"Sarah," he said simply, ignoring his father's raised eyebrows. "Code pink."

"A missing child?"

"Baby."

They had nothing at all to do with the situation, but it was still enough to make both of their blood run cold.

For some reason, it did not surprise Sarah at all that she was a part of the team to find the grieving mother who had abducted the baby from the PICU. This seemed to be the type of thing that passed for normal in her life these days.

And when they found her, she had outright lied to that poor woman to get her to hand over that baby. It had come so easy to her, almost as though she hadn't had to think about it at all.

And that terrified her.

Once it was all over, she had an opportunity to speak one-on-one with Dr Charles.

"I know what you're going to say," she said calmly and rationally, having had time to think about this speech. "I should not have lied to Joanna. It was wrong. She's just a desperate, troubled woman, not a psychopath."

He nodded. "I agree."

"She's not, but am I? Am I a psychopath?"

"What?" That had thrown him.

"Look how easily I lied to her. How I coldly manipulated her."

"In this context, that's hardly an indication of psychopathy," he said.

"Look at my life. Would you say that I'm able to form lasting relationships? I mean, I have no real friends, no significant romantic attachments. I think I have emotions, but maybe they're not real. Maybe they're just imitative."

"You just told me that you feel guilty about lying to a patient," he said honestly. "Which means that you have a conscience. Which means that you're not a psychopath."

"Whatever you want to call it, I am my father's daughter."

"You're also my resident and I find you to be a deeply compassionate person who's capable of great empathy," he reassured her. "I just never would've roped you into this whole psychiatry thing if I wasn't entirely convinced of that."

She nodded, not entirely convinced but also feeling a little better about herself.

"And that, uh, romantic attachment thing?" Dr Charles added, gesturing to the other end of the PICU where a certain cardiothoracic surgeon had just appeared wearing his full scrubs and surgical cap. "I would call the two of you significant."

He walked away then, leaving her to head toward Connor.

"I heard on the grapevine you were the real hero today," he said.

"Yeah, no," she scoffed. "I lied outright to that poor woman to make her give me that baby. And then I watched her get handcuffed and taken away to prison."

"You got him back," Connor said, placing a hand lightly on her shoulder and guiding her out of the PICU. "That's what matters here."

She took the opportunity to completely change the subject then. "Why are you in scrubs? I thought you'd be stuck outside with everyone else."

"Oh, now that's a story and a half," he laughed. "So, Earl showed me this old entrance in an abandoned part of the hospital. Underground, super creepy. You would've completely freaked out."

"Oh, would I now?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Also, I think I owe one of the medical examiner's an apology. And probably an explanation."

"What did you do?"

"... I kinda burst through a disused door while he was mid-autopsy. Pretty sure the guy might have almost had a heart attack."

"Good thing you're a heart surgeon."

"You'd think, but I kinda just left him there. Ethan had this patient up in the ED ..."

They talked and talked the whole way down to the staff cafeteria. It was Tuesday, meatloaf day.

For the first time all day, Sarah wasn't completely focused on the terrifying piece of information that she just didn't want to confront right now. Connor was Robert's doctor, he'd find out soon enough. She saw no reason to bring it up again right now. Right now, they were just enjoying each others' company.

It was nice. It was normal.

And it definitely wasn't a date.

 _ **A/N:** Hey everybody! So, we're still chugging along. I kind of feel like I'm dangling a carrot in front of you all and just when you think you're about to get it, I yank it away again. I'm not normally cruel like that, I swear. One thing I can assure you of is that I know exactly where this is going. We are so, so close - and it's gonna be awesome. I'm not thinking a huge grand gesture kind of awesome, but something that's just so Rheese. You'll know it when it happens._


	56. Devil in Disguise

"Sarah, hey!"

She was heading into the hospital, caught up in her thoughts and her own little world. At the sound of her name, she turned around surprised.

Connor Rhodes was heading in her direction, holding two very inviting-looking cups of coffee from the good coffee cart down the street.

"Morning," she said, her tone somewhere between apprehensive and pleased. "What's going on?"

He shrugged, passing her one of the steaming hot to-go cups. "Wanted decent coffee. Thought I'd pick one up for you while I was down there."

They were walking through the doors side by side now. She threw him a look out of the corner of her eye, knowing exactly where this was going.

"We've talked about this, Connor," she said. "We both agreed it's not a good idea."

"No," he disagreed happily, "we agreed to table the discussion until later. Now is later."

"Now is, like, ten minutes before our shifts are supposed to start. This is not a ten minute conversation."

He nodded. "I know."

When he didn't elaborate, she found herself prompting him.

"... And you thought you would bring me coffee as a pretence for discussing the discussion?"

They'd walked together through the hallways and toward the elevators. While they waited for the doors to open, he said, "I know plying you with coffee is always a way to get on your good side."

Yep, here it comes.

"Connor," she said very quietly, very aware of the listening ears around them. "It happened once. It was a mistake. A backslide, if you will. It's not going to happen again."

"Oh, I'm not propositioning you for sex," he said matter-of-factly, knowing very well they would be the talk of the gossip mill as soon as they left the elevator they had just stepped into. "I'm suggesting dinner."

"Dinner? No."

The doors opened, revealing the cardiac floor. He left the elevator along with a number of others, saying over his shoulder, "Tonight. My place."

As much as it irked her, she had to give the man credit. He wasn't taking no for an answer.

Barely half an hour later, Sarah found herself working with Dr Charles down in the ED. She hadn't noticed her father was there until he walked right up and spoke to her.

"Sarah."

She turned around, shocked to see him and not entirely sure what she should do.

"I reconnected with you only to take advantage of you," he said. "And that did not work out. I am no longer asking you to take care of me, or support me. I no longer want to be a part of your life. We're done. It's not personal, uh, it's just the way I'm wired. Understand?"

She was frozen in place, but she wasn't looking at Robert. Her eyes were completely focused on Dr Charles, who clearly could not believe what he was seeing.

Robert clearly hadn't noticed her complete lack of reaction - that, or he didn't care. He turned back around to Dr Charles and said, "There. Honesty, self-sufficiency, fiscal responsibility. I think I checked all the boxes."

Even Dr Charles didn't say anything as Robert walked away. Sarah continued to stare at him, while he watched Robert walk away not believing what he had just seen.

And then, they caught a case. Dr Charles offered for her to take a moment to collect herself, but she outright refused. She did what she always did - she threw herself completely back into her work.

It had been a nightmare of a day, for both of them. While Sarah and Dr Charles were treating a young woman who had regressed into the personality of her six-year-old self, Connor had been working with a team of doctors from multiple departments to save the conjoined Cronin twins. When everyone else had given up on one twin, he'd gone behind their backs directly to the parents to implore them to take a different approach - it was a risk, but both of the girls could come out of it alive. And even though they did, Latham still removed him from the team.

He'd tried calling Sarah as he was leaving the hospital, but she wasn't picking up. That was how he found himself sitting beside Will at Molly's, commiserating over as many drinks as Hermann would serve them.

"Is it over?" Will was asking rhetorically. "And Natalie just doesn't have the heart to tell me.

Apparently they'd been having issues lately. Neither of them quite knew when it had happened, but they seemed to be the buddies that would sit together and work through problems now.

"I mean, what the hell is a 'break', anyway?"

"Yeah, I might be the wrong guy to ask," Connor answered him, frowning deeply. "Last time a girlfriend asked for a break, she moved to Minneapolis. And the woman who I am completely in love with doesn't even want to entertain the thought of being together again, so ..."

Will raised an eyebrow. "So Sarah's the one who won't go for it, huh? Ah, man, I owe Ethan ten bucks."

Connor rolled his eyes. "Of course there's a bet."

"A bet? Dude, there's a pool!"

When Connor looked over at him with wide eyes, Will burst out laughing.

"Seriously, half the hospital's in on this thing! Five bucks in, you pick a month and a day."

Connor groaned. "Oh, that is mortifying."

"Eh, it's not so bad," Will laughed. "Also, you owe me five bucks."

"Why could I possibly owe you five bucks?"

"Because you failed me, Connor."

Connor just rolled his eyes. "When?"

"Three weeks ago."

He passed Will a five dollar note, saying, "You have no idea how close you were, my friend. But the woman is stubborn."

"Seriously?" Will asked, eyebrows raised. "You two - and you're still not - ?"

"Nope."

"But you -"

"- I know," Connor said, downing another drink and nodding. "Apparently it was a 'mistake'. Didn't feel like a mistake to me."

Will laughed again. "You know, I gotta say. Back when we first met, I never thought I'd see this side of you."

Connor raised an eyebrow. "You realise she and I were already together, right? Back when I first came to Med."

" _What_?!"

So, their colleagues all knew they had broken the rules by being together while she was still a medical student. But apparently, the full story had somehow managed to avoid completely doing the full rounds.

"Anyway, I've got early rounds," Connor said, taking his leave. "I gotta go."

"Dude, no. You can't say that and then not tell me anything."

Connor tossed some notes onto the counter and clapped Will on the shoulder. "I can. And I am."

"Dude, no!"

Connor found himself laughing as he left Molly's and headed back out to his car. His whole demeanour changed, however, when his phone buzzed in his hand, telling him he'd received a new text message.

 _ **Sarah:** We need to talk._


	57. An Inconvenient Truth

She was sitting on the floor beside his front door when he arrived home, waiting for him. Neither of them said a word as he dug around in his satchel for his keys, then finally found them and opened the door. He dumped his stuff beside the door and strode straight in, knowing very well that she would have followed him in. He'd made it as far as his bedroom when he heard the front door close, confirming his theory.

He could feel her watching him as he peeled off his shirt and tossed it into his laundry hamper. He'd intentionally stayed facing the wall as he changed into his pyjamas, knowing she was still silently watching him.

"I'm going to assume you're not here to sleep with me again, since it was such a mistake last time."

He hadn't meant for it to come out quite so snarky, but now that it was out there he was confident of not wanting to take it back. He moved about the room, picking up and object and moving it from point A to point B. There was no real purpose to any of it, he just wanted to look busy. He didn't want to have to look at her.

"No," she said softly, stepping into the room and sitting down on the edge of his bed. When it became clear he was intentionally ignoring her, she added, "It wasn't a mistake."

That stopped him dead in his tracks. He turned around slowly, looking her directly in the eyes.

"This had better not be the part where you tell me you're pregnant."

She shook her head a couple of times, throwing her hands up in defeat. "No, no. Not pregnant."

He watched her closely, not quite sure where this conversation was going. "It's a fair question. We weren't exactly _safe_ that night."

"Hey, it's not my fault you were out of condoms."

Her feeble attempt at a joke did not go over well.

"What do you want, Sarah?" he asked her seriously, now leaning against the window.

She sighed, then finally spoke. "I've not been fair to you."

He didn't say anything, but he did shoot her a look that clearly said how obvious that statement was.

"... I want this, Connor," she admitted finally. "You have no idea how badly I want this. But I can't have it."

"Why?" he asked, now on his knees on the floor in front of where she sat. "Sarah, it's us. There's nothing we can't get through together."

She was shaking her head, trying and failing to keep tears from falling. "You deserve someone so much better than me."

"There _is_ no one better than you," he said, reaching up to wipe away her tears. "I love _you_ , Sarah Reese. And you love me, too. That's what matters. Whatever it is, we'll get through it together."

He knew there was something going on to be making her say this. This was not the woman he knew and loved more than anything else in the entire world.

Her response was so quiet he could barely hear it. "What if I'm just like him?"

Connor faltered. For the very first time ever, he had no idea what she was talking about.

"What are you talking about?" he asked her quietly.

When she didn't respond, he found himself sitting on the bed beside her, pulling her into his chest and holding her close.

"He's a psychopath," she whispered.

That only served to confuse him more. "Who, honey? Who's a psychopath?"

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "My father. He's been diagnosed, I've seen the reports and the scans."

He closed his eyes and held her close, and kissed the top of her head. He'd been treating Robert Haywood, but he didn't know anything about his psychological diagnosis. It certainly explained the difficulty with having him placed on the heart transplant list.

"You're nothing like him," he reassured her. "You are your own person."

"That's just it, Connor. I'm not! I am my father's daughter!"

"And I am my father's son," he said defiantly. "But that doens't mean I choose to be anything like Cornelius Rhodes. And you don't have to be anything like Robert Haywood."

She opened her mouth to say something, but he cut her off before she could.

"Who we are isn't just where we come from," he said. "We're defined by our choices. You, Sarah - you are who you choose to be. And the person you are, that makes you the woman I love."

They were silent for a long time. Eventually, she broke the silence and whispered:

"I love you too."

She was gone by the time he woke up the next morning. He was a little disappointed, but it also wasn't entirely expected. Her side of the bed was still warm, and he took just a moment to bask in his happiness.

Because she loved him. She'd told him so. And she wanted this, just as much as he did.

His delight continued when he found the note she'd scrawled for him on a sticky note on the kitchen counter:

 _I always come running to you. Last night showed me why._

 _I love you, Connor. Always have, always will._

 _See you at work :)_

 _— S_

He still hadn't wiped the smile from his face by the time he'd arrived at the hospital. And then, just as he was passing the doctor's lounge down in the ED, he'd spotted a very hung-over Will Halstead.

"Morning sunshine," he said, grinning at his friend who almost literally looked like death.

Will cleared his throat and tried his hardest to go back to whatever it was he was doing in his locker. "Hey."

"You look like you could use an Aspirin," Connor observed. "What time did you make it home from Molly's last night?"

Will looked around for a moment, then admitted, "I didn't."

"Oh. Walk of shame? I've been there," Connor shrugged.

"What's got you so chipper?" Will asked him, finally pulling his stethoscope out of his locker. "It's annoying."

Connor grinned. "I, uh, had a very enlightening conversation last night."

"Not at the bar you didn't. You listened to me whine about my love life for a solid hour."

"I wasn't talking about the bar," Connor said. Grinning, he explained, "Sarah came over and -"

Just as he was about to fill Will in, Maggie was standing in the doorway.

"Dr Rhodes, I need you," she said, all-business as she always was.

"I'm not on trauma today, Maggie," he said casually, ready to return to his previous conversation.

"Not a trauma," Maggie said immediately, speaking a million miles an hour. "Robert Haywood, Dr Reese's dad? CFD just arrived with a STEMI alert."

Within seconds, Connor had ripped off his leather jacket and dumped it on the table in the lounge, accompanied by his satchel. He wasn't dressed for work at all - still wearing a comfy shirt and jeans - but he was all-business. The man was having a heart attack.

At the other end of the ED, Sarah walked out of the elevator to find Maggie right there waiting for her.

"Maggie, you paged?"

"It's your dad," Maggie told her, jumping right in without sugarcoating it. "The ambo just brought him in."

"What?"

Sarah couldn't believe what she was hearing. She followed Maggie blindly down to the trauma room, where Connor was working on her father. As soon as he was stabilised enough to get upstrairs, they were running.

"Alright. Maggie, call the cath lab, tell them we're on our way up."

They had the gurney halfway out the door when Connor looked up and saw her.

"Come on, Sarah. You can ride with us."

As they continued down the hallway, Connor had one eye on his patient and the other still on her.

"Sarah!" he called, all but begging her to come with them.

She shook her head. It was practically imperceptible, but Connor knew her well enough to pick her up. Even from a distance, he could see the message in her eyes: _I can't_.

It had been a true emergency situation, but they'd pulled him through it. He would be confined to the ICU until a heart became available, but he was alive. However, he would only be at the top of the list for thirty days.

"If I don't get a heart by then ... Ah, well. We'll cross that bridge when we get there?"

Connor pulled a tight smile. "Took the words right out of my mouth, Bob."

As Connor went to leave his room, the man was calling him back.

"Oh, Dr Rhodes." Connor turned around, waiting to hear what the man had to say. "Do you know if, uh, Sarah is here today?"

The question threw him. Given what he knew - particularly what she'd told him last night - and her reaction today, he knew she would be in two minds about going anywhere near this room. So, he played dumb.

"I'm not sure about that," he said convincingly. "But I can check on it for you."

His voice had literally gone up an octave. He knew the man in the bed knew he wasn't telling the whole truth, but he didn't call him out on it either. So Connor left the ICU as quickly as he could, heading straight back down toward the ED. He needed to find Sarah.

Just as he'd expected, she was proving a difficult person to locate. He'd looked in all of her usual hiding places, but she was nowhere to be found. And she wasn't answering her phone either. He'd headed back up to the cardiac ward, thinking maybe the way to get her attention was to page her. And then he'd run into Ava Bekker.

"So, sidelined for the conjoined twin surgery and now you're doing procedures before your morning coffee? I like the fight in you."

"I'm a glutton for punishment," he told her good-naturedly. "Latham made his choice clear."

"You know, it's not over until the first incision," she said thoughtfully. "Start playing nice, maybe you'll be holding the scalpel."

"You're all of a sudden rooting for my success?"

"Not at all. I just hate winning by default."

He glanced over at her and rolled his eyes. Changing the subject, he asked her, "I don't suppose you've seen Sarah around here?"

She stopped walking a pulled a face at him. "Dr Reese?" she asked. "You know, oddly enough I do not keep tabs on your girlfriend."

"A simple 'no' would have sufficed," he told her.

She threw him another look. "You're not going to deny you're dating her, then? Because, today's my day. Just say the word and I win the pool."

"Ah, the pool," he said sarcastically. "I'd hate to disappoint you - actually, that's a lie. I don't entirely mind disappointing you on this one. No, we are not dating."

"Come on, man. Get your shit together," she told him lightheartedly. "You do know how much money is at stake?"

"Uh, literally half the hospital at five dollars a head?" he said jokingly. "Oh, yes. And just because it's you - it won't be today."

She jumped on that. "So you're saying it's going to be soon?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. I don't know."

"How can you not know?"

"You'll have to take that up with Sarah."

Later that day, Sarah was down in the ED working along as she normally did. She had been fighting with a spreadsheet for at least half an hour now, so she was significantly irritated already with Noah Sexton approached her. The guy never could manage to pick a good moment.

"What you up to?"

She looked up, stopped herself from rolling her eyes, and decided it would be better for everyone if she just played nice. You know, as opposed to biting his head of right in front of everyone they worked with.

"I'm trying to write a budget for this research grant application. But Excel formulas hate me."

"Well," he said. "I don't know if you know this, but I am kinda a math wiz. I could take a stab in it if you want to go see your dad?"

And that was the moment when she snapped. She couldn't help herself, she bit. Hard.

"I don't. I don't want to talk about him and I don't want to see him. Okay?"

He made to walk away, but she found herself calling him back.

"And Noah?"

He turned around expectantly, his eyes lit up at the prospect of her finally approaching him.

"Look, I know you're trying to help," she said, "but don't. This is a really complicated situation. You wouldn't understand."

He smiled. "Then grab a drink with me. We can sit down, you can explain it to me."

"And that," she said, calmly though not in her kindest tone of voice. "That needs to stop. You're a great friend, but it's just not going to happen."

His face fell. "So it's true, then. You and Dr Rhodes."

She took a very deep breath and closed her eyes tightly. When she opened them again, she knew everyone in the surrounding vicinity was listening, and hanging onto every single word.

"Whatever may or may not be happening between Dr Rhodes and myself is nobody's business but ours."

Noah was glaring at her now. She knew just by the look on his face that he was going to say it. He was going to throw it right in her face, right here in front of everyone.

"But you were dating him while you were still a med student. He was a fellow."

She summoned the hardest, scariest glare she could possibly muster. "That is a completely unfounded accusation."

"It is not!" Noah retorted, almost laughing now. "It's the worst-kept secret in the whole damn hospital!"

"Noah," Ethan stepped in, knowing very well that this quote-unquote discussion was literally about to come to blows. "That's enough."

"If you have something to say, Dr Sexton," Sarah said venomously. "I suggest you do it in a more appropriate place than the middle of the ED."

"Oh yeah?" he asked her sarcastically. "How about in front of a disciplinary committee? Or the board?"

He was lucky Ethan stepped in front of her as Maggie forcibly pulled Noah away.

"Sarah, Sarah -" Ethan was trying to get her attention, but her blood was beyond boiling.

"- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa," Will said, running up to try and help Ethan defuse her.

She marched into the doctor's lounge, bringing her two big-brother figures along with her.

"Who the hell does he think he is?!" she blew up at them, despite being all too aware that it was not their fault.

"Sarah, he's -"

One look from her silenced Ethan completely on the topic.

Will managed to get her to sit down, and he crouched down in front of her. "What happened?"

"What happened? What happened?!"

She started to blow up again, but the look he shot her reminded her of who she was talking to, and why.

"I told him to back off," she spat. "I've been trying to for months, and today he apparently finally got the message. So he blew up about me being with Connor, and then he threatened to report us to the board."

"To report what, exactly?" Will asked confusedly, looking to Ethan with confusion written all over his face. "You guys aren't even together."

Ethan sighed. "But they were. Back when they weren't supposed to be."

Sarah was at her wits end because of so much more than just this, and they all knew it.

"Call Connor," Will implored her quietly. "We'll make sure Noah stays away from the both of you."

"Not much we can do about the board, though," Ethan sighed, clapping her on the shoulder gently.

"One problem at a time," Sarah said, picking up her phone and hitting call.

Connor was down in the ED within minutes.

"Where is he?" Connor demanded, madder than he had ever been in his life. "Where the hell is he?"

Will grabbed hold of his shoulders and steered him toward the doctor's lounge. "We're handling him," Will assured him. "Right now, you need to talk to Sarah."

The moment Will pushed him into the lounge, Sarah's head flicked up. She was on her feet in a matter of seconds, wrapping him in a ridiculously tight hug.

"I could've slapped him," she said, talking into Connor's chest. "I swear to God, I could've slapped him right then and there in front of everybody."

Connor sighed, and kissed the top of her head the way he did every time she was upset or scared.

"It's been a real shit of a day," he murmured into her hair. "An actual, horrible, crappy shit of a day."

They were both silent for a long time, just holding each other and processing what had happened.

"Hey," she said eventually, "did you know there's a hospital-wide pool on whether or not we're together?"

Despite himself, he actually laughed. "Oh, yeah. Five bucks a head, pick a day and a month."

"We should get in on that action," she said. "It's awesome prize money."

"Yeah, but we can't do it today."

She leaned back far enough that she was still holding onto him, but she could also clearly see his face. On seeing her quizzical expression, he explained, "It's Dr Bekker's day today. We can't let her win. It's a point of pride."

"Maybe tomorrow then?" she asked him conversationally.

"Nah, not tomorrow," he said, scrunching up his nose. "My sister's gonna need more than twenty-four hours notice."

They took the back exit from the doctor's lounge, then headed back upstairs together. They stopped off at the cardiac ward, where Connor collected his belongings, and then up to the psych ward so Sarah could collect hers.

As they rode the elevator back downstairs again, she looked over at him thoughtfully.

"What?" he asked her.

"How about a week from Tuesday?"

His smile was all the response she needed.

 _ **A/N:** Hint hint hint. We're so close, I can almost taste it. This getting back together is the part I've been planning since the very beginning - the whole getting there thing is really killing me. Also, I know Noah Sexton actually has his redeeming qualities as a character, but the man doesn't seem to be able to take no for an answer so I finally cracked and had Sarah yell at him. Not gonna lie, it felt good. Until next time ... :)_


	58. The Parent Trap

It had been less than a week, but Robert Haywood's condition was deteriorating drastically. He'd gone from a jolly, kind-of-a-smartass kind of man to one who lay in his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling as he struggled for every breath in just a few days.

This morning, he had Connor worried. And he'd picked up on it.

"I've come to recognise your expressions pretty well," Robert said, though struggling to get his sentence out. "This one's my least favourite."

Connor sighed. Whatever he knew about the man, however he felt about this guy personally - he was still his patient. And because he was his patient, he cared.

"I wish I had better news," Connor said finally. "But look - even though your cardiac output is decreasing, you are still the highest status on the transplant list. You are first in line."

He didn't have to like his patient as a person. In fact, he didn't like this patient as a person. But he would still do everything in his power to save his life.

"I appreciate your optimism, Dr Rhodes," Robert managed. "As always."

Connor half-smiled. "Hang in there Bob."

As soon as he was out of there, he made a beeline for the ED. He knew that was where Sarah would be, and he needed to talk to her. Right now.

He found her standing between the workstations in the middle of the football, discussing a case with Dr Charles. He hung back near the doorway for a moment, trying to work out exactly what to say. How would he want this presented to him if it were his estranged father in this position? It was a fairly quick decision - he knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't want it sugar-coated. Cold, hard facts. That's always been how Sarah Reese operates best.

"Excuse me," he said, approaching the two psychiatrists. "Sorry to interrupt."

"Not at all, Dr Rhodes," Dr Charles greeted him warmly. "What can we do for you?"

Sarah took one look at him and knew exactly what he wanted to talk about. "I've already told you, Connor. I don't want to know."

He threw his head back and sighed, following her over to a workstation as she tried to avoid the conversation.

"I'm not here to try and force you to go anywhere near him," Connor told her calmly as she continued to steadfastly ignore him. "But his stroke volume, systolic arterial pressure and pulse pressure have all decreased since yesterday. I - I just can't keep the fluid off of his lungs."

"And?" she shrugged. "He's made it perfectly clear he does not want to be a part of my life. Why should I want to be a part of his?"

Connor, who was standing beside her, put a comforting hand on her lower back. Dropping his voice so only she could hear, he said, "Believe me, Sarah, I understand exactly where you are coming from. But the fact remains, if we can't find him a new heart he is not going to make it through this. Right now, we're there. That is the point we're at."

"And you're doing everything you can to find him a heart," she said, still staring at the screen in front of her and typing her notes into the patient's chart. When he squeezed her hip gently, she finally looked up at him. "What would be the point in going up there when he doesn't want to see me? There is nothing I can do to help him."

Connor glanced over to Dr Charles, who nodded once. Her mentor knew exactly where this conversation was going, and he knew she needed to hear it.

"Sarah," Connor said quietly, "we're at the end of what we can do for him. If you want to say goodbye ... I would consider going it today."

She found herself reaching over to squeeze Connor's other hand.

"Okay," she said gently, returning immediately back to his work.

He let go of her and turned to face Dr Charles. They shared a long look, both men having a solid understanding of what was going through her head right now. Dr Charles nodded, silently letting Connor know he would keep a close eye on her.

When he returned up to the cardiac ward, Connor found Ava Bekker staring at a giant flower arrangement sitting very predominantly on the top of the nurses station desk.

"Wow," he commented. "One of our patients is well-loved."

"Actually, they came for me," she said, grabbing the card out of the arrangement.

"Really?" he said. "The enchanting Dr Bekker."

As soon as she laid eyes on the card, she froze.

"What?"

She looked back to the flowers and said rather awkwardly, "Seems they're from your father."

Connor immediately had a face like thunder. "My father?"

She wordlessly passed him the card, and he found himself opening it.

 _Enjoyed our time together. Look forward to seeing you again soon._

 _Cornelius Rhodes_

He had to fight the urge to throw up a little in his mouth. "Uh ... You've been seeing him?"

"Is that a problem?"

"No, no, it's ..." Connor could hardly thing straight. "Uh, he's just ... You know what? Forget it. Enjoy the flowers."

This was really highly disturbing. His father, dating his work colleague? The last thing he needed was for _Ava Bekker_ to become his new step-mother. It was just all kinds of weird.

For the next several hours, Sarah had been um-ing and ah-ing as to whether or not she would go anywhere near the ICU. It was the last place she wanted to go, and he was the last person he wanted to see. She was all too aware that the man wanted nothing to do with her. And, quite frankly, she wanted absolutely nothing at all to do with him.

Yet for some reason, she found herself standing outside the ICU's secure door. She stood there for a solid ten minutes, her thoughts flipping backwards and forwards as she changed her mind a million times a minute.

And then, she found herself walking in.

"Hey dad," she said quietly, standing in his doorway. All of a sudden, he looked like a completely different person - he was sick, feeble. He didn't look like the scary monster she'd built up in her head, even though she knew that was the reality.

"Sarah," he smiled. "So nice of you to come."

She walked into the room slowly, not getting close enough to touch him but far enough in that they could comfortably hold a conversation. "I just wanted to, um, see how you're doing."

"Did you?" he asked. "No ulterior motive?"

"What?"

"Are you sure you didn't come here to make yourself feel better by doing the right thing? That this visit isn't all about you?"

She suddenly found herself floundering.

"Dad -"

"- Maybe I'm not the only one with personality disorder."

That pissed her off. "Are you serious?"

"Oh, don't be so sensitive," Robert said. "Come, now. Let's see what I can do to leave you with a good memory."

She started stepping backwards, wanting nothing more than to get the hell out of his room.

"Okay, this was clearly a mistake."

He continued on as though she hadn't even spoken. "Shall we sit and reminisce? Perhaps, order some hot cocoa?"

She turned and walked out of the room, muttering, "Goodbye, dad," as she left.

When she stepped back out into the corridor, Robert was still saying spouting some crap about closure but she just wasn't listening anymore. Connor was there, standing just out of sight of the doorway. It was clear he'd been listening - the look on his face was enough to tell her that.

Neither chose to acknowledge it. Instead, he said, "I found your dad a heart."

She closed her eyes and took a single step forward, reaching out to grasp his partially extended hand.

"Thank you," she whispered, squeezing his hand just as tightly as he was holding hers.

"We're gonna take him to do the transplant now."

She started to walk away, and she was surprised to find him joining her. They made it all the way to the doors before he grabbed her hand again.

"I love you," he whispered, leaning down so only she could hear him.

She turned her head just slightly so her lips briefly grazed his cheek. "I love you, too," she whispered back.

And then, it was back to business.

She didn't quite know what to think when she was paged up to the ICU an hour later. She'd been expecting to find Robert's room empty, but that wasn't the case. He was still there, and he was looking sicker than ever. Connor, on the other hand, was standing in the hallway staring in at them.

There was no emotion in Connor's voice when he said, "His temperature is 99.6. It could signal the onset of infection, which would be a contraindication for performing the transplant."

"He wouldn't get the heart?"

Despite herself, Sarah still cared. It was breaking Connor's heart to see it, but his hands were tied.

He took a long breath, then confirmed her fears. "No. I'm sorry."

She stared over at Robert, deciding whether or not she should do it. She knew what she needed to say, but would it be the right thing to do?

Of course it was. And that was the difference between Sarah and her father - she was the one who would do it.

"He always runs warm," she told Connor, who looked at her questioningly.

"What?"

"My dad, um ..." she faltered for a minute, but she pulled herself back together. "His temperature always runs high. It's normal for him, which would mean that this isn't an infection."

Connor looked from Sarah to Robert and back, very aware of what she was doing. "You're sure? Because if that's the case, then he could still get the heart."

"Yes, I'm sure. He's fine," she said, not able to meet his eyes until after she'd said it.

They both knew exactly what she had just done. She had given the man a second chance.

To the nurse, he instructed, "Let's get Dr Haywood up to the OR."

He had to leave quickly, given he was the one who would be performing the surgery. He walked away quickly, squeezing her hand comfortingly as he passed her. If he were honest with himself, he wasn't sure he would have done the same had it been Cornelius in this position.

He knew she had been in the viewing room throughout the procedure. He'd seen her walk in at what would have been the end of her shift. She'd placed an uncomfortable-looking stool down in the corner of the room and sat, silently observing. She was here for the long haul.

The moment it was over, she'd left. He didn't know where she was going, but he knew she would be back. Ten minutes later, he was not at all surprised that he and Dr Bekker ran into Sarah in the hallway outside the OR as they walked out themselves.

"I must admit, despite your overall surliness, your determination today in the face of great odds was admirable," Ava was saying.

"I will take that as a compliment," Connor responded, stopping in place next to Sarah. They didn't hug, they didn't touch - it was comforting enough just to know that they were there together, side by side.

"You should," Ava said, nodding to acknowledge Sarah. As a way of goodbye, she added, "I'm going to take my flowers home."

"Ava," Connor found himself calling her back. "It's not that it's my dad you're dating."

Sarah's eyes went wide, but she didn't say anything at all.

"It's that I don't want to see you get hurt," he told her. "That's what Cornelius does to people."

"As long as we're making confessions," she replied, "I was never dating your father."

"But you didn't mind me thinking so."

"No, I didn't mind." She actually smiled. "Let's call it revenge for intentionally making me lose the pool."

"Ooh, low blow."

Ava grinned and walked away, leaving Connor and Sarah alone. The moment her back was turned, Connor wrapped his arms around Sarah and buried his head in her shoulder.

"You repaired the valve on that donor heart," she said, already knowing the answer. "Just so you could give him a chance."

"I don't like the man," he whispered in her ear, "but he's my patient."

"And you do everything you possibly can to save your patients. It's one of the things I love about you."

He grinned, and kissed the top of her head. "I love you, too."

It was the first time in a very long time that neither of them had whispered it.

They'd both had the same sudden realisation: They didn't have to hide anymore. They could be a normal, regular couple.

And that was what they wanted more than anything in the world.


	59. This Is Now

Mid-morning at Med, Connor found himself on a break. Naturally, he headed straight for the coffee shop just outside the hospital walls - if they needed him badly enough, they would page. He was only a two minute walk away, after all.

He had just finished ordering his coffee and when he noticed a familiar head of curls heading in this direction. "Can I also get a strong black tea - strongest you've got, leave the bag in. And two doughnuts."

He left his payment on the counter and nonchalantly intercepted her at the door. "Reese," he smiled, painfully aware that literally every person wearing scrubs in this coffee shop would be listening to every word he said. "Care to join me?"

"Uh, sure," she replied in her usual slightly awkward way. "But I haven't -"

"- I have black coffee, doughnuts and the strongest tea we could muster," a server said helpfully, placing the items at the booth directly beside them. "Enjoy, Doctor Rhodes."

Sarah had to turn away and stifle a laugh. Connor, on the other hand, grinned at her and said in an amused voice, "Thank you, Christie."

They sat down, hardly able to look at each other for fear of bursting out laughing.

"So, Christie?" Sarah finally asked, masking her laugh by taking a long sip of tea.

He chuckled. "That damn spidey sense goes off every time I come into this place, I swear."

"Oh, you don't need a spidey sense for this one," Sarah said, handing him his napkin. "That would be her phone number."

"Oh my God," Connor groaned, actually blushing now. "That's it. I have to find a new coffee place."

"You can't come back?"

"No. Not ever."

Their pagers went of simultaneously, as did a number of others in the coffee shop. They were still joking as they stood up, taking one last sip of their drinks.

And then they saw the TV screen in the corner of the room.

"Oh my God," Sarah breathed, no believing what she was seeing. The headline alone was enough to make her blood run cold.

 _ACTIVE SHOOTER AT MILLENIUM PARK BLOCK PARTY_

Simultaneously, they froze for all of ten seconds and locked eyes. And then the bolted, running as fast as they could back toward the ED. By the time they arrived, Maggie was in full action mode.

"Clear every treatment room and trauma bay. Patients go to the waiting room. We need more space on the floor - chairs, towels, carts, pile everything in the consultation room. Lock down the walk-in entrance, from now on all patients funnel through the ambulance bay."

It was absolute pandemonium. They'd only had a trickle of injured patients arrive so far, but every one of them had serious life-threatening injuries. And this was just the calm before the storm.

She caught a patient almost immediately, Maggie sending her straight into a treatment room with a patient being carried in by a police officer. She'd briefly looked over to Connor, who squeezed her hand as she walked in.

"You got this," he said quietly, watching her take on her first solo trauma case. He knew they needed to prioritise surgical patients, but there was one obvious glaring problem: They were everywhere. By the time Ava arrived, he'd seen three patients already.

"Where do we even start?" she asked asked him disbeleivingly.

He didn't have a chance to answer her when Sarah popped her head out of her treatment room. "Connor, I need you."

They worked together seamlessly, just as they always had. They hadn't had a reason to work together in their old seamless trauma dance in a very long time - and even though it had been so long, it still felt just as natural as it had back then.

The hosptial's disaster management plan wasn't built to handle something on this scale. Wherever they looked, there were bleeding patients, flashing lights of police cars and ambulances and far too much blood. The sheer volume of chaos was not helping them to save lives.

He'd just done a two-minute surgical evaluation on one of Ethan's patients when Maggie appeared in the doorway. "Dr Rhodes, I need you in three, four, six and seven."

"Who's first?"

Maggie just threw her hands up.

Lucky for Connor, Ms Goodwin was in the room assisting Ethan. "Ava and I are running all over the place. We get to one patient, three more pile up somewhere else. This isn't working."

And then Ethan had an idea.

The transition had been fairly seamless, considering the chaos surrounding them all. They'd moved from their traditional triage and treatment plan into something that almost resembled an assembly line, shuffling patients from point to point rather than doctors running around left, right and centre. It was more or less the way they ran things on the battlefield - and the battlefield medicine approach worked. It made sense, considering these was more or less the same sort of injuries they'd see. The only objection seemed to be from Dr Stohl, who Ms Goodwin had very quickly put back in his place. They had bigger problems than the troll right now.

They hadn't had much of a chance to see each other or work together beyond their initial trauma case. It was pure chaos, the kind neither of them had never seen before. Not even when he was working in Riyadh. They'd catch each other's eye every now and then, but that was more or less the extent of what they could manage. They were so run off their feet, Ava hadn't even had a chance to tease him about checking up on his not-girlfriend.

And then Connor caught a case, a patient who needed urgent surgery. And the ORs were all jammed full, ten times over.

When Dr Latham arrived, he was obviously having trouble comprehending the chaos in front of him. He was the only person in the ED still dressed in a suit - it made him look completely out of place in the sea of multi-coloured scrubs.

He finally found Ava working on a patient, and said, "I'm sorry it took so long. Police had the streets blocked off."

She looked up momentarily, then went back to her patient.

"Nevermind," he said "Where is Dr Rhodes."

Her response was definitely sarcastic, but not her usual dry sarcasm. This was almost a disbelieving kind of tone. "Operating in the doctor's lounge."

The shock was written all over his face.

"Yeah. I know."

When his attending did walk through the door to the lounge, Connor was all-business.

"Dr Latham. Good, you're here. We're going to do a laparotomy."

"This is not a surgical suite, Dr Rhodes," Latham responded immediately.

"Oh, I know, but I'm afraid it's all we got."

He was panicking, that much was obvious. They didn't have their normal equipment, this was not his normal setting - it was all very overwhelming.

"Dr Latham, I know this is a lot of change all at once," Connor said as kindly as he could, "but this patient is running out of time. I can't do this surgery alone. I really need your help, okay?"

Saving someone's life was always the overriding factor in Dr Latham's character.

"Yes. Yes, of course," he said. "I'll scrub in. Where?"

Connor pointed over to the tiny sink built into the kitchenette.

"Yeah," he said in response to Latham's disbelieving look.

It looked almost as though they were ready to go. Ethan put the last of the equipment in place, then said, "Alright, Connor. Anything else you need?"

"Uh-huh. Sarah."

Sarah, who was helping set up equipment in the back of the room, flipped around to face him immediately. "Me? For what?"

"Anaesthesia and airway control," he said, looking up briefly enough to just catch her eye.

She floundered for a moment, but she didn't miss the confident look Ethan was throwing her. It still wasn't enough to calm her nerves, though.

"Uh, Connor," she said, stepping forward cautiously. "I have maybe three hours of surgical experience."

He completely understood where she was coming from, but he had absolute unwavering faith in her and her abilities.

"Now you get more," he said calmly, looking right into her eyes.

"You got this, Sarah," Ethan said with a small smile.

"Okay," she muttered to herself as she grabbed a hair tie off her wrist and threw her hair up and out of the way. "Okay, okay, okay."

Connor noticed her freaking out. On his way over to the sink to scrub in, he stopped by her and put a comforting arm on her shoulder. "I wouldn't ask you to do this if I wasn't completely sure you were entirely capable."

She took a long, shaky, deep breath and nodded. "Okay. Let's do this."

She was oddly quiet as they worked on the patient, concentrating on her job in the surgery and only speaking when it was entirely necessary. The look of concentration on her face gave Connor an extra sense of confidence that he hadn't realised he'd needed. And he was awfully grateful he'd chosen her over Noah Sexton - given the current situation with him, it would probably have been a really bad idea, but he'd like to think the boy would've manned-up for the task at hand. On the other hand, he would've been chattering away incessantly, which would have really messed with Dr Latham's head.

Speaking of, Latham was low-key panicking. "I haven't been inside an abdomen since my residency."

"It's okay, Dr Latham," Connor reassured him. "Surgery is surgery."

And just when he thought they'd falling into a rhythm, Latham wanted to undertake a long and complicated procedure.

"Skip it, it takes too long," Connor told him.

"But I've already resected a portion of the bowel, it needs to be reconstructed."

"Just leave it in discontinuity."

"That doesn't make any sense," Latham countered. "We'll have to open him up again to make the repair."

"No, because we're not going to close him."

"He'll be susceptible to infection."

Connor snapped. "Dr Latham, this is damage control. Stop the bleeding, stop the spillage, move on to the next patient."

Sarah watched their interactions with interest. This was definitely a very different relationship to what Connor had had with Dr Downey, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Different was just different. She knew Latham had Asperger's syndrome - it had been one of the things Connor had mentioned to her in their long-awaited catch up months ago - and she found it fascinating the way the two had learned to work together.

What Connor had just done was to give his mentor the structure he needed: Stop the bleeding, stop the spillage, move on to the next patient. And he'd done it so naturally, like maybe this was what they did all the time.

When their next patient was on the table, Connor and Latham found themselves both having difficulty catching a bleeding vessel long enough to clamp it off and repair it.

"Every time I think I've got it, it slips away again," Connor was saying.

"No, I can't get ahold of it either."

That was when Sarah spoke up. "I know it's a little unconventional," Sarah said hesitantly, "but I think I might have an angle from up here."

Connor shared a very brief look with Latham, then passed her a couple of instruments. "Do it," he said confidently.

"Dr Rhodes -"

"- Dr Reese is a very capable physician, Dr Latham. I wouldn't have asked for her if I didn't think she should be here."

Sarah paused, and found herself waiting for Latham to nod before she took the instruments out of Connor's hands, then leaned down and clamped the bleeder.

When she looked up again to pass the instruments back to Connor, she could see the smile in his eyes.

"And the rookie gets it in one fowl swoop," Connor said proudly. "You know, if this whole psychiatry thing doesn't work out, you could have a future as a surgeon."

She found herself chuckling. "We've been through this before, a long time ago. I am not cut out for trauma."

"You seem to be handling this quite well, Dr Reese," Latham said calmly. He'd been watching the two of them closely throughout the surgeries, though neither seemed to have noticed. "I am highly impressed that the two of you don't allow your romantic relationship to impede on your work."

Neither had expected him to say that. For one thing, they had no idea he was even clued in to the hospital's infamous rumour mill. And for another - well, they didn't even know what they were. How were they supposed to respond to that?

Thankfully, they didn't have to.

"I have heard good things about your work before today," Latham said to them both. "The way you work seamlessly together as a team. It's fascinating to see it in person."

"Well," Connor said slowly, "we've had a lot of practice. Sarah assisted on a lot of trauma cases when she was still a med student on her ED rotation."

Latham looked up for a moment, looked from one to the other, and went back to working on their patient again. "From what I have heard, your success as a working team even then is not at all surprising, considering your relationship at the time."

Sarah's eyes briefly met Connor's.

Frowning, though desperately trying not to panic, she asked, "I'm sorry?"

"You were already romantically involved, were not you not?"

Again, more uncertainty. "... When I was a medical student?"

"Yes," Latham said matter-of-factly. "And before Dr Rhodes began his position as trauma fellow at this facility."

Neither responded. Dr Latham looked up, now actively looking from one to the other.

"Dr Latham, has somebody said something?" Connor asked carefully, lest he say something he shouldn't.

For his part, Dr Latham looked slightly unsure. "I take it Ms Goodwin did not have an opportunity to speak with you this morning."

Sarah's eyes caught Connor's again, her expression again almost unreadable.

"Noah," they said in unison.

"I'm sorry?"

"Noah Sexton," Connor said, his eyes still locked with Sarah. "He's made a formal report to the hospital administration."

"I don't know who made the report, but yes. The matter will now be investigated and assessed by the Board."

That was the last thing they'd wanted to hear.

By the time the chaos had started to thin out, they'd finished with their patient and had operated on the shooter. They'd done their jobs and saved his life, but he'd been responsible for the deaths of so many other people today that it was still a hard pill to swallow.

Connor and Latham had walked the man out of the doctor's lounge, with Latham planning to escort him up to the ICU where he would be kept under police guard until he was stable enough to be transferred into the prison hospital. Connor, however, found himself stopping in the hallway. Sarah approached him cautiously, not saying anything. Instead, she took hold of his arm and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"He'll live," Connor said simply. It was the first non-essential words any of them had spoken since they started the surgery.

When she pulled gently on his arm, he didn't resist. They sat side-by-side against the glass walls of the doctor's lounge, the remnants of the chaos that had just taken place all around them. It was several minutes before either of them said anything, both just needing a short break from it all.

"You tired?" she asked him quietly, her head still laying on his shoulder.

"I am exhausted," he groaned.

"I know the feeling."

He looked over at her and managed to crack a smile.

"What?" she asked him, now thoroughly confused.

"Who would've thought we'd end up here? Sarah and Connor, finally getting back together again."

"What planet are you on?" she asked him disbelievingly. "Hospital administration has launched an investigation into our 'inappropriate relationship' from two years ago. We're going to get hauled in front of the Board. And you're happy about it?"

"Well, it's not ideal," he conceded. "But we're still here. You and me, together. I'd say that's something to celebrate."

"Especially on a day like today," she sighed. "Can you believe it's only been two hours?"

"Don't change the subject."

"What subject?"

"Us."

He knew they were in plain view of everybody. All of their colleagues were still processing everything that had happened, what they had seen and what they had had to do in order to save lives - and even so, their sitting together holding hands hadn't gone unnoticed.

He leaned toward her, but found himself stopped by her hand on his cheek.

"Connor," she said, slightly irritated, "everyone's around. _Everyone_ can see us."

He quickly glanced around, seeing for himself that every eye in the department was turned on them. And then, he grinned.

It was somewhat reminiscent of a time a long, long time ago. Of his very first day on the job.

Still grinning, he turned back to Sarah and shrugged. "Screw it."

And then, he kissed her.

It had been a long time coming, that was for sure. But it wasn't steamy, or passionate. It was almost chaste, comparatively speaking.

When they broke apart for air and looked back up, they could see the smiles on their colleagues faces. Will, Ethan, April, Nat - Maggie in particular, she was absolutely beaming. Even Ava Bekker had a smirk on her face.

"They still need help upstairs in the ORs," Connor said conversationally, his eyes back on Sarah again.

"And Dr Charles is going to need a hand with psych evaluations. A lot of people have a lot to process today."

He stood up, offered her his hand and pulled her to her feet ever so gracefully.

"Let's go," he said.

And they headed toward the elevators hand in hand.

 _ **A/N:** Guys. GUYS. I loved writing this. I really, really did. I've actually had the first part of this, over in the cafe, written almost from the very beginning. I don't know why, but this has always been my favourite episode of Med. I think it shows the team at their best, all working together as a team to save people. Even in the most awful of situations._

 _It kind of seemed appropriate to me to pull these two back together after all that. I think it's one of those things that would show you what really matters - and let's face it, everyone (character-wise) needed a lift that day._

 _So, I hope you're loving it. I'm not really sure where this is going to go from here, since this is where I've been working towards. I guess we'll find out together._

 _Happy reading!_


	60. Crisis of Confidence

When they did finally leave the hospital that very evening, there was no discussion as to where they were going. They met outside the front doors, and headed immediately for his Porsche. No words were spoken - right now, words really weren't needed.

It had been one hell of a day. The kind they both wished they would never have to see again.

By the time he'd pulled into his apartment building's underground car park, Connor knew they both needed to talk. They had seen and dealt with an awful lot today. However, he also knew that they would not be talking tonight. This had happened once before: Instead of talking, they had found themselves engaging in other physical pursuits. Connor remembered that night very well. It had been thoroughly enjoyable.

As soon as they made it through the door of his apartment, she was pulling his bag off his shoulder and dumping it unceremoniously on the floor. Then her lips were on his, her hands entangled in his hair, and he was pushed up against the wall.

When they finally came up for air, he paused them by putting his hands on either side of her face and holding her still. Between heavy breaths, he said, "We shouldn't avoid this."

"Just for tonight," she replied instantly. "I promise we'll talk in the morning."

With that, they resumed their activities. Slowly - and with a lot of difficulty, given the intertwined limbs - they made their way down the hallway, pausing every now and then to push each other into a wall and/or to pull off a piece of each others' clothing and throw it somewhere behind them.

By the time they reached his bedroom and fell into the bed, there was no question as to what was about to happen. It wasn't like they were rushing things, by any means. They were re-starting from somewhere in the middle, not starting all over again.

As he threw her bra somewhere over in the direction of the window, he leaned over to the nightstand and opened the drawer. And then he stopped.

He'd frozen, and she had no idea why. So she sat up and wrapped herself around his back, her head sitting comfortably on his shoulder. "What's wrong?" she whispered, afraid that words would ruin the moment.

And ruin the moment, they definitely would.

"We can't," he said, still staring down at the open drawer in front of him. It was filled with bits and pieces, the usual bedside knick knacks - with the exception of one very empty space in the front right-hand corner. "I'm out of condoms."

"... I thought we established that a month ago. You know, when we -"

"- Oh, I know," he nodded, manoeuvring himself around so he was facing her again. "The night we risked it."

"To be fair, we weren't exactly sober by the time we got in here."

"But we're sober now," he countered.

Then it clicked. "Wait a second," she said. "It's been more than a month and you still haven't bought any."

He shrugged. "I haven't needed to."

"... You haven't needed to?"

He looked over at her from the corner of his eye, then said honestly, "I told you, I'm all in. The only woman I've wanted to be with for a long time now is you."

She couldn't help the shy smile that bloomed across her face. Before he had a chance to react, she had flipped them over so she was straddling him, and she was kissing him more fiercely than she ever had before.

"Mm ... Sarah ..." he managed to say between kisses. When he did finally manage to get her to pause, she looked at him expectantly. "Are you sure?"

She just grinned. "Yes. Absolutely, yes."

"And if you get pregnant?" he asked her, knowing very well that he was completely killing the mood right now. "You're only in your second year of residency. It could change everything, for both of us. Is it worth risking that?"

She looked at him quizzically. "You realise you're trying to talk me out of sex right now, right?"

"I am aware."

He'd sounded somewhat hesitant as he said it. To be fair, he was having a hard time believing it himself - what guy in his right mind would want to talk his gorgeous girlfriend out of having sex?

"But what if?"

She smiled at him and shrugged. "Then we get our white picket fence fantasy."

That was the end of the conversation.

He didn't know how long it had been, but he was thoroughly exhausted by the time his head hit the pillow again. And then there was Sarah, straddling him again. He loved kissing her - it was one of his favourite pastimes, along with other physical pursuits - but the way he was being kissed right now, he knew she wanted to go again.

"Honey," he said.

"Mmhmm," she murmured, moving her lips from his mouth to his neck, then his shoulders, then ...

"This is the part where I remind you I'm about ten years older than you are."

She couldn't help it - she looked up and giggled. "You make it sound like you're a dirty old man."

"Ah - no. Definitely not." He sighed, then sat up and held her face in his. After a few moments of determinedly staring into each other's eyes, he admitted a little embarrassed, "But I am going to need a few minutes."

She raised an eyebrow. "What happened to being a 'verile young man'?"

"Oh, he aged about fifty years today."

That killed the mood completely.

She found herself beside him now, laying them down and cuddling into the pillows together. As much as she really didn't want to talk about it, she knew she really needed to. But more than that - right now, he was ready to open up. And he wanted to open up to her.

"Today was like something out of a nightmare," he whispered.

He hadn't realised until after he'd spoken that his hands were shaking. Wordlessly, she took both of his hands in hers and held them close.

"We saved so many lives today," she whispered back just as quietly. "Not just us as in you and me, but everybody. The whole world seemed to come together, just for a couple of hours."

"Today, the only thing that mattered was saving as many people as we possibly could. It's why we became doctors."

They were quiet for a long time, just laying together and enjoying each other's company. After a while - it felt like an eternity, but in reality it was really more like an hour - Connor found himself leaning down to kiss her neck, and running his hands all over her body. She responded in kind, and they were back into enjoying the physical side of their relationship. It wasn't a healthy coping mechanism, as such, but it was what they both needed right now.

They took turns rolling them over, each grappling for dominance in their current situation. It was almost like a game the way they would roll, then just when the one on top thought they had won, the other flipped them on their back again.

It all came to a very abrupt end when Connor's ringtone broke through the air.

He allowed Sarah to flip him onto his back once more, then sat up to lean his head against her shoulder and sighed. Wordlessly, he reached over to the nightstand and groped around in the dark in an attempt to find the phone.

"Don't," she groaned, falling forward and leaving her full weight to rest on his torso.

"It could be the hospital. What if it's about a patient?"

She scoffed. "Who answers their phone during sex?"

He finally found the phone and held it up, where both of them could clearly read the name on the caller ID: _Cornelius Rhodes_.

"Yeah, no," Connor said very quickly, declining the call and tossing his smartphone somewhere in the vicinity of the doorway.

He scooped Sarah back into his arms, only to have her pull back and shoot him a look when the phone started ringing again.

"Just ignore it." When she raised an eyebrow, he actually laughed. "I'm not talking to him."

"He's not going to stop calling."

"It's three a.m. He'll give up eventually."

"No he won't." Now it was Connor's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Don't give me that look. I've met your father."

"You know, I'm really not okay talking about this while we're naked."

Sarah shrugged, then stood up and started to move around the room looking for some of her clothing. "You're the one who answered your phone during sex."

"I did not answer it," he replied without missing a beat. He joined her on the other side of the room now, pulling her close into his arms to prevent her from picking up what looked like her underwear from where they had landed on the floor. "What are you doing?"

"I am trying to find my clothes."

He paused, then pressed a kiss to her neck. "Why?"

"... Well, sex is kinda of over, so I thought I would put some clothes on."

Connor frowned. "Why is the sex over?"

"Because you answered your phone."

"I did not answer my phone!"

They shared a quick look, then both burst out laughing. Just as he opened his mouth to say something witty, they were interrupted by someone pounding repeatedly on the front door.

Connor immediately jumped into action, running through the apartment muttering, "Pants, pants."

"Here," Sarah said, throwing his scrubs at him across the living room, then darting back into the bedroom in search of one of his shirts, and maybe a pair of his old, comfy pyjama pants.

Whoever was at the other side of the door was still pounding on the damn thing as Connor quite literally hopped around the room, trying to slip into his scrubs as quickly as he possibly could.

"Yeah, alright, alright," he said as he finally pulled them up, then looked through the peephole on the apartment door. "You have got to be kidding me."

He threw the door open and glared extremely irritatedly, right in Cornelius Rhodes' face.

"What do you want?"

"You weren't answering your phone," Cornelius answered in his usual pompous tone.

"So you decided to come to my apartment? At three o'clock in the morning."

"I was worried about you."

That was when Sarah emerged from the bedroom, now dressed in Connor's comfiest pyjamas. Her appearance had caught Cornelius' attention. He met her eyes, and then surveyed the apartment. Their discarded clothes were still all over the place, on the floor right where they had landed. It was all too obvious what had gone on here.

Cornelius smirked. "Ah, now I understand why you weren't answering your phone. You have company."

Connor glanced over his shoulder toward Sarah, then turned his attention back to his father. "What do you want, dad?"

Cornelius awkwardly moved his weight from one foot to another, clearly stalling. After a long moment, and without meeting Connor's eyes, he said, "I was worried about you. Saw what happened on the news."

"I wasn't in the park."

"But you were in the hospital," Cornelius replied quietly. Now meeting Connor's eyes, he all but whispered, "I can't imagine what you saw today."

"Wait a second," Connor said angrily, aware somewhere in the back of his mind that Sarah had slowly approached from the other end of the hallway and wrapped her hands comfortingly around his bicep. "You came here at three a.m. to pretend to be an actual, functioning parent?"

Sarah was honestly surprised to see an expression of hurt momentarily pass across Cornelius' face. "I'm not pretending."

"So you chose today to become a caring parent?" The venom in Connor's voice was unmistakable.

"I have always cared, Connor," his father told him in an intentionally even, measured tone. "Whether you choose to see that or not."

"Bullshit!"

"Connor," Sarah stepped in, pulling on his arm gently to get his attention.

He looked from Sarah to Cornelius and back, then sighed and ran his free hand through his hair.

"Why don't you come in," she said gently, watching Connor closely from the corner of her eye as he unhappily pulled the front door open wide enough for his father to step through. "It might be good for the two of you to talk."

She left them at the kitchen table shortly after that, father and son awkwardly seated opposite each other with a cup of coffee in their hands. She had intended on relaxing on his bed with the company of a good book, but the next thing she knew there was sunlight streaming through the window and the unmistakable sounds of the shower were coming from his ensuite bathroom.

He'd clearly been busy before he'd stepped into the shower: Their clothes from last night had been picked up and put into the laundry hamper, their phones had both been neatly put on to charge on the bedside table, and there was a steaming cup of coffee waiting for her on the dresser.

She gently stepped out of the bed and into the ensuite, the cup of coffee now held securely in her hands. She stood there, observing him in the shower for several minutes before she finally caught his attention.

"Morning," he greeted her, smiling lopsidedly. "I see you found the coffee."

"Mhmm," she murmured gratefully. "Your new machine makes good coffee."

"Well," he said, opening the door and purposely pulling a sexy pose, "you think I might be able to talk you into dumping the coffee and joining me here?"

"Why, Dr Rhodes," she replied with a grin, setting the coffee cup down on the counter she had been leaning on prior to now. "You wouldn't have thoughts of seducing me, would you?"

Connor grinned, reaching out to grasp her hands and pull her into the shower. "Oh, never. We both know very well we're not very good at having a quickie."

When she rolled her eyes, he added, "And I definitely don't want to incur the wrath of Sarah."

"Not today," she agreed with a grin.

By the time they made it into the hospital, word of their romantic reunion appeared to have spread. They attracted attention when they pulled into the parking lot together in his blue Porsche, and they were definitely attracting stares as they walked into the ED side-by-side. Several of their colleagues grinned when they saw them, others openly turned to their neighbour and began gossiping right there in front of them. One guy even stopped dead in his tracks and stared at them as they walked past.

When they did finally make it as far as the workstations in the centre of the football, they were met by Maggie Lockwood and the biggest smile either had ever seen adorn her face.

"Good morning Dr Reese, Dr Rhodes," she said as casually as she could, a twinkle in her eye.

"Hi Maggie," Sarah managed somewhat apprehensively.

"Is this what today is going to be like?" Connor asked her exasperatedly, looking behind him suddenly when he heard a couple of passing nurses giggling like schoolgirls.

"Oh yeah," Will answered, walking past and clapping him on the shoulder. "Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life, man."

"People do not do this to you and Nat!" Connor called after him, receiving no response other than Will's waving a hand at him as he stepped into a treatment room. It was as though he were saying 'Whatever.'

The other half of the Manstead equation appeared then, stepping out from behind one of the support walls in the centre of the football. "That's only because no one is as invested in our relationship as literally this entire hospital has been invested in yours," she said matter-of-factly, taking the tablet Maggie had handed her.

"Oh, good," Connor muttered. He checked the time on his phone, then looked over to Sarah. "I've gotta run, rounds with Latham."

"Go," she grinned, already waving him off. "I'll see you tonight."

"Or maybe for lunch, if we can?"

"Sure," she answered him quietly, suddenly aware they had the attention of literally every staff member in the vicinity. He noticed her discomfort and shot her a questioning look. "We have an audience," she all but whispered, to which he grinned.

"Then let's give them a show."

Before she could process what he could possibly mean, he was gently holding her waist and dipping her, all so he could kiss her very chastely, but still very dramatically. Their short display earned a chorus of whooping and wolf-whistles, and made her cheeks turn bright red. He walked away confidently, very aware that she was incredibly uncomfortable with all the attention. She, on the other hand, scurried into the doctor's lounge, cursing at him under her breath.

In all of five minutes, it had become incredibly clear that they were not going to be able to fly under the radar.

By the time her mid-morning break came around, she had resigned herself to going to visit Robert up in the ICU. After Connor's interaction with his father last night, she thought it would be worth checking in on her own. If Connor and Cornelius could suck it up and give themselves a chance, she could extend an olive branch to Robert, too. Despite everything, the man was still her father. At the very least, they could learn to co-exist in the world.

She walked in to find him staring at a jello cup.

"Oh goody," he was saying. "Lime flavour today."

She jumped in in her usual awkward manner, not really sure how to start any sort of a conversation with the man. "I, uh, checked with the charge nurse. Your last set of labs look good. If everything holds for the next twenty-four hours, they'll put you back on solid foods."

"Wonderful news."

"I also told her about your nausea, she'll be over in a few minutes with something for that."

Just as she was about to leave, he was calling her back.

"Sarah?" He waited until she paused in the doorway to continue. "I know I haven't said it enough ... Thank you. I can't tell you how grateful I am for all you've done for me since the transplant."

And then he asked her to stop by his apartment. To check his mail, grab him a few bits and pieces from his home - like they had a regular, functional father-daughter relationship. And she found herself saying yes.

And then, her heart dropped.

"Tell me, is it true you're dating Dr Rhodes?"

She froze in the doorway again, not game to do or say anything. This was absolutely the last topic she wanted to discuss with her father, particularly given that her boyfriend is his doctor.

"It's not that I'm meaning to pry," he continued, clearly not having noticed her discomfort. "You've been all the nurses have talked about."

She didn't dignify any of his enquiries with a response. Without another word, she was off back to her own day.

By the end of the day, Sarah's anxiety levels had risen right through the roof. She and Dr Charles had had rounds at the prison earlier today, and then they'd stopped off at her father's apartment to gather the things he had asked. Thankfully, she hadn't had a lot of time to herself for the remainder of the day - everyone had seemed to be needing a psych consult. It was a good thing, too. The last thing she needed was to be left alone with her thoughts.

She and Connor were due to meet with Ms Goodwin and their respective heads of department at the end of their shift today. Neither was looking forward to actually sitting down and addressing Noah Sexton's accusations - particularly given they were one hundred per cent true.

"Sarah," Dr Charles greeted her warmly as she stepped into his office. He very quickly piled the individual pieces of paper scattered all over his desktop into a haphazard bunch and stuffed them into a folder. She didn't pick up on it at the time, but looking back at it later she would come to realise he clearly didn't want her to see whatever it was. "Is Connor joining us here, or meeting us upstairs, or ... ?"

"Uh, I don't know," she answered very quietly.

Her response had clearly got Dr Charles' attention. "Is everything okay?"

Frowning, she answered, "Should it be?"

"Well, why wouldn't it be?"

"... Because we're about to sit down to a formal meeting."

"And?"

"And we broke the rules. We breached the terms of our employment at this hospital."

"To be fair," Dr Charles said, rising from his desk and gently shepherding her toward the hallway, "only one of you was actually employrd here at the time."

"But I signed a code of conduct. And they offered me the pathology match based on my performance during my placement - it's all a part of it."

As they headed into the elevator, Dr Charles shrugged. "Technicality."

When they finally arrived upstairs, they found Connor pacing the hallway in front of the door to Ms Goodwin's office. As the elevator doors opened, their eyes locked. Within seconds, he'd crossed the long hallway between them and enveloped Sarah tightly in his arms. She wasn't expecting it - in fact, she knew immediately something was very, very wrong - but that didn't stop her from holding him just as tightly.

It was uncharacteristic for the duo to show such emotion and affection in front of anyone, especially their colleagues - or, in this case, their superiors.

"I'll give the two of you a moment," Dr Charles said, politely excusing himself and entering the office.

When Connor didn't let her go, Sarah found herself whispering into his shoulder, "What happened?"

"Lost a patient," he mumbled into her hair. "Two, really. Twenty-something woman and her unborn baby."

Her heart sank. Without asking, she knew he was thinking of them. It felt like a lifetime ago that they had lost their own, but the reality was he had never actually stopped to process it.

"Connor -"

"- Just ... don't." He tone wasn't rude, but it certainly let her know what he was feeling. "I just ..."

"I know," she whispered sadly. "I know."

That was the moment they found Dr Latham calling them into the office. "Dr Rhodes, Dr Reese. We are ready to begin."

It felt like walking into the lion's den. It wasn't, they both knew that. These were, after all, their mentors. The three other people in this room were their supporters and their champions, not people who wished them ill-will. In fact, they were both quietly confident that at least two of the three had been quietly rooting for them all along. Dr Latham, on the other hand, was the wildcard. It was always difficult to know what the man thought about anything, particularly so when it came to matters of the heart - the metaphorical kind, that is.

"Before we start," Ms Goodwin was saying, "I want it made very clear that this is not a witch-hunt. You are here to respond to a report of a significant breach of the hospital code of conduct."

That was the point that Dr Charles jumped in. "'Significant'? Really, Sharon?"

"Daniel, you know as well as I do that we need to use the correct language here."

"I just - I don't see how this is a 'significant' breach, Sharon."

To everyone's surprise, it was Dr Latham who spoke next. "Nor do I."

The room was dead silent, all faces staring almost dumfoundedly at Latham.

"Having reviewed Dr Reese's ED rotation file, it is clear that while she worked closely with Dr Rhodes on a number of occasions, he was not directly involved in the evaluation or hiring process. In fact, he actively declined to make a submission of evaluation at all."

Sharon sighed and rubbed her temples. "Be that as it may, Dr Latham, we have an obligation to investigate the report of a fellow having carried on a relationship with a medical student. There is a very clear reason this is against our hospital's personnel conduct rules."

"The rule exists to ensure an experienced doctor isn't taking advantage of a medical student," Dr Charles responded immediately. "I just don't see how this applies in this situation."

"And why would it not?"

That would be the moment Peter Kalmick stepped into the room.

Connor was already at the end of his tether. The hospital's lawyer getting involved was absolutely the last thing he needed. "With all due respect, I don't see how any of this is anyone's business but ours."

"I disagree," Peter said, pulling up a chair and placing himself strategically beside Ms Goodwin. "If we were to find that your relationship in any way influenced your working with Dr Reese, or your evaluation of her while she was still a medical student -"

"- We have already very clearly established that Dr Rhodes declined to submit an evaluation, Peter," Sharon said plainly. "I, for one, would like to hear what Dr Rhodes has to say so we can put this matter to rest and finally go home."

Sarah looked over to Connor and squeezed his hand gently. He was in no state to be making an argument, or even having this conversation tonight. He looked far more drained than she had ever seen him before. And so, she found herself taking over.

"While neither of us understand why it could possibly be necessary to share details of our private relationship in such a public forum, if it means we can put this all behind us, then I for one no longer care," she said far more confidently than she felt. "Our relationship began well before either of us had any sort of affiliation with this hospital. Yes, I was still in medical school - yes, Connor was already a practicing surgeon. I was several months into my ED rotation before Connor even so much as applied to undertake his trauma fellowship here."

"For the record, at no point during that process is an applicant required to disclose their martial status, or advise of any sort of a personal relationship. In fact, that is a direct violation of discrimination laws," Dr Charles supplied helpfully.

Sarah found herself forcing back a smile. "The day Dr Rhodes began his employment here was the day of the train derailment. Yes, we worked on a trauma case together when he rolled into the ED doing CPR on top of a stretcher. We were nothing but professional whenever we worked together."

Peter opened his mouth to say something, but Ms Goodwin cut him off. "Peter, I have reports from every single doctor down in the ED - there is no indication their relationship had any negative effect on Sarah Reese's ED rotation. In fact, more than one of their colleagues has noted that together they make the most effective treatment team we have!"

"Effective as a team or not, Sharon, the rule is in place for a reason. If we don't act on this, we are setting a precedent. And next time it may not be so innocent."

Sharon sighed and looked directly at the duo of doctors. "Unfortunately, he's right." She locked eyes with Dr Charles, then said, "I have no choice but to place you both on temporary probation. Two weeks ought to do it."

She waved them out of her office very quickly then, the argument between herself and Peter having already begun before they made it out the door and following them down the hallway.

"That wasn't so bad," Dr Charles said conversationally with a smile. He hadn't missed the way Connor had immediately wrapped an arm around Sarah's lower back while they stood waiting for the elevator.

"I agree," Dr Latham said matter-of-factly. "They had no choice but to take some sort of action. A temporary suspension is the best possible outcome."

Later, as they headed out toward the car, Connor growled slowly, "If I ever get my hands on Noah Sextion ..."

"You will do absolutely nothing," Sarah responded immediately, tossing her bag haphazardly into the car and climbing in after it. "I have dibs on punching the asshole square in the face."

Connor grinned. "That's my girl!"

 _ **A/N:** So, hi! I lost my inspiration for this story for a while - but I definitely didn't forget it! We are back! (I also recently moved from the city to the beach and started a new job, which is great, but it's been a crazy month and a bit). Stick with me, more updates are on their way!_


	61. The Tipping Point

The next few weeks flew by. The hospital's newest it-couple had served their temporary probation without incident, exactly as expected. Also as expected, the whole hospital now knew their full story. Apparently it was "cute". (That description never failed to make Connor cringe).

For Connor and Sarah, though, things had never been better. While they didn't get to spend all that much time together at work, they finally had the freedom to be a normal couple. To arrive at the same time, without having to try and hide. To kill time waiting for each other in the doctor's lounge at the end of a long, hard shift, without dodging questioning eyes. To stop in at Molly's for a drink whenever they want to, without having to hide the fact that they are there together.

Life was normal. Some would even call it boring. But to them, it was exciting. A whole new world had just opened up in front of them, and they were going to enjoy every single second of it.

Today, the day had finally come. Sarah knew without even having to open her eyes that morning that Connor was sitting on the end of the bed, in exactly the same place he'd been the night before, pouring over the Cronin twins' charts. He had been the one to step back from the separation surgery, but he just couldn't seem to let their case go.

"How long have you been up?" she asked him groggily, crawling her way down the bed to gently wrap her arms around his shoulders and rest her chin on top of his head.

"An hour or three," he said distractedly, his eyes not leaving the paperwork for a second. "Couldn't sleep."

She sighed, then kissed his temple comfortingly. "The teams have been preparing for this for months now. You're all as prepared as you can possibly be."

His only response was to groan and shake his head.

"And I know that doesn't make you feel better, but it's all I've got right now," she said. "I'm having a shower, if you want to join me?"

Unsurprisingly, not even the prospect of shower sex was getting his attention this morning.

It was a weird morning all around. While Connor was helping with the Cronin twins' final pre-op check up, Sarah found herself up in the ICU, trying to talk her father into picking a cardiac rehab facility. She couldn't help but feel like she's fighting a losing battle.

"Why can't I go back to my own apartment?"

This was the third time they'd had this conversation in as many days.

"No," she said emphatically, resisting the urge to roll her eyes dramatically. "You just got a new heart. You have to be monitored very closely, particularly for the first few months."

She knew the next words that would be coming out of his mouth. It had been the same for days now - 'But my daughter's a doctor, and your boyfriend's a cardiothoracic surgeon. Couldn't the two of you just check in on me? Wouldn't that be simpler for everyone?'

What she was not expecting was what he actually said: "I don't deserve you."

She took a deep breath and held her tongue. Although her father appeared to be turning over a new leaf, so to speak, she understood his condition on a clinical level. Right now, he was portraying the part of the grateful parent. No matter what it appeared to be on the surface, he wasn't feeling what it looked like he was feeling. His brain isn't wired that way. It would be impossible for Robert Haywood to actually be feeling these feelings.

"Can we just focus on finding you a new place to live," she continued on, trying with all her might to hold her composure. "You're about to be discharged."

"But it's true, Sarah. I don't deserve you."

At that very moment, one of the nurses appeared to move him out of the bed and into a chair. Sarah took this as her opportunity to escape without their pleasant conversation turning into an all-out argument.

"Find a place you like. Today."

She threw the brochures down on the table in front of him, and she was out of there.

The moment she was free of the ICU, she made a beeline for the surgical floor. Here she found Connor, watching as the twins were wheeled in for their surgery and somehow still managing to comfort the girls' parents.

"Look after them, Dr Rhodes," Mrs Cronin was saying. "Don't let my babies die."

Sarah couldn't see the look on his face from this angle, but the tension in his shoulders said it all. As soon as a member of the support staff had appeared to walk the parents through to the waiting room, Connor reached an arm behind him. She didn't know how he knew she was there, but he knew. Without hesitation, she stepped forward and felt him grasping her hand tightly in his, as though he were holding on for dear life. He still hadn't managed to tear his eyes away from those doors.

"They put their babies lives in my hands," he whispered, his voice barely loud enough for her to hear him. "And I took myself off their team."

She shook her head and kissed his hand. "No," she disagreed. "You're still on their team."

"I took myself off their surgery."

"So?"

He finally looked away from the doors, very clearly confused as to what she was going to say next.

"Just because you're not operating doesn't mean you're not still in their corner. You've fought for those girls since day one. And you're damn well not going to stop now."

He took a deep breath, then slowly began heading toward the doors. With a smile, he said, "Thanks for the pep talk."

"Anytime."

When he doubled back for a quick peck, she added, "That's what girlfriends are for, right?"

 _Yeah_ , Connor thought to himself as he headed in to watch the surgery. _Girlfriends..._

Barely half an hour later, Connor found himself in the viewing room, along with what felt like half the specialist doctors in the greater tri-state area. The woman standing next to him was right - there really were a lot of big wigs in this room. But unlike her, he wasn't paying attention to all that. He was completely focused on the twins' surgery. So when they found an unexpcted anomaly, he was completley prepared for what would come next. And he found himself unafraid of jumping in.

He must've pushed six people out of his way to get to the door, and he wasn't polite about it. Suddenly he was in the OR, holding a mask over his face and telling Dr Latham, "Use a trans-cathedar VSD closure device."

"That's a cath lab procedure, we never do it on an open heart case."

Connor couldn't care less about Ava Bekker's opinions right now. "It's the only way to reach the VSD and not damage Dot's heart. No incision, we snake the patch in through the atrium."

Ava tried to argue, but to everyone's surprise Dr Latham overruled her with a simple, "He's right."

"I will take full responsibility for the outcome," Connor heard himself saying.

"You will," Dr Latham agreed. "Dr Rhodes will perform the procedure. Scrub in."

Despite herself, Sarah found herself checking in on her father. And then taking him for a walk. (And silently swearing to whatever God was out there that she was going to go off at Connor when she sees him tonight. Being short-staffed in a cardiac ICU ward? Now that is not okay.)

"So, I heard on the grapevine that you and Dr Rhodes are quite the couple."

His attempt at small talk was not going over well, they both knew it. But he was trying, which meant that Sarah really had to try too.

"Connor," she corrected him quietly. "And apparently. I don't see why."

Robert scoffed. "Are you kidding me? My daughter is gorgeous, and an incredible person to boot. And that man? Well," he laughed. "I think I'm supposed to say you're a lucky girl, but we both know that's wrong. He's a very lucky man, Sarah. I am glad you're happy with him."

"Ah, thank you," she said somewhat awkwardly. She also couldn't help but notice the group of first year residents they'd just walked past who were very obviously hanging onto every word they said. She knew these girls - they were the next generation, the up-and-coming source of the infamous Gaffney rumour mill.

"So do you think you'll marry him?"

That question quite literally stopped Sarah in her tracks.

Robert laughed, as though this were a completely normal conversation for the two of them to be having. "You've clearly been together for a while now. I imagine it's only a matter of time before he asks. Of course, it's tradition for him to come to your father first, seek the blessing and all that..."

At this point, it became very clear to Sarah that she wasn't needed in the conversation anymore. Her father wanted to play happy families, and right now she was going to let him do it. But she wasn't about to participate, so she found herself tuning him out. Besides, there was no reason to heed any part of this conversation. It was all theoretical - and she wasn't about to let Robert Haywood get under her skin.

By the time they ran into Dr Charles at the elevator, she knew her mentor would be able to see it written all over her face. He knew her well enough to know that she'd had just about all she could handle. And she found herself eternally grateful that Robert wanted Dr Charles to walk him back to his room.

She just needed to get out of there.

By the end of the day, the hospital was abuzz with the news that the twins' separation surgery was a success. Half the staff seemed to be dropping into the PICU to see the girls in their own separate beds for the very first time ever.

Though it was a cliche, Sarah found herself among this group of onlookers. She had no reason at all to be here, other than having heard that Connor was the one to step up to the plate when things started to go south down in the OR. As he walked out of the girls' room, their eyes met and he cracked the biggest grin she'd seen in a very long time.

Just as he was about to reach her and propose epic celebratory dinner plans, he found himself interrupted by an older gentleman in a well-tailored suit.

"Excuse me, Dr Rhodes," the man said. "Ralph Bellamy. You got a minute?"

Connor looked from the man to Sarah, who smiled and gently squeezed his outstretched hand ever so briefly. "We'll catch up downstairs," she told him, nodding politely to the gentleman and excusing herself from the PICU.

After a day like today, they had a lot to talk about.

But when she saw him next, a giant spanned had been thrown in the works. He'd texted her asking her to meet him downstairs, that he'd be pulling the car around. She'd just stepped out through the front doors when she saw him arguing - like, the thinly-veiled-about-to-start-yelling kind of arguing - with Dr Bekker.

"Your ambition strikes me as boundless," she said.

"Wait a second, do you really think that?"

"I don't know what to think," she told him. "Yes, you helped to keep those babies alive. But I'm sure you also secured yourself an attending position."

"God, Ava ..." He clearly couldn't find the words to respond to that.

Sarah was standing behind him now. She couldn't help but notice that he hadn't responded.

And then the look on Ava's face changed. To both women, his silence spoke volumes.

"You bastard," she spat. "You got an offer tonight, didn't you? That guy in the PICU."

Connor still hadn't moved an inch. He simply said, "Mayo Clinic."

"You hear that, Sarah?" Ava said disbelievingly, now addressing her directly. "He got an offer at the Mayo Clinic."

Connor span around so fast, Sarah barely registered him moving. One second she was looking at his back, and the next his face was looking right at her. She knew she should feel happy, excited even - this was big news. But right now, she felt hurt. And when she dodged his advance, she saw in his eyes that he was feeling exactly the same way.

Good.

"Of course he's going to take it," Ava continued on as though nothing had happened. "Wouldn't you?"

Sarah couldn't help but stare into those blue eyes. "Yes," she managed to choke out after a long moment.

Nothing more was said. Ava stalked off, presumably off to somewhere near her car, while Connor continued to stare mutely at Sarah, one hand still outstretched as though he were trying to reach her.

"Um..." she managed, trying and failing miserably at not letting the tears fall. "I have to -"

"- Sarah!"

"No, Connor!" she all but yelled, throwing his hand off her arm with much more force than was absolutely necessary. "I can't do this right now."

"I -"

"- I don't want to hear it!" she all but yelled over her shoulder, finding herself heading back toward the doors.

"This is not how tonight was supposed to go!" he too all but yelled, rubbing his hands across his face forcefully.

"You're telling me?!" she yelled back. "I think I might know that!"

Just as she was about to reef the door open, he found himself jumping in the way and pushing it closed again. "Give me thirty seconds of your time and then I'll let you go." When she stopped trying to force the door open, he looked down at her and very quietly asked, "What are we really fighting about here?"

She took a deep, steadying breath and mustered the darkest look she could possibly managed. "I just found out that you got an offer from the Mayo Clinic. And the first person you tell isn't me. What does that say about us, Connor?"

"... What?"

She had very clearly stumped him on that one.

"Are you kidding me? That's what you're upset about?"

She pushed his arm out of the way and reefed the door open. "Don't you even dare try and pull that bullshit on me, Connor. You sound like your father."

And that was the worst possible insult she could throw at him right now. "I am nothing like Cornelius Rhodes, and you know it."

"Then why are you acting like him? This is the kind of BS he pulls on you all the time. Why the hell are you pulling it on me?"

They continued arguing all the way up to the cardiac ICU, where Robert was due to be discharged tonight. In a moment of weakness, Sarah had cracked and asked the man to live with her during his recovery. He was trying - he deserved credit where credit is due, right? (Of course, this was another point of contention bubbling just beneath the surface. Although the way this argument was headed, neither would be surprised for it to be ripped out in front of everyone they passed in the hallways.)

When they finally did arrive up at Robert's room, Sarah found herself frozen in the hallway. Robert was on the ground, clearly in trouble, and Dr Charles was just kneeling there, hovering over him.

"... Dad?"

It took Connor a minute to register what he was seeing. And then, he jumped into action.

"Get me a crash cart in here!"

With everyone flooding the room, Sarah and Dr Charles found themselves pushed outside, relegated to just watching the scene unfold in front of them. For the first time ever, she found herself unable to look her mentor in the eye.

 _ **A/N:** So, I'm back! (Again). I've had ideas for this story floating around in my head for months now - apparently I just had to get through what I was going to do with this particular episode before I can put the rest into action. Bear with me, I promise it'll be worth it in the end! :)_


	62. Be My Better Half

As soon as Robert Haywood was deemed stable, the wheels of justice were set in motion and everything started coming out. Sarah didn't remember much about that day - it had all simply happened too quickly.

More than anything else, it was a whirlwind of emotions - from extreme happiness at the success of the Cronin twins' separation surgery, to the extreme rage she felt when she finally did get to talk to Connor afterward. Then there was the shock of seeing her father collapsed on the floor, and her mentor just hovering. Next was worry, until Connor and his team had him stabilised again, and then panic when Dr Charles was insisting on calling in the police.

When the detectives from the PD arrived and the allegations put out in the open, she found herself wanting to actually vomit right there on the floor. In fact, she did. More than once. Panic turned to horror, which never really left her. How could one human being do something like that to another?

The only thing Sarah could clearly remember of that night was Connor.

Connor, who held her upright when her legs gave out as she was told what her father had done.

Connor, who stood right beside her with his arms wrapped around her tight as the police started asking questions.

Connor, who held her hair back and helped her clean herself up after she was sick.

Connor, who refused to leave her side for a single second, even though he knew how closely related she is to that monster.

Connor, who loved her more than anything in this world and wasn't afraid to show it.

It was Connor who insisted she take some time off work, who ran interference with their friends and her mentor, Dr Charles. Even now, months later, she still couldn't look the man in the eye.

In the time since that awful night, she realised how truly lucky she was to quite literally stumble across a guy like him. And that fight? It was absolutely insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Sure, him telling someone else about a life- and career-changing job offer before her still stung a little, but it paled in comparison to everything that had happened since.

Connor's decision to leave Med for the Mayo Clinic was going to change a lot of things for them as a couple, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. They would find a way to make it work, because that's just life.

"Hey," a groggy voice said, drawing her out of her thoughts. The sleeping form beside her was no longer sleeping.

"Hey," she replied ever so quietly.

He sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "What are you thinking about?"

She smiled sadly. "You. Me. Us."

"The whole white picket fence fantasy?"

Somehow, even in her darkest moments, he still managed to make her laugh. It was feeble, barely a giggle, but he called it a win.

"Something like that."

They were quiet for a moment, before she spoke again. "You know I love you, right?"

"Of course I do. And you know I love you, too."

"Yeah," she smiled. "Yeah, I do."

Before either of them knew it, the day had started. They were up and drinking coffee when Sarah's phone rang, the name _Jay Halstead_ appearing across the screen.

She froze in place. They both knew exactly what this call was for - they'd been waiting on it for weeks now. When she didn't move, Connor picked up the phone.

"Jay," he said in way of greeting. "Yeah, she's here. She's, uh, she's not - can you just talk to me? Good."

As difficult as it felt to let go just that little bit, it was easier this way. Sarah was proud of the fact that she is a strong, independent woman who has her shit together (at least, up until that God-awful night) and can fend for herself. She was also very grateful to have a partner who understood when she needed him to step in and help, and when she was capable of handling things herself. Right now, he was definitely doing the former.

"Uh-huh. Uh-huh."

Connor grabbed a notepad off the end of the kitchen counter and began scribbling notes. She definitely did not like that the words 'Dr Charles' were included in there.

"Yeah, man. Got it. Meet the feds at the 21st, 9am. We'll be there."

By the time Sarah's body caught up with her brain, he'd already finished the call.

"You can't come with me."

It wasn't the ideal thing to say, she did not need the look on his face to tell her that. But it's the words that she managed to tumble out of her mouth. It was a minor miracle she managed to say anything at all, given she was currently half-numb in general.

Connor's tone was very even as he asked, "What does that mean?"

"That came out wrong," she jumped in immediately, gingerly taking the phone out of his hand and putting it back down on the table. "I mean, you've taken so much time off because of me over the last couple of months. You're about to finish up, you can't afford not to be there."

"I can't afford not to be there for you."

She kissed him, slowly and tenderly. "I appreciate that, I really do. But I'm a big girl. And some days - like today - I have to fend for myself."

"You don't have to."

"Today, I do. And I'll be fine," she reassured him. "All I'm doing is supplying a key."

By the time she arrived at the 21st District, she was second-guessing her decision not to let Connor come with her. It was daunting, being loaded into the back of a black sedan with a dozen federal agents surrounding you. Even the presence of Dr Charles sitting right beside her wasn't enough to calm her. It also didn't help that she still couldn't look the man in the eye.

Once the storage shed was open, and she could see for herself that it looked on the surface to be just like any other person's storage, things didn't seem quite so bad. Sarah was more than happy to cooperate with whatever the agents wanted to do with the stuff - they could pull it all out and make a giant bonfire for all she cared.

"I know that this isn't easy," Dr Charles said quietly to her, "but it's the right thing to do."

That right there was the straw that broke the camel's back. She found herself speaking - really, more spitting - the very first words she had said to the man in months now: "You're the last person to tell me what's right."

She'd turned and walked away, but from what she saw of his face she knew the words had hurt. She also knew she wasn't sorry.

Later that day, Sarah was scheduled to return to work. While Connor had insisted she take a few days off work at the time, Dr Charles had insisted she take a leave of absence for the duration. Apparently it was going to be better for her patients, and for her own mental health, if she sat at home with nothing else to focus on but everything that would be taking her attention elsewhere. Not even almost daily lunches with Claire were enough to keep her mind off everything.

When she didn't show up for the beginning of her shift, Dr Charles was concerned. Down in the ED, he cornered Sharon Goodwin.

"Sharon," he said as he exited the elevator, "have you heard from Dr Reese?"

For her part, Sharon was very confused. "She's your resident. Why would she call me?"

"She's due back today. I was expecting her at handover for rounds."

"She hasn't been in touch," Sharon confirmed. "Let's hope she's okay."

Dr Charles checked his watch and looked around, as though hoping to see her just pop up out of nowhere. "Maybe I'll check in with Connor. He's in today, right?"

"Don't you need to address our new med students?"

As much as he wanted to check on her, Dr Charles had another responsibility to take care of right now. He knew his relationship with his protege would never quite be the same - he just hoped his reception from her partner wouldn't be quite as frosty as he expected.

Up in the cardiac doctor's lounge, Connor was working on cleaning out his locker. He knew it had to happen sooner or later, but he'd put it off until the absolute last moment. It was all becoming real now. Not even packing the apartment had made him feel like this.

"Packing up?" Ava Bekker asked nonchalantly as she went in search of coffee.

"Yeah," he said. "Our days of butting heads are almost over."

"Oh, thank God for that," she joked with a smile. "By the way, did you know that Rochester, Minnesota is the fourteenth coldest city in the U.S.? Chicago's forty-eighth. It's much warmer."

"Why don't you just admit it? You don't want me to go."

"Oh, please."

"Oh, you're gonna miss me."

"Miss the most egotistical, ambitious and arrogant man I've ever met? Hardly."

He couldn't help but laugh.

"Your girlfriend, though. I'm sure she's going to miss you."

Connor had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "We'll make it work."

"I don't mean to doubt you, but -"

"- Ava. Please." He sighed, and ran his hands through his hair. "The past couple of months have been a living nightmare, for both of us. If we can make it through that, we can make it through anything."

"Blind Freddie could see that," Ava quipped, now holding a steaming cup of coffee in her hands. "I'm just saying, it won't be easy. Trust me, I've been there."

"Life isn't exactly a bed of roses now," Connor quipped. "I don't really see how it could get much worse."

And that was the point that they found themselves called urgently down to the ED. And promptly lost their patient, purely because they couldn't get him up to the Cath Lab fast enough. That was when the concept of the ED-based hybrid OR was born.

"It would be amazing," Connor said into the phone. He was upstairs, in the cardiac doctor's lounge again, this time talking to Sarah on the phone. "No other hospital in the country has one."

 _"And you said Ms Goodwin wants you to run it?"_

Connor sighed. "Sarah, I start at the Mayo Clinic on Monday."

 _"I know that. And I know it's an opportunity you can't say no to,"_ she conceded. _"But ... Rochester is still a long way."_

"From where?"

Her silence told him exactly what he'd worked out for himself.

"Honey, I know you've been looking into residency programs."

 _"... You knew?"_

"Yeah. I know you're not entirely comfortable with the idea of coming back here."

 _"How?"_ Her tone wasn't accusatory, but he also knew he'd better answer her straight.

"You left a pamphlet on the kitchen counter," he answered her honestly. As an anticipated response to her next question, he added, "Back in July."

 _"And you didn't think to say anything?"_

He shrugged. "I figured you'd talk about it when you're ready. Or when you've made a decision."

 _"It's not that I didn't want to talk to you,"_ she said quietly. _"I just ... I needed to make this decision on my own. To make sure I'm making it for the right reasons."_

"And?" he asked hopefully.

 _"And I'm doing what I need to do for me."_

He didn't know why, but he still found himself smiling. "I love you, Sarah. Nothing will ever change that."

 _"I know. I still think you should run, but I'm glad you've stayed."_

That particular statement had become a bit of a thing recently - almost like a morbid joke.

"You couldn't get rid of me if you tried."

 _"And Lord knows I have."_

His pager went off, signalling yet another interruption to their all-important conversation. "I gotta go. Come see me once you've been to see Dr Charles."

 _"I love you."_

"I love you, too."

An outsider might have looked at that conversation and interpreted it as a couple falling apart. But to Connor, this was a massive step forward - without even realising it, they had become a real, solid couple. The kind who talk through things and make huge life-changing decisions together, for the benefit of each other.

To Connor, it felt like the first big step toward forever.

Barely an hour later, Sarah found herself walking into Dr Charles' office, ready to finally face the music.

"Dr Reese," he said, concern written all over his face. "There you are. I am very glad to see you."

She wasn't here for the pleasantries. Her tone said it all. "I'm not staying." In true Sarah Reese form, she found herself saying very, very quickly, "I'm leaving Med. I'm continuing my residency at Baylor."

She'd stumped him. "Oh."

"The people here would, uh, always look at me and think, 'There's that doctor whose father murdered those girls.'"

She clearly had a piece to say, so he didn't interrupt.

"I could live with that," she said honestly. "It's you."

"It's me?"

"All that time, you suspected my father. But you never told me anything."

"Sarah." She could hear in his voice how much this was hurting him. "I was trying to protect you until I was absolutely certain, to make sure you -"

"- I can't trust you," she cut over the top of him. "I can never trust you."

"You have every right to be upset. And I hope that we have some time to talk through this, but please don't leave."

"Every time I see your face, I remember the look on your face," she said honestly, finally looking the man in the eyes. "You were gonna let him die."

She left then, without another word. If she had it her way, she would never step foot in this place ever again.

Of course, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't seem to escape the people. It was with total shock that she opened her apartment door only a few hours later to find Ava Bekker standing on the other side.

"Aren't you supposed to be at Connor's party?" she asked the blonde in way of greeting.

"You're his girlfriend. I would have assumed you'd be there."

Sarah surveyed her closely, then stood aside to let the other woman in. Her own comfy pyjamas constrasted spectacularly to Ava's black cocktail dress. One of them was clearly going to a party. The other was very obviously not.

"Well, I quit my job today. Don't really feel like partying with everyone that I used to work with."

"I heard," Ava admitted. "Baylor's a great hospital. You'll do well there."

At her questioning look, the blonde explained, "Your boyfriend never shuts up about you. Like, ever."

"What do you really want, Ava? We both know this isn't a social call."

And that was the story of how Sarah Reese found herself standing outside the Dolan Rhodes Department Store, readying herself to walk in and speak to the one person she'd been actively avoiding since the day she first met him. She stumbled across him in the crystal section - and thanked her lucky stars that she hadn't walked into Claire along the way. There would be no explaining her way out of that one, after all.

"Mr Rhodes?"

The man turned around, clearly genuinely surprised but still his usual pompous self. "Sarah Reese. What a surprise."

"Have you got a minute?"

"Of course," he said, gesturing for her to follow him to his office.

Once they were there, she didn't waste time with pleasantries. She got right down to business, handing over a copy of the hybrid OR proposal and explaining the ins and outs as best she could.

"Building the hybrid OR in the ED would be very expensive, and the hospital is not willing to make the commitment. However, if private donors such as yourself were to earmark a contribution toward the project, the board would be incentivised to make the investment."

"Right."

"Look, Mr Rhodes, I'm going to cut right to chase here. I know you don't like me. I'm not asking you to do this for me."

"Than why are you here, Ms Reese?"

"Because this is an incredible program. The people of this city deserve state-of-the-art, leading facilities. And Connor would be running the program."

"I thought Connor was off to the Mayo Clinic?"

"Trust me - he will stay in Chicago if the program is funded. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity."

"Let me think about it."

Sarah sighed. "It's also a time-sensitive opportunity."

"Let me get this straight - if Connor stays, he stays with you, right?"

"Actually," Sarah said very calmly, "I'm leaving Chicago. You won't have to worry about me."

"We certainly wouldn't want your ... family situation tarnishing my son's reputation."

"With all due respect, Mr Rhodes, your son has built his own reputation on his own merit. He doesn't sail through life on your name. He's worked hard to get where he is."

"How much is it going to cost me to keep you out of my son's life, Ms Reese?"

"I'm not accepting anything from you, Mr Rhodes. Whatever you decide to do for your son - that's entirely up to you."

A day later, Connor was staying at Med to run the new hybrid program and Sarah was on her way to Texas.

Life really was about to change - they just didn't know it yet.


	63. When To Let Go

For Sarah, settling in at Baylor wasn't nearly as hard as she'd thought it would be. She was still a bit of a loner, just like she'd always been. But this time, she understood how things worked. She wasn't out of her depth in the same way she'd felt in the very beginning of her journey back in Chicago.

Sure, it was daunting being in a new city all on her own, but even that didn't bother her all that much. She was slowly starting to become one of the team again at work - she'd even gone for drinks a couple of times with some of the other residents. Here, her life was about her residency. Once it was finished, she'd be able to go anywhere and do anything.

Connor, on the other hand, was not adjusting nearly as well. It'd been so long since he'd slept alone in his bed, he'd genuinely forgotten what it felt like. Loneliness was not a good colour on dear Dr Rhodes - he was grumpy, stand-offish and even more short-tempered than he'd ever been before. On first glance, it was out of character. But for anyone who knew him, and them, and their whole situation ... Well, it wasn't entirely unexpected.

When he'd arrived at Med first thing this morning, he was informed they'd lost one of his patients overnight. 'Complications from surgery, couldn't be helped ...' - the usual lines he fed himself to make himself feel better. No matter how true it really may be, it never softened the blow. There's a reason doctors aren't supposed to get personally invested in their patients. Especially cardiothoracic surgeons.

By mid-morning, he'd seen four new patients and assisted Ava Bekker on an emergency case. By the time he could finally retreat into the doctor's lounge and take a break, he was absolutely wrecked.

So, he did the only thing he felt like he could do right now. He picked up his phone and called Sarah.

It took her all of about ten seconds to answer the phone. It was highly unusual for him to call during the day - she was half-expecting to hear someone else on the line, telling her he'd been in some sort of an accident, and -

"I'm fine," he said as soon as the line connected through. Connor Rhodes knew his girlfriend well enough to know that she'd be panicking just by seeing his name on her phone screen. "Don't panic."

Just from the tone in his voice, she knew he really wasn't okay at all. She found herself migrating into the end of an empty hallway, and sitting herself down opposite a window with a beautiful view of the hospital grounds. _"Rough day?"_

His scoff told her everything she needed to know. "That's one way to put it."

 _"Tell me everything."_

"No," he said tiredly, rubbing his eyes. "I didn't call to unload on you. I just wanted to hear your voice."

 _"Connor - you need me, I'm here. That's the way it's always been."_

And without even meaning to, he found himself opening up. How he was heartbroken for the patient that they'd lost, and for the poor guy's family. How he felt like he was banging his head against a brick wall with the new guy who'd replaced the Troll down in the ED. How he and Ava still couldn't see eye-to-eye on literally anything, including when they were in the middle of an operation.

And then, of course, he found himself slipping up and saying how much he missed her. How it wasn't fair that she was all the way in Texas, and he just couldn't get to her. Because he needed her.

It was the very first time he had ever admitted that.

"I'm sorry," he found the words tumbling out without his directing them to do so. "I didn't mean that. It just kind of -"

 _"- I know exactly what you mean,"_ she reassured him kindly. _"I miss you too. And I need you. Now more than ever."_

"Now more than ... Sarah, what's going on?"

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a long, drawn-out moment.

Finally, she took a deep breath and said in a very quiet voice, _"There's something I need to tell you. And I don't know how you're going to react."_

"Sarah, there is absolutely nothing you could say that -"

But he didn't get a chance to finish his thought. Even from inside the doctor's lounge, he could hear the staff's pagers begin to go off simultaneously. In a matter of seconds, his own has joined the chorus of beeping:

 _MASS CAS. REPORT TO ED._

 _"Go,"_ she told him quietly, without even really knowing what was going on. _"Go save the world. We can talk later."_

"Sarah -"

 _"- Go,"_ she insisted one last time, before forcing his hand by hanging up on him.

Clearly, she wouldn't get a chance to tell him today. But he needed to know. And it needed to be soon.

For both their sakes'.

 _ **A/N:** Okay, I'm not going to lie to you guys - this one is straight up filler. But it's also setting up my plan for the rest of the story ... You'll like it, I promise. It might be a little bumpy, but it'll definitely be worth it in the end!_


	64. Heavy Is The Head

His most recent experience of a mass casualty incident had rocked Connor Rhodes harder than he had ever thought possible. Not only had there been so much death and destruction - at the hands of arsonists, no less - but the Halstead brothers had lost their dad. Yes, he'd lost another patient, but that thought hadn't even crossed his mind until it was pointed out to him. His friend had lost his father. He couldn't possibly imagine what Will and Jay were going through.

And then there was Sarah. Weeks later, they still hadn't finished their conversation from that day. Granted, neither had brought it up again since, but he was in no rush. This was always their way - they'd talk when they're ready. (God willing, that day would come sooner rather than later - as much as he wasn't concerned, he also really wanted to know what the hell was going on. He was not the most patient of people. It would only be so long before he tried to pry it out of her, which he knew already would not go well).

This was the moment Ava Bekker appeared in the doorway of the hybrid OR room, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"So," she said. "It's only, what, five days until the hybrid OR's up and running?"

His response was immediate. "Four, actually. And I've still got personnel to train and logistics to figure out."

"You're nervous about this, aren't you?"

He didn't respond. He also didn't appreciate the way Ava could read him like a damned book. Just like Sarah had always been able to.

"I don't think I've ever seen you nervous," she continued. "It's refreshing. Not necessarily attractive, but refreshing."

"I apologise that my main goal recently has not been to be attractive to the female population," he answered her sarcastically, turning his focus away from her attempt at a conversation and continuing to manoeuvre the lights above the operating table into their optimal position.

"The perks of a long-distance relationship."

That got his attention.

"What? I'm just saying, your girlfriend lives three states away," she shrugged. "We've all noticed the beard."

He actually turned his back on her this time. "My facial hair has absolutely nothing to do with my relationship status."

When she didn't respond, he said coldly, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

It was in that moment that Connor knew this long-distance situation just _had_ to be a short-term thing. He honestly didn't know if he could survive it.

Before long, he found himself pulled into an atypical cardiothoracic emergency situation. When they found interventional radiology and all the ERs were full, there was only one thing left to do: They had to take him into the hybrid OR. The one that wasn't ready yet. That wasn't quite fully stocked. That they hadn't done a single run-through on.

Yeah, that one.

Somehow, despite not being entirely ready, they managed to pull him through. Even when his condition worsened and their entire surgical plan all went to hell.

When he finally had the patient settled up in the ICU, and he'd offered Maggie a permanent place on his hybrid OR team, Connor had only one more thing to do.

The moment Sarah picked up the phone, he was speaking. "I need to know what you wanted to tell me. I don't care if it's good, bad, or ugly. I just need to know."

Whatever she said in reply had him frozen in place for at least the next hour. He had so many feelings, all at once. It was next to impossible to process it all.


	65. Backed Against The Wall

After months of waiting, the day was finally here.

Dr Connor Rhodes, M.D. was in his element presenting his new hybrid OR to representatives of the local Chicago press. He was charming, effervescent, and able to translate the information from medical-ese into plain English for every single person in that room, and everyone reading about it at home later, to understand. This hybrid OR project, being the first of its kind in the whole country, was revolutionary.

And Sarah Reese couldn't be prouder. She stood out in the hallway, hidden beside the doorway but still close enough to hear every word of his presentation. She couldn't help but beam with pride - and even stifle a bit of laughter - when she heard him tell Ms Goodwin, "You built me Xanadu. I would sing and dance for you if you wanted."

Somewhere in the deep dark depths of her very saracastic mind, she could see that - on a stage, wearing a suit and tails, complete with a top hat and a cane. She actually had to stop herself from roaring with laughter at the image it conjured.

When Ms Goodwin finally left the room, she peeked her head through the doorway. She could see him standing there with his back to the door, surveying the room around him. This was his brand-new kingdom. This was where he belonged.

She approached him quietly, careful not to make any sudden movement that would give her away. She was standing right next to him when she finally spoke.

"Oh my God, it's Dr Connor Rhodes," she said, locking eyes with him when his head snapped around to face her. "Can I have you autograph?"

He played it as cool as he could, casually turning back to survey his room again. "You're gonna have to get in line. I'm kind of a big deal around here."

Their attempt at casual-ness lasted for all of two seconds. As soon as they looked a t each other again, they broke out into laughter and she found herself being pulled toward him for the tightest hug she had ever experienced in her life. And then, of course, there was the obligatory reunion kiss.

It was long, but it was sweet. Almost what could be classed as work-appropriate, depending on where you worked. It was, however, enough to draw whistles from some of their less tactful co-workers.

"Hey, knock it off!" Connor called over his shoulder in jest. "Way to ruin the moment, guys!"

Trying her hardest to entirely ignore the world around them, Sarah gingerly removed herself from his embrace and took a couple of ginger steps further into the room. He couldn't help but notice she was still grasping onto his left hand so tightly that her knuckles had gone white. Despite how uncomfortable it made her to be back at Med, she had come back to be here to support him. He had never loved her more.

"I've got to admit, this is an impressive space," she said, clearly indicating she wanted their topic of conversation to be about literally anything but the elephant in the room.

"Yeah," he agreed. "It feels right."

Neither said anything more for a solid couple of minutes. They stood side by side, still holding hands but also just silently enjoying each other's company. Connor knew, however, that time was running out. He needed to say his piece before their friends appeared. After all, he knew how excited they would be. It had been months since anyone had seen Sarah.

"Look, about the, uh ..."

As soon as he'd tried to speak, his throat ran dry. It wasn't that he didn't know what he wanted to say, it was that he physically couldn't make the words come out of his mouth. He quite literally looked like a deer in headlights.

In an attempt to rescue him from his own thoughts, Sarah quietly said, "We don't have to talk about this now."

"But I want to," he countered instantly. "I just can't, uh, seem to get the words -"

And then the moment was gone. Through the open doors behind them, in ran Will, and Ethan, and Nat, and April. All at once, Sarah was encased in an impromptu group hug from some of her favourite people in the world. Even Maggie had appeared and demanded her own personal hug from her favourite former-student.

"When did you get here?" Maggie asked her mid hug, somehow managing to pull her even closer. "Why didn't we know you were coming?"

Sarah couldn't help but grin. "I just flew in this morning. Had a few personal days, thought I'd drop in to surprise the hot shot for his grand opening."

When Maggie finally did let her go, she turned around and hit Connor's arm lightly with her tablet. "Remind me again why you let her go to Texas?"

Despite the warm-hearted reunion with her second family, Sarah was still glad when they dispersed back to their patients. She and Connor had a lot to talk about, and they both knew it. Things were definitely not as simple as they had seemed just a few short months ago.

By the time they finally made it into the doctor's lounge, she was convinced the whole damned hospital knew she was here. The good old trusty Gaffney rumour mill was at it again, if the amount of people casually dropping in through the ED were any indication. As she sat down on that very familiar couch, she was all too aware that the wall was made of glass.

Out of nowhere, it felt like it did back when she was a medical student, and he a fellow. When they weren't supposed to be together. When they couldn't risk being seen by anyone.

Thank God they were having this conversation now. It would have been a nightmare for everyone if they'd had to have it back then.

She looked at him sitting beside her, one arm wrapped around her shoulders and the other grasping her hand firmly in his. Her emotions were so out of whack, she couldn't help but fight back the tears that had suddenly appeared in her eyes. To her surprise, when she opened them again she found him doing the same.

"This is real, right?" he asked her in a shaky voice.

"Oh yeah," she assured him with a nod. "Nothing more real."

"And it's not like last time. If something goes wrong ..."

She reached over with her free hand and turned his head so they were looking directly into each other's eyes. "If _anything_ happens," she assured him, "you will be the _very first_ person I call."

A couple hours later, Sarah found herself back at their shared apartment. He hadn't changed anything at all since she'd left. Quite literally, nothing. Even the coffee cups in the cupboard were in the same arrangement as the day she left for Texas. She knew, only because she's purposely left them in rainbow. It was one tiny little thing she could do to try and brighten his days.

They had a lot to work out - that's the understatement of the century. But this change, well, it was going to be for the better.

At least, that's what she kept telling herself.


	66. What You Don’t Know

Only a couple of days later, Sarah was packing her bag in preparation for her return to Texas. As much as she loved spending time with Connor in their little bubble of happiness, just being in the city for barely three days was more than she could handle. Being back here made her skin crawl.

Of course, that sensation only got worse when she walked through the doors of the hospital mid-morning. She was going to meet up with Connor on a short break one last time before she flew out later this afternoon. Unfortunately for them, her flight was due to depart before the end of his shift.

"So, my sister called," Connor said when he saw her, right after he'd wrapped his arms around her in a hug and gently kissed her cheek. "Apparently you two are doing lunch?"

Sarah couldn't help but grimace. "Uh, yeah. She insisted on it. And taking me to the airport after."

"Ah, well," Connor grinned. "At least I'll know you got there safely."

They made their way through the corridors together, heading toward the hospital cafeteria. He didn't have enough time to sneak out to the cafe down the street, so they'd just have to make do with cafeteria coffee.

"Before I forget, I need your signature," he said as they passed by the ED, handing her his tablet.

"What am I signing?"

I mean, she asked the question, but she was already signing before he'd given his explanation.

"It is a petition for a dedicated bypass machine for my satellite OR."

She couldn't help but laugh. "Ava pissed you off that much, huh?"

"Oh yeah."

Their tone was very conversational as they continued on their way.

"You know the board's never gonna prove an outlay like that, right?"

"But maybe they will give me the name of the donor who spearheaded the campaign in the first place."

As he was speaking, she tried her hardest not to let her facial expression change. He couldn't know. It would break him,

Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice her sudden change of emotion. "And then I can go and hit him or her up for more money."

As they arrived at the cafeteria, she found herself thankful for him holding the door and insisting she walked through before him. It meant he couldn't see her face when she said, "I though the donor wanted to remain anonymous?"

"Well, I am sure whoever it is will be flattered when I come grovelling for more," he said confidently. "Why don't you grab us a table and I will get us some drinks. Coffee for me and -"

"- I know, I know," she said somewhat grumpily. "No coffee allowed. I'll be fine with water."

He took one look at her and countered, "Apple juice. I know when you say you want water, you actually want apple juice."

"Remind me again when you got to know me so well?"

"Probably around the time we exchanged keys. You know, back when we were definitely not living together?"

Despite her conflicted emotions, he somehow managed to make her laugh.

By early evening, Connor was starting to realise his whole day was shot to hell. The board were refusing to give him the names of the donors - something about a cloak of anonymity - and then he finds out that a suicidal patient he'd treated earlier in the day had Huntington's disease. At least that explained why he was refusing treatment. And then, he found himself in a full-blown argument with Ava Bekker over that damned bypass machine.

He was down in the hybrid OR at the very end of his shift. He'd just swallowed his pride and admitted to Ava's face that he really didn't need the machine, that he was being ungrateful. That he was really looking for an excuse not to take the job at Mayo, because he really didn't want to leave Chicago. That despite everything, he was happy. And Med was his home. His dream job.

That was when they heard it. An ambulance had arrived, wheeling in a patient on the gurney. He didn't know how, but he somehow managed to hear the paramedic's description of the patient over the woman's yelling: "No! Not here, not Med! No, not Med!"

"Twenty-six year old female, involved in a car crash, GCS 12. Head wound, abdominal pain, also looks like a dislocated shoulder. Very comabative in the ambo on the ride over - we gave sedatives but it's had little to no effect. She started yelling about Med when we pulled in here. Her sister was also in the car, she's coming in behind us. Looks like a broken arm, small head lasceration but she's otherwise okay."

Ava could tell what was going on out in the hallway had his full and undivided attention. Come to think of it, she vaguely recognised the voice herself.

"What on earth is going on out there?" Ava asked, pulling the door open just in time to reveal a woman who looked remarkably like Connor being helped into a wheelchair.

That was the moment Connor jumped into action. "Claire?!"

He ran out toward her, kneeling down in front of her and immediately starting to unwrap the bandage around her head.

"What happened?"

Claire was still shaking, clearly in shock from whatever had just happened. "We ... we were on our way to the airport," she managed slowly, struggling for breaths between silent sobs. "Connor, she - she took the full force of it."

"What?" His sister wasn't making any sense. But for some reason, his heart had just dropped down into his stomach. "Who - who, Claire?"

That was the point that he finally registered Will's voice behind him. Apparently one of the new residents had started the handover from the paramedics, but a single word out of Will Halstead's mouth sent Connor running.

"Sarah?"

Connor's mind was running a thousand miles a second. It couldn't be. It simply just wasn't possible. This was not happening.

"Get her into Baghdad!" Maggie called, stepping in and directing the traffic as best she could. "Monique - take Claire over to Treatment Two."

Meanwhile, Sarah was still absolutely hysterical. Connor was trying to fight his way into her, but there were just so many people around her stretcher that he could barely get into the largest treatment room they had.

"No! Not Med! Not here! Anywhere but here!"

Either someone had paged psych, or the commotion had caught the attention of the head of department, because that was the moment Dr Charles appeared. To everyone's surprise, Sarah - who was literally hitting people's hands to keep them away from her - locked eyes with him.

"Dr Charles! Please!"

The moment he stepped into the room, her whole demeanour changed. She went from an exceptionally combative patient who was about to be exchanged, to terrified young woman.

"Please," she whispered again, grasping hold of his hands when he got close. "I don't want to be here. Not here."

God only knew how the man managed to hold on to his usual calm composure, but somehow he seemed to manage it. "Sarah, you're hurt. We need to take a look at you and find out how badly."

"But I don't want to be here. I'll go anywhere - Lakeshore, Rush - just not here."

"Sarah, listen to me," Dr Charles said. "I know you don't want to be here, but you are badly hurt. Look at where you are, okay? This is Baghdad. You don't come in here unless you need to be here."

Somehow, his words seemed to cut through her panic. She took a couple of deep breaths, and then winced from the pain of her dislocated shoulder. After a long moment, she slowly nodded.

"Okay."

That one quiet word was all they needed to jump back into action. She still had a grip on Dr Charles' hand - it was very clear to everyone around them that her former mentor was going absolutely nowhere. It was a wordlessly seamless transition for the team of her friends and former colleagues, who began just working around the psychiatrist.

Just as Connor finally pushed his way into the room, Will turned around and put his hands forcefully on his shoulders to force him to stop.

"No, man. You can't be in on this one."

"Will, it's _Sarah_."

"Exactly," Will answered him without missing a beat. "Right now, you are not a doctor. You are her partner. You need to go back to Maggie."

Connor looked from the red headed doctor to the charge nurse behind him and back again. "You're kidding me, right? This is trauma. I'm a trauma specialist."

"No," Will said again, this time actually pushing him back toward the doorway. To allay Connor's fears, he said, "Maggie, call Ethan in here. Dude was a battlefield medic, Connor. There's very little he can't handle."

It was breaking Connor to be forced to stand helpless on the sidelines while Sarah was clearly absolutely terrified. He found himself accepting the silent support Maggie was offering him, something he'd seen her do before but never thought he would ever actually need.

"Everybody back, we need an x-ray."

"No!"

Connor's response to that stopped everyone in their tracks.

"What did I just say about -"

But Connor completely cut the rest of Will's sentence off.

"- Not without a lead apron."

That only earned him confused looks from literally every person in the room.

"She's pregnant," he said quietly. "Sixteen weeks."


	67. Lesser of Two Evils

The second they had Sarah stabilised, Will opened the sliding door and finally allowed Connor into the massive treatment room. She needed more scans - definitely a CT, possibly an MRI, as well as every blood test under the sun, but at least for now they'd been able to give her enough pain relief that the sedatives from the ambulance had finally kicked in. She was out cold by the time he'd managed to slow his heart rate back down to somewhere on the upper scale of normal.

"She'll be okay, you know," Dr Charles said comfortingly from the other side of her bed. He was still there, still holding her hand and helping her through.

Connor looked up, but he didn't respond. He knew they'd pull Sarah through. The thing was, it wasn't just all about Sarah. They had a second patient here to consider - and no one was sure whether the baby had been hurt in the accident. Will was concerned enough that he had put her other scans on hold until someone from OB could get down to the ED to assess her.

"Claire says they took a direct hit from the other car on Sarah's door," he'd explained to them earlier. "She took the full force of it. I want her assessed by OB before she goes anywhere. Once we have her scanned, Dr Abrams will be down to look it over."

"Is it really necessary to have a neurosurgeon consult?" Dr Charles had asked.

"She was out cold when the paramedics got to her," Will said. "She came to pretty quickly, but then she was confused, then combative. None of that is normal for her. I want it all double checked."

It would be hours before they got any sort of answers.

Claire got lucky - a broken arm, but no signs of concussion. She was treated and discharged and promptly given a chair in Sarah's room, joining the two doctors as they sat vigil by her side.

"She told me," Claire said quietly. "In the car. Right before it happened."

Connor didn't respond. He was still staring at Sarah, willing to give anything for it to be him in that bed.

Claire had been watching her brother closely for nearly an hour now. "You were going to tell me, right?"

"Of course," he answered, finally pulling his eyes away from Sarah. "It's just, after last time ... It didn't feel real."

That was the point that Dr Charles excused himself. Connor watched the man as he crossed the room, and found himself examining the expression on the man's face with interest. It was a look he would never forget. He'd seen that expression before - a beautiful mix of pride, happiness, and just a dash of fatherly love. He'd seen the senior doctor look at his own daughter that way on many an occasion. And now, he understood why Sarah's departure had hurt the man so much. They were not related. He was not her father. But she was like a daughter to him.

After a long silence, Claire broke the silence again. "How are you doing? You know, with the baby?"

Connor blanched. This was not a question he was prepared to answer. It wasn't often his sister caught him off-guard.

"I know Sarah is your whole world, little brother," Claire said kindly. "But you need to remember to take a step back and process your own feelings, too."

Just over a week later, life was slowly getting back to normal - at least, the new normal. Sarah had been lucky, in the end. Her dislocated shoulder was put back in place very quickly, and even her head wound was just a deep lasceration, not nearly as serious as they first though when she arrived by ambulance.

The baby, however ... Well, that wasn't quite so simple.

"Baby is doing okay now," the OB explained to the two doctors a couple of days after the accident. "But we have some concerns."

"Concerns?" Connor couldn't help himself - he jumped onto that word.

"From what we can see on your scans, it doesn't look like baby was hurt in the accident, however -"

That word, 'however,' made Sarah's heart drop.

"- given your history with your last pregnancy, and that you experienced some bleeding immediately after the accident, we want to keep you on bed rest."

That right there was Sarah Reese's absolute worst nightmare.

"For how long?" she'd asked, even though in the back of her mind she knew exactly what the answer was going to be.

"At least a few weeks. We'll continue to evaluate you along the way, but to be honest, I would plan on staying in Chicago for the remainder of your pregnancy. Travelling will complicate the situation. You won't be cleared to fly ..."

That was the point that Sarah tuned out of the conversation, and Connor stepped in to ask every question he could possibly think of. If this kid was born with a heart defect, he'd be all over it. But even though they're both doctors, neither of them were OB-GYN's or neonatologists. The thought of something happening to their baby was absolutely terrifying, especially to Connor.

So while Sarah was still upstairs, bored out of her brain and begging anyone who would listen to give her something interesting to do (side note: today, she was proofreading a journal article Ethan had written on the similarities between battlefield wounds and violent gang crimes here in Chicago), Connor was trying his best to get back into the swing of his job. Ms Goodwin had insisted he take the week following the accident off work, though he was still admittedly still at the hospital all day, every day, but now it was time to try and find some normalcy again.

Today he was back in the ED, and he couldn't help but notice how the new head of the department, Dr Lannick, was having his med students quite literally run errands for him. He couldn't help it. It all just came tumbling out of his mouth.

"Wow," Connor said as soon as the student was out of ear shot. "You know, I'm all about giving the med students the occasional scut work. But having them fetch your coffee, that's classy."

Lannick didn't even miss a beat. "Oh, he wanted to. Rising star, that kid. Real pleaser." A pause, and then, "But everyone around here knows you're the authority on that."

Connor bit his tongue on that one and allowed the man to walk away. As good as it would feel to deck that guy right here, in the middle of the ED, it just wasn't worth losing his job over it.

And then, all of thirty seconds later, Connor was stuck working a complicated trauma case with the man. And the dude was a total ass to the same kid that he'd just had bringing him coffee.

Today was definitely not Connor's day.

"That guy is a total _asshole_!" Connor growled at Sarah when he was telling her about it later. For her part, she couldn't help but laugh. "What?"

"I'm glad to see you found a new sparring partner downstairs," she giggled. "I'd hate to see you getting rusty without Ava to practice on. And I really don't think the department could survive you using Will as a punching bag again."

He pulled a face, then went back to the topic at hand. "That guy is an egomaniac."

"Takes one to know one, right?"

"Don't you start," he retorted with a laugh.

"Connor, sit down. I'm getting tired just watching you pace around in here!"

And so he sat. Side by side, they enjoyed a nice, quiet lunch together. Like normal couples do.

Later that afternoon, Connor found himself back in one of the training bays. Just like he'd done on his very first day here at Med, he'd been seeking out a medical student. But this time, it wasn't his girlfriend.

"You know, some people have this great knack for hearing cardiac murmurs or palpating a pulse," he told Terry McNeal, who was, ironically, working on the very same procedure on the very same dummy as Sarah had been three years ago. "No one picks up a scalpel and instinctively knows how to open up a chest. Procedures take practice and repetition. You'll get better with time."

"But what if I don't?" Terry said. He paused, then added, "Maybe this was a mistake."

"What was a mistake?"

"Med school," Terry answered immediately. "I gave up an NFL contract to come here. Could've paid off my mom's mortgage, put my little brother through school. My family relies on me financially, if I fail out -"

"-Whoa," Connor stepped in. "You are getting way ahead of yourself."

Terry almost smiled.

"Keep at this. You'll get better," Connor reassured him. "Now do it again."

He went to leave, then added, "At the end of your shift, come find me. There's someone you need to meet."

Last thing that night, Connor was heading back upstairs, just like he did every night. Except this time, he wasn't alone.

Connor knocked on Sarah's door and poked his head around the door. "Hey, honey," he said with a smile. "Are we good to come in?"

When they stepped through the door, they were greeted by the widest smile Connor had seen on her face in a very long time.

"Terry McNeal, meet Dr Sarah Reese."

The med student's eyes widened a little, almost as though he recognised the name. Sarah couldn't help but laugh.

"I know I look more like a patient than a doctor just at the moment," she joked. "I'm a psychiatry resident."

"Here?" Terry asked.

"Uh, no," Sarah said. "Not anymore."

"But she used to be. In fact, Sarah did her ED rotation with us as a med student," Connor explained. "We had a few bumps along the way -"

"- Pun intended," she giggled, gesturing to her barely-there baby bump.

"That's not funny," Connor told her seriously. "Remember Downey's rule?"

Now Sarah was really laughing. "Yeah - date the med student if you must, but don't get the girl pregnant before she graduates or it'll be hell to pay for everyone!"

They were so busy laughing that they hardly noticed McNeal's reaction. "Wait - you two dated while you were still in med school?"

"Oh, that's old news," Sarah brushed it off. "For the record, though, we were together before I started my rotation here. And before he even worked here."

"Yeah, she gets a little defensive about it. People like to try and throw it back in our faces from time to time," Connor explained.

He was not quite expecting what McNeal said next. "Like Lannick did today."

"... You heard that, huh?"

Sarah looked from one to the other, silently observing the two men. Deciding now was a good time to broach the subject, she said gingerly, "I heard you've been having a bit of a rough time adjusting down in the ED."

McNeal didn't reply.

"I can honestly say that adjustment period is one of the toughest things you will face in your career," she continued. "You should've seen me back at the beginning. I was a walking trainwreck."

That was the moment that McNeal snapped. "Well I cost a patient his leg today. And then he died."

Sarah turned to Connor questioningly.

"Central line," Connor said quietly.

That was when McNeal jumped in. "I missed the vein, got the artery instead. Cost him his leg and his life."

"You didn't cost him his life, McNeal," Connor said reassuringly. "As much as I hate to admit it, Lannick was right. He was touch and go from the moment they brought him into the ED. There was always a solid chance he wasn't going to make it through this."

"But I didn't help him. I hurt him."

"You know," Sarah said thoughtfully, "as doctors, we're not always going to catch everything. Sometimes things just go wrong. And unfortunately for us, when that happens it can mean we lose a patient. But that's part and parcel of the job. The important thing is that we learn from our mistakes. That's one lesson they just can't teach you with cadavers in med school. It's the whole reason they make you do rotations as a student - before they send you out into the world as a doctor."

After a long few minutes of silence, McNeal finally spoke again. "It's a good speech."

"It comes from experience," Sarah told him. "I learnt an awful lot when I was down in the ED. And honestly, a lot of the lessons I learnt came from having done something wrong. Trust the people around you. This Lannick guy sounds like a total dick, but the other doctors down there are amazing. Down in the ED we're family. We rise and fall together."

"Who said that?" McNeal asked thoughtfully.

"Ethan." To his confused expression, Sarah added, "Dr Choi."

For the next half hour, Sarah and Terry just talked. It wasn't about anything in particular - all about everything and nothing at the same time. For Sarah, it felt good. She remembered being the one in Terry's shoes not that long ago. To be able to be that person who sat in front of him and reminded him that it was okay not to be perfect, that he was still learning and everything that Connor and Will and Ethan used to say to her - it gave her a true sense of purpose.

As the conversation started to wind down, they found themselves on the topic of the ED rotation again. Connor took the opportunity to gently reminded him, "The minute you walk into this hospital, the only person relying on you needs to be your patient. This is already a high pressure gig, and you need to find a way to leave everything else at the door. You got me?"

"I hear you," Terry said. "Thanks, Dr Rhodes. Dr Reese."

"Call me Sarah," she immediately said with a smile. "Dr Reese is way too formal. We're all friends here."

As the med student stood to leave, Connor found himself doing the same. "You hang in there, Terry," he said. "You're gonna be fine."

What they didn't realise, of course, was that the couple - both of whom had extreme trepidation at the mere concept of being parents - had just acted like a total mom and dad for this person they barely knew.

When she thought back on this conversation months later, Sarah would realise that this was the moment that showed her they were going to be okay.


	68. The Poison Inside Us

A week and a half later, Sarah was thrilled to finally be released. It had been pure torture, stuck in that bed day in, day out, with nothing better to do than watch daytime TV. Even living vicariously through reading her friends' journal articles had lost its touch by about day three.

Connor had been by her side through the whole ordeal, literally only going home to shower (and sometimes not even then - turns out, the emergency showers worked just as well in a pinch), and he was by her side right now as they packed her things and got her ready to get the hell out of there. They both couldn't help but remember last time he had been in this position, playing exactly this same role - only it wasn't Sarah he was doing it for.

"This is weird, right?" Sarah asked him in a strange tone.

He stopped what he was doing and turned to face her. "Going home?"

A raised eyebrow was all he needed to concede he had intentionally misinterpreted her question.

"Okay," he said. "It's a little weird. But that doesn't mean it's not exciting - you're finally coming home, honey!"

"So I can go from being bored out of my mind here to bored out of my mind on the couch? Hard pass."

That was the moment a voice from the doorway piped in. "I might have a solution to that."

She froze in place. Even though he'd been the only person capable of calming her down on the day of the accident - and he'd dropped in at least once a day to check on her every day since - Sarah and Dr Charles were still on very shaky ground. Things were never going to be the same, they both knew that. But he really hoped that this conversation might be a turning point for him and his former protege.

"A solution?" she asked him tentatively.

"See, I have a friend over in the psych department at Baylor."

She blanched. That was not a good way to start out this conversation - was he keeping tabs on her progress? Who was this friend? What if he -

But Dr Charles had continued talking. "He put me in touch with the head of their psych department this morning."

"And?" Connor asked, still clearly confused about where this is going.

"It's a little unorthodox," Dr Charles said, speaking directly to Sarah now, "but I think we may have found a way for you to continue your residency even with your travel ban."

It took two seconds for Sarah to work out where this was going. But it wasn't her who spoke next.

"Wait," Connor said. "Here?"

"Absolutely not."

The words were out of her mouth before she could recognise that it was her who said them.

"Well, honey," Connor said gently, gingerly sitting down beside her on the edge of the bed. "It might not be as crazy as it sounds."

That was when Dr Charles quietly said, "And you did say yourself that you could handle your colleagues knowing everything that happened. Personally, I think you can handle anything life throws at you."

That got her.

"So far this year," she said, "my father was diagnosed as a psychopath. Then he head a heart transplant. An asshole colleague - who wouldn't take no for an answer - reported my quote-unquote 'inappropriate relationship' to the board, we were investigated, and then put on temporary probation. Meanwhile, the entire hospital had a betting pool on when Connor and I would get out act into gear and start dating again. They literally put themselves in the middle of our personal lives, when it had absolutely nothing to do with them. And then my father was arrested for murdering multiple college girls - most of whom were his own students. And my mentor knew it had happened. The person I looked up to, who I wanted to be one day, knew all about it and didn't say a damn thing. So I did the only thing I could do. I left Med."

"Now," she continued, "when I came back for just a few days to visit my boyfriend and be there to support him on a huge day in his career, I wind up a borderline psychotic patient in the ED. They nearly restrained me. And then they found out I'm pregnant. Not because I told them, but because they needed to assess me medically."

She stood up and looked Dr Charles in the eye. "Do you really think I'd be a good fit here?"

Without looking at each other, the two men said in perfect unison, "Yes."

Sarah whipped around to face Connor, a look of betrayal written all over her face.

"I'm sorry, but you can't deny it," he said simply. "You fit in here. These people are your friends - your family, even. Who better than them to be around and support you?"

"It's not a good idea." The girl was nothing if not stubborn.

For this, of course, Dr Charles was prepared.

"Give me one day," he said kindly. "Tomorrow. Come in, spend a day with us. See if you think you could do this."

It took some convincing - maddeningly, she changed her mind no less than six times that night - but the next morning, there she was. Standing in the hospital lobby, wearing her favourite set of scrubs and her old Gaffney ID.

They'd arrived early, as was their M.O. They'd gone to the good coffee cart down the street, just like they used to - coffee for him, tea for her. (This whole no-coffee thing was going to be a dealbreaker, she just knew it). They were wandering through, making their way slowly toward the ED, and chatting away. As abnormal as it was, today was just a normal day.

"Those vanilla lattes never get old, do they?" she asked him in jest as they headed down a set of stairs into the main lobby area.

"Why do people think drinking black coffee makes them cool?" he countered.

"We don't, we are cool, so we drink black coffee," she said immediately. "And some of us are having withdrawals. You wanna let me just smell that? Maybe I can get the caffiene through odour alone..."

It was meant to be a joke, but it fell on deaf ears. As they reached the landing, he had a confused look adorning his face. "... Is that my dad?"

Sure enough, there he was - Cornelius Rhodes, world-class asshat, in all his glory. Walking amongst a group of suits that just _had_ to be the Board. She couldn't help but feel her heart start to race, and yet she found herself still matching Connor's pace as he quite literally raced down the remaining stairs toward him.

"Hey dad," Connor called as they approached the man, who was now schmoozing with Gwen Garrett.

"Connor," Cornelius said happily, moving toward them and reaching out to shake his son's hand. "Hello. And hello, Dr Reese."

Sarah chose not to say anything. Thankfully, Connor was not in the mood for small talk. Or not-so-small talk, she noticed as he took a half step to his right, partially covering her from his father's view. Her bump was barely there, but if you saw her on just the right angle, you knew.

"You are a little far from your office, aren't you?" he said.

"Didn't you hear?" Cornelius asked. "I have a seat on the Board now. I guess we'll be seeing more of each other."

She couldn't see his face, but she knew very well what it looked like. Probably something a little more pronounced than hers.

And that was when Cornelius leaned ever so slightly around his son. He smiled at her. Then his eyes flicked to her stomach, and back to his face. Suddenly, that smile was painted in place.

He knew. There was no doubt about it. But, uncharacteristically, he didn't say anything.

Connor, on the other hand, was too distracted to have noticed.

"Hey, Ms Garrett," he said, now addressing the hospital's new COO. "Can you tell me why my father has a seat on the hospital Board?"

"Well, it's the least we could do after he donated all that money."

"Money for... ?"

Sarah realised too late what was about to happen. All she could do was watch the woman give him a look that clearly said, _come on_.

"Wait," he backtracked. "Is he the principal donor for the hybrid OR?"

"Nice having a rich dad," Ms Garrett said as she walked away.

"Unbelievable," Connor said to Sarah, now heading directly for the ED. "He is always trying to undercut me, trying to have some kind of power over me."

Her lack of response spoke volumes.

"Wait a second," he said, turning on her now. "Did you know?"

She couldn't respond. She was trying to think of something, anything to say, but her brain came up with a great big nothing.

"You knew and you didn't tell me."

Again, nothing.

"So instead you lie to me, to my face. For _weeks_?"

"I didn't lie," she said softly. "I just didn't mention it."

"No, Sarah. That is a lie!" he insisted. "That's great. Thank you very much."

And with that, he walked away.

Connor was still pissed a couple of hours later, when he next ran into Sarah down in the ED. Dr Charles had just ordered meds for a patient with bipolar disorder, and they were waiting for them to kick in before they could even think about starting to do their jobs. So, when he stepped out of the hybrid OR, she took her chance.

"Look, about this morning -" she started, but found herself cut off mid sentence.

"- I don't wanna hear it," he said dismissively.

To what she answered, "So what if your father's the main donor? This hybrid room has been a godsend."

"That's not the point."

"You're saving lives with it. Who cares where the money came from?"

"I do," he said rather sternly. "And you should know me well enough to know that I don't wanna be beholden to my father."

"Connor -"

"- You should've told me."

As he walked away, she found herself calling after him, "How is this any different to the psych ward?"

But instead of responding, he just continued to walk away.

Just minutes later, however, they were in the midst of a whole new kind of hell in the ED. A patient - who was not actually a patient, but the husband of a former patient who'd died in the department nearly a year ago - brought in some sort of toxic chemical. And it spilled. Right in the middle of the floor.

It was utter pandemonium. Maggie was yelling, organising, barking instructions. Everyone was all over it.

"Sarah!" she heard Connor calling from inside the hybrid OR, where a patient had been parked. (Even though it was clearly not a treatment room). "Get me a gurney."

She looked around, but it was no good. "They're all in use," she said, then darted in to help him.

"What's going on?" the patient asked, clearly seeing the change in his doctor's demeanour.

"Toxic spill," she said much more calmly than she currently felt.

"We need to get you out of here," Connor explained, hurriedly trying to detach wires as quickly as he possibly could.

And then the patient started coughing.

"No, it's too dangerous," Connor said quietly, in an attempt to have only Sarah hear him.

He looked from her to the door, then ran toward it.

"What are you doing?" she called after him.

And then he threw the door closed.

"This room as positive pressure ventilation," he said confidently. "We're safe as long as we stay in here."

It made sense, but that didn't mean she was happy about it. No words needed to be said - it was time for them to move back into their old trauma routine.

They'd been in the room for more than half an hour, speaking very cordially to each other only when absolutely necessary but doing everything they could to make sure their patient was comfortable and that he felt safe. But it was becoming undeniable that this guy was going downhill - fast.

The second the monitors started beeping, they were all over it.

"His pressure's dropping," Connor said, moving from the door - where he had been observing the fire department assessing the spill - back to his patient's side. "Derick, are you feeling dizzy?"

"A little," the patient said. "What does that mean?"

"It means you're still bleeding," Connor explained calmly, as Sarah picked up the ultrasound and scanned his belly. "The tear in your spleen isn't clotting like I'd hoped."

Still looking at the scan, Sarah said quietly, "He's got a lot more free fluid."

This was not good. They all knew it, especially when Connor started yelling and heading toward the door.

"Hey - hey!" he shouted, successfully grabbing the attention of one of his buddies out in the football. "Cruz - I need to get this patient upstairs."

"Sorry, doc," Cruz's muffled voice came through the door. "I can't open these doors until we get the place clear."

"Just to get a couple units from the blood bank?"

"Even if I wanted to, all the stairs are locked so the gas can't spread. Emergency exits, everything," his muffled voice said. "We'll get you out as soon as possible."

Connor clearly wasn't happy about it, but there was literally nothing anyone could do. To Sarah, who had moved toward him now so they could discuss this out of the patient's earshot, he said, "We need to keep his pressure up until they get us out of here."

"I'll hang a bag of saline," she said, but he was already walking past her.

"I got it."

Eventually, however, there was no way out of it. The monitors were going off, and the patient was scared. When he outright asked what was happening, Connor had no choice but to tell him very simply, "The bleed isn't stopping."

"I'll hang some Ringers," Sarah said helpfully, heading toward the cupboard full of supplies. She noticed Connor following her, but deliberately chose not to say anything.

"I'm gonna embolise it."

Until then.

"What?" she asked him disbelievingly.

"We're just putting a wire into his groin, it's a simple procedure."

"Uh, not without nurses or techs, let alone anaesthesia," she countered.

"No, we can twilight him with Versed."

He'd clearly been thinking about this.

"Look," he continued, "we don't have a choice. We need to close off the vessel. And, frankly, I'm not interested in your opinion."

Ouch. But he was right - she's in psychiatry, he's the surgeon. He knew more about this field than she ever would. (Although, they both knew that was definitely not what he meant).

In no time, they had it all set up and were literally threading a wire through the man's groin and up toward his spleen. If it weren't for the situation, and the current personal climate, Sarah would be marvelling at how this man got her to assist on a surgery _again_. She swore up and down she'd never ever do it again after they had her on airway control last time.

Unhappily, however, they ran into a wall.

"I can't get the wire in there," Connor finally concluded. "The anatomy's too challenging."

He thought for a moment, then seemed to decide on a course of action.

"Hang five hundred of Albumin," he told her. "We'll hold pressure until we can get him out of here."

"He won't make it that long."

Just that fact that it was Sarah asserting this said a lot about their current situation.

"There's nothing else we can do," Connor said.

But Sarah had had a thought - a dangerous thought, but a thought no less. "We can remove his spleen."

"We can't open him up," Connor countered in his best surgeon-in-charge voice. "He'll loose too much blood and we don't have any to give him."

It took her all of two seconds to say exactly what he knew she was going to say. "I'm a universal donor."

"That's insane. The surgery will take too long."

"Well, then do it faster."

When she didn't stop, Connor added, "You're pregnant! With a high-risk pregnancy - don't be stupid. You can't do this."

And yet she still continued.

In a far more normal tone of voice, Connor asked, "Sarah, what are you trying to prove?"

"I'm trying to save his life," Sarah countered confidently, grabbing a stool and pulling it over so she could sit herself down.

"If you do this, you both are gonna bleed out before I'm done," Connor said forcefully. "And what about the baby?"

Sarah looked from Connor to the patient and back, and put her stubbornness to good use. "Unless you have a better idea," she said, "I suggest you stop making excuses and get started."

And with that, she stuck a needle in her vein - first go, too. It wasn't nearly as hard as it used to be, which was almost a comforting thought. But the look on his face ... This was unforgivable in his eyes, and she knew it.

What if she hurt the baby?

Regardless, it was too late to go back now. They were elbow deep in the guy's abdomen before they spoke.

"Can you see the splenic artery?" she asked him, watching him work with genuine interest.

"Not yet," he answered, "I'm still getting through the mesenteric fat."

"Just keep going," she said, all too aware that she was starting to falter.

That was the point that he looked up with concern in his eyes. "Sarah, you've probably given a pint by now."

"I'm doing fine," she insisted.

"You're gonna run out of blood before we even get there," he countered.

"If I stop transfusing now, he'll die," she told him plainly.

They were locked in a battle of wills, and they both knew she'd won.

Shaking his head, Connor said, "This is crazy. Stupid, and reckless, and crazy."

"And our only option," she whispered, just to shut him up."

A few minutes later, she definitely was not faring so well.

"The artery's almost impossible to get to," Connor was saying, but her focus just wasn't there. He'd noticed. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she said feebly.

He knew she was lying. Especially when he realised it wouldn't be long before she was passed out on the floor.

"Sarah!" he called to grab her attention. Immediately, her eyes sprung open. "You need to sit down before you pass out."

"I'm okay," she countered feebly. But barely a few seconds later, she was falling again.

"Hey! Hey, hey!"

He'd caught her attention long enough for her to wake up and plonk herself back down on that seat.

"I'm not taking out the tube 'till you're done."

Even on the verge of literally passing out cold, she was the most stubborn woman he'd ever met. And it only made him love her more.

"Alright," he said after a moment. "Stay with me just a little bit longer, okay? Hold on for me. Stay with me."

His words, though somewhat comforting to him, did absolutely nothing for her - that was the point that she actually passed out, though thankfully on top of her own arms and leaning on the table.

By the time he realised what had happened only a few seconds later, he'd removed the spleen and the hard part was done.

"Sarah? Sarah!"

He was there in a flash, removing the tube from her arm and checking her over.

"Did we do it?" she asked him sleepily.

He couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, we did it."

Neither knew how long they stood there, him just holding her close. In fact, that was how Maggie found them when they got the all clear to re-enter the ED. Maggie was tasked with assisting Connor to close, while Ms Goodwin helped Sarah out of the hybrid OR and into a treatment room.

"That was a very dangerous thing to do, Dr Reese," Ms Goodwin said as they slowly made their way across the ED. "Brave, but stupid."

"We saved ... his life," Sarah managed to say. "That's what ... what matters."

Connor was more relieved than anything else to see Sarah lying in the treatment bed, half asleep. It meant she was okay, and so was the baby. (He may have also cornered the OB-GYN as she was rushing back upstairs, just to be sure. He really was a nightmare father - all doctors were, after all).

"Here you go," he said, presenting her with a Snickers bar.

She smiled, then grimaced. "You know I hate peanuts."

"Well, as long as you're not allergic, right?"

It was a feeble attempt at humour, but it was enough to make both of them chuckle.

"What you did back there," he told her. "You were incredible. Derick's alive because of you. So thank you."

As he turned to leave, she couldn't help herself. She didn't really think about what she was going to say, she just kind of let it all slip out - in true Reese style.

"Wait," she said, grabbing his arm and stopping him in his tracks. "About your father -"

At least, she tried to let it all slip out.

"- Forget it, Sarah," he said sincerely. "I had no right to get upset with you like that. I'm sorry."

"Oh, Connor," she sighed. "It was me. I was the one who asked your father to donate to the hybrid room."

Now that had thrown him. "What? You?"

"You were taking that job at the Mayo Clinic," she said quietly. "I didn't want to lose you."

"But you were going to Baylor," he said, confused. "I was already losing you."

She found herself blinking back tears. "Connor, this is home. Chicago, Gaffney, all of it. I wanted you here, with me, at home. And if I couldn't be here, then at least you got to stay here at your dream hospital with your crazy new dream job."

He looked at her long and hard. She was half-expecting him to blow up in her face - but he did quite the opposite. This kiss was anything but chaste: It was long, and hard, and passionate. Full on unsaid words, and thoughts, and feelings. When they finally did part, they were both smiling. And then he said two words that would forever change the course of everything:

"Marry me."


	69. Play By My Rules

It had been a few weeks since what was now referred to as "Sarah's Triumphant Return." Just those words were enough to piss her off, which was why Connor naturally found himself working them into literally any and every conversation he could. It was hilarious to him, and to her, and to everyone around them.

For the first time _ever_ , Connor and Sarah were just a normal couple, celebrating normal milestones. Except, they were still in a not-so-normal setting. Take, for example, their first ultrasound appointment at Med. They had asked Maggie to come along with them, mainly since Sarah was insisting she needed the charge nurse's calming presence with her in the delivery room - to be fair, everyone knew Connor would be that dad-doctor who automatically trips into full-on surgeon mode when bub finally decides to make an appearance. (God forbid they wound up in an emergency c-section - the OB doctors were already finding legitimate excuses to be unavailable for that theoretical instance).

When they got to the appointment, however, they found no less than six of their colleagues lining the halls immediately outside the room, and one very pissed-off looking ultrasound tech standing in the doorway, arms crossed and foot tapping as she waited for their arrival.

"Drs Reese, Rhodes," she greeted them with a nod. "Can you explain to the ED staff that we have a limit to how many people we can have in this room at once. It's family only."

That was when April stepped in. "We all know there is no mandated limit on occupancy of that room. Don't try to pull that crap with us."

"I will only allow mom, and two supports," the tech countered. "That's all you've got."

Connor and Sarah looked quickly at each other, then to each of their friends. Wordlessly, they each gestured for the ED staff to follow them back to the elevator - all the while ignoring the sound of the tech's indignant protests behind them.

And that was the story of how they crammed at first eight, but honestly in the end about seventeen different people into a tiny treatment room. For the parents-to-be, it had almost become a running joke:

"We figure you lot were here for just about everything up to this point, why not be here for the first ultrasound, too?"

It was special - not only because it was the first, and the baby had really started to look like a baby now. And it wasn't just because Connor was the one actually doing the scan and taking the pictures. It was because they had their nearest and dearest - everyone from Will and Ethan, the pseudo big brothers, right over to Ms Goodwin, who was laughing in the corner - by their side. It was just the way they did things down in the ED: Together.

(It was also the latest in a long list of things Connor had done to piss Dr Lanik off. While that certainly wasn't the goal of the exercise, he certainly considered it a perk.)

It had been a couple of weeks since that hilarious and heartwarming day. Right now, the mama-to-be was enjoying a leisurely breakfast at a cafe walking distance from the hospital with Natalie. It was nice, firstly to have a late start on their respective shifts this morning, but for Sarah it was more that she knew Nat knew exactly what she was going through right now.

After all, how do you balance taking care of your patients and putting their health and wellbeing first? These two doctors were so used to putting everyone else first at their own expense, but to be all of a sudden dropped into a new set of circumstances, where you suddenly need to put yourself and your health and your wellbeing first? It's such a sudden change, it's almost impossible to comprehend.

"How are you coping?" Nat asked, gingerly reaching for her cup of tea. (She'd normally go for coffee, but since she was here with Sarah, she was showing solidarity.)

"I'm still adjusting," Sarah answered her honestly. "It's weird actually taking a lunch break."

"Oh, I know, right!"

"And I swear to God, I have to pee - all the time. And I'm barely halfway through the second trimester!"

Nat couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, I remember that. For me it got better, but then Owen discovered exactly how to kick my bladder, so..."

Sarah actually groaned. That was something she was definitely not looking forward to.

"So, how are they managing up in Psych?" Nat tried to ask as conversationally as they could. "I'd imagine they'd have some extra contingencies in place, right?"

Sarah raised an eyebrow. Quietly, she said, "This would be why Connor kept encouraging me to take you to breakfast, right?"

"He's just concerned," Nat defended. "And, to be honest, we are too. Me and Will."

"Why?"

"... Because you could find yourself in a situation that's not exactly safe," Nat said slowly, as though she were choosing her words very carefully. "To be fair, I could too down in the ED - but we have contingencies in place for that."

"Just the same way we do up in Psych," Sarah said. "Which my loving - uh, partner - would know if he actually came out and asked."

Nat paused. "What was that?"

"What was what?"

"... You're still together, right?"

"Of course. Why would you think we're not?"

No words. They fought a silent battle of wills, which Sarah eventually lost.

"Okay, so ... he kinda proposed."

" _What?!_ "

Immediately, her arms were flapping around. "Keep your voice down, Nat. The walls have ears."

It took a couple of minutes, but Nat eventually recovered. "He proposed? That's fantastic! Where did he ask? What did he say? Show me your ring!"

"... I haven't said yes."

That stopped Nat's train of thought right in its tracks. Sarah could just see her winding all the way up to 'double wedding'. That was definitely _not_ going to be a thing.

"And there was no ring."

Again, nothing from the senior doctor.

"It was very spur of the moment," Sarah found herself explaining as they headed back toward the hospital. "He definitely hadn't planned it. To be honest, I don't think he's even really thought it through. Like, at all."

Having had a few minutes to digest the information, Nat found herself moving from super-excited-friend back to analytical doctor. "So this was weeks ago?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't say yes?"

"I did not."

"Did you give him any sort of response. 'Cause if it was an 'I need time to think,' that would really explain a lot."

"Huh?"

"Oh, he's been a total dick down in the ED."

Sarah laughed. "No, that's not me. He's found a new sparring parting in Lanik - but this one's not playing right."

"Oh, what a shame," Nat laughed, linking an arm through Sarah's.

By now, they had just about arrived back at the front doors of the hospital. Where they found Will in a heated exchange with a well-dressed woman. As they approached the man, who was glaring at the woman as they walked away, Nat spoke:

"Will? Who was that woman?" she asked her fiance conversationally. Nat wasn't a jealous person, by any means, that wasn't what this was. The whole thing just seemed weird to her.

"Oh, just a drug rep," Will replied as nonchalantly as he could. "She won't leave me alone."

His eyes met Sarah's for a single second, then he looked away and started leading them back inside. She knew he was lying. He knew she knew he was lying. He also knew she wouldn't call him out - at least, not in front of Nat.

"Really?" Nat was saying. "I've never seen her before."

And that was when Will jumped in to change the topic of conversation.

"So, listen, the DJ texted me," he said. "Uh, the wedding's only three weeks away. We haven't given him a song list."

But Nat wasn't having it. "What was she pushing? The drug rep."

"Oh, some calcium channel blocker." It was a weak response, but it's all he could come up with in the moment. To Sarah, he said, "How was breakfast?"

"Good, but no coffee," she quipped. "Nine months of this is going to push me to my limits."

Thankfully for Will, he was saved by the text message. Maggie needed him and Nat in the ED, like now.

Luckily for Will, Sarah didn't get called down to the ED at all that morning. When her first break did finally come around, she found herself seeking out Connor - he'd got home so late last night and she'd left for her breakfast with Nat so early that morning, it almost felt as though she was starting to have withdrawals.

Apparently, he'd had the same thought. He met her outside the elevator - actually, he was so determined to get into the elevator that he almost literally ran her over.

"Whoa, baby daddy," she said with a laugh. "You got a hot date or something?"

He knew they had an audience, but neither of them seemed to care anymore. Drawing her into his arms, he quipped, "Well, maybe something like that."

And stories of that kiss would have the nurses right through this place in overdrive for at least the next few hours. It also had the added benefit of stopping them from being interrupted as they made their way through the hallways.

Somehow, as they weaved their way through the place, they got on to the topic of Connor's childhood. Well, more specifically, his adolescence.

"... Mannequins," Sarah repeated disbelievingly.

"Look, I was a department store latchkey kid, so I took what I could get," he tried explaining. "Jenny was basically my first girlfriend. Which is why I am such a good kisser."

She was, obviously, having some trouble wrapping her head around this most recent revelation. "You know, I'm not sure that I know how to feel about this." She paused for a moment, then added, "More to the point, _how_ has this not come up before now? I have _so_ much new ammunition!"

"Hey!" he feigned hurt.

"I mean, on the one hand it's quite disturbing," Sarah said thoughtfully. "But on the other hand, I should probably be thanking Jenny for those ... years of practice?"

"Oh, it wasn't years, okay," he defended himself.

They shared a look and a laugh.

"You know, I really wonder why you tell me some of these things," Sarah quipped. "You know there's no way you will ever live them down. And you're stuck with me for at least the next eighteen years, so -"

"- Oh, minimum. But all going well it'll be a lot longer than that, right?"

That was the moment Ms Goodwin interrupted their good-natured banter with some news Connor didn't want to hear: His beloved hybrid room was going to be used for general surgeries. To Connor, it didn't matter that the room came in over budget. The point of building it was so it was there when a complex trauma case came in, not so a patient could have their appendix removed. To be fair, Sarah thought he had a point - what happens if they're halfway through a general surgery and a genuine trauma comes in needing urgent surgery? Those patients don't always make it upstairs, that's how the idea for the room came about in the first place.

It had taken barely a minute for Connor to from happy-go-lucky to legitimately about ready to punch a hole in a wall.

"This is a terrible idea," he said to Sarah as he watched Ms Goodwin walk away.

"I don't disagree with you, but there's also nothing you can do about it," she reasoned. "You'll just have to learn to work with Lanik on this one."

"Don't go all reasonable psychiatrist on me," he whispered, half-joking but also still very much half-serious. Returning to the topic at hand, he added, "It's gotta be Gwen Garrett."

Ignoring him completely, Sarah took hold of his hand and turned him around, now leading him in the opposite direction. "I know you don't want to hear it, but you need to let this go. This is not a battle you're going to win. You need to learn to choose them wisely."

Further down the corridor, he put an arm around her back, then gave her a strange look. "We have met, right?"

It was the perfect sentiment to return them back to a somewhat normal version of their day-to-day banter.

By mid-afternoon, Sarah found herself down in the ED. She was technically on another mandatory break, but she'd taken the opportunity to check in with a returning pre-transplant patient who'd presented down here a couple of hours earlier. It would also theoretically give her a prime opportunity to hopefully sneak in a discussion of what the hell went on this morning with Will, assuming he wasn't caught up in a case.

But then, very unexpectedly, she found herself pulled into a trauma bay. Connor was with a patient, but something had clearly happened. He poked his head out of the door, looked left and then right, very quickly spotting her as the only doctor currently milling about in the hallway.

"Sarah, can you get a line in?"

The urgency of the situation was clear in his voice, so she grabbed gloves and ran. It didn't even occur to her that this was a trauma case, something she had been trying to actively avoid recently with very little success. In seconds, she was in the room and putting the line in for medication.

She knew it was urgent, but the patient was still stable. She was as surprised as everyone when Connor declared they'd use the hybrid OR for the surgical side of the treatment. She knew as well as he did that Lanik would be about to begin a gallbladder surgery.

She was as surprised as he was when the words came tumbling out of her mouth: "He can make it upstairs, there are operating rooms available."

"There's also one right across the ED, much closer."

"Connor, Goodwin just told you -"

"- I know what she said," he retorted. To the nurse, he said, "Find Maggie, have her page my team."

And then Sarah's phone buzzed. In a split second, Connor went from trauma-surgeon-in-charge to loving partner again.

"That's probably Psych looking for you," he said kindly. "I got this."

"You're going to get yourself into trouble," she told him plainly.

"I can't worry about that right now," he countered.

As they left the room, she gently but firmly grabbed his wrist and said quietly, "Don't get yourself fired. We have a baby on the way, Connor. For God's sake, let stronger heads prevail."

Sarah found him up in the post op ward at the end of her shift that night. She wasn't entirely surprised, if she were being honest. She knew he'd be here, checking in on his patient - his usual M.O.

"An atrial cable shunt," she said in her best impressed voice, moseying up beside him. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow, which of course made her laugh. "I'm just kidding, I only vaguely know what those words mean. I've blocked those classes back in med school from my memory."

"And yet, I still think you'd make a good surgeon," he countered.

She completely ignored that. "I passed some residents in the elevator on my way over. They're calling you a cowboy."

"Well," he said dramatically, "I would look good in chaps."

"Don't tempt me," she laughed. "You know I'd make that happen. But they'd be the most obnoxious, ridiculous costume you've ever seen in your life. Complete with rhinestones and sequins, and -"

"- Yeah, yeah," he swiftly derailed her very strange train of thought. "I get the picture."

"It would be glorious. Fantabulous."

He faced her straight on and deadpanned, "Are you sure you haven't had coffee today?"

It wasn't funny, but apparently to this couple it really was. They were still laughing when Ms Goodwin found him.

"Dr Rhodes," she said seriously. " _Three_ operating rooms upstairs were open. You could've treated your patient in any one of them."

"Maybe, but I didn't want to risk him dying in transit. That is why we have a hybrid OR."

Ms Goodwin's eyes flicked from Connor to Sarah and back. Then, she continued, "The gallbladder surgery you interrupted - I'm rescheduling it for tomorrow in the hybrid OR."

"Ms Goodwin, this idea to repurpose my room is misguided and reckless."

That'd done it.

"Your room?" she asked him disbelievingly. "Well, the Board is considering closing your room unless it starts proving its worth. That's why I'm gonna make sure it is always earning money."

"Great," Connor countered. "Then I'm gonna keep fighting back, because I am not gonna let Gwen Garrett turn the hybrid OR into an ATM."

"Gwen Garrett has nothing to do with this," Ms Goodwin said strongly. "I decided to put general surgeries in there. So you pull this little stunt again and I'll show you the door."

Connor was fuming. As she walked away, he turned back to Sarah. "I don't care what she says," he said seriously. "I saved his life. I'd do it again."

This was exactly what she'd warned him about earlier, but Sarah still found herself smiling.

"Come here," she said, taking his hand and leading him away.

"Where are we going?"

She giggled. "Supply room."

That had confused him. "Why?"

"Well," she said, "You, me and the door have a long-standing reservation."

"Wait, really?"

By this point, they'd reached her destination. She found herself pulling him inside, then pressing his back against the wall. It was surprising for Connor, to say the least. Very rarely did he see this side of Sarah. Granted, he saw the delicate and romantic side of the woman quite regularly. It was this side of her - the dominant, assertive side of her - that didn't come out all that often. To Connor's mind, the appearance of this part of her personality always led to _great_ sex. As much as they both wanted that, it couldn't happen here. It was neither the time, nor the place.

"Honey," he managed between kisses. "Honey, we need to -"

"- Home," she finished off for him. "Now."

As they made their way out to the parking lot far quicker than they usually would, he couldn't help but grin like the freaking Cheshire Cat.

"You know," he said when he opened the car door for her, "maybe these pregnancy hormones aren't so bad after all."

She laughed. "Just wait until the day they tell me I want to wring your neck. Won't be quite so enjoyable then, will it?"

"Yeah, maybe not," he agreed. "But for right now? I think I like them."

 _ **A/N:** So ... hi again! I hope you liked this one. It was weirdly a kind of easy one for me to write, I think? A lot of fun, a bit of fluff - but we all know the drama's only just around the corner ;) That's why we all love Med!_


	70. Death Do Us Part

Nat and Will's wedding day was upon them before they could really register it. Sarah was looking forward to end of her shift, when she and Connor would be heading over to the Church Maggie and Nat and Will, where they would have photos taken before the ceremony. (Somehow, she'd been pulled into what Maggie was calling "Team Bride," but Nat was insisting she was really "Team Groom" in disguise).

Except, things just weren't running to plan. She was down in the ED, having just seen a patient, when Jay Halstead appeared and barged his way over to the hybrid OR. What followed was a very short, serious-looking conversation with Connor, and then the two surgeons - Connor and Ava Bekker - were leaving the room. She wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but she couldn't help but overhear their conversation. They were walking right past her, after all.

"So you just changed your mind?" Ava asked him.

"Yeah."

"And that had nothing to do with the conversation you just had with Jay?"

Connor's silence spoke volumes.

"I don't like being blindsided like that in the OR," Ava said. "But then, you really like shutting people out."

"Trust me," Connor said, "it is better you not knowing."

"Why would you say that?"

He hadn't realised it yet, but he'd subconsciously weaved his way over to the desk where Sarah was working at a computer, updating a patient's chart. "Because, Ava," he said quietly. "If something goes wrong, you're going to want deniability."

And that was when Dr Bekker walked away in a huff.

Sarah took that as her chance to tentatively check in on him. "Everything okay?"

"Nope." The word was out of his mouth so quickly, she genuinely wasn't sure if he knew he'd even said it. But he did turn around and wrap an arm around her comfortingly. When his head hit her shoulder, however, it became very clear to her that he was not okay.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Nope."

One sigh, and he knew he was done for.

"Sarah, I really don't ... You'll want deniability, too."

She put her head on an angle and managed to meet his eyes. "We're supposed to be a team, Connor."

She had him there, and he knew it. He rubbed a hand across his face, then made a noise that was clearly an indication he was admitting defeat.

"Fine," he said after a long moment. "Let's talk in here."

And so, they headed back into the doctor's lounge. Their old meeting spot felt so familiar, but right now it didn't feel comforting like it should.

"Connor, what the hell is going on?" she demanded the second the door had closed behind them.

"It's Will. Something really weird's going down."

"What the hell does that mean?"

Connor found himself sitting down and rubbing his hands over his face again. That was never a good sign.

"Jay said ... he said my patient in there is some sort of a material witness. That Will's missing."

"Wait - missing?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Connor jumped up, taking hold of her left arm and helping her down onto the couch. "Don't panic, okay?"

She scoffed. "Connor, Will is missing on his wedding day. And Jay demanded you wake up a patient mid-procedure. How exactly am I not supposed to panic at that?"

"It'll be okay," Connor reassured her, but he was clearly still trying to convince himself this was the case. "Jay's got the whole of Intelligence at his disposal. They'll find him."

"And in the meantime, you're supposed to hope your patient doesn't die so he can help?"

At that very moment, his pager went off.

"Go," she insisted. "Someone needs you."

He glanced at it, then said, "It's not urgent. Come with me - the walk'll do you good."

When they emerged, they seemed to realise they had been in there far longer than either of them had realised. They headed up toward the surgical floor, where Connor's patient had been transferred. Today, they were consummate professionals - they walked side by side, close enough to indicate they were familiar with each other, but far enough away so as not to draw attention to themselves. (The rumour mill had been in overdrive since that kiss in front of the elevator - they'd decided they needed to start trying to keep some distance).

As soon as they walked through the doors into the surgical unit, Connor was all but accosted by a woman that turned out to be his patient's wife. He was trying to reassure her, but there was no denying it was not going well.

"Your husband is still in critical condition," Connor was saying. "We're certainly not out of the woods yet."

The woman stepped in front of him and rounded on them. "Then why was he taken out of surgery?"

It was a valid point, and it had Connor stumped. But being the somewhat collected, completely confident man he was, he ran with it.

"Um ... We could only keep your husband on the table for so long. We did as much as we could, and then we had to give his body some time to recover." It was total bullshit, but he was selling it. "Now hopefully tomorrow, we'll take him back to surgery and we'll close him up."

Glancing to their left, Sarah spotted Jay Halstead. She knew Connor had seen him too, because he was very politely excusing them and making a beeline through another doorway to get to the detective.

"You want to explain what the _hell_ is going on?" Sarah demanded the second the door had closed behind them.

"Sarah, I -"

"- Don't you dare with me right now, Connor Rhodes," she growled. To Jay, she continued, "He said Will is missing. How in the hell can Will be missing?!"

"I can't get into it right now, Sarah," Jay said as calmly as he could. "I'm running out of time. I gotta talk to this guy."

They walked around another corner, and came face to face with Ava Bekker in the post op ward. "I'm sure sure how stable he is yet," she said. "You really want to wake him up?"

As much as Connor definitely did not want to do it, he also didn't really have a choice. Thank God the patient's wife was still out in the waiting area.

Sarah hung back, watching the scene play out in front of her. Jay was trying, as best he possible could, to get the guy to communicate with them. But he was so out of it, and he was still intubated so speaking was out of the question. But somehow, they managed to get him to write something somewhat legibly on a small dry erase board.

None of the doctors even had a chance to see what it said. Jay grabbed the thing and sprinted out of there so quickly, he literally almost ran people down in the hallway.

By the time they finally heard from Jay again, they were supposed to be leaving the hospital. Connor was still in his scrubs - Sarah had just tracked him down in the hallway and was about to hand him his suit when a police officer passed on Jay's message: "It's all good."

And then a nurse directed him through to the patient. They were off like a lightening bolt, running toward the patient. (Somehow, she managed to do so in a dress and heels without falling on her face. This was not the moment to be thinking about it, but it felt like some sort of a miracle).

Connor ran into the room and immediately tried calling the code. Sarah found herself in the corner of the room, comforting the poor man's wife.

"He's still asystolic, push another round of epi," Connor directed far more calmly then he felt.

That was when Ava stopped doing chest compressions. Defeated, she responded, "He's already had four."

There was nothing they could do.

Connor had been out in the hallway for a solid ten minutes when Ava and Sarah finally emerged. The former had been filling out paperwork; the latter had been doing what she could to comfort the poor man's wife. They came through the doorway just as Connor seemed to lose his shit and hit the wall he was leaning against. It was the first time in a very long time Sarah had actually seen him upset to the point of tears. Losing a patient was never easy, but this was not a normal reaction for Connor. And she completely understood why.

"His blood pressure spiked," Ava explained very quietly. "Came off the Diprivan pretty hard."

Ava looked to Sarah and nodded once, then walked away. That was clearly her indicating that he was Sarah's problem now. He was facing the window, doubled over and trying his absolute hardest not to completely lose it in the middle of the hospital."

"Hey," Sarah said comfortingly, stepping closer and gently rubbing circles comfortingly on his back. "You didn't really have a choice, Connor."

It wasn't comforting, but it was the truth.

She lost track of how long they stood there, looking through a window into the post op ward but still trying their absolute hardest not to look at the wife grieving her lost husband. What they were looking at right now was their absolute nightmare. Neither could bear to see it, but they also couldn't seem to peel their eyes away.

It was a long time before either of them moved. When they did, no words were spoken. In utter silence, they headed down to the doctor's lounge where Connor haphazardly jumped into his tux, and then headed over to the church.

They should have been late - so late, in fact, that the ceremony should have been more or less over. When they arrived, however, they found Maggie standing on the front steps of the church, anxiously looking out at the street as though she were waiting for someone.

In an automatic response to their unasked question, the charge nurse said, "It hasn't started yet. We can't get hold of Will - or Jay, for that matter."

The couple shared a look, which of course Maggie immediately picked up on.

"What?"

"Uh, Maggie ..." Sarah began to try to explain, but she couldn't find the words.

"It's ..."

After all, how do you find the words to tell someone that your friend is likely not making it to his own wedding?


	71. All the Lonely People

It had been nearly a month now since Nat and Will's almost-wedding. Which meant it had been a month since Will was taken into protective custody. It had been strange at first, not just for Nat but for everybody. Slowly, however, things had gone back to normal.

The day Nat came back to work, Sarah and Connor insisted on taking her out to dinner with his sister, Claire. They'd claimed it was so they had someone to run interference on the aunt-to-be's constant chattering about baby clothes and nurseries, but Nat could see it for what it was. Although she expected to find herself irritated at the sudden attention she was getting from left, right and centre, she found herself grateful for the downtime with her friends. Somehow, in the midst of the chaos that had become her life, these two found a way to make her feel normal. (And, it turned out, she genuinely liked Claire. When she was invited to a weekend ladies brunch that weekend, she hadn't hesitated to say yes.)

While on the one hand, Sarah felt like she had no reason to be struggling with everything, she couldn't help but know she really was. Will was one of the two big brother figures in her life. She couldn't help but feel like that eternally optimistic confidant had been unceremoniously cut out of her life, with no warning whatsoever. She didn't realise how big a role her ED family truly played in her life until one of them was suddenly gone.

On the other hand, her shock and confusion was nothing in comparison to what she imagined Nat would be feeling right now. She'd purposely avoided bringing the topic up in conversation with her friend - Sarah wanted nothing more than to just be there for her, to try and bring a tiny sliver of normalcy back into Nat's life. It wasn't much, but it was all she could do.

These were the thoughts running through her head as she stood in the kitchen early that morning, killing time before Connor woke up and they had to start their day. Sleeping was becoming increasingly difficult with each passing day, as it slowly became less and less likely she would find a comfortable position to actually sleep in. Then again, the pregnancy hormones had worked wonders for their sex life - not that it was at all lacking to begin with.

After what felt like hours, she finally heard him emerge from their bedroom. He was definitely still half-asleep, but he at least looked rested. She was highly suspicious that the smell of the coffe she'd just prepared for him was wafting through the apartment and had woken him from his slumber.

"I thought you'd never get up," she said with a smile.

He'd stepped as close as he possibly could behind her and wrapped her in his arms before he responded. "It's your fault," he said, kissing her cheek. "You kept me up too late."

Her smile turned into a full-on grin. "Can you blame me?" she quipped.

He didn't respond - he was too busy finding any possible piece of uncovered skin. His kisses were soft, sweet, and definitely repeated. She needed to have this conversation with him before they wound up back in the bedroom. (Not that that would be a bad thing. Just ... distracting, to say the least).

"You didn't tell me this thing tonight was such a big deal."

She'd said it as casually as she could. Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice. He was otherwise occupied right now.

"Is it?"

She raised the newspaper and read the headline at him: "'City Honours Gaffney Chicago Medical Centre Tonight.' It's all about your hybrid OR."

He took the newspaper out of her hand and threw it on the counter beside them. Nonchalantly, he said, "They must be desperate for news."

The kisses turned more passionate at that point. Somehow - and God only knows how he did it - she found herself now sitting on the counter, responding in kind. This was not how this conversation was supposed to be going.

"City officials are going to be there," she said between kissing him. "The Board."

She was enjoying the feeling of his lips on her neck, when she finally said, "Let's not go."

Either he hadn't noticed, or too much of his blood was rushing south. This was a language she knew how to speak.

"Let's stay home," she said, "and ..."

Cue a very passionate kiss.

She'd finally got his attention. "I am so with you there, but we have to go," he said. "And at least make an appearance."

"Then you go without me," she said, defintiely encouraging where all of this passion was leading.

"Uh, no. Absolutely not," he said suddenly, stopping them in their very enjoyable tracks. "There wouldn't be a hybrid OR if it wasn't for you."

The man was definitely not getting the message.

"I don't feel like it," she said quietly, in a feeble attempt to argue.

And that was when he stopped kissing her.

"I want you there," he said seriously. "You're my girl."

Even now, it wasn't often they actually openly acknowledged their relationship, even to each other. Just like any other time one of them did, they kissed long and hard.

"Then honour my wishes," she said. "I'm not going."

To her mind, leaving the room would have been his indication to follow her. Except, when she walked away she left a very confused Connor standing alone in her wake.

She had to stop herself from laughing when she heard him calling through the corridor, "Uh, Sarah ... Are we -?"

"- Bedroom," she responded, leaning back and poking her head around the corner of the hallway. "Bedroom right now."

"I'm on my way," he said with a grin.

Oh, men. Even when you think you've got them trained, they sometimes seem to forget everything they've learnt.

By the time they arrived for their shifts that morning, their colleagues had already faced the unbelievable. What kind of person drives up to a hospital and starts shooting? A maniac, that's who. At least, that's what Connor had concluded. He had a moment of panic when he heard someone was hit. Given their track record, he half expected to be told it was Sarah. But it had been April - she was fine, thank God, but that didn't stop everyone from being a little on edge.

Connor had caught a case before Sarah could get downstairs to see him. The whole hospital was buzzing with what had happened - it definitely did not escape the notice of the staff up in Psych. Sarah was pissed off, more than anything esle, when Dr Charles wouldn't let her near his evaluation of the patient. Apparently, he had a problem with women which made it too dangerous for her - poor, pregnant Sarah - to go anywhere near it. Instead, he'd taken a very unwilling medical student in her place.

She wasn't above admitting that hurt.

When she did run into Connor, he was coming out of surgery. Apparently he'd let the father of his paediatric trauma case into the OR whlie the kid was sedated, then when his stats dropped dad tried to step in and it was all shot to hell.

As they walked away from the parent in the waiting room, she heard Connor jokingly say to Ava Bekker, "You gonna give me the lecture now?"

"Oh, I could," Ava replied. "But your intentions were good. You couldn't know that dad would go mental."

As they met up with Sarah, Ava smiled and nodded in her direction, saying, "Sarah."

"Hey honey," Connor greeted her warmly, gratefully taking the steaming cup of coffee out of her hands.

"Hey," she responded happily, matching his pace as they continued their way down the corridor. "So, have we learnt our lesson on letting people into the OR, or -?"

"- Not you too," he groaned good naturedly.

"I'm just saying, I'm pretty sure that was lesson one back in med school: Don't let parents into the treatment room when you're working on their kid."

"I thought you blocked out those surgical classes they made you take?"

She laughed. "Oh, this wasn't surgical-specific. This was Peadiatric Treatment 101."

He joined her this time. "Okay, fair. So - you got time for lunch?"

"Not today," she sighed. "Dr Charles is tied up with that shooter down in the ED. He's asked me to pick up the slack with his pateints up in the ward. I am, however, on a mandatory short break."

That was when he stopped walking and turned to face her, his whole demeanour suddenly serious. "Then I'll make this quick. Come with me tonight."

Sarah pulled a face. "Connor, the Board's gonna be there. Among other things, that means your father's going to be there."

In the past, he would have pulled her aside, away from any ears that might pass them. Today, he didn't seem to care. "Oh, I've got a mental dad, too. So what?"

He hadn't meant for it to come out quite like that, but it was the sentiment he was trying to get across. To her own surprise, Sarah didn't dignify that with a direct response. Instead, she opted for a work-around.

"It's uncomfortable being around the two of you," she said. Gesturing to her small but clearly visible bump, she added, "We also haven't told him about the baby."

"I know," Connor sympathised. "But you can't avoid him forever. You and I are a couple - with a future, right?"

Despite the thinly veiled seriousness of their conversation, he still managed to make her chuckle.

"You're stuck with me for at least the next eighteen years," he continued good-naturedly. "Unfortunately, that means we won't be able to avoid my dad forever."

She thought for a moment, then asked, "When exactly did family drama become a thing in our lives? I thought is used to be all work-related. I'm not imagining that, am I?"

"Definitely not," he responded, wrapping an arm gently around her back as they continued to walk down the hallway.

She didn't mean for it to come out here, not like this. But she still found herself saying, "Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

So, she had thoroughly confused him.

"What you said, that day in the ED."

He paused, then threw her a look. "Yeah, I'm gonna need a bit more than that. We kinda spend half our lives down in the ED, so ..."

It came out in a whisper: "... Do you really want to marry me?"

Despite her initial protests, Sarah found herself by Connor's side that night at the damn celebration thing. He knew she wsn't here willingly, but he appreciated that she'd still come to support him. Just like she always did.

Unsurprisingly, it had been Claire who was her saviour in the end. She'd raced over to the hospital with what felt like a full rack of party dresses for Sarah to try on - she certainly hadn't tried them, but she knew for sure nothing she had in her closet would even remotely fit anymore, let alone disguise her growing bump. Very quickly, Sarah had no choice but to concede that she wouldn't be able to hide the baby bump in anything, probably ever again.

She eventually settled on what felt like a very simple a-line midi dress. It was black with red/green/blue/pink embroidered flowers, and paired brilliantly with the simple pair of black strappy heels she had insisted on wearing. (All the other options were covered in glitter, or rhinestones, or sequins. It just wasn't going to happen). The dress was a little lower-cut than she would normally go for, though one perk of being pregnant was she now had a little more in the cleavage area to fill the dress out with. (Needless to say, Connor was thoroughly enjoying this perk).

She met Connor, who was all dressed up in his black suit, in the atrium of the hospital. Despite organising everything at the absolute last minute - and her deliberate attempt to be running late - they managed to arrive at the function just in time to her Gwen Garrett give her usual corporate-type speech.

"We have a great reason to celebrate tonight and I am delighted to see all the members of our Board, along with so many of our generous supporters. Gaffney Medical Centre's on the cutting edge of urgent care, due in large part to the men and women who are here tonight. On behalf of them, I thank you."

Connor couldn't help but make a small noise, something akin to "eurgh" under his breath to Sarah.

She couldn't help but giggle - quietly, of course, so as to not draw any attention their way. In her own whisper, she told him, "And that right there is what morning sickness feels like."

As soon as it was over, Ms Goodwin, who had been standing in front of them, turned around with a smile.

"Congratulations," she said, "to both of you."

The twinkle in her eye said it all. Sarah had intentionally been standing with her arms crossed since she put the damn dress on, trying to do everything she could to hide her left hand.

It wasn't that the ring wasn't beautiful. It was more ... she wanted to tell people in their own time, they both did. But then again, it was a party - a celebration. Why not get it over in one sitting? Because, of course, they wanted to tell their friends first. Besides, it just wouldn't be right in the eyes of the upper class snobs they would be rubbing shoulders with tonight for them to be having a child without at least being engaged.

Not that it really mattered. Like, at all. To anyone they cared about. (But they really did need the ongoing support of the Board and the hospital's donors. Without them, there would be no Hybrid OR.)

Ms Goodwin had clearly spotted the simple, elegant diamond Sarah had been trying to hide.

"And to you," Connor said, stepping in to save Sarah from a very potentially uncomfortable situation.

Ms Goodwin happily clinked glasses with both of them, but she couldn't resist adding, "Not what I was talking about. We have plenty to celebrate here tonight."

And that was when Gwen Garrett approached. "Don't you two look beautiful," she said in way of greeting. Before waiting for a response, or any form of greeting, she reached for both Connor and Ms Goodwin and continued, "I'm sorry, but I need to steal these two for a moment."

Of course, she definitely wasn't surprised by this. Tonight was Connor's night - he would need to face the press and the cameras, and answer the same set of questions he'd answered ten times over by this point. She would survive a few minutes, or even a few hours, on her own at this thing. Sure, she wasn't great in social situations, but as long as she smiled and nodded and happily greeted people, that was all she would need to do.

Just as long as she could avoid...

Honestly, she smelt his aftershave approaching from behind her before he said anything. She found she was forcing herself not to shiver, either in disgust or in fear, as she waited for him to announce himself.

"Dr Reese," he said in way of greeting. "So lovely to see you."

"And you, Mr Rhodes," she said with what she really hoped was not a plastic smile forcibly plastered on her face.

"I believe congratulations are in order," he said quietly. "On two counts."

Apparently she wasn't good at hiding her left hand.

"Thank you," she replied. "Connor and I greatly appreciate it."

"On that topic - I seem to recall we had an ... agreement."

When she didn't respond, he kept talking.

"I seem to recall you were moving to Texas. When I gave you that cheque. And then the one for my son's new venture."

Sarah actually did grimace this time. "And I'm sure you recall the part where I told you I don't need your money. Or want it. And that I actually did move to Texas."

"And yet, here we are," Corenlius continued pompously. "See, that was a very large cheque I wrote you. I think I deserve to see you live up to your end of the bargain."

They both kenw he wasn't talking about the hybrid OR anymore. There was no denying the thinly veiled threat behind his words.

"With all due respect, Mr Rhodes, there was no bargain," Sarah said firmly. "And I'm sure you will also recall me ripping that thing to pieces."

Cornelius dropped all pretences at that point. "Does my son know about our arrangement?"

At that moment, she decided she'd had enough. Rather than stooping to his level, she stormed off in search of the one person who could get her the hell out of here.

She found him, moments later, on the other side of the room. He appeared to be finishing up with some reporters - at the very least, she seemed to have good timing.

The moment her hand landed on his elbow, he knew there was something wrong. He didn't need to feel the vice grip she had on him to know that.

"Honey, what's -?"

"- I think we should go," she interrupted him. "Now."

"Why?" he asked, putting a comforting arm around her back and steering her away from the crowd of reporters.

"Your father."

She'd barely got the first word out of her mouth by the time his blood started boiling. "What about him?"

She took a deep, steadying breath. "The night that I went to see him, to ask for money for the hybrid room."

"Yeah?" he encouraged her, knowing this was definitely going somewhere he did not like.

"He's - he's saying the most hateful things," she managed, blinking back tears. "Connor, he tried to pay me off. To make me stay away from you. And - and he's telling people I took the money."

She could see it written on his face. There was no stopping him now, no matter what the consequences would be.

All she could do was follow him. How she managed that speed in these heels while this pregnant, she would never know. It wasn't like it was something she could do in a normal situation. But here she was, watching what was possibly one of the most satisfying moments of her life play out in front of her:

Connor Rhodes had just approached Cornelius at the bar and hit him square in the jaw. The next thing anyone could register, Cornelius Rhodes was on the ground.

Connor instantly regretted it the moment it was over. Not because he was making a spectacle, not because the man was a Board member, and definitely not because he also happened to be his father. It hurt his hand more than anything ever had before. That _definitely_ looked easier in the movies.

He knew without looking that Sarah was beside him as he stared Cornelius down.

"What did she tell you?" his father asked him condescendingly. "I can't wait to hear."

Connor had turned to leave, but then he found himself turning back to his father again. "Say what you want about me, dad. But you stay away from Sarah."

"You know, I don't recall ever going near Dr Reese," Cornelius said with a smile.

Sarah was very sure that if she hadn't intervened, Connor would have started kicking the man while he was down - literally. Her hands laid gently but firmly on his arm seemed to remind him where they were, and that this wasn't him.

"You want to be an asshole? Fine," Connor spat. "But you stay away from us - from me and my fiance. And you stay the _hell_ away from our daughter."

 _ **A/N:** So I went a little more dramatic on the Cornelius part - I just really think it would've felt a lot more satisfying for me if Connor had actually said something to this effect? But maybe it was more dramatic without it. Also - yay engagement! And a baby girl is incoming!_

 _I'll see you next time :)_


	72. Who Can You Trust

"So she's a girl?"

Connor had been down in the ED for all of two seconds that morning when Maggie cornered him in the middle of the football.

With a grin, he found himself shaking his head and saying, "Good morning to you too, Maggie."

"Don't you do that to me, Rhodes," Maggie countered immediately, following him through the maze of computers and paperwork. "You found out she's a girl and you didn't tell us?"

"'Us'?" Connor asked, somewhat disbelivingly. "See, I used to think 'us' was me and Sarah, but I'm quickly realising it's actually the whole damn hospital."

It had been a couple of days since the gala. He'd thought he was lucky in that he'd not been scheduled on shift again until this morning. Apparently, however, he was wrong - word of the incident seemed to have spread like wildfire.

Maggie rolled her eyes. She knew he was joking, but she also knew he was using the humour to cover his feelings. She wrapped him in the biggest bear hug and said, "Congratulations, Dad. You're having a baby girl!"

He had to stop himself from cringing.

"Oh, lighten up, Dad," Maggie joked. "You're gonna be just fine."

"I don't know the first thing about raising girls," Connor found himself whispering. "I am terrified."

For her part, Maggie smiled. "You are gonna be just fine."

Her words were meant to be comforting, but they also weren't all that helpful. A little girl? He didn't know the first thing about raising girls. As exciting as it was, above all else he found it absolutely terrifying.

About an hour later, Connor found himself working on charts back in the football. He happened to have chosen the desk at the far end of the ED where he was perfectly placed to see a very tired Sarah Reese stroll through the access doors from the adjoining hallway. The squeak was what had caused him to look up. When he saw the tired expression on her face, and noticed that she hadn't bothered changing out of her scrubs like she normally would after an overnight shift, he could already tell it had been a hard shift.

"Long night?" he asked her with a sympathetic expression.

She strolled over to the desk and sighed. "Exceptionally long," she said, running a hand over the curls she had thrown into a haphazard braid at some ungodly hour this morning.

"Well, you will be pleased to know a fantastic long nap will be all yours when you get home," he said happily. She had opened her mouth to say something when he pulled her keys - complete with her giant strawberry keychain - from his pocket and held them in mid air. "You're probably looking for these. Found them on the kitchen counter. Beside an open bag of coffee beans?"

"Hey - I can't drink them, but I can still enjoy the armoas," she said a little defensively. "Don't judge the pregnant lady."

"Definitely not judging the pregnant lady," he chuckled. "Also - the new mattress just got delivered this morning."

She couldn't help herself. She knew they were at work where they were trying to keep a lower profile, but she still found herself saying, "Don't you think that's something we ought to break in together?"

Connor found himself leaning on the desk between them. With a grin, he said, "I like where your head's at."

But that was the end of the flirty banter. They were both quiet for a moment, but Sarah quickly jumped back in.

"So we haven't really, um ... We haven't talked about what happened at the gala." She'd had to resort to her old word-vomit trick just to get the sound to come out of her mouth.

He made a move as though he were going to say something, but she found herself continue on anyway. She'd been thinking about this all night. She just needed to say her piece.

"Connor, what Cornelius told people -"

"- It was vintage my father," he said, knowing very well he would need to cut her off at the pass, so to speak. "He's spreading lies and using you to get under my skin."

"... So you told him to stay away from us. And from the baby?"

"Yes," he answered honestly.

"I thought we decided that we wouldn't have a choice but to let him into theoretical children's lives?"

"Nah, I'm pretty sure we decided we wouldn't have a choice but to tell him the now-not-so-theoretical child exists. But we don't have to let him be a part of her life." Connor paused for a moment, then continued, "Look, he's a prick."

That was the point that Dr Lannick made a very unwelcome appearance.

"Rhodes, good," he said in way of greeting. "There was a huge pile-up on the highway near East Mercy, I had to send two surgeons over there to assist. You're it, buddy."

Sarah could actually see Connor physically holding his tongue on that one. He glanced at Lannick, then turned back to face her again. "So it's all hands on deck. You mind sticking around the ED?"

"I'm not a surgeon," Sarah said kindly, and not for her fiance's benefit, "but I can help out with incoming traumas."

"So much for sleep," Connor quipped quietly. Ignoring the look Lannick was sending in his direction, he told Sarah as she walked away, "Dump your stuff in my locker, we'll sort it out later."

Her hand waving haphazardly over her shoulder was the only response he needed to know she had heard him over the day-to-day chaos.

To Connor's surprise, Lannick still hadn't moved. Like the man himself, he was watching Sarah as she walked away.

"So you're engaged now?"

Connor couldn't help but throw him a look. "What's it to you?"

"I don't know that I'd want to marry into that family. The crazy's just a little _too_ close to home. Know what I mean?"

Connor didn't have a chance to reply. He was still glaring at Lannick as he headed off again (probably to ruin someone else's day) when he caught a case - pedestrian vs. auto. Never a good sign.

He'd started the preliminary checks when Sarah entered the room.

"Maggie filled me in," she said, suddnely all business. "I'll clear the C-spine?"

"Can't," he answered automatically. "She's preseverating. We've gotta wait until she's lucid. Let's do a FAST scan."

While the other staff in the room handled getting the equipment over to him for the scan, Sarah leaned forward and checked the patient's eyes.

"She's jaundice."

"Yeah," Connor answered, knowing as well as Sarah did that that was not good news. "Maggie - check to see if the patient's in the system. Look for anything that would account for the jaundice."

Their charge nurse was all over it. As efficiently as always, she stood in the doorway and rifled through the system. As they continued to work to stablise their patient, Maggie did her thing. Within minutes, they had an answer: Liver disease. And she was already on the transplant list.

Connor locked eyes with Sarah. "If her liver took the hit ..."

"... She doesn't have much time."

Needless to say, Sarah did not go home that morning. She was still at the hospital nearly an hour later when the patient's sister arrived. She and Connor had been taking a short break when he got the page. She was a little disappointed to lose her human pillow, but that's just how their world worked. So he'd gone out to meet the sister while she took a few extra minutes of a nap on what she had determined was the most uncomfortable couch in the entire hospital. And of course, it was in the doctor's lounge on the surgical floor. (It's not like surgeons needed sleep anyway, right?)

By the time Sarah surfaced from her nap on the couch from hell, he had made some positive movement on the case.

"Sleep well?" he greeted her warmly as she came out of the lounge. "Hey, I was just coming to get you. So it turns out our patient's sister is a match to direct donate. And the nurses tell me she's just regained consciousness. Want to come with me to break it all down?"

Sarah blinked a couple of times, still clearly trying to wake herself up. "I thought I was just assisting on this one?"

"You're not 'just' anything, honey," he reminded her sweetly. "We're gonna see this through together."

That earned him a chorus of "Awww" from the nurses station.

As they made their way across the ward to their patient, Sarah whispered, "This is why we were trying to keep our personal lives on the down low."

"And yet there's pink streamers and balloons everywhere we go," Connor whispered back. "That idea is well and truly out the window."

To everyone's surprise, the revelation of the sister being a match did not go well. Sarah had just brought her into the room when their patient was yelling and insisting she leave the room.

It wasn't until much later that Connor could explain the situation, but sitting there beside the patient and hearing her explain the story was absolutely breaking Connor's heart.

"Mary was only three years old," she was saying. "Denise put her to bed, went downstairs, lit her bong and smoked herself into oblivion. When she woke up, the house was in flames. She managed to get herself out, but she was too stoned to remember that Mary - my Mary - was still upstairs. I won't accept anything from her. I'd rather die."

When he came out of the room again, he had a face like thunder. Sarah very politely excused herself from where she was speaking with Denise, the sister, so she could find out what the hell was going on.

"I asked her to stick around to see if we can get Lesley to change her mind," Sarah explained quietly. "Denise doesn't think she'll budge."

"Yeah, no. She was quite adamant," Connor managed to say. "I mean ... I can understand."

"So can I, to a degree," Sarah nodded. "But Connor - she's cheating herself out of life, to what? Punish her sister? Denise has already done that to herself. Every day of her life she has to reckon with what happened."

"... You mean, with what she did," Connor said plainly.

Sarah had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. "She's not shirking responsibility," she explained. "Quite the opposite. That's why she's so desperate to make amends."

"Well, regardless, we can't force Lesley to accept Denise's liver."

"No," Sarah conceded. "We just have to stand by and watch her die. We both know the liklihood of another liver coming through in time is slim. She's got days, at most."

At that point, she winced. She'd been doing that on and off all morning, but she'd been able to hide it from him fairly well up until now. She knew he'd seen it. She also knew he knew she was trying not to make a big deal about it.

"I'm gonna reach out to the hospital's PR team, get them to put out an urgent public appeal for a donor." he said. "And you - you are going to lie down again before I send you up to OB to have you checked out."

"I am _fine_ , Connor," she insisted even as he took hold of her elbow and guided her back toward the doctor's lounge. "I'm growing a human. A little discomort is to be expected."

"And in a high risk pregnancy like yours, the warning sign is to be heeded," he countered, now depositing her back on the couch. "If it gets any worse at all -"

"- I know, I know," she said, rolling her eyes at him and wriggling around as much as she could in an attempt to make that awful couch even somewhat bearable. "Page OB. And you."

A couple of hours later - once Sarah had checked on her own patients up in the psych ward (and been promptly thrown out by Dr Charles himself) - she found herself back down in the ED, looking for Connor. He was exactly where she expected him to be - standing at his locker, trying to separate his belongings from the pile of stuff she had unceremoniously dumped in there when things started moving this morning.

"I have great news," she said happily to a tired-looking bearded man. "We found a donor for Lesley. Someone answered the hospital's public plea."

"Really? That fast? It just went out a few hours ago."

"I know, I can hardly believe it myself."

She found herself confused when he started asking questions. "Um, is it a living donor or did the family of the deceased request it go to Lesley?"

"No idea," she shrugged. "Ava gave me the good news when I passed her upstairs."

"She did?"

"Yeah. It's all anonymous though, right? So - ah!"

That was the moment a wave of pain ran through her. And the part where Connor helped her into a chair, then poked his head out into the hallway.

"Someone get me a chair - I need a little help in here!"

In seconds, six people had come running.

"I'm fine - no really, I'm fine," Sarah was insisting. "Just a little - ah - pain. It's okay."

"It's been going on all day, Sarah," Connor insisted. "We've gotta get you checked out."

"I'm - ah - fine. Really, I'm -"

The look he threw her said it all.

"Okay, okay. Fine," she eventually conceded. "One scan and a consult. And do _not_ put me in a trauma bay."

"You heard the lady!" Maggie announced with a smile. "Treatment four's open. Pop her in there, I'm paging OB now. And someone find me a doctor that's not baby daddy over here? Where's Nat?"

Dr Manning met them at the doorway to the treatment bay with a big smile on her face. Without even looking at Connor, who was already fiddling with the ultrasound machine, Nat announced, "If you touch so much as a single piece of equipment Connor, so help me I will banish you from this treatment room."

When Sarah and Nat both turned to face him, they found him frozen in place somewhat guiltily - with the ultrasound already in his hand.

"Out," Nat said very sharply, pointing to the door and drawing a laugh out of Sarah, who was thoroughly enjoying the entertainment.

When he went to argue with her, she found herself saying, "I'm telling you, I'm fine. And if I'm not, Nat will page you. Now go."

"But -"

"- Go."

Sarah was fine, just like she knew she would be. But Nat was insisting on keeping her overnight for observation. It was killing her, but at least she'd finally found a comfortable bed in this place. (Every couch she tried today turned out to be a dud - then again, that could have been her general discomfort more than it was the furniture).

He'd done a solid half-hour on why Ava Bekker had stepped over the line in getting the sister to anonymously donate the liver their patient had needed when she finally convinced Connor to go home. He'd tried pulling rank as a doctor when visitng hours ended, but she knew she'd won when she threatened to call security.

"But we were supposed to break that new bed in together."

Needless to say, his argument didn't work.

"Then sleep on the couch," she countered. "It might do you good - get a small taste of what I'm going through, and all that."

"Isn't that what the robot class is for?"

"Uh, no. That's for teaching teenagers how hard it is to actually be a parent. But I'm sure we could find you some sort of a simulation belly ..."

"And I'm out," he said with a laugh. There was a quick peck, and then, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"You better. You're my ride home."

He was all smiles until he made it out to the hallway. Something about this case today kept niggling at him in the back of his mind. He didn't want to end up in a pointless familial war one day further down the track like these two sisters. As much as it pained him to admit it, he needed to talk to his father.

His old family home was absolutely the last place Connor Rhodes ever wanted to be. He wasn't surprised at all when the security staff let him in. And he knew immedaitely where he would find his father: In his study, drinking something alchoholic. (Which, given the day Connor had already had, he had to admit looked vaguely inviting).

"Well, well," Cornelius Rhodes said pompously as Connor descended the spiral staircase. "Young Oedipus."

Connor didn't say anything. That comment alone made him want to deck the man, but that wasn't why he was here.

"Come to hit me again?"

As inviting as it sounded ... he couldn't bite. Instead, he went straight to the point:

"What happened with Sarah and the cheque?"

When he didn't answer straight away, it was clear Cornelius was stalling. Eventually, the man said, "Why didn't you tell me you were engaged?"

"See, I know you wrote her a cheque," Connor continued as though his father hadn't spoken. "And I know she tore it up in front of you. So I can't help but wonder why you're saying she took the money and ran to Texas?"

Cornelius seemed to have taken the same path. "Generally, one tends to think a son would come to his father to talk about wanting to get married. That he would come home to his own parents for counsel before actually popping the question. But you didn't even bother to tell me it had happened. You were fine with letting me find out at a gala event?"

"She didn't run to Texas, dad. She ran from Chicago. And then she came back."

"And pregnant, to boot," Cornelius pointed out. "How do you even know it's yours?"

"Don't try to pull that crap. It's my baby."

"And how would you know?"

"I didn't come here for this. I know, and that's that."

Cornelius shrugged. "Anything could have happened while she was away, Connor. You have no way of knowing if this kid is actually yours."

"I know, dad. Okay?"

"How could you possibly -?"

"Because she was pregnant before she left!" Connor finally roared. He took a couple of deep breaths, then slowly continued. "She left this town because of everything that happened. She can barely stand being in the same state as that monster, let alone dealing with everyone at work knowing exactly what happened. What _he_ did. Which had nothing to do with her, by the way. And now, with everything else going on - you are not helping things!"

That had stumped him. "... Everything else?"

"Dad, she spent weeks in the hospital on bed rest. She couldn't travel, even if she wanted to - doctor's orders. She's only in the city because she's in the high-risk category."

Despite everything, he could see in his father's eyes that he genuinely seemed to care. So, he did the only thing he could - he kept going.

"If it weren't for that, I wouldn't be getting to experience this part of the journey. The fact that we are actually expecting this baby wouldn't seem real."

Somehow - and God only knows how - but somehow Cornelius was still listening. And it seemed like he was actually hearing him.

"Dad - I need you to back off. If you can't be supportive, then I need you to take a step back and stop being a jerk about it." As he headed back toward the staircase, Connor found himself saying, "Up to this point, you have been an exceptionally sub-par parent. But this is me telling you I need you to either step up or step back. Frankly, I don't really care which."

As he reached the top of the staircase, he added, "But only one of those options will see you be a part of your granddaughter's life. So choose wisely."


	73. The Things We Do

Weeks after her most recent "episode" down in the ED, her overnight observation stay truly felt like a bad dream. The OB team had insisted she step back to even further reduced hours, and her pseudo-brothers downstairs were being even more overprotective than they ever had before, but Sarah was quickly realising adjusting to her new normal was definitely nowhere near as difficult as she had thought it would be. (And she'd very quickly found ways around her reduced work hours - no one was about to throw her out of the doctor's lounge down in the ED. They liked her, she wasn't bothering anybody, and it technically wasn't even her workplace, anyway).

This was where she found herself this morning - her adjusted work hours meant that today's shift was starting far later than usual, but that hadn't stopped her from coming in to work at normal time, just like she always did. She'd taken over the small circular table in the centre of the room with piles and piles of paperwork. She was pouring over every speck of information in case files and charts, making copious amounts of notes in her very best handwriting. Just because she wasn't seeing the patients face-to-face on a regular doctor's schedule did not mean she was stepping back, or sacrificing their care. It meant she had to work harder, to see things more clearly in the shorter period of time she got to regularly spend with them - and, in some cases, it meant relying on other people's observations. If nothing else, it was giving her an appreciation for the art of charting.

For the first time in months, Sarah was starting to feel like she was really thriving. She was living her own life again, and it felt really good.

Connor, on the other hand, had been off recently. He'd been there for everything, never missing a single moment, but something really seemed off. He had also made it very clear that he was not interested in talking about it - which, naturally, only made her want to talk about it more. But nothing she said or did was getting him to open up. To be honest, it had caused more than one fight in recent weeks. It was so unlike him, unlike them, that it was enough to make her back off. Until today.

Today, she happened to be wandering down the hallway beside the elevator when he appeared from upstairs. Today, they were at work, the most public place she could possibly think of. She wasn't about to let this opportunity go to waste.

She met him at the elevator, not at all surprised to see that he hadn't noticed her. It was the most marked change in his behaviour recently - before, he would know she was there. She would have been the very first person he noticed when the elevator doors opened. But right now, that was not the case. She wasn't convinced he'd noticed anyone at all. He walked out of the elevator the moment there was enough of a gap between the doors for him to pass through, clearly very determined in where he was going - and wearing a face like thunder. This was not good.

As casually as she possibly could, she fell in step beside him and said, "No coffee today? All that vanilla syrup's going to go to waste."

His response was immediate, though markedly devoid of emotion: "What are you going to do."

They turned the corner into the ED, where he busied himself in a pile of charts. She observed him silently for a solid couple of minutes - it wasn't long enough for them to attract their coworkers' attention, but it was definitely long enough for her to know without a doubt that something was definitely up.

"Connor, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing," she scoffed. "You've been distant and aloof for weeks."

He stopped in place, frozen where he had been rifling his way through paper charts only seconds before.

She took a half step closer and gently laid a hand on his arm. In a whisper, she said, "I'm worried about you. Will you please let me in?"

"There's nothing to tell. I'm fine," he said defiantly.

She was going to force him to continue the conversation, but she found herself being cut off when his next patient rolled through the door. The moment the doors opened, Connor headed toward the gurney with Ava Bekker, who had just materialised out of nowhere, hot on his heels.

"I've got Barbara Duncan, Down Syndrome, 21 weeks pregnant. Passed out and is stable now on 5 litres O2. This is her mother, Callie."

As they passed Sarah in the hallway, she heard him briefly acknowledge the mother, then introduce himself to the patient. From all appearances, he was back to his normal self - happy, bubbly, and all about caring for his patient. She didn't get a chance to observe him for too long - a tap on her shoulder signalled the arrival of Maggie, who didn't need to use words. A stern look and a finger pointing at a chair got her point across very clearly. With a sigh, Sarah resigned herself to the fact that there was no point arguing. She made her way into the football, parked herself on the seat and set about logging into one of the computers.

"He's, uh, still being..."

Maggie trailed off, but Sarah knew exactly what she meant.

"An ass? Yes."

"That's not what I meant."

"But it is what I meant," Sarah answered her without taking her eyes off the computer screen. "He's being an ass, and he knows it. He isn't interested in talking. Clearly doesn't want my help, so, yeah. He's being an ass."

Maggie laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Do you think you might be being a little hard on him?"

"Nope," her answer was immediate. "He _won't_ talk about it. He _won't_ let me be there for him. That means he's being an ass."

By the time she'd finished writing up notes on one of her patients upstairs, Connor was long gone.

Whatever was going on, it was clearly something serious.

Barely an hour later, she found herself paged back to the ED where - to her total shock - Ava Bekker was waiting for her. She wanted her to assess their patient from a psych perspective, to see if she met the criteria to make her own medical decisions. But, given the mother already had legal decision making powers, Sarah was reluctant to put her own opinion out there. The reality is, her medical opinion wouldn't make a difference. And that was what she told Ms Goodwin, who sided with Dr Bekker - they had no choice but to perform the surgery.

Connor was seething as they left Ms Goodwin's office, and he wasn't afraid to show it.

"We should give Barbara some credit for knowing what she wants."

"What is going on with you?"

"I want to honour my patient's wishes."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it." They stared each other down for a couple of seconds before she spoke again. "We've had professional disagreements before. This is different. This feel personal."

"Of course it's personal!" he retorted. "How would you feel if I were forcing you to go through with a risky surgery, knowing it would endanger our daughter? Would you still agree it would be technically correct to do the procedure if I had power of attorney, but you were the one in the bed refusing the surgery?"

"That's not fair."

"Isn't it?!"

In the quiet corridor, having let loose and raised his voice, Connor finally looked her in the eye for the first time in weeks.

Without breaking eye contact, Sarah said quietly, "You need to let me in."

He paused for a long moment, then it was as though he couldn't stop himself from finally breaking the walls down. It took him almost a solid minute to collect his thoughts before he could articulate the thoughts that were running through his head.

"The night Nat kept you in for observation," he said very slowly, "I went to see my father."

"... What?"

Suddenly, it all made sense. It wasn't that he wasn't interested in letting her into this part of his life. It wasn't that he just wouldn't let her in. He simply couldn't. The moment he began his explanation, she understood completely. She couldn't deny that if it had been her in his shoes, she would've done the same.

Connor grimaced, but nodded slowly. "I gave him a choice - back off, or step up and be a supportive parent."

"And you haven't heard from him since," she breathed, her understanding suddenly written all over her face.

Connor couldn't help but laugh humourlessly. "As much as I shouldn't care, I do. I can't help it. And that feeling really, really sucks."

She gently took his hand and walked with him all the way back down to the ED, where they were prepping their patient for surgery. She was there, standing just outside the doors, when he explained to the patient that they were taking her upstairs. She found herself biting back tears and holding her emotions in when the poor girl started screaming as they rolled her down the corridor. She silently reached for his outstretched hand and held on tight as he watched it all happen.

It was heartbreaking. It was horrible. And neither of them really knew what to do next.

By the time Barbara was waking up in the cardiac ICU, Connor was well and truly ready to go home. But there was one more thing that he needed to do.

Sarah wasn't surprised at all when he sent her the message. As soon as she was free, she made a beeline up to the ICU where she found Connor sitting behind the desk in the nurses station, observing the mother-daughter duo closely. She'd arrived just in time too - as she approached him in the centre of the ward, one of the nurses came out of the room and announced she was waking up.

To Sarah, he extended a hand and said, "You coming?"

They walked into the room side-by-side, smiles on both of their faces. Between everything that had happened today and what they'd been dealing with at home, they could hardly believe they were here together right now. It had truly been a long, rough day - but somehow, they were about to see a silver lining.

He went through the basic questions, ran all the normal checks, and satisfied himself that Barbara had come out of the surgery okay.

"You remember Dr Reese from downstairs," he said to both mother and daughter, who both smiled at Sarah.

But there was only one thing that mattered to Barbara right now: "How's my baby."

Connor couldn't help but smile. "Why don't we find out?"

For the first time in weeks, he felt genuinely happy as he ran the ultrasound. Barbara was obviously thrilled that her son was okay - as, of course, were her doctors.

"You're having a baby too?" Barbara asked Sarah, who nodded.

"Yeah, we are," she smiled. "We're having a baby girl."

"You and you?" Barbara asked with a giggle.

"Hard to believe, right?" Connor joked. "I'm so scruffy and she's so pretty. I still can't work out why she stuck around."

Sarah knew he was joking, but she also knew there was an element of seriousness in there. Before anyone else could put a word in, however, Barbara had spoken again:

"It's because she loves you, silly. Why else would she be having your baby?"

All of a sudden, everything they'd been going through recently just didn't matter. All that mattered was that they loved each other, more than anything else in the world. And it took someone else explaining it to them so simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, for them to realise it.


	74. Ghosts in the Attic

The next morning, they found themselves awake before sunrise. Neither were naturally early risers, but this morning they found themselves taking the opportunity to spend some much-deserved one-on-one time, with their brand new mattress.

"That new mattress - ooh," Connor said, flopping down onto his back.

Sarah giggled. "Really does the job, huh?"

She'd rolled over to face him, her head propped up on one arm. The patterns she was lazily tracing on his chest, the glint in her eye and the singular raised eyebrow told him exactly what she wanted to do - again. For the third time this morning.

"Honey," he said gently, carefully tucking a curl behind her ear. "You are insatiable."

"Yes, I am," came the immediate response.

"And while I love our ... physical moments," he said slowly, simultaneously catching his breath and choosing his words very carefully. "Well - honey, I'm having trouble keeping up."

He'd expected her laughter, but he still felt that familiar warmth spreading through his chest and he knew there was an involuntary smile plastered across his face. In the end, he couldn't help but to chuckle, too.

She wasn't laughing at him, of course. It was something that had come up more than once in recent months - the further along she seemed to get in her pregnancy, the more her hormones were raging. In a lot of ways, it reminded Connor of his teenage years (a fact which he had, for obvious reasons, chosen not to share with his fiance. He'd seen her face when the cafeteria ran out of the "right" type of chocolate chip cookie. This is one pregnant lady you _do not want to piss off)._

Between their recent duelling hospital schedules, they hadn't had a lot of downtime to spend together. So, every opportunity they got, they found themselves ... well, here. She was still rearing to go, and he - he was starting to feel his age, and every single second the things he saw as a trauma surgeon had aged him on top of that. (By his estimation, he should be about 103).

"You know I love you, right?" she asked him thoughtfully. "And that's just for being you. Not - you know - becausse of the sex. Which is great, by the way, but -"

The laughter in his eyes was enough to cut the classic Reese word vomit off at the pass.

"You know what I mean," she grumbled, hitting him in the shoulder playfully.

"Yeah honey," he smiled, giving her a very sweet peck on the lips. "I know. And I love you too."

It felt oversimplified, for both of them - but what else is there to say?

*

Several hours later, he'd just finished seeing a patient down in the ED. He'd just asked Maggie to organise for the patient to go upstairs for observation when he heard her asking, "Are you okay, Connor?"

He hadn't realised it, but the second he had waht felt like a moment to himself he'd stopped. Bleary-eyed, and feeling about a hundred years older than he was, he looked back over to the charge nurse. "I, uh, I'm fine."

She gingerly took hold of his elbow and walked him into the football, then pushed on his shoulder until he was sitting down in a chair. "And when was the last time you got a good night's sleep?"

The hand rubbing his face was a dead giveaway. "Oh, probably about six months ago."

"It's the hormones, right?"

His total silence was enough for Maggie to know.

"Yep. She's reached that stage."

"'Reached' it?" he echoed disbelievlingly. "What do you mean 'reached' it? Was it not supposed to start until now? And better yet - when does it end?"

Maggie couldn't help but laugh. "Well, for some women, this is how it is."

"I'm _dying_ , Maggie," he lamented quietly, very aware that the walls have ears. "All we seem to do is - well, you know."

"Fight and make up?" she offered helpfully.

He groaned, throwing his head down and running hands through his hair. "Something like that."

"Well, think of it this way," she said, gesturing to the doctor's lounge. "It could be worse. She could be a _mean_ pregnant lady."

He only got a moment of reprieve, though. It was then that the phone in Maggie's hand beeped.

"Look alive, hotshot," he told him. "Incoming - you're going to Baghdad."

*

Upstairs in the Psych ward, Sarah had been relegated to observing patients from the other side of the safety glass. And she was hating every single second of it.

"Urgh - no," she mumbled to herself, madly scribbling notes on an already very full-looking notepad. "That is not how you - no."

She was so engrossed in everything she was seeing in front of her that she hadn't noticed her mentor walking right up behind her. "Everything okay, Dr Reese?"

"No," she answered him without taking her eyes off the patient she was observing through the window, or the notebook covered in barely legible handwriting. "No, it is not."

"Sarah - I'm sorry, but it's just not safe for you to go in there. You know how complex some of these issues are. I just don't feel it's safe to have you so close to a situation that could put you _both_ at risk."

She was on her feet now, staring him down. "And how is being up here any more dangerous than assisting on a trauma downstairs? Than crossing a busy street to get from the parking structure into the hospital?"

Dr Charles sighed. "This is a secure psychiatric ward, Sarah. I know we don't need to be afraid of our patients, but there are some - including at least one of the people on the other side of that pane of glass - that would hurt you. When I have a patient in this ward who has those kinds of issues, I just can't afford to let you in there."

"And having a woman this obviously pregnant standing in clear view isn't going to cause more issues?"

As if on cue, a huge roar came from inside the room behind them. Staff were running everywhere as a man dressed in pyjamas lunged at the window right behind where Sarah was standing, banging on the glass and screaming at the top of his lungs. Surprisingly, Sarah herself didn't even flinch. She just continued staring Dr Charles right in the eyes.

It took their staff several minutes, but the patient was eventually restrained and moved back into his room.

"And now the pateint's whole treatment plan has changed." She handed him the open notebook, where she had been detailing drastic changes for the patient in question. "How is that keeping me, or him, or my baby safe?"

She was right. She was so right, Dr Charles didn't question her as she headed down the hallway, toward the exit.

Of course, she had written him a helpful note in the margain of her page - _I'll be in the ED_.

*

She found herself downstairs working on broken bones and refilling prescriptions for their non-urgent patients. It was scut work, but it could all be done while still sticking to the OB-GYN's orders - light duties, lots of sitting. It was starting to feel mind numbing, but it was better than bed rest.

After working an hour boynd what was technically the end of her shift, she found herself heading back to the doctor's lounge expecting to find Connor waiting for her, but there was a very clear absence of hunky trauma surgeon. She knew he wasn't in surgery, he'd always get a message to her if he was to be operating so close to the end of a shift. And he wasn't answering his phone.

When she did find him, he was waiting for an elevator.

"You're going back up?" she asked him as she approached. He bent down to give her a brief kiss on the forehead, but she still knew immediately something was up. "What's going on?"

That was when the elevator doors opened, revealing Beth, one of the OR nurses Connor had worked with closely for a number of years now. They were familiar enough that she knew who Sarah was (though, to be fair, in this hospital who didn't?) and she greeted her warmly.

"Dr Reese, Dr Rhodes. Hey - how's Dr Bekker?"

Sarah looked from Beth to Connor, who said as nonchalantly as he could, "She's hanging in there."

"I still can't believe it," Beth said. "She's usually the most careful surgeon at Med. It's just not like her. Not at all."

Sarah knew from the slowly hardening expression on Connor's face that this all meant something to him.

"Anyway," said Beth, who clearly hadn't noticed his change in demeanour, "Good night."

"Yeah," Connor said slowly as the elevator doors closed to take them upstairs. "Good night."

Sarah didn't say anything until the elevator doors opened up on the surgical floor. In fact, they walked the whole way into the doctor's lounge before she went to speak at all. But before she could, he was talking.

"We were operating on a HIV positive patient," he said quietly. "She got nicked."

"She what?"

"The thing is ..." he said quietly, "... I don't think it was an accident."

She gently sat down in a chair opposite the one he had just thrown himself into. "What do you mean?"

"I think she did it on purpose."

"But why? What possible reason could she have for -"

"- Because she knew she'd get my attention. And she got it."

"... Your attention?"

Those words were Sarah's absolute worst nightmare. She'd seen their interactions, she knew what it meant. And here he was, about to spell it out for her.

He gently took hold of her hands and looked at her with kind eyes. "It's not reciprocated. _At all_ ," he said. "I want to make that very, very clear. But ... she's been coming on to me for months. Since she first got here. Even when we were openly together, it made no difference. Even the engagement, the baby - she seems to think that it all means nothing. At least, that's what her behaviour is telling me."

"And you didn't think to tell me this earlier?"

"I didn't know what to say."

"How about, 'hey Sarah, thought I should give you a heads up that someone I'm forced to work with so closely clearly has the hots for me'?"

He couldn't help it - the look on her face, the tone of her voice - he founds himself dissolving into a fit of laughter. "Yeah, maybe I'll work that in to our next not-movie night."

"How about our next not-dinner date?"

"Yeah, that could work."

She found herself pulling another chair out to prop her feet up on. He was clearly still on call, for at least the next few hours. At this point, she figured she'd just make herself comfortable.

"Who knew Ava Bekker would be so desperate she'd go for one of the least available men in the whole hospital?"

"You wanna talk desperate?" he quipped. "She slept with my father."

" _What_?!"

"Oh yeah. And she had the gall to tell me all about it. They -"

Sarah very quickly threw her hands up to stop him from saying anything more. "- I don't want to know. I don't _ever_ want to know."

They hadn't meant to find themselves having this type of a conversation. The woman was, after all, a good doctor and a great surgeon. But she also didn't seem to be able to take a hint.

Connor Rhodes was well and truly off the market. So off the market, in fact, that he was ready to start planning their wedding.

"Hey, Sarah," he asked, intentionally changing the subject. "How about we have our wedding here, in the Chapel?"

"Here?" She thought for a long moment. Shrugging, she said, "It seems fitting."

"Yeah," he smiled. "Yeah, it really does."

 _ **A/N:** So, hi! I'm back (again). Not a whole lot happened in this one, to be fair. But I promise you, I am working up to some really big fun stuff._

 _(And as for the Ava-bashing - forgive me. It's not my normal thing, but it felt good to unload on a fictional character. Feelings suck, you know?)_

 _See you next time!_


	75. Can't Unring That Bell

**Can't Unring That Bell**

The next couple of weeks seemed to fly by - Connor was regularly pulling double shifts covering for their injured trauma surgeon. Much to everyone's chagrin, Sarah had somehow managed to spend just as much time in the hospital as her other half recently. Whenever she had time on her hands (which, given her progression in her pregnancy and the restrictions the OB team had placed on her, was more often than she was willing to commit to), she was casually spending time in the doctor's lounge down in the ED. She would be studying charts, or reading medical journals ... anything she could think of, really, to keep her overactive mind occupied that was _technically_ on the list of things they couldn't stop her from doing.

And, she had discovered several days ago now, she was able to fly even further under the radar, so to speak, by wearing one of Connor's old hoodies and a comfy pair of jeans. It led to her being left alone to her own devices, just the way she liked it.

Except, of course, for days like today. Today, she'd finished her shift, had a nap, and was still wearing her scrubs when her favourite trauma surgeon appeared in the doorway of the lounge, a smile on his face.

"You know," he said kindly, leaning against the door frame in that nonchalant way that always got tongues wagging, "sooner or later, they're going to find a way to kick you out of here."

"Mat leave doesn't kick in for another four weeks yet," she countered, gesturing him forward. "Besides, we all know I'd go stir crazy at home. I think they'd rather I hang out here."

By the time he reached the couch, he was ready for her to launch herself at him. Despite her centre of gravity being so off these days, she still managed to do it gracefully and with such unexpected speed. The kiss was chaste, as they'd become used to these days - the walls were made of glass, after all.

"What time do you get off tonight, handsome?" she quipped.

"Ah, not till seven."

She pulled back slightly, now able to look him in the eyes. Gently, she said, "This is the third double shift this week. It's not healthy, Connor."

"I know," he sighed. "It's just ... I feel guilty."

He could see her stopping herself from rolling her eyes before she spoke again. "Over something you had literally zero control over. An accident, that could just have easily happened to you."

His silence spoke volumes.

"You're still not convinced."

"... Desperation makes us do strange things."

"Like intentionally infecting ourselves with HIV? Because I'm pretty sure there's a diagnosis in there somewhere..."

"I thought we agreed not to diagnose our coworkers?"

She moved over to his locker now, and pulled off the hoodie to reveal her favourite oversized scrub shirt underneath. "In all seriousness, Connor," she said gently, "if you really suspect it, you need to say something."

"I don't want to make trouble."

"And if you're right? Aren't you doing her a disservice by not getting her the help she needs?"

With that final, indisputable thought, she grabbed her matching scrub pants and headed back to the covered changing area to put them on. After a few moments of silence, the resigned, "Uh ... little help?" came from the dark area around the corner.

Despite himself, Connor couldn't help but smile. "You stuck?"

"Little bit. Give me a hand?"

It was always the small moments that they would remember. He knew this one would definitely be a comical moment they wouldn't be letting go anytime soon.

* * *

She hadn't seen him much after that. He'd caught a trauma case - a kid who'd been shot while he was working in his family's convenience store.

When they did finally catch up, it was only for a moment. He'd grabbed her hand as he made his way around the football and gently led her back into the doctor's lounge, where she was fully expecting a lecture. He'd gone to say something, but then he froze, her hands still clasped gently but firmly in his own.

"Connor?" she asked tentatively. "What's going on?"

He said nothing, but a small jerk of his head was enough gesture for her to follow his eyes: There, on the other side of the glass, was Ava Bekker, pouring coffee.

Without a second glance, he'd led the two of them in there. Not even Sarah's half-whispered, "I'm not sure this is a good idea," was enough to get his attention. Before either of them could really contemplate it, they were standing awkwardly in front of the blonde.

"Hello, Connor. Sarah," she said in way of greeting.

All Sarah wanted to go was to get the hell out of there. Especially since Dr Lannick was sitting over at the computer in the corner - he was staring very intently at the computer screen, but they all knew without a second thought he would be hearing every word that was about to be said.

"Um ... how's the hand?"

It was lame, but it was all Connor's brain could come up with right now.

The two women stared at each other for a short moment, before Ava looked away. She said conversationally, "Oh, it's much better."

There was another pause, where Sarah took the opportunity to gently extricate her hand from Connor's and grab a couple of mugs. If they were going to pretend this was a normal situation, she was going to play along and make a cup of tea.

Now only speaking to Connor, Ava said, "It was my fault. I should've gotten my hand out of the way."

"Maybe I could've been a little more careful." The words had come tumbling out of his mouth in the very same way the would usually come out of Sarah's.

They took their leave then, getting as far away from Lannick as they possibly could without attracting any undue attention. Unfortunately for Sarah, however, she could still hear every word they said.

"Look, I am sorry that I haven't reached out to check on you," Connor said plainly.

"It's okay. I know we're not in the best of places right now."

He wanted to say more - Sarah wanted to turn around and scream at the woman, who still clearly wanted something to happen, but she couldn't. She couldn't make a sound. So she continued to busy herself making her cup of tea.

And then their situation went from bad to worse. Gwen Garrett had appeared with allegations of wrongdoing on both surgeons parts, in the treatment of a gunshot victim who had died several months before. As the woman walked out of the room, all Connor could do was stare at Sarah, their eyes both wide.

* * *

By the time the committee met to interview the surgeons that evening, Sarah Reese was at her wits end. She'd been forcibly thrown out of the doctor's lounge, and barred entirely from the psych ward until her next shift. She'd watched her friends and colleagues go through the remainder of their day, winning and losing and beating themselves up along the way. And now she was sitting at a table in the corner of the cafeteria, trying her hardest not to lose it completely.

Connor was about to walk into a den of wolves. He might very well be about to lose his medical license over this, all because someone - who was clearly not directly involved in the case, after all - had made an anonymous complaint.

An hour after Ava walked into the board room, he couldn't take it anymore. He headed into the cafeteria downstairs and found himself approaching Sarah and Will, who were sitting opposite each other at the tiny table in the corner. There was no telling how long they'd been there, but one thing was for sure: They'd been there a while in total silence.

He didn't need to say anything when he approached. He leant forward and gently kissed Sarah's cheek, both hands sitting firmly on her shoulders.

"You were right," Will said. "I felt guilty. Hoped I could turn back the clock. Make it like the whole thing never happened."

He was talking about Connor's patient, upstairs. The one who had been shot by Will's gun. The one who had just undergone dangerous and quite possibly pointless surgery to have the bullet removed from his spine. Ever the confidant, Sarah still didn't say anything. She smiled sadly at Will, who was doing his best to keep it together.

"If he wakes up worse than before I'll never forgive myself."

"Just hope for the best."

He took a couple of steps, probably toward a cup of coffee, but Will was calling him back.

"I heard you're facing the oversight committee. What's that all about?"

Sarah looked from Connor to Will, other half to big brother. She knew - of course she knew - but she wasn't about to say anything. He'd wanted her to have plausible deniability, after all.

Connor did his best to brush it off. "Old case. Pro forms. No big deal."

The surgeon headed off toward the coffee, and Will turned back to his fiancée. To Sarah, he quietly asked, "It's not that simple, is it?"

Her silence, and more to the point, the look in her eyes, was all the response Will had needed.

* * *

By some minor miracle, the committee had determined he wasn't at fault. How that had happened, Connor really didn't understand - he considered himself responsible, after all. When he was released from the board room, however, and saw Ava sitting on the other side of the atrium, he had an inkling. One he really, really did not want to be true.

"You told them I did everything in the patients' best interests?"

"Yeah."

"You and I both know that some of my actions were questionable." Saying it out loud, confronting it like that, suddenly made it feel all too real.

"We have no way of knowing if they had any effect on the outcome."

"Still, the oversight committee should have heard -"

"- Why? So you could face peer review and lose your license?"

He was speechless.

"Connor, I did it for you." Her next words made his blood run cold. "I'd do anything for you."

He watched her walk away, but he couldn't quite make himself move. He found himself in Ms Goodwin's office a couple hours later, trying to argue that the committee hadn't been given the whole picture. That he had done something terribly, terribly wrong.

It turned out, however, they knew. They knew he'd taken the patient out of surgery and lightened his sedation to enable PD to interview him. They knew why he'd done it, too. And then Ms Goodwin was giving him a speech:

"You know, I was reminded today, in our effort to help people that we sometimes find ourselves in situations where what's right and what's wrong isn't entirely clear. And we can only hope that the decisions we do make are coming from the right place. Go home, Dr Rhodes. Go collect Sarah and enjoy your last couple months together before that baby comes into the world."

He'd called Sarah as he left her office, and said he'd meet her down in the atrium. While he was waiting for her to finish up whatever she was doing, however, the very last person he'd wanted to see walked by. And she stopped to speak to him.

"What are you doing down here?" Ava asked. "Aren't you going home?"

He'd gone to mumble something about waiting for Sarah, but then he stopped. When he looked up at Ava, his gaze was cold. It was the first thing Sarah, who had appeared at the top of the staircase, noticed about him. He just wasn't himself - this was not good.

"I've been thinking," he said, "who was in the Hybrid OR? Who knew about my decision? Who had the expertise to judge it?"

"And you think it was Marty?"

Connor shook his head.

"Or Sophia?"

Again, negative. "No, if they'd had a problem they would've raised it at the time."

He'd seen Sarah descending the staircase. He watched her take the last couple of stairs and stop at the bottom. He waited for her to gently nod her head before he went any further. When he saw it, he turned his attention back to Ava. "I think it was you."

"What?" She was not expecting to hear that, of that they were both sure. "I - I defended you."

"Exactly," Connor nodded. "You're like a pyromaniac that sets a fire just to put it out."

"W-why in God's name would I do that?"

"For the same reason you slept with my father and put your hand where you knew I would cut it: To keep me tied to you."

"What?!" She demanded. "Risk my health?"

"Like you said, you'd do anything, right?"

"This is insane," Ava declared. "My God - can you hear yourself?!"

"Ava," Connor, who was now standing, interrupted the woman who was about to start screaming. "I think you've got a problem and I think you need to get some help."

Ava, however, wasn't hearing it. "I've done nothing but support you. And help you. You're the one with the problem, Connor. You're the one who should get some help."

Only when Ava stormed away did Sarah even dare to move a muscle. She strode purposefully over to Connor, who immediately wrapped her tightly in his arms and dropped his head to rest on hers.

"It's hard, I know," she said quietly. "But it needed to be said."


	76. We Hold These Truths

**We Hold These Truths**

The next couple of days were anything but easy. Between Connor's newfound tendency to obsess over every little thing and Sarah's stubborn resolve to ignore anything that could become a problem, life had been a little rough.

The morning, however, they didn't have a chance to worry about anything at all. Just as Sarah had walked in the door, everybody's pagers beeped simultaneously: _MASS CAS IN ED_. She literally ran into the doctor's lounge, where she unceremoniously dumped her bag and her coat somewhere in the vicinity of his locker and headed back out into the fray.

In a matter of seconds, they'd fallen back into their old routine. He was running down the corridor to meet his patient as the ambo rolled in. As he passed, he squeezed her elbow and said, "You're with me."

"Baghdad's all yours," April told them as they met the patient, who was not looking good.

"Jada Harris, 18 years old, GCS 3. Couldn't get an airway. Witnesses said she took a direct hit from the truck and was thrown."

Neither doctor had time to really let the grim reality of the situation hit them. They were dancing their old trauma dance, working together seamlessly to ensure their patient would get everything she needed.

Connor was running the team, barking orders: "Trigger the MTP. Let's get a chest and pelvis x-ray."

While the instruction was for the team at large, she knew the short pointed look had been for her benefit alone - he'd looked right at her to make sure she stepped out of the room while the techs stepped in. In the doorway, she stood beside Ms Goodwin and the poor girl's mother, who was beside herself with fear. And who cried out when Connor placed a chest tube. When they determined she needed to go to the Hybrid OR, Sarah knew he had to step out. She and Ms Goodwin found themselves pulling the mother away from her daughter as they rolled her down the corridor.

"We're going to do everything we can to help Jada, Mrs Harris," Sarah found herself promising the girl's mother. "I promise."

* * *

The moment he came out of surgery, Ms Goodwin and Sarah were both waiting.

"I had to remove her left kidney, spleen and a portion of her small intestine. She needed fifteen units of blood, another fifteen of plasma."

He'd given his report without prompting, knowing the two women would be waiting for him. Also automatically, he reached an arm out to Sarah to stabilise her before she'd even realised she was off balance. They shared a momentary look, but brushed it off.

It was a small enough moment that Ms Goodwin didn't appear to have realised there was even a problem. She was still taking in his report. "What about head trauma?"

"She was too unstable for a CT before surgery. She's going up for one now."

"You're concerned." The words hadn't come from the hospital administrator, but from Sarah, who could read the man like an open book.

He didn't seem to be able to make himself speak, instead just nodded his head. "I'm going to change and fill in the mom."

"I'd like to be there when you do," Ms Goodwin was saying. "Jada's all she's got. She shouldn't have to go through this alone."

And that was the exact moment Sarah had a twinge of pain. She tried her best to hide it, and was very proud of the fact that she didn't allow her face muscles to move one iota. Connor, however, noticed.

"You okay?" he asked her quietly.

She just nodded, knowing very well he was all too aware she was brushing him off. What she wouldn't admit, however, was that this wasn't the first episode. That, she was determined to keep to herself.

* * *

By the time he had the results of Jada's scan back, he was starting to get worried. He couldn't get hold of Sarah, who he knew was not entirely okay. Right now, however, he had to tell a poor mother that her eighteen-year-old daughter is brain dead. That's a conversation that will never get easier.

The conversation went as well as it could, which wasn't saying a whole lot.

Just when he had a moment between patients, he'd received an SMS from the last person he ever thought he'd hear from again. Which was how he found himself exiting the elevator on the Oncology floor. And coming face to face with one Robyn Charles.

"Hi," she said happily.

"Hey, Robyn," he answered. "Thank you for the text. I didn't know."

It was lame, but it earnt him a hug. Truth be told, it lasted a moment too long. And he knew it hadn't gone unnoticed.

"Uh, Connor," Robyn said, drawing him toward Dr Charles and a woman who looked surprisingly like Robyn sitting side by side in those God-awful plastic waiting room chairs, "this is my mom, Caroline. Caroline, this is Connor."

Ever the gentleman, he offered the woman his hand. "Pleasure to meet you, Caroline."

"Connor," Caroline repeated. "I've wanted to meet you for a very long time. Thank you so much for taking such good care of my girl when she needed you."

Connor looked back to Robyn, who shrugged. Clearly she hadn't told her mom everything, but they didn't need to go into that right now.

"Uh, this is for you," he said, handing her a sticky note. "It's a list of mindless but very entertaining apps. I figured some games might make the waiting room purgatory go by a little faster."

"Now, this gon be fun. See, this is what I need to keep my mind off things."

And that was when Dr Charles chimed in: "Oh. What are we, chopped liver?"

It was the perfect moment to change track in the conversation. The man himself took his leave, and Connor found himself stepping away with Robyn.

"Still saving the day, I see. And now with a beard."

"Change of pace," he quipped.

"Uh, I hear congratulations are in order."

He knew it was coming, but it didn't make it any easier to hear her say it.

"Boy or girl?"

"Girl," he answered somewhat awkwardly. "Due in just a couple months now."

Despite the conversation, Robyn was still smiling. "You took my advice."

"I did."

"Good advice, huh?"

He couldn't help but laugh. "That it was."

A pause, and then: "... Are you happy?"

He took a moment to consider his answer to that question. "Life is complicated. There's a lot going on - but yes. Happier than I've been in a very long time."

Her smile spoke volumes. Though they had a complicated history, and even though things hadn't ended on a good note, she was still happy for him. Despite it all, they'd managed to come out the other side as friends.

"I'm so glad," she said with a smile.

* * *

Hours later, Sarah found herself running into the last person she expected to see in the hospital cafeteria.

"Sarah, hey!"

With a chocolate muffin in one hand, a bottle of apple juice in the other and holding a museli bar by the corner of the wrapper between her teeth, Sarah turned around to find herself face to face with Robyn Charles. She quickly snatched the museli bar from her mouth and tried her hardest to cover her deer in headlights reaction to seeing the woman again.

"Uh - Robyn. Hi." It was awkward, but that was Sarah. Then, the obligatory apology: "Sorry, I'm a walking stereotype today."

"Oh, no. You are one hundred per cent allowed," Robyn smiled, joining her in the short stroll toward the register to pay for their food. "So, how have you been?"

Sarah, not expecting to ever be having this awkward conversation with her fiancé's ex, did her best to keep up with the normalcy. "Oh, you know. Growing a human and all that."

"My dad said you'd moved away. And now you're back?"

"Uh - sort of," Sarah said, deliberately evading the conversation. "But you're here! Any special reason for being in town?"

Robyn smiled sadly, joining Sarah at her favourite small table beside the window. "My mom's a patient here - or, might be a patient. Oncology."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Sarah said immediately, both knowing it was the correct response and genuinely feeling bad. Robyn had been through enough already - walking through this journey with her mom just didn't seem fair.

"Thanks. It's a journey, that's for sure. But we've already beat cancer once. We'll do it again."

Sarah liked her optimism, but they both knew all too well that oncology meant an uncertain outcome.

And then, there were the words that she least wanted to hear: "I caught up with Connor earlier. We made loose plans to get together soon. It's uncertain times, so I'm thankful to have friends close by."

And that was the start of Connor's no good, very bad day.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ _And here I am, back again! Hope you're enjoying this - I know where it's going, we've just got to get there..._


	77. Old Flames, New Sparks

**Old Flames, New Sparks**

"I had to find out from Robyn that you'd made 'loose plans' to catch up. What does that even mean, anyway?"

As soon as he'd met her out at the car that night, Connor had known something was wrong. He'd always been able to read Sarah Reese like a book, but suddenly he found himself very aware that she was closing him out. He knew something was wrong, but without any clues to send him in the right direction, he was at a loss.

She had a face like thunder, and she said nothing.

She'd normally fidget in her seat on the drive back to their apartment, but tonight she was completely still.

She'd normally make idle conversation or sing along to the radio under her breath, but there was nothing but stony silence.

When they did finally arrive home, he was hoping to get something. Instead, she dumped her bag by the doorway like she normally would and headed straight into their ensuite to have a shower, slamming the bedroom door behind her on her way. He'd rightly taken that as a very clear sign she didn't want anything to do with him now. He was going to throw something together for dinner, but half an hour later Sarah still hadn't reappeared. Instead, he chose to wait on the couch, flicking through the TV channels again and again and again without settling on anything.

The next thing he knew, he was waking up to a very angry, very pregnant Sarah Reese. She was standing in front of him, hands on her hips, wearing yoga pants and her favourite of all his hoodies. Though he was groggy, one look at her hair told him he was in deep trouble - seeing her hair wrapped up in a bun was never a good sign. It had always been her very best tell.

"Uh - what?"

Unfortunately for Connor, being half asleep meant he did not give her an eloquent - or even remotely acceptable - response.

"You heard me."

Connor groaned. "Sarah, I -"

But she wasn't interested. "- You had more than one perfectly good opportunity to tell me you'd run into your ex. That you'd made plans to catch up with her."

"Sarah, what are you ..." He trailed off, suddenly understanding where she was coming from. "You have no reason to be jealous."

"Don't I?" she countered. "You were together, back when we weren't. You were in love with her."

"I - it's not that simple, and you know it."

"And you left her for me."

He was going to answer her, to remind her how much he loves her. That she never needs to feel inadequate, that she doesn't need to compare herself to anyone. His mouth was open to tell her this and so much more - but then, she winced.

"What was that?" he asked, immediately awake and alert and on his feet.

"What was what?"

The fact that she was evading his questions told him everything he needed to know. Despite her current angered state, he was suddenly in doctor mode, examining her from head to toe.

"Get your hands off - ah!"

She was trying to fight him, but that twinge had taken her breath away. He knew it was worse than she was letting on when she allowed him to gently lead her over to the couch. She gripped the arm of the couch so tightly her knuckles went white as they gently sat her down.

Connor was kneeling down in front of her now, watching her gently rub her eyes with her free hand.

Ever so quietly, he asked her, "How long have you had the headache?"

He watched her shoulders drop.

"So, all day. And the pain?"

"Just twinges," she whispered. "On and off."

He gently cupped her cheek in his hand. "We have to go in."

"I know," she sighed, finally looking up at him. With a shaky breath, she asked him, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Another sigh. "Are we really going to do this now?"

Sarah shrugged. "No time like the present. Besides, we both know I'll be on a drip for hours. We'll need something to talk about to pass the time."

* * *

Somewhere in the back of Connor's mind, it occurred to him he should be terrified out of his mind. Instead, he found himself carefully helping Sarah out of the car and into a wheelchair. She'd insisted on just one more minute outside in the fresh night air - "You and I both know I'm going to wind up on bed rest. Don't take this away from me." - and then he was calmly pushing her through the triage lounge and into the ED.

"Connor?" Maggie asked, clearly very confused to see him, still dressed in the same scrubs he'd been wearing when he left the hospital hours ago. "What are you doing back?"

And then, she noticed Sarah, who gave her a quick, sarcastic wave.

"Will! You're going to treatment one," she called over her shoulder, pointing toward the room in question. "And don't let baby daddy interfere."

"Hey, Sarah," Will greeted her, far too chirpy for this hour of the night. "You're not due back here 'til morning. That eager to come see us, huh?"

The two men helped her out of the wheelchair and onto the bed, where she dutifully held an arm out for Connor, who had already collected the blood pressure cuff.

It didn't escape Will's notice. Looking from one to the other, he said, "We have a running theory here, guys?"

Neither responded. They merely stared at the monitor, waiting for it to show them what they both already knew. When the obs confirmed their suspicions, they just looked at each other.

To Maggie, who had followed them into the treatment room, Will said, "Maggie, CBC, type-RH and get her on the foetal monitor. Let's do a urine test, and get OB down here."

Connor jumped into action immediately, beating Maggie to the foetal monitor.

"Hands off, baby daddy," the charge nurse said, taking the equipment out of his hands. "This is my job. Don't interfere."

For her part, Sarah had already pulled the sweatshirt up to expose her belly. "Will someone just put the monitor on me, please?"

Though they were oddly calm, they both let out an undeniable sigh of relief when they heard the baby's heartbeat loud and clear. The scan Will was currently doing helped, too.

"There she is," the red head said proudly. "Looks like she's measuring on track, amniotic fluids are at the right levels. And her heartbeat is nice and strong."

"Urgh," Sarah groaned. "She's kicking up a storm."

"That's because she knows her favourite Uncle's checking in on her," Will said with a smile. "Don't you, Bean?"

Cue the kick.

To Will's raised eyebrow, Sarah immediately said, "We are not calling her Bean."

"Not even as a middle name? I think it's cute."

"We're-Still-Not-Telling-You-Her-Name Bean Rhodes," Connor said idly, hanging a bag of fluids. "You've gotta admit, it does have a certain ring to it."

"Is it too late to request a new doctor?"

Maggie couldn't help but laugh. "Sorry, honey. You're stuck with both of them."

* * *

Needless to say, Connor had had a sleepless remainder of the night in the uncomfortable chair beside Sarah's bed in emergency. They had been right, as they both knew they would be - she was preeclamptic. She'd spent the night on a drip of fluids, and a round of corticosteroids. They'd figured it had been the best course of action, just in case the other medication didn't bring her blood pressure down and they needed to deliver prematurely. This would give the baby the very best chance at life by accelerating the development of her lungs.

When Connor finally left Sarah's bedside, only about two minutes before he was due upstairs for morning rounds, he looked like hell. The bags under his eyes made it obvious he hadn't had an iota of sleep, he couldn't help but feel like he'd pulled a muscle in his neck, and his scrubs - the same ones he had been wearing the day before - were wrinkled in every way possible. He was also very sure he needed a shower. At least, that was what Will had told him when he dropped by the room with a can of deodorant.

Arriving at the elevator, he rubbed a hand tiredly across his face. And then Ava Bekker exited the elevator.

Without looking up from her phone, she said, "I saw Robyn and her mother in the atrium."

"Okay."

"You must be happy to have her back in town. Though I imagine your fiancé probably is not."

He had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. As she took her tablets, he said, "Look, Ava, I - we have to share the same space. So how 'bout we try and keep it professional, okay?"

She stopped and looked up at him. "You look like hell."

He didn't dignify that with a response. Professional was one thing, but small talk - or, in this case, not-so small talk - was entirely unnecessary.

"Still taking the anti-retrovirals, by the way."

And with that, she was gone.

* * *

Connor's day, of course, was going from _eh_ to _eh_ -and-a-half real quick. While he was tired, he still had patients to care for. And then there were the consults.

But his whole day changed when he got a certain page from Oncology: _Consult req - Oncology. Patient Caroline Charles._ Unfortunately for them all, it wasn't good news.

"Grade four plus mitral regurgitation?" Caroline asked, dazed. "What does that even mean?"

"In addition to your lymphoma you are, unfortunately, in heart failure," Connor explained as gently as he could.

"It was that chemo, wasn't it?" she was asking. "I knew I shouldn't have done the second round."

Ever the professional, he had an answer. "Some anti-cancer agents can have cardiotoxic effect."

Robyn's head was already where he knew it would be. "What are the treatments? Is it valve replacement?"

"Normally, yes," he said. "But given the progression of your cancer, the surgery is just too risky. So I recommend that we treat with medication."

"And - and how long will it take to show improvement in her cardiac function?" Dr Charles was asking him.

"There's no way to know for sure, but ... a couple of months at least."

Caroline was nodding, but her daughter and ex-husband were not. They both knew what that would mean.

"But the clinical trial starts in two weeks. There's no way she'll be accepted if she's still being treated for heart failure."

Robyn was right, and her mom knew it. She seemed remarkably calm, given the circumstances. "It's okay. They'll be other trials."

"Honey, there are new trials being presented all the time," Dr Charles was saying to Robyn. "All the time."

This was a family matter now, that much was clear. Connor had excused himself and was halfway out the door before he realised Robyn was following him.

"Connor," she said, getting his attention out in the hallway. "This clinical trial, it's my mom's last hope. Without it she won't live more than a few months."

He knew it was coming. He knew, because he'd be asking exactly the same question if he were in her shoes.

"If my mom agrees to the surgery, I want you to do it."

And there it was. The dreaded words - the one rule that really shouldn't be broken.

Although, he'd broken it before. He hadn't been _with_ Sarah, technically speaking, when he treated her father. In fact, they definitely weren't together at all - at least in the beginning. By the time he'd performed the heart transplant, however, the waters had been a little more than just murky. If he were completed honest with himself, he probably really should have removed himself from the case.

And now, Robyn was asking him to do the same. And he knew he really, really shouldn't.

"Look Robyn, I understand how overwhelming all of this is, but ... I - I can't do that."

"What do you mean you can't?"

Silence.

"Oh, you mean you won't."

"Look, there is a thirty to fifty per cent chance of operative mortality."

"Since when have you shied away from a challenging surgery?"

Truth time. "It is because it's your mother that I'm not willing to chance it." The look on her face broke his heart, but it was the honest truth. "Robyn, take the time that you have with her. Months are better than hours. We could lose her on the table!"

"And if it goes well you could give her years," she argued. "Please, Connor. If anyone can bring her through, it is you."

He had to stick to his guns. "I'm sorry, but no."

Her demeanour changed immediately. She scoffed, and said, "I thought I could rely on you."

"Robyn, you have to trust me, okay?" he implored her. "I am looking out for both you and your mother."

Clearly, however, she disagreed. She walked away, shaking her head and very obviously upset - at him, at the whole situation, at the world.

He, on the other hand, headed straight downstairs to Sarah. She'd known immediately something was terribly wrong. With only one look, she had him spilling his guts. Without blinking an eye, she seemed to understand what was going on.

"... You're remembering treating Robert. Thinking you probably should have stepped away." It wasn't a question. They both knew, after all, that it was true.

"I should have."

She shrugged. "Maybe. But it was complicated. Let's face it - even if you had stepped back, he would've worked out how to talk you back into treating him anyway."

Connor stopped. He took her hand and looked deep into her eyes. In a whisper, he said, "You can't keep doing this, Sarah."

"Doing what?"

"Blaming yourself." He'd said it simply, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "His actions are his, and his alone. And he'll spend the rest of his life rotting in prison for them."

She tried her hardest to blink back the tears, but a few still managed to fall. "And yet we get to sit here, waiting and worrying about our daughter. All those parents - they have to live the rest of their lives knowing they will never see their girls again. Why should I get this happiness? Why do I get the happy ending?"

Connor sat down on the edge of the bed now, pulling her tightly into a hug. "You get happiness because you are your own person. You don't get to take his sins on your conscience because they are not yours." He paused for a moment, then added, "He won't ever get to meet our daughter. In fact, he's not even going to know that he _has_ a granddaughter. That's his loss - the price of his sins."

After a long moment, she said, "The only punishment was can give is to live a long and happy life."

"Now you're getting it."

There was no telling how long they sat there, just enjoying each others company. No words were spoken - it was just beautiful, quality time spent together. Probably the last quiet time they would spend together, just the two of them.

And then, Dr Charles appeared in the doorway.

"Hey! Why'd you take on Caroline's case if you're not gonna see it through? The last thing she needs right now is to be passed off on another doctor."

"Whoa, wait a second," Connor said, dropping Sarah's hand in a gesture of defence. "What are you talking about?"

Dr Charles didn't seem to notice. "We all agreed that the surgery's too dangerous, right? Mortality rate's too high. Now all of a sudden Dr Bekker's given her the green light?"

Connor's outrage was obvious. "Dr Bekker advocated for the surgery?"

"Advocated? She agreed to do it!"

Connor looked to Sarah, who knew just as well as he did that this was not good. "Go," she told him, pushing him gently toward the door.

"I'm gonna take care of this," Connor promised Dr Charles as he ran out the door.

Sarah looked up at her mentor, who could tell she'd been upset. "I'm fine," she said stubbornly.

"You're in a hospital bed, Sarah. You have preeclampsia. You are very clearly not okay."

She couldn't help but concede.

"I'll be fine, Dr Charles," Sarah insisted. "And Bean will, too."

That stopped him. "Bean?"

She shrugged. "A little nickname she picked up from her Uncle Will."

* * *

Connor was livid. He was worse than livid. He was the angriest he'd been in a very, very long time.

Standing in front of Ms Goodwin, he was already mid-argument. And both women - that is, the hospital administrator and Ava Bekker - knew he was pissed.

"She went behind my back and tried to poach my patient!"

Ever the diplomat, Ms Goodwin kept her cool. "Is this true, Dr Bekker?"

"Hardly," Ava said. "I was offering a second opinion."

"You've gotta be kidding me!"

"The patient's daughter had already requested the surgery directly -"

"- You had no right to insert yourself."

"And honour the family's wishes when you'd refused?" she rebuffed him. "Admit it, you're gunshy because it's your ex-girlfriend's mother."

"Oh come on, that is absurd! I am acting in my patient's best interests!"

"You mean my patient."

"Really?"

"That's enough," Ms Goodwin stepped in. "You two may think I'm fascinated by your little soap opera, but I couldn't care less. When you clock into this hospital you leave that mess at the door."

He knew she was right. But he was too pissed off right now to care.

"Dr Bekker, your lack of professional etiquette is glaring," she said to the blonde. Turning to Connor, Ms Goodwin said, "But Caroline Charles has the right to determine her own care. Dr Rhodes, if you won't perform the surgery, Dr Bekker will."

Ava was ready to leave, but Connor wasn't done yet.

"Not so fast," he said lowly. "Caroline is still my patient. So, if the surgery is gonna happen, I'm gonna do it."

And with that, he was gone.

* * *

Back in the ED, Sarah had had the opportunity to observe the goings on of her colleague's day-to-day lives.

For instance, Nat had run out on some personal time. And Will, who was pulling a double shift, had noticed. He always noticed when it came to Nat - always. She'd been gone for about half an hour when he'd checked in with Maggie, who refused to tell him anything, and left Nat a voicemail. And then, he popped into Sarah's room.

"She's still not back, huh?"

His only response was raised eyebrows.

She took a moment, considered her words very carefully, then said, "... Is it time to let her go?"

He sat down beside her, clearly here not as her doctor, but as her friend. "Did you let Connor go?"

"Oh - _ouch_ ," she said dramatically.

"Sorry," he backtracked. "It's just - it hurts. So much more than I ever imagined. How did you deal with this?"

She smiled. "Because I leant on my friends. You, Ethan, Nat, Maggie ... you were all here for me. The key to getting through Will, is letting people in. Your friends, your family - they're the ones who will make sure you make it through."

With the sibling moment over, he slipped back into business. "I'm still waiting on a call from OB. Pretty sure you're gonna be in here for the long haul, though."

"I figured as much," she said, squinting slightly.

"Headache's back?"

She grimaced. "With a vengeance."

Immediately, he was back on his feet. "I'm gonna call up to OB for an update."

"Will," she called him back. "I have another thirty-six hours on the corticosteroids before they can deliver."

He paused at the door, telling her seriously, "Sarah, if this progresses - you and I both know how dangerous eclampsia really is. We need to do something before you start seizing."

* * *

Unfortunately for them all, Connor was uncontactable right now. Will had left him a message - and fifteen minutes later, sent him a page - but it turned out he was in surgery. Sarah was very obviously deteriorating, but she wouldn't let them do anything more, treatment-wise, until she spoke to Connor. She knew exactly where he was, and who he was operating on. She was just hoping she could keep their attention on her long enough for him to finish the surgery.

She needed them to leave him alone long enough for him to finish the surgery on Robyn's mom.

Upstairs, they finished the risky surgery - only just managing to bring her back, but they pulled her through. He was giving Robyn and Dr Charles the good news up in post-op when Maggie came running down the hallway.

"Connor!" she called, out of breath from having run literally the entire length of the hospital. "You've gotta come downstairs. Right now."

"Mags -"

"- It's Sarah," she cut right over the top of him, knowing very well the other people involved in this situation wouldn't mind the interruption once they knew what it was. "She's started seizing."

"What?!"

He was off in an instant, both Maggie and Dr Charles hot on his heels. "I'll come see mom when I know what's going on," Dr Charles called back to Robyn, who wasn't a bit surprised her father had taken off running.

When the elevator didn't arrive in about three seconds, Connor reefed open the door to the stairwell and launched himself in there.

"Why'd they let it get this far?" he asked Maggie, who was matching his pace despite her lack on breath and the stitch in her side.

"She insisted we don't do anything until she turned eclamptic." To Dr Charles, who was trialing a little behind them, she called, "You good?"

"Just get there," he called back. "I'll meet you down there."

By the time Connor and Maggie arrived back in the ED, Sarah's room was in utter chaos. People were everywhere, a mix of the ED and OB teams. Predictably, Will was right by Sarah's side, trying his absolute hardest to reason with the most stubborn woman on earth.

"Sarah - if you don't let us deliver, you _will_ die. You hear me? No ifs, buts or maybes about it. That _will_ happen."

"I'm not - I'm not doing anything ... until he's here." Her words were punctuated with long pauses, deep breaths, and big winces.

Pushing his way into the room, Connor announced, "I'm here! I'm here!"

"Oh - good," she said sarcastically. Then, slightly more serious, "How's Caroline?"

"Alive," he answered quickly. "So I hear a rumour we're about to meet our girl."

Will rolled his eyes. "Yeah. If only her mother would let us deliver."

One look from Connor had Sarah talking. "She's - she's not ... ready. Too ... early."

"Sarah, honey," Connor said gently, "Will's right. You know it as well as I do."

"... No. She's ... not done."

He closed his eyes and threw his head back. After taking a deep breath, he said, "If this girl is even _half_ as stubborn as you are -"

"- Am I about to be - ah - complimented or ... or insulted?"

"- She will be a fighter," Connor continued as though she hadn't spoken.

When she hung her head, he knew he'd won.

"Okay people," Will announced to the room at large. "Let's get her upstairs. We're having a baby!"

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Are you ready? No, seriously - are you ready? It's happening... !_


	78. The Space Between Us

**The Space Between Us**

He'd spent the first night of his daughter's life staring at the tiny baby with the impossibly small pink beanie on her head. She was, as expected, in an incubator, with an unimaginable amount of tubes connected to her - some to monitor vitals, some delivering much-needed medication, another delivering extra oxygen to her underdeveloped lungs.

The moment Sarah had been allowed out of bed, she'd demanded to be taken up to the NICU to see her daughter. Predictably, Will - who had just pulled a double shift, held her hand while they waited for Connor, and stayed by her side (at her own insistence) during the C-section - had complied. He rolled her into the NICU with the biggest grin on his face, like the proud big brother he really was at that moment.

"There she is," he announced as he rolled her through the door. "Our little Bean!"

" _Our_ little Bean," Connor corrected him good-naturedly, kissing Sarah on the cheek and taking over as her official wheelchair pusher. He got her as close to the incubator as he could, so mother and daughter were face to face for the very first time.

He had no idea how long they stood there, just staring at their little miracle. He was right, as he knew he would've been - this tiny little girl was a fighter.

"Her oxygen stats have already improved since she came in last night," Nat's voice said from the doorway, where she was holding a tablet and going through the notes. "She's responding really well to everything we've given her."

"And mom's on the mend, too," Maggie commented from beside her.

"She's really looking forward to fitting into normal clothes again," Sarah quipped with a smile. "She's very excited not to have to wear those damned maternity scrubs anymore."

She finally tore her eyes away from her daughter to take in the people around her. Nat, Maggie, Will - Ethan, April - Dr Charles, even Dr Latham and Ms Goodwin. Everyone had chosen this perfect moment (which she knew at least one of them had definitely engineered) to come and meet their daughter.

"So," Will smiled. "Does my niece have a name yet?"

"Uh, that would be _my_ niece," another voice said from behind him.

"Claire!" Sarah exclaimed, opening her arms for her sister-in-law to give her a hug. "I'm so glad you're here!"

"Of course I'm here," Claire Rhodes said with a smile, reaching out to her brother. "I'm not about to miss the day my baby brother becomes a dad."

"Oh my God," Connor breathed, as though that realisation were just washing over him.

Dr Charles spoke up then, curious as to what they'd decided. "So, does Bean have a name?"

The new parents looked to each other with a smile. Then, Connor gestured to the identifier on the incubator:

 _Aeryn Elizabeth Rhodes_

"Everybody," Sarah said with a beaming smile, "meet Aeryn." Looking back to her daughter and placing a hand inside to touch her for the very first time, she said, "Aeryn, meet your family."

* * *

Two weeks later, Sarah had been released from the maternity ward and Connor was preparing to return to work. He'd been offered more paternity leave, of course, but he figured he'd take it further down the line, when Aeryn was eventually discharged from the NICU.

"You are sure about this, right?" she'd asked him that morning. They were up in Aeryn's room, Sarah fluffing up the pillows she had nicked to make the recliner more comfortable while Connor spent a few extra minutes with his hands in the incubator. Right now, their little fighter - who he was convinced had _definitely_ inherited her mother's stubbornness - had her tiny hand wrapped around his little finger.

"I am one hundred per cent sure," he said, his gaze not wavering from Aeryn once. "I'll be inside the hospital the whole time. I can swing back in to meet with her team, and if anything happens I am only ever a single page away."

She was sitting in the recliner beside the incubator now, gingerly fidgeting with the pillows in an attempt to keep herself as comfortable as she possibly could. While she'd been discharged, she was still recovering from major surgery - and the long ordeal before it - herself.

"Well, we're gonna be just fine, aren't we Bean?"

Connor couldn't help but groan. "It was cute when she was one, but she's got a name now."

"Oh no, buddy," Sarah laughed. "This nickname is never gonna die."

* * *

Down in the ED later that same morning, Connor found himself stuck on a case with Ava Bekker. They were cordial, polite even. But the professional line was never crossed - she didn't ask about anything, and he offered no information. This was going to be a strictly business relationship. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Hey, welcome back," Robyn Charles greeted him with a smile. She was drifting through the department, probably looking for Dr Charles.

"Hey," he answered happily.

"How's Miss Aeryn? I've heard she's quite the little trooper."

"Ooh, stubborn like her mom," Connor laughed. "Which I am realising now bodes really well for her teenage years."

It was Robyn's turn to laugh now. "She's barely two weeks old. You've got plenty of time to worry about that."

"Oh no," Connor disagreed. "I've seen how quickly little Owen's grown up. It's going to roll around way too quickly."

With pleasantries exchanged, she was down to business. "So I heard you rounded on my mom this morning. How's her new valve doing?"

"She is looking great," Connor reported happily. "I don't foresee any problems."

"Good." She was almost ready to go, but then she remembered a conversation they'd had the week before. "Oh, did you get a chance to look up that vertical farming exhibit at the Smart I told you about?"

A quick shake of the head, a mouthed 'no'.

"I'm telling you, the future is aeroponics."

"We get a hundred and twenty days of rain a year. I don't see us running out of water."

"It's not about the water. It's about feeding a hundred and thirty million new babies a year." To Ava, Robyn asked, "Have you seen it?"

"Uh - no," Ava said, feigning interest. "But I'll make a point of it."

"Thank you," Robyn said genuinely. As a good-natured jab at Connor, she added, "Obviously it is over some peoples heads."

He pretended not to understand.

"It's a vertical farming joke."

He bit, the joke was over, and she was ready to go. "Anyway, I know my mom's scheduled for an echo tomorrow. So once you get the results -"

The rest of her words were drowned out by an almighty bang. None of the doctors could believe what they were seeing: a car had just driven through the ambulance bay doors.

All thoughts of the snarky words Ava was about to throw at Connor were entirely gone; They had bigger priorities right now.

* * *

Sarah knew about the drama downstairs - in a matter of minutes, everyone knew about the drama downstairs. The moment they'd heard about it, their team of nurses had headed into Aeryn's room to keep Sarah posted.

"Is everyone okay?" Sarah had asked them.

"Apparently he hit someone," one said. "An orderly."

"Oh my God."

"It gets worse," the other said. "He's stuck under the car."

All day, she knew her mind should've been on her daughter. But she just couldn't help thinking of Connor - he was working trauma today. What he must've seen, what he must've dealt with ... It was unimaginable. And yet, it was all she could think about.

And then her daughter started crying. Every new parent is a little freaked out the first time the baby cries and they don't know why. With all the tubes, and everything little Aeryn had going on - there was really no way of knowing what she needed.

But apparently, her neonatologist knew. "I think she's ready for skin-to-skin. What do you say, mom? Ready to hold your baby?"

She knew she should've called Connor. She knew he'd wanted to be here. But right now, she also knew he was dealing with something far greater than anything she could possibly imagine. And so, she found herself sitting in the recliner, cradling her daughter in her arms for the very, very first time.

That was where Connor found her at the very end of his long, hard shift. He'd been ready to break down. To fall apart, right there in the middle of the hallway. And then, he found himself frozen in the middle of his daughter's doorway. For the first time in her short life, she wasn't laying in a incubator. She was right there where she belonged - with her mom.

Sarah's bright smile was enough to bring tears to his eyes. She beckoned him over gently, moving her hand every so slowly so as to not wake the baby.

"Look at my girls," he whispered, bending down beside the recliner chair. "You are a sight for sore eyes."

She let him watch them both for a moment, then quietly asked, "How's Don?"

Connor's head dropped, so it was now resting on her arm at just the perfect angle to watch their tiny girl sleep. "Alive. Barely."

She let out a breath of relief she hadn't realised she was holding. "That's all we can ask for, after all."

"With a shattered pelvis and an arterial graft? I think he could ask for more than just alive."

"Take the win, Rhodes," a third voice said from the doorway. Will had arrived, clearly also needing a pick-me-up from a seriously rough day. "I know I'm intruding, but would you mind? Someone recently told me we need to lean on our friends."

Sarah smiled. "Well, I believe baby daddy over here has second dibs on a cuddle. But I think we can arrange for Uncle Will to be third on the list."

And that was how the three friends spent their night - talking, spending time together. And cuddling their newest family member.

There was one photo from that night that Sarah would treasure forever - in fact, it would wind up framed on their wall. Connor was holding his daughter for the first time, gazing down at her with this amazing look of wonder. And sitting right next to him was Will, who had ironically somehow become his very best friend. His head was down near Aeryn's. He was looking right into her eyes, and she back into his. She had told of one of his fingers - it was almost as though she were listening very intently to every word her Uncle Will was saying.

"Hey Will," Sarah said much later, when a very nervous Will had Aeryn held tightly in his arms. "Will you be her godfather?"

* * *

 ** _A/N:_** _BAM! Three chapters in one day - you guys asked, I delivered. (And also that whole inspiration, I'm-no-longer-kinda-blocked thing). But yay! And Uncle Will - I think Uncle Will is my favourite iteration of Will. Anywho, I'll see you next time :)_


	79. Tell Me The Truth

**Tell Me The Truth**

Slowly - ever so slowly - Connor and Sarah found themselves adjusting to their new normal. They spent just about every waking hour in the hospital. Whether it was up in the NICU or, in Connor's case at least, working a shift, they didn't seem to leave. Not that either of them minded, of course - life had changed. In the best way possible.

This morning, however, they had decided to be actual functioning humans and leave the hospital for breakfast. They'd headed over to their favourite little cafe down the street. It was the same one they used to frequent what felt like a lifetime ago, back when they weren't supposed to be together. It felt like old times, if only for a second. They'd eaten good food, drank good coffee - Sarah had really, really missed coffee - and talked about their hopes and their dreams for their daughter. For the first time in almost a month, they were talking about her - for real - as more than just touch and go.

Because, while she was still undeniably ill, this far she had passed every hurdle she'd come across. Their girl really was a fighter.

"Can I ask you a serious question?" she'd asked him in her quiet voice.

Connor raised an eyebrow, his coffee held securely in his hand. "Of course."

"... What about Texas?"

And there it was, the elephant in the room. In all this time - months, by this point - it was the one thing neither of them had stopped to consider. Up until now, it had been about getting Sarah through the pregnancy, and then getting Aeryn to the point of being classed as stable. But now ... now they could breathe a little. They were starting to think about the future. And that's where things started to get really, really complicated.

* * *

Performing surgery on a VIP patient later that morning, he had no choice but to put the very heavy conversation out of his mind. When he'd left Sarah at the coffee shop, she'd said she was going to spend a little time out in the sun. He'd walked past the windows on his way back to the hospital, and smiled at seeing the normalcy of his fiancé with her nose in a book. Even when Ava Bekker put herself on his case - not for the first time recently - he didn't let it dampen his mood.

Life was good. Until it wasn't.

When his phone buzzed in theatre, he told Beth to take a message. When she said it was an emergency, his heart was in his throat - he was fully expecting to hear someone from the NICU telling him something was drastically wrong, but it wasn't them. He heard the words the voice on the other end of the phone was telling him. He understood what they meant.

He couldn't let his surgical team see it on his face.

"Look, I'm in the middle of an operation."

Pause.

"What?"

Pause.

"Is this some kind of joke?"

Pause.

"How do I know that?"

Long pause.

"Alright. Alright, alright - what do you want me to do?"

And then he was backing away from the table, taking off his gloves and stripping his surgical gown and mask away from him. All the while, he found him reassuring the person on the other end of the line that he was following instructions. He wouldn't hang up.

Still on the phone, he was racing through the hospital. Past Gwen Garrett, who was understandably pissed. Through the corridors, down the elevator, and straight into the ED. There, he looked around until he spotted Dr Charles. To a casual onlooker, it would have been almost comical - the big gestures to get his attention, then the miming telling him not to speak.

He grabbed the file Dr Charles was working on, somewhere in the back of his mind hoping the paperwork wasn't important, and then he was scrawling a note with his left hand: _Call Sarah_

"Look, I'm moving as fast as I can, man, I promise," Connor was saying into his phone. "Can I talk to her? Okay, okay! Look - I'll do whatever you say."

Dr Charles had his phone to his ear, but it wasn't good news. 'Voicemail,' the man mouthed. He made another call, and whispered a question while Connor did everything he could to keep the caller at bay. Then, another mouthed message - 'Not in NICU.'

"Alright," Connor told the caller. "I'm leaving now. Just please, don't hurt her."

He left another scrawled note for Dr Charles on the way out.

Before today, getting a call from the NICU had been his worst nightmare. Boy, was he wrong.

 _Kidnapped_  
 _NO COPS_

* * *

Connor found himself doing everything he possibly could to race across town - speeding through intersections, running red lights. When he looked back on this day later in life, he was pretty sure if you'd named a road law, he'd broken it in his mad dash to the bank. But today, Chicago was not on his side. Traffic was in gridlock, and the caller was not happy about it.

"I'm heading East on Lake," he told the caller, who was now on speaker phone in the car.

"You're late," the voice growled in response. "You said you'd be there in twenty minutes."

"I can't help the traffic," he argued back.

"Are you playing games with me?!"

"I am doing the best I can!"

If there ever was a time for a maniacal laugh, that would have been it. "Whatever happens to Sarah, that's on you, man."

"Just - just don't touch her!"

And then het got dangerous, driving through the streets of Chicago in a way that would _definitely_ have any cop in Chicago arresting him on the spot, right then and there. It was dangerous, but Sarah was and would always be more important than anything else in the world.

* * *

The next thing Connor could register, he was literally running into the bank. Had he had a moment to register where he was and why he was here, he would have (yet again) been struck by the ridiculousness of the opulence of the place. But right now wasn't the time.

Instead, he found his account manager and said the last words he had ever thought he would ever be saying in this place. "I need to take fifty thousand dollars out of my money market account in cash."

"Cash?"

"Yes. And, please, I am in a bit of a hurry."

The account manager, Jenny, was thrown, but it was her job to make any request happen. "It'll take a few minutes. I'm not sure the tellers have that much on hand. I may need to go into the vault."

"Jenny, whatever it takes. Just please do it. Thank you."

She could clearly see the distress on his face, but she said nothing.

And just when he thought it was all going to plan - it fell apart. Despite his pleas, his yelling into his phone in the middle of the bank, the caller hung up. He ran back towards the front entrance, where Dr Charles and several members of PD's intelligence service were walking up the stairs.

"No. No, no! NO!" Connor yelled. "I told you not to call the police! They saw you, they're gonna kill her!"

"They're not," Dr Charles told him calmly.

"You don't know that!" Connor argued back, his panic obvious in every fibre of his being.

Dr Charles' response was just as calm and collected as he always was. "Yes, I do."

"Dr Rhodes," Ruzek said calmly, getting Connor's undivided attention. "Sarah was never kidnapped."

"No, she was!" Connor argued back. "I-I-I heard her scream!"

"It wasn't her, buddy," Dr Charles said calmly.

"No," Ruzek agreed. "It's a scam. Dr Rhodes, it's a scam."

"A scam?" he repeated the words disbelievingly, the shock of the words not quite getting through his utter terror.

"When I finally reached Sarah, she had no idea what I was talking about," Dr Charles told him. "She ran into your sister. They were catching up."

That got Connor's attention. "You - you spoke to her? And she's fine?"

"Was never in any danger," Dr Charles confirmed.

For the first time in more than an hour now, Connor felt like he could breathe. He sat down on the stairs, running hands across his face. They gave him a few minutes, then Dr Charles spoke again.

"Hey - let's head back to Med," he said gently. "They're waiting for you up in the NICU."

He remained oddly calm throughout the car ride back to Med. Ruzek had insisted on driving, since Connor really had broken just about every road law in the book on his trip over. The calmness stayed, until he walked through the entrance to the NICU and saw the very best sight he had seen in a very long time.

She was standing beside the incubator, which Connor failed to realise was open. Almost as though she knew he was there, she turned her head, a bright smile on her face. This time when he ran, it wasn't out of panic or fear. It was joy.

Seeing her face - joy. Wrapping her in his arms - joy. The sweet, slightly not-workplace-appropriate kiss - joy.

"Oh, God," he whispered, not letting himself let her go.

"Hey, it's okay," Sarah reassured him. "I'm fine."

"I - uh -" the words were coming out of his mouth, or so he thought. Apparently they were just noises. "I was so -"

"- I know," Sarah whispered, her hands holding his face close to hers. "My phone was in my bag. I was catching up with Claire - I just didn't hear it ringing."

"It's my fault," Claire's voice said from further inside the room. "You know me - could talk underwater with a mouth full of marbles."

Sarah gently ran a hand down his cheek, catching a stray tear that he'd let fall. "We're okay. We're all okay. Actually, we're more than okay."

That got his attention. "More than okay?"

She laughed. For someone who was usually so observant - well, right now he only had eyes for her.

Pointing over to the baby, Sarah said, "Someone's graduating to a big girl crib."

"To a ..." he truly couldn't believe his eyes. She still had monitors all over her, but his tiny little trooper had finally done it. She'd passed enough tests, gained enough weight, and done everything she needed to do to get out of that incubator.

* * *

What felt like hours later, the duo sat side by side - well, Sarah was sat on top of Connor, who had been forced into the recliner chair when he started to sway - trying to come to terms with the unimaginable thing that had happened.

"How were they able to pull this off?" she asked him quietly, placing a gentle kiss on his temple. "They must have known so much about you. About us."

Connor shook his head. "Ruzek thinks they must have hacked my email. Apparently this sort of scam's been happening a lot."

"You need to change your passwords."

"We both do."

When Ms Goodwin appeared in the hallway, however, Connor actually groaned. "Time to face the music," he muttered.

Lucky for Connor, Ms Goodwin was already aware of what had happened. In fact, it turned out, the whole hospital knew what had happened. One the one hand, he felt a little like a fool. On the other hand, he knew damn well every one of them would have made the same choices if they were in his shoes.

Even the patient he walked out on didn't mind in the end. Ava had stepped in, of course, and the operation was successful. That was all that mattered at the end of the day.

"Hey," Sarah said tiredly at what felt like some ungodly hour of the night. "We should go home. Sleep in a real bed."

Connor groaned, this time at the thought of actually sleeping on a real-life mattress. "That sounds amazing."

Slowly and tiredly, they kissed their daughter goodnight, wished her care team a good shift, and walked hand-in-hand out of the hospital.


	80. Never Let You Go

**Never Let You Go**

After that terribly embarrassing kidnapping scare, Connor found himself doing absolutely everything in his power to try and forget it happened. Though he'd been spending every moment of his spare time with his two favourite girls, he still never seemed to leave the hospital. He'd taken a couple of days off following what would forever be known as 'the incident', which if he were honest everyone knew he would be spending with Sarah and Aeryn in the NICU. Though their girl was now classed as stable, her team still weren't ready to send her home. As a doctor, he got it - babies born this early generally stay in the hospital until at least the time of their due date, after all. As a dad - well, it was killing him.

On the upside, now that their daughter was stable, Connor and Sarah both felt like they could breathe again. It had been almost a month since they had been so paranoid they would literally only go home to get a few hours' sleep and change their clothes. They spent hours by their daughter's side every day, of course, but now they were comfortable enough to take a night here and there, spend time together. Oddly, it was so similar to their mandated date night when he was under the mentorship of Dr Downey.

"He'd love this," Connor said late one night when the two found themselves reminiscing by their daughter's bedside. "He'd have been the proudest one of the bunch, I reckon. Probably running the pool - birth date, weight, boy or girl. That would've been him."

Sarah couldn't help but smile, watching the interaction between father and daughter closely. Her little hand was wrapped so tightly around his finger that she doubted he'd ever have his hand back again.

* * *

This morning, however, they'd taken some extra time at home for themselves before they headed into Med. Quickies never had been their forte - and now, they were running late.

"How many times do we have to have this conversation?" she was asking him, half-seriously and half in jest.

"Please don't," he laughed. "I don't think I can take another lecture."

She rolled her eyes, then sidestepped a rose bush. They were taking an alternate route today, one that led them through a small outdoor courtyard between two buildings. One would think they might have an opportunity to steal a few moments privately between themselves, but - predictably, perhaps, given the architecture of Gaffney Chicago Medical Center - the walls were made of glass.

She'd gone to make some sort of sarcastic reply when a group of men in dark suits caught her eye. "Is that the Board?"

Connor's head snapped up, immediately looking in the direction she was pointing. There was no mistaking the tall man with his salt and pepper hair who was clearly arguing with Gwen Garrett at the very front of the group - Cornelius Rhodes. The one man they had both successfully avoided for more than a month now.

They continued on their way, both sighing and very aware they would need to pass by - but then they were running. Cornelius had doubled over, and fell back onto a chair like a sack of potatoes.

Connor was by his side in an instant. "Dad? Dad - hey, hey. Easy there. Easy."

For her part, Ms Garrett looked like a deer in headlights. "Is everything alright?"

Connor had immediately jumped into doctor mode, performing basic checks on his very unwilling father, who was maintaining he was fine. To Ms Garrett, Connor said, "Just give us a minute, will you?"

She and the Board backed off while Connor - and, by extension, Sarah - had a moment with Cornelius.

"Sarah," he said as conversationally as he could manage. "You're looking well."

She simply looked from father to son and back again, not really knowing what she was supposed to say here. Cornelius had clearly just had some kind of an episode, but he was more focused on pointing out she was no longer pregnant when she should have been? Typical.

Connor, however, wasn't about to stand for his father's avoidance tactics. "Your pulse is racing and you can't catch your breath."

"Incompetence makes my blood boil, what can I say?" Cornelius retorted snarkily.

Ever the professional, Connor chose to ignore him. "Are you having chest pains?"

"No."

Sarah and Connor shared a momentary look. He leant down slightly closer to his father and said, "Really?"

The look on Cornelius' face - and his lack of response - both spoke volumes.

"Dad, there's clearly something going on with your heart. We should get you seen by a cardiologist."

"Well that's not gonna happen today. I've got too much on my plate."

"Just let us take you to the ED. We'll check you out ourselves. It'll only take a few minutes, I promise."

But Cornelius wasn't having it. "Connor, please. Just stop it. I'm absolute -"

He'd tried to stand, but that was well and truly the end of that. As he sank back down into his seat, both Connor and Sarah stepped forward, one standing either side of the very belligerent, and clearly very sick man in the chair.

"Okay," Sarah declared simply. "You officially don't have a choice on this one, Mr Rhodes."

The man looked up at her, then to his son and back again. Between bouts of pain, he managed to struggle out the kindest words he had ever said to her: "We're ... family. I think ... it's about time ... you called me ... Cornelius."

For the first time in the years she had known him, Sarah found herself giving Cornelius Rhodes the tiniest of smiles.

* * *

Down in the ED, Rhodes Sr. continued to be difficult. When the nursing staff wanted to put him in a treatment room on the left, he wanted the one in the corner on the right. He only signed himself in under sufferance. And that look he threw them when they asked him to part with his suit - well, if looks could kill.

That was the point that Sarah, who had been hovering in the doorway while Connor headed into the football to start ordering tests, knew she had to step in.

"I've got this," she told the nurses, who gladly handed her the gown they were trying to convince their patient to get himself into.

"Okay, Cornelius," she continued conversationally, as though they got this kind of difficult person every day, "we can do this the easy way or the hard way."

He raised an eyebrow in a way eerily similar to his son. "And the hard way is?"

She shrugged. "Well, I am in psychiatry. If you don't want to be seen and I deem that to be you endangering yourself, I could put you on a psych hold."

She knew she had him. There was no way in _hell_ Cornelius Rhodes would allow himself to be placed on a 72-hour psychiatric hold. On the other hand, he definitely didn't meet the criteria for her to actually enact one - but he didn't need to know that.

"Give me the gown," he said in defeat.

"I'll be back in five minutes," she said with a smile, handing the gown over and pulling the curtain closed behind her.

Over in the football, Connor was organising tests with Maggie, who clearly knew who was sitting in treatment room two. As soon as the charge nurse departed, Sarah was back by Connor's side.

"Threatened him with a psych hold," she told him quietly. "He's putting on his gown now."

Had they been in literally any other situation, Connor would have roared with laughter. Given the circumstances, however, they both knew he wouldn't. The long, audible exhale from her ever-calm-and-in-control fiancee was enough for Sarah to know he was barely holding it together right now.

She gently placed a hand around his back and leaned her head on his shoulder. To some it would have been a cute gesture, but right in this moment for Connor it was calming. A reminder that she was right there beside him.

Quietly, she reassured him, "We caught it. Whatever it is, we'll get it treated. He'll be fine."

"You don't know that," he said equally as quietly.

"No," she conceded. "But the two of you are more alike than either of you care to admit. You're stubborn enough to find and treat whatever's going wrong, and he's pig headed enough to walk away after."

Connor looked down at her, on what was a funny angle given their current positioning. "That's the worst insult you've ever thrown at me."

She grinned. "You're welcome."

And that was when Ava Bekker appeared. She'd set herself up at a computer beside the one Connor was working on, but it was clearly just a pretence.

There was no greeting, no beating around the bush. Just: "You're examining your father."

"Just a cursory cardiac checkup," Connor answered in a monotone.

"Huh," Ava said, now turning directly to face the two of them. "A doctor shouldn't be treating a close family member. Especially one with a frought history."

Though the words were directed at Connor, she's stared right at Sarah as she said them. For her part, Sarah threw up her hands and said, "Not my father."

"Father-in-law, then."

Connor still hadn't looked up from his computer. "Whatever you're doing, Ava, I'm not interested."

"What I'm doing is rising above any personal animosity I might have to help my colleagues."

"Well, these colleagues don't need your help," Connor said dismissively, heading back into his father's treatment room.

"She's on maternity leave," Ava said as he walked away. "She shouldn't be down here, anyway."

Sarah ignored that comment completely and followed Connor back into the room, where Cornelius sat dutifully waiting dressed in his hospital gown and fidgeting. Neither father nor son said anything to each other, until Connor pulled out his stethoscope and began listening to his father's breathing.

"Saw you with your little friend out there," Cornelius said to no one in particular. "What were you two talking about?"

Connor, however, chose not to dignify that with a response. He stuck to medical-related conversation only. "Well, there's some fluid in your lungs, which explains the shortness of breath. And I'm picking up a heart murmur."

His father, at least, seemed to pick up on how this was going to go. "I know about the murmur," he said. "My GP told me about that a long time ago."

Connor clearly wanted to say something, probably along the lines of a 'why-didn't-you-say-anything-that's-something-we-really-needed-to-know' kind of thing, but Sarah's hand on his arm was enough to stop him.

Cornelius, however, seemed to have picked up on it. "You know what, excuse me. I'm done. I'm gonna get dressed."

"Fine," Connor sighed. "I will get started on your discharge."

He left the room, obviously pissed, and pulled the curtain closed behind him. Sarah, however, stayed put. Cornelius was making a big song and dance about picking up his clothes, but she couldn't help but notice he hadn't so much as made a move toward putting his suit back on.

"Something you'd like to say?"

His back was still to her. She knew he was trying to avoid this conversation in just the same way his son was known to do.

She'd opened her mouth to say something, but they were both distracted. The commotion outside in the hallway took all their attention - whens he heard the gunshots, however, Sarah was frozen in place. She watched in horror as Cornelius headed for the doorway, then got knocked sideways into the doorframe in the pandemonium of people running out of the ED.

"Dad!" Connor yelled, running back in from the football and reaching Cornelius at the same moment Sarah managed to shake herself back into action.

"Cornelius, hey," she said gently, examining his head. To Connor, she said, "Skin's not broken. He's gonna have one hell of a headache, though."

Connor's attention, however, was out in the hallway. A man had a gun, a hostage, and three doctors were doing everything they could to convince him he had to let them treat the gunshot victims.

"Go," Sarah told Connor. "I've got your dad."

* * *

They could hear what was happening from inside Cornelius' treatment room. She got him settled back on his bed, then stood anxiously beside him as they listened to the impossible unfold out in the hallway.

"This can't be happening," Cornelius was muttering. "This is impossible."

"Shut up," she said forcefully between her teeth. "For once in your life, please just shut up."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me," she countered. "My fiancee is out there, trying to do his job and save a life while a madman with a gun holds all of us hostage. For once in your life, shut up and let your son do his job."

* * *

It had been almost an hour by the time she finally conceded this was real. It was happening. It wasn't a nightmare. And now she was shaking.

"Sarah," Cornelius said quietly. "Come and sit down."

When she didn't move, she was surprised to find the man standing behind her, gentling taking hold of her shaking arm and guiding her back to the bed in the centre of the room. There, they sat side-by-side for God only knows how long.

Eventually, she finally found herself saying, "That's the first time you've ever used my name."

He didn't respond. Instead, they sat there awkwardly for another few moments. And then, he broke the silence: "Boy or girl?"

"What?" The question had come out of nowhere. It had thrown her.

"My grandchild," Cornelius said simply. "Boy or girl?"

It hadn't occurred to Sarah that any information about the baby was still not public knowledge.

"Uh - she's a girl," Sarah said simply. "You have a granddaughter."

He didn't say a lot after that. It would have easily been another ten minutes before she realised that was because he was fading - and fast.

"Connor!" she yelled, suddenly not afraid of the crazed gunman at all. "Connor - I need you!"

Just as he'd always promised, Connor Rhodes came running. What happened next happened entirely in a blur. Connor was there, Maggie by his side, and they went about treating him just like any other patient. Sarah, however, was no help. She'd spend weeks beating herself up for it, but she found herself huddled in an uncomfortable plastic chair in the corner of the room, staring at the scene in front of her with nothing but fear in her eyes.

The once tall and scary man was suddenly so sick and feeble.

"What is it?" he asked Connor, who shook his head.

"I don't know dad, but something's not right."

And then he was back to belligerent again. "This is your fault. I should never have let you convince me ... to come here in the first place. If - if ..."

The second the monitors went off, however, Sarah pulled herself back into action. Connor was doing CPR, Maggie bagging, Sarah running meds and Ms Goodwin appeared with the paddles. He'd crashed, but they had him back. Barely.

On the opposite side of his father's bed, Connor's eyes met Sarah's. "We need to figure out what's going on."

* * *

Five minutes later, Connor was running an echocardiogram on Cornelius' heart. The look on his face as he stared at the screen said it all to Sarah - he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"He's got a hole in his heart," Connor all but breathed. "Between the left and right atrium. He's in heart failure."

Cornelius, who had literally just had a heart attack, crashed, and become somewhat conscious again clearly heard what his son had said. His right hand slowly reached out to find Sarah's left. In any other family, it wouldn't mean much. To Sarah, however, who still stood in her same spot on the opposite side of her future father-in-law's bed, it said an awful lot.

Her words weren't those of comfort. They weren't meant for Cornelius. She knew as well as Connor did that - if he were to make it out of this - there was no way he would remember what was going on right now. So instead, she spoke directly to her fiancee. "Can you repair it?"

"Not here," Connor said immediately. "I need to get him upstairs."

And then, nothing short of a miracle. Cornelius pulled the oxygen mask away from his face and murmured to his son, "Don't let me die."

"No. I won't, dad," Connor reassured him, gently trying to place the mask back on his father's face. But the man stopped him.

"What's ... her name?"

"What?" Connor asked, still entirely confused.

Cornelius tugged on Sarah's hand then, drawing her closer to the father and son duo.

"... Baby," Cornelius managed. "Her ... her name."

Connor looked up at Sarah, shock written all over his face. She smiled encouragingly, trying her absolute hardest to blink back the tears that were suddenly clouding her eyes.

"Uh, Aeryn," Connor said quietly. "Aeryn Elizabeth."

"After ... your mom," Cornelius nodded. "Good ... good name."

It was the kindest words Sarah had ever heard the two men speak to each other.

But of course, the nightmare continued. Connor Rhodes was arguing with a crazed man waving a gun in his face. They needed Connor to operate on another patient - the girl in labour with the gunman's baby - and Connor wanted to exchange it for sending Cornelius upstairs for surgery. It was a heart-stopping few moments (no pun intended), but he won.

Out in the hallway, Connor was barking instructions to Will and Nat. "Alright. Bring whatever blood we have to the Hybrid OR. Prep her belly, then scrub in - I'm gonna need your help. Sarah, you too."

* * *

Not for the first time in her career, Sarah Reese found herself pulled into operating. Something she was _technically_ trained for at a very base level, but something she had _definitely_ never trained for. In literally any other situation, she'd make some sort of comment about him dragging her into surgery yet again. But of course, she didn't. It wasn't the time, or the place. She was starting to wonder if it ever would be the time or place again.

That surgery was something Sarah never wanted to see again. By the end of it, she, Connor and Maggie were all literally up to their elbows in blood, and Connor had copped a faceful from a ruptured artery.

In the end, however, there was no pleasant way out of this. Sharon had the baby in her hands, the gunman was following her out of the Hybrid OR making threats left, right, and centre. And then - a gunshot. The gunman was down.

She'd never watched someone die like that before. And she never wanted to again.

* * *

The second the police had cleared them to leave the scene, Connor was off and Sarah was hot on his heels. They sprinted through the hospital, darting between people walking in groups, ripping open doors and letting them slam closed behind them. They skipped the elevator - it would take too long - and instead chose to run up nine flights of stairs.

They'd arrived in the Cardiac ICU so quickly no one had a chance to warn them they were coming. The poor woman at the nurse's station looked up, startled, and then away without a second glance when she realised who it was.

Connor, however, could do no more than lean against the side of his father's bed. For five solid minutes, he stared at the man in total silence.

"You okay?" Sarah asked him gently, approaching him gently and wrapping her arms around him.

He laughed humourlessly. "No. I don't think I'll ever be okay again."

She sighed. "What is it about this place?"

"Is it this place or us? We seem to attract all the drama."

"Touche."

They settled back into silence again then. This time, she knew he wasn't just staring. He was assessing every monitor, judging his father's condition on every piece of information laid out before him. She let him do it for a time - it was what he needed to settle himself. She knew he'd judged him stable when he looked over to the nurses station and said, "Susie - do you know who did his surgery?"

The answer was, of course, predictable. "Yes, I believe it was Dr Bekker."

Connor's whole demeanour soured. He slowly straightened himself to his full height, and forced Sarah's arms away from him. Though they were no longer touching, there was no denying every muscle in Connor's entire body had just tensed. This was not good.

And then she appeared.

To Ava, he said, "You did the surgery?"

"He had an atrial septal defect the size of the Chicago bean but fortunately, yes, I was able to patch it," she said matter-of-factly. "I saved his life. But I s'pose this is the closest you can come to saying thank you. I'll be back later to check on my patient."

And then, she was gone.

* * *

When they finally made their way back to the NICU that night, his demeanour still hadn't improved. He'd said nothing more while they sat vigil at his father's bedside, and nothing at all on their walk to literally the other end of the hospital. That was why the words he spoke as they stood by their daughter's bedside shocked her to her very core:

"I want her to meet him."

She'd looked up then, clearly confused.

"I want Aeryn to meet my dad."


	81. More Harm Than Good

**More Harm Than Good**

The concept of Aeryn meeting Cornelius was one thing - the reality, quite another.

For nearly a week, Cornelius had been under close observation in the Cardiac ICU. By the time they finally allowed him out of there, he'd discharged himself and run straight back to the office. He also wasn't taking their calls. It would be more than another week before either of them heard from him again. Connor genuinely couldn't believe what he was seeing: His father needed help, so he'd come to him.

He was leaning heavily on the desk in the Cardiac ward, demanding someone do something. It wasn't until Connor arrived that he'd started making sense.

"Hey - hey," Connor announced himself, literally running to the staff's rescue. "What's going on?"

"Oh, I can't breathe," Cornelius forced out.

Connor, however was cool as a cucumber. He had his stethoscope out and was keeping his father talking while he assessed him. "What are you doing all the way up here? Why didn't you go to the ED?"

His father didn't answer. Instead he took a deep breath and made some sort of an inaudible grunting noise. Connor and Sarah had been working on this at home - he knew better now than to take it personally.

"Your lungs sound junky," he said, still conversationally. "How are your legs?"

"Ah, swollen."

"Yeah," Connor sighed. "We're gonna admit you to the CD ICU." To the nurse, he said, "Let's get a STAT labs, chest x-ray, EKG and echo."

"And can you get a message to Sarah?" Cornelius added. "I want her here."

Connor couldn't help but shake his head. Wherever his father went, he somehow managed to forget he just wasn't the boss. Luckily, an apologetic glance from Connor as he helped the man down the hallway was enough for the nurse to begrudgingly nod.

"I - I feel like I did before my surgery," his father was telling him. "I thought Dr Bekker fixed my ASD."

Connor couldn't help but admit to himself it was a very good point. "Yeah, so did I."

* * *

By the time Sarah made her way across to the Cardiac ICU, Cornelius was settled in his room. Connor was long gone, probably checking on another patient somewhere else in the hospital, but his presence was certainly still felt.

"Dr Reese," the nurses greeted her as soon as she walked through the door to the department itself. "He's been asking for you."

She couldn't help but sigh. "Demanding, I heard."

"Something like that."

At that reaction, she had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. "Where is he?"

"Bed Four."

She made her way down the hallway. She was nowhere near Cornelius' room, but she could still hear him before she saw him.

"You know," she said, standing in the doorway watching her future father-in-law bark orders at the nursing staff, "you've already got a rep with the nurses. Might wanna ease up or they'll start withholding jello."

Cornelius actually laughed. "No, they won't."

"Well, they would if I wrote instructions on your chart." They locked eyes, a hint of the joke still between them. "I'm a doctor. We can do that."

"You're a psychiatrist," Cornelius countered.

"I think I could come up with something - you could have a phobia. The very concept of jello could be very bad for your mental health."

"And you're my daughter-in-law."

The words hung in the air, heavier than anything she had ever experienced before. The nursing staff rightly chose that moment to make themselves scarce.

Still in the doorway, Sarah managed, "It wasn't too long ago you tried to buy me off."

"Do you want me to tell you I was wrong?" He beckoned her in then, and waited for her to settle herself into the significantly more comfortable chair beside his bed before he continued. "Look, you're good for him - for Connor. He's happy. That's all a parent ever wants."

She scoffed. "You know he'd laugh at that, right? You calling yourself a parent."

"It's no different to your father calling himself yours."

"Please don't bring him into this," she said immediately. "Just - don't."

"Don't?" Cornelius asked. "Don't what?"

She took a very staggery deep breath. "Just - don't. You don't understand."

He shrugged. "So make me."

* * *

When Connor appeared and had it out with Dr Bekker outside the room half an hour later, that was how he found them - talking.

"Dad," he said a little hesitantly, making a beeline for Sarah and kissing her on the cheek. "We've confirmed the ASD is back."

Oddly, Cornelius didn't seem to want to talk about it. "How's ... Aeryn today?"

"Aer - dad, I'm telling you the surgery failed. You're back in heart failure. But you wanna ask me about my kid?"

"It's just - no ... Connor, don't interrupt ... me," Cornelius raised a hand to stop his son, whose mouth was already open to say something. "I've ... been thinking. Your mother saved your ... baptism ... gown somewhere ... somewhere up in the ... attic. It would ... be nice to use ... the same ... same gown for ... your daughter. No?"

Connor literally gaped at his father. Sensing this was about to turn into a full-blown argument over Cornelius' lack of attention to his own health, Sarah jumped in with an awkward, "Actually, we, uh ... She was baptised the night she was born. I was so sick, she was so little. We just didn't know if she'd make it."

If they weren't mistaken, the couple saw a flicker of disappointment pass through Cornelius Rhodes' features for all of about a second. As fast as this conversation had started, it was over - and they were back on topic again.

"So, I'm having ... another surgery. That's just ... ah - great," Cornelius said sarcastically. "I don't want Dr ... Bekker. I won't ... consent to it if she's -"

"- It's fine, dad," Connor interrupted his father, also suddenly pretending their previous conversation had not happened. "Dr Latham is taking over your case."

His father nodded approvingly. "Head of department. Sounds far more appropriate."

The caring grandparent that had appeared for all of two minutes was suddenly entirely gone, replaced once again by the seriously entitled upper-class businessman once more.

But it was nice to know that other side of him was in there somewhere.

* * *

In the end, she stayed with him right until he was prepped for surgery. Connor popped in and out as he could, clearly wanting to spend time with his father, but he also had his own patients. As they knew all too well, trauma doesn't wait.

To Sarah's shock - and, later, Connor's chargrin - it had ended up being quite a pleasant morning. It turned out, when Cornelius Rhodes wasn't being a pompous asshole, he had the capability to actually be quite a charming person. Even if he was seriously ill.

As the pre-op team began to wheel his bed out of the room, he threw out a hand to get Sarah's attention. Between shuddery breaths, he said, "Tell ... Connor ..."

"Tell him yourself," she told him kindly. "You're Cornelius Rhodes. We can't get rid of you this easily."

Slightly stronger this time, Cornelius repeated, "Tell Connnor ... he's a good ... doctor. And a father. And ... and he's going to be ... a great husband, too."

Leaving a gobsmacked Sarah Reese behind him, Cornelius finally allowed them to roll him away.

* * *

Sarah had made her way back up to the NICU from there, choosing to spend the next couple of hours alone with her daughter. Sarah talked, they cuddled, and she sang her baby girl her favourite songs. It felt like only a few minutes, but it must have been hours by the time she heard his footfalls approach the room.

"It wasn't Ava," Connor's voice said from the doorway. "It was the patch. The damned patch failed."

She looked up, their tiny little daughter cradled carefully in her arms. Aeryn's clear blue eyes met her mom's green. To her daughter, Sarah said, "You hear that, Bean? They fixed Grandpa."

Clearly, Connor needed to get this out of his system. So she let him go, never responding to his remarks, but always keeping a running commentary going for their girl.

"The patch - the thing that is literally built to plug holes - was from a batch with other reported _known_ failures."

"Someone really should have checked that before they put it in Grandpa, hey? Yeah, they should've."

"The manufacturer had to _pull them from the market_ six weeks ago. But did anyone think to check one what we already had in stock? _No_!"

That one got her attention. To Connor, this time, she said, "We're doctors, not psychics. We don't have a crystal ball. Nobody had any way of knowing that the _one_ remaining patch from the questionable batch would be the one they happened to lay out to put into your father."

"This is not because he's my father."

"Oh, who are you kidding?" she all but laughed. "Yes, you'd be pissed if it were one of your patients. But not like this! This is personal. And - I can't stress this enough - _that is okay_."

He'd made his way inside the room now, close enough to look very deeply into Sarah's eyes. "... It is?"

The words were feeble, but they represented a giant step forward.

" _Yes_ ," she breathed. "Now, come and hold your daughter. She's impatiently waiting for mommy to give her lunch."

"... Yeah, I don't have the parts to help with that."

"Well, you're gonna need to entertain her for a few minutes," Sarah quipped. "Mommy's gotta pee."

* * *

With Aeryn fed, changed, and happily napping in her big girl crib, the duo made their way upstairs to the hospital's infamous VIP wing, where Cornelius had been given a very spacious, very, very fancy room. He'd only been out of surgery a few hours, so they'd been fully expecting to see a very groggy man half-asleep in his bed. What they found, however, was a very angry member of the hospital Board chewing out the COO.

"I have gifted _millions_ to this hospital," he was saying. "I expect first-class care. Sarah, Connor, get in here - you should hear this."

It escaped no one that her name had been first on his list. The look Gwen Garrett threw ever so briefly over her shoulder said it all. Wordlessly, the couple entered the fray. Though neither were entirely sure what they were going to hear, the mere fact Cornelius was currently yelling at their least favourite hospital administrator had just about made both of their days.

"A budget bloated with waste, and what is Ms Garrett's solution? It's to save money on intra-cardiac patches."

Neither doctor said nothing. They simply looked to Gwen, waiting for her response.

"Again, Mr Rhodes," she said, "I sincerely apologise. I will personally look into how these patches ended up in the OR and I will make sure it never happens again."

But Cornelius wasn't having it. He was going to hold her accountable. "Full report. Next Board meeting."

"Of course."

"And Gwen," he said. "If memory serves, your contract extension is also an agenda item at that meeting."

"I believe it is," she said with an obviously fake smile.

"Perfect," Cornelius said, his grin genuine. "See you there."

Connor waited for Ms Garrett to leave the room before he spoke. "That's cold, dad. It's the best thing I've seen happen today, but it's cold."

Sarah couldn't help but grin like the Cheshire cat. "Oh, it's cold. But I _loved_ it. I wish I'd filmed it so I could watch it again, and again, and again."

"You're an idiot," Connor chuckled, shaking his head.

"And yet, you still want to marry me."

"When is that, by the way?" Cornelius asked. They both knew he was there, of course, but his voice seemed to throw them. "I'd, uh - I'd like to think I'd be invited. That's all."

Connor paused, looked to Sarah, and then very tentatively started talking to his father about their wedding. "Well, dad, we, uh ... We haven't really thought of anything. Well, except we want to do it in the Chapel. Here."

"At the hospital?" Cornelius asked him, an eyebrow raised in disbelief. "Let me get this straight - you two want to get married at work?"

"Well - no," Connor stumbled. "It's ... it's not as simple as that."

"Why not talk about it? You could have your wedding at the house. We've got those beautiful manicured grounds, it'd really be quite a lovely place for the ceremony. And the reception - well, the patio's so big it's hardly a patio, and it looks gorgeous at nighttime ..."

She didn't know what was said after that. She'd excused herself quietly, though the two were so fiercely entangled in wedding planning she doubted they'd heard her. When she returned, however, she wasn't alone. They were still debating something wedding-related ("Why not? Come on, Connor, just consider it." "Dad, we are not inviting the Governor." "But he's a friend!" " _Your_ friend, dad. This wedding is about us, remember?"), which was clearly not of any interest whatsoever to the tiny little girl in Sarah's arms. She made a little noise - something soft, sweet, and just high-pitched enough to cut through the father-son debate that clearly translated to 'Hey, knock it off. I'm here!' Both men's heads snapped up to the doorway.

The look on Cornelius Rhodes' face - it was such wonder, such awe - neither Connor nor Sarah would ever forget it.

To her future father-in-law, Sarah said, "They've got this rule downstairs, no kids in the ICU. But here - well, you're a VIP now. And there's nothing in the fine print whatsoever that says you can't have a very important visitor."

Connor approached them then, taking his little lookalike gently out of her mother's arms and heading back toward the bed. "Well, we are wedding planning. I suppose it's only right the guest of honour gets to have her say, right Miss Bean?"

'Bean?' Cornelius mouthed in amazement.

"It's a nickname she picked up in utero from her Uncle Will," Sarah explained from the other side of the bed. She'd pulled the little baby cart over toward the bed and settled herself in one of the chairs now, content to sit back and watch this amazing moment unfold in front of her.

"This is Aeryn," Connor said as he helped his father to carefully take hold of the suddenly very inquisitive infant. To his daughter, who was now safely in her grandfather's arms, he said, "And this is your Grandpa. He's the one they fixed today."

That was the point that Sarah slyly took out her phone and snapped a picture. She was so tiny, and yes, he'd just had heart surgery - but the duo seemed to spend most of the next hour staring at each other in total amazement. On the other side of his father's bed, Connor sent her a grin.

These Rhodes men, they were more alike than either of them cared to admit. But maybe - just maybe - there was hope for them yet.


	82. Forever Hold Your Peace

**Forever Hold Your Peace**

It had taken all of thirty seconds for Cornelius Rhodes to fall in love with his granddaughter. In about another ten, the girl had him wrapped around her little finger for life.

That was the story Connor found himself regaling Nat with down in the ED only a few days later. She'd loved the story, of course, but right now she had another topic she wanted to cover.

"In other news," Nat said, "a little birdie told me it was your birthday today."

"Oh, yeah?" he questioned. "Did that little birdie happen to have curly hair and a diamond on her finger? 'Cause if it was it ain't gonna be there much longer."

"Ooh, harsh," Maggie commented, taking a file from Nat and continuing about her day.

Nat, however, went with a non-answer. "I never reveal my sources."

"Hmm."

"So, plans tonight?"

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Connor couldn't help but marvel - somehow, at some point, he'd actually made friends here. He shrugged. "No, just dinner with Sarah."

When Nat grinned that grin, he knew the question was coming. "When are you two finally getting hitched, by the way? It's been months and we haven't had so much as a save the date."

He couldn't help it - he bit. "Wow. You are just brimming with curiosity today, aren't you?"

That was the point that he took his leave. Apparently, the walls still had ears. And his fiancee herself was contributing to that damned rumour mill.

Upstairs in his father's room, however, he found any residual annoyance faded completely away. There was Sarah, her curls flying free, sitting by Cornelius' side while he held the sleeping baby and munched on some fruit leftover from breakfast.

"Hey honey," Connor greeted her warmly, a kiss on her cheek. He moved toward his father then - a soft smile and a gentle clap on the shoulder for him were followed by a quick kiss on Aeryn's temple. Grandpa's arms had become her new preferred napping place. For once in his life, Connor wasn't upset at being held second best to his father - he loved the kid to pieces, of course, but damn a sleeping baby got heavy quick!

He'd moved on to conducting more traditional rounds, then. He'd gone over the chart, checked in with his dad on how he was feeling, and then he seemed to feel confident enough to deliver some good news. "Your echo report looks good. You're gonna have to continue cardiac rehab for a couple of weeks. But, best guess, you're going home tomorrow."

"Well thank God, 'cause that chef can't make a poached egg to save his life," Cornelius quipped. "All the money I'm spending here, this place should be Michelin starred."

Connor genuinely wanted to stay, he really did. But he also really didn't want to have this conversation - _again_ \- with a man that just couldn't be pleased. And yet he found himself turning back when his father spoke again.

"Hey, before you go - happy birthday."

Connor's shock quickly turned to laughter. He just couldn't believe this was happening.

"Shocked I remembered?"

"Yeah, frankly."

"Well," Cornelius conceded, "I will admit I almost forgot. But Carlotta was cleaning out the attic a few weeks ago - that was when she found your baptism gown. And she also found your old ninja turtle mask -"

"- From my seventh birthday?" Connor asked disbelievingly.

"Yes."

"Wow. Mom made that Donatello birthday cake from scratch. She planned every detail."

"- You mean your nanny."

Cornelius was smiling, but Connor wasn't.

His response was swift and to the point. "No, I mean mom."

"Mom was having a depressive episode," Cornelius explained. "She'd be in bed for weeks."

"That's not how I remember it."

They stared at each other, father and son - and then Cornelius undid pretty much any good that had been done to their relationship recently. "That doesn't surprise me."

"Now what is that supposed to mean?"

"Connor -" Sarah tried to step in. She was halfway out of her chair, but a single hand raised in her direction was enough to make her stop.

"No, Sarah. I want to know what he means by that."

Cornelius either wasn't picking up on his son's sudden change in demeanour, or he frankly just didn't care. "You always paint me as the absentee father and your mother as the saint. And I'm telling you: Your nanny planned the party, I paid for it, and your mom never came."

"Why do you feel the need to disparage her?"

"I'm not disparaging -"

"- Yes you are! You do this every time!"

It was useless. They were arguing, voices were raised, the baby was crying - and then Ava Bekker appeared in the doorway. Obviously having sensed the tension in the room, she said she'd come back later, but by this point Connor was well and truly done.

"No, you stay," Connor told her. To his father, he said, "I'm leaving."

"Connor -"

But between the crying baby and Connor's anger, he'd left without acknowledging her.

* * *

Though she wanted nothing more than to follow him downstairs - and, frankly, she would've had she been working at the hospital - she knew she couldn't. Instead, once Aeryn was fed and settled back in her crib, she found herself heading back to the VIP wing.

He looked up when the door opened, and he didn't seem the least bit surprised when she didn't give him a property greeting.

"What the hell was that?"

When he didn't respond, she let herself keep going.

"Your son - because that's what he is, remember? Your son had a good memory with his mom. One of the few memories he has of his mom. And you go and ruin it. In fact, you don't just ruin it - you completely tear it to shreds. Why the hell would you do that? He's your _son_."

This time, she didn't sit. She chose to stand, her arms crossed tightly in front of her, and stare the man down.

"What he remembers is a lie."

"That's not the point."

"Yes, Sarah," he said, "it is."

There was a long silence while they stared each other down.

Eventually, Cornelius conceded. Ever so quietly, he said, "I'm not the villain of his story."

* * *

Everything had happened so quickly. She'd gone upstairs to she Aeryn and feed her, and then when she came back, Cornelius was fast asleep. And then he wasn't. The monitors were going, people raced into the room from all directions. She found herself pushed to the side and watching on in horror as it all unfolded in front of her.

She felt Connor's presence before she saw him. She managed to tear her eyes away from the feeble man in the bed to stare tearfully at her fiancee, who for the very first time wasn't the indestructible surgeon she'd always known - he was a just a boy watching his father slip away.

They stood side by side at the end of the bed now, her hands gripping tightly onto his left arm.

"Dad!" he yelled. "What happened?!"

"I don't know. He slipped into V-fib, might've had an MI." Ava Bekker was running the code, but she also somehow managed to answer Connor's strangled cries without even looking up.

Between the chest compressions, the bagging and the shocking of his heart, it was all too much for Sarah. She could see it happening, her brain was processing what was happening, but time just wasn't catching up. Connor, however, jumped in. And then they said the one word she knew would break him:

"Asystole."

He was demanding meds. And even while continuing CPR, he was begging his father - "Come on, dad! Come on!"

Ava looked over to Sarah, who slowly made her way around the bed and gently rested her hands on his shoulders.

"Connor, he'd already been down ten minutes before you got here," Ava said far too calmly.

Finally, he stopped. He stared up at Sarah, saying only one word but still managing to shatter her heart into a million pieces: "No."

"Time of death, 17:42."

* * *

She didn't know how long they stood there. He was doubled over, sobbing over his father. There was nothing she could do, but she didn't know what would possibly make him feel even remotely better. The only thing she could do was be there, just be present beside him. She wrapped an arm around his back and laid her head on his shoulder.

There were no words to be said. The only noise permeating the earsplitting silence were his muffled sobs.

* * *

Eventually, they left. But they didn't go home. They didn't go on their dinner date. He'd led them back to Aeryn's room in the NICU, where he stared down at his daughter and marvelled at how she'd reflexively grabbed hold of his finger even in her sleep.

After a long time, he finally spoke. "I was coming to tell my dad that he was right. That my mother wasn't at my seventh birthday party. She ... she wasn't there for most of my life."

Sarah said nothing. Instead, she pulled him closer and let him talk.

"I turned her into this doting, perfect mother. Turns out it was all fiction." He shook his head then. "All these years I blamed my dad for her death. I thought that it was his cheating that drove her to kill herself."

"Connor, you were just a kid," she said quietly. "You were just trying to make sense of it."

"... What else am I inventing?"

Later on, as they lay entangled in the recliner they'd spent weeks and weeks on now, she couldn't help herself.

"He loved you, you know," she whispered into the darkness. "Your dad loved you."

He sobbed then, but the kiss to her temple let her know he still appreciated it. His whisper was just as quiet as hers was, but they both heard it clearly: "I know."


	83. With a Brave Heart

**With a Brave Heart**

The next couple of days were rough, as was to be expected. Though he'd been forced - unwillingly, Ms Goodwin had noted on his personnel record - to take a few days bereavement leave, they still spent their days in the hospital. Even visiting Aeryn had become slightly more complicated than expected. She had apparently become used to spending her days visiting Grandpa. Without her favourite new person to rock her to sleep during her daytime naps, they had one overtired and extremely grumpy little girl on their hands.

"Please just stop crying," Connor had found himself begging his mini-me more than once. The baby had developed a new habit of wailing at the top of her lungs whenever she was tired, or hungry, or waking up from a nap, or if either of her parents left the room. It took him three days, but he eventually learnt that singing her a lullaby he'd picked up somewhere he couldn't remember seemed to do the trick.

"You used to do the same thing, you know," a familiar voice said from the doorway the day he'd worked out the miracle trick. "Dad used to sing you that same song."

Sarah was on her feet in an instant, her arms thrown open to engulf their new visitor in a warm hug. Though she'd tried to keep the sympathy out of the tone of her voice, she knew she'd failed miserably when she said, "Oh, Claire."

"Please don't say it," Claire Rhodes said in reply, hugging Sarah back just as fiercely. "I don't think I can take another person saying it."

Connor, however, wasn't interested in pleasantries. "He didn't sing," he'd said simply.

"You'd have been _way_ too young to remember it," his sister argued. "But yes, he did. All the time, when we were little. And then mom ..."

Needless to say, that had been the end of the conversation.

* * *

The day Connor returned to work, he'd been pleasantly surprised to have Sarah right by his side. She'd negotiated a temporary return from maternity leave, claiming to Dr Charles she needed something more to focus on. He'd seen through her in a second, of course - but that hadn't stopped him from authorising her a temporary return to the ED. She'd be the first port of call for psych evaluations for the foreseeable future, which was her job after all, but she'd been ever so grateful none of the ED staff had had any issues with her also volunteering to be trauma assist.

He'd even gone so far as to recognise to himself that it was the first time in days he'd felt comfortable walking through those hallways. It was a bit of a helicopter move, but it was also very, very them. He'd find himself thanking her for it later.

Right as they walked in, however, she was pulled in for a psych evaluation. She'd handed him her handbag and her coat and left him to sort himself out at his locker. He was a big boy, after all. Quite capable of standing on his own two feet.

Just as he'd closed his locker, however, his least favourite person walked into the doctor's lounge. To be fair, she'd been his least favourite person before she'd treated his father, but it certainly hadn't helped his opinion of Ava Bekker.

For the first time ever, she didn't seem to know what to say. She took a deep breath, but still seemed to struggle to find the words. Eventually, she said, "I hope you know I did everything I could for your father."

"I do." It was a little begrudging, but he knew in his heart of hearts it was the honest truth.

And then, she was touching him - trying to hold his hand. Telling him she was here for him.

He stared down at her hand, almost not believing she was trying this right now. Because this wasn't a friendly gesture - it was much more than that. He wanted to tell her no, that she had to stop. To remind her he was engaged, that he had a child for God's sake! But all he could manage was a clipped, "Thank you."

And then he walked away.

* * *

The last place Sarah had ever expected to find Connor was down in the morgue. When she'd finished her evaluation, someone had mentioned he'd disappeared. He wasn't in the ED, or the doctor's lounge, or the cardiac wards. They'd even gone so far as to check with the staff in the NICU - no joy. She'd half expected it to be a total waste of a trip, but Sarah figured she'd check out the basement. That was where she'd run into the hospital's pathologist, Nina Shore.

"He's with his dad," Nina said quietly, gesturing through the doors Sarah knew would lead to the autopsy room. "I wanted to give him a few minutes before ..."

"Oh."

She hadn't meant to intrude on his moment, but he didn't seem to mind. She knew he'd seen her out of the corner of his eye. She wanted to leave, but a hand reached out behind him let her know he wanted her to stay. She'd approached him slowly, gently slipping her hand into his and wrapped herself comfortingly around his arm - exactly the way they'd stood by his side when it had all happened.

Connor took a shaky breath, and then he started speaking. "I hated you. I blamed you for mom's death, I blamed you for so many things. Maybe I was seeing it all wrong. You weren't the best dad. But maybe if I'd been a better son, you'd have been a better father." He paused then, a single tear rolling slowly down his cheek. "Ah, man. I'm sorry."

His other hand was sitting on his father's shoulder now. In the silence, Sarah found herself saying, "You were a great Grandpa, though. You only knew Aeryn for a couple of weeks, but that little girl loved you so much. And that's something I'll be forever grateful for."

No more words were said. They'd said what they needed to, so they left him in Dr Shore's very capable hands.

* * *

When Sarah next saw Nina a few hours later, she knew something was wrong. Nina had clearly been seeking her out when she found her in one of the rear access hallways.

"Sarah!" she'd called. "Hey - question."

"Shoot."

It seemed like a casual conversation, but then again the two doctors had known each other well enough for long enough now that it wasn't necessarily outside the realms of normal.

"Your father-in-law didn't have a history of diabetes, did he?"

Sarah thought for a second. "Not that I'm aware of. Why?"

Nina's answer was swift and immediate. "Come with me - we need to talk."

"Talk?" Sarah had questioned, finding herself hurrying along the hallway by the pathologist's side. "What's going on?"

"Where's Connor?"

"Upstairs in paeds."

A flash of worry crossed Nina's face. "Is Aeryn -"

"- No, no, she's fine." Sarah stopped them in their tracks then, and pulled Nina to the side of the hallway. "Nina, what's going on?"

"We need to talk to him. Now."

That was how they found themselves upstairs on the surgical floor. By the look of him, they'd caught him right as he was about to walk into surgery.

"Connor!"

"Nina, Sarah," he'd said. His tone was casual, but he clearly knew something was going on. "What's up?"

"Connor," Nina said delicately, "I've just finished my exam. Your father died from an overdose of insulin."

"Insulin?" Sarah questioned. "But -"

"- That - that - that doesn't make any sense," Connor stammered.

Nina had more. "It was synthetic. Someone in the hospital gave it to him."

The couple stared at each other with wide eyes.

Delicately, Nina said, "I have to label his death suspicious."

"Susp -" Sarah had started repeating the word, but she trailed off mid-way through. "What?"

"Um," he ran a hand through his hair distractedly. "I have to ... I have a patient on the table."

"Go," Sarah told him gently, a comforting hand squeezing his. "I'll be here when you're ready."

She wasn't the least bit offended when he didn't respond. She watched him walk into the scrub room, torn between wanting to pull him into a hug and make it all better, and knowing that he had a job to do right now. But just for the moment, he needed to be a surgeon. She would be there for him when he needed her, later.

* * *

As soon as the surgery was over, Connor was out of there. He'd cleaned himself up, changed out of his surgical scrubs, and found himself making a beeline for the rooftop. It had been an awfully long time since they'd needed what used to be their clandestine rendezvous place, but somehow, he inexplicably knew he'd find her there.

There she sat, all by herself, in the dark, staring out over the city.

She didn't seem to be at all surprised when he sat down beside her. It wasn't until he realised she was crying that he moved to put an arm around her and pull her to him. They sat there together for what could easily have been an hour or more before she finally broke the silence.

"He wanted so badly to be a part of your life," she whispered into the darkness. "To be the beaming dad at the wedding. To watch us buy our first house and christen it with a barbecue and champagne. He said he wanted to be the kind of Grandpa Aeryn deserved, if only to make up for not being there for you. And someone took that all away from him."

A kiss to her cheek, and then: "From us. Someone took that away from all of us."

They fell back into silence then. Slowly, he found himself opening up in the way they both knew he needed to.

"... I got to see a side of him I've never seen before. A glimpse of the dad I've always wanted," Connor finally admitted in a whisper. "Turns out he was human. Who knew?"

It wasn't a joke, and it wasn't a spiteful comment. It was somewhere in between.

"He fell in love with Aeryn the moment he saw her," Connor continued. "He even admitted he actually liked you."

"Well, I wouldn't go that far," Sarah said half-heartedly. "But it turns out I actually liked him."

Another pause. "He told me, you know."

The questioning look she sent in his direction was enough to get him to elaborate.

"He said he made some jerk comment about Robert."

"Oh. That."

"And you opened up to him."

"Not really."

"Well whatever you said, it made him understand."

They fell back into silence again then, both lost in their own thoughts. What she said next, however, really got Connor's attention.

"He asked if he could walk me down the aisle," she said, letting another tear roll down her cheek. "Called it an honour and everything."

Despite it all, he smiled. "See? I told you he liked you."

* * *

The later it got, the more they were both keenly aware they needed to get moving. If they didn't, they'd wind up sleeping in the recliner chair again - and honestly, they didn't know if the NICU staff could take one more night of that. So, they chose to divide and conquer: He'd get their stuff out of his locker downstairs, and she'd grab the car.

He was less then pleased to find himself in yet another conversation with Ava Bekker.

"We did it," she'd said proudly. "We saved that little girl."

She was speaking of their paediatric patient upstairs - Nat's boyfriend's daughter, Sophie. It was important to note - count the wins, and all that - but now was just not the time.

"We're a great team," she continued.

He'd made to leave then, but she grabbed his hand as he passed and pulled him back. He was none too pleased about her second attempt of the day, but he had to maintain his composure. If he were to blow right now, it wouldn't be pretty.

"I'm so sorry about your father," she said earnestly.

Her other hand was on his chest now. He tried stepping away, but she had him pinned between her and the table.

"But - now there's nothing keeping us apart."

His blank face turned immediately into a very pronounced frown. His body was screaming at him to get the hell out of there, but he didn't seem to be able to make his legs move.

"What?"

"He's gone. You're free."

"No, Ava. He's got nothing to do with it."

"No, no - listen to me. We can be together."

He finally managed to pull himself away, taking one whole step backward.

"No," he said firmly. "Ava - it's not going to happen."

But she was still going, her words flying through the air at a mile a minute. The things she was coming out with weren't even making sense anymore. But it did prove to him how truly delusional she had become.

It wasn't until he raised his voice that she finally stopped.

"Ava, stop! Okay - there is nothing between you and me. I am engaged to Sarah. We have a daughter. We are happy." And then, the words that seemed to finally get the message through to her: "There is no chance of anything happening between you and me."

Her features suddenly went blank. When she next spoke, he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You ungrateful prick. Rot in hell."

While the comment had shocked him, more than anything else it had entirely confused him. _What the hell was going on?_


End file.
